The Neuroscience of Getting Unstuck: Why Your Subconscious Is Quietly Destroying Your Life

I work with a lot of wealthy people that are stuck. They have the life that everybody wants, but they got comfortable, and now they don't know how to get uncomfortable to move forward. Because if you stay there, you're gonna lose it. You're gonna lose it all.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. There's a greater version of you out there if you're willing to take the step.

Without the right mindset, you won't achieve anything. Positive mindset overcomes everything.

See, wealth is also in your head. It's not just the paycheck.

You don't have to be born into it. You create it. We have the title of greatness within us. And if you can't accept it, you can't believe it, then you will never achieve it.

If I can walk out of a jail cell after spending 4 years in prison at the age of 50 and do this, what's stopping you?

What it is, Brad Lee back again with another episode of Dropping Bombs. Today in the studio, folks, I got a real treat for you, a couple of treats actually. But the main treat, Brenda Wood is in the house. How are you, Dr. or Brenda? And then we have—

go with doctor. I'm a doctor too.

Are you?

I am.

Are you?

I am. It's a whole other story.

For real?

For real.

Or honorary?

Aren't they all real?

I mean, yeah, I guess so. That makes me a police officer then. And we've got Dr. Reuben West. Now again, doctor doctor, or, or like a PhD type?

PhD type.

Because you never know it nowadays with like when people say doctors, I always just assume a medical doctor, but in reality there's multiple kinds of doctors, folks. And then over to the left we have Dr. Toby Potter. He's going to pop in here in a second, but Brenda is, is, is the main guest because I think you guys are going to find this girl interesting. She, um, is an entrepreneur, founder of a bunch of different companies, successful companies, motivational speaker, author, author, the whole nine yards. And you look at her and you think, you know, so what's so amazing? Like, you know, that, that, that's— she seems like that. Well, again, what you don't know is she spent a long time in federal prison. Not that long ago.

That's correct.

And I want to talk about that. You have Becoming the Better You. Now you're a motivational, or I should say inspirational speaker.

Yes.

And you have events that you're putting on, almost like giving back to people that have had convictions because you believe that there's a lot of people out there that have convictions in a past that, that get stopped, basically. And you believe that, too?

Yeah.

Yeah, not just legal convictions. They have personal convictions. They've been around people that told them, hey, because I left you, you'll never be anything. No one's ever going to want you.

You've talked to my ex before, right? And then what are you talking to her for?

Keep her out of the conversation. No, and they believe it.

And they do believe it, which is funny because I have told girlfriends before You know, but when I was younger, you're never going to find anybody that like the, you know, that loves you like I will. And it's like, yeah, they will. Matter of fact, they'll find a whole bunch of them, probably better. Yeah, you know, so, so it is correct. That's a mindset issue, wouldn't you say?

Definitely.

So you guys put on these events and, and a lot of them are just free.

They are.

And then, um, you help people build their lives back and/or accelerate the success that they've had, because a lot of them get certain places, but then they kind of get stuck, don't they?

They do. They let other people stop them. They take advice from the wrong people.

Do you think it's because of their subconscious self-worth issue?

Of course it is. I fell into the same category.

Will you slide that over just a little bit? Like, right over, like, towards your chin? I want to make sure they hear you.

You know, Carl Jung, he's a professor of psychology. And he said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. And a lot of people feel like this is just the way it is for me. This is just how I am. Just as this is just the way the world is, but really, it's the subconscious programming that's running their life. And what we like to do is bring to the forefront the those subconscious thoughts. But not only that, help them overcome them. I always like to think of people— you remember, well, when I was younger, they had race car tracks, and you could build your own race car track. And it's kind of the same thing you do with your mind. Once you build the race car track, and you put the car on the track, it's just going to keep going in that loop over and over. And until you disconnect the track, move it in a different direction, the car just goes around. And what we do is help to disconnect those thoughts and move them in a different direction.

Do you have a criminal background?

I don't at all. No, no, no.

You see, now right now, if someone were to judge, they'd be like, oh, it's got to be the Black guy. That's right, it's the old cute little white girl that's got the prison story. What'd you do to go to prison?

Bank fraud and a couple other things. I got charged with 26 different things on that indictment.

Well, how did you defraud the bank?

Well, I took out a loan that wasn't appropriate. When I say it wasn't appropriate, we weren't really qualified to get the loan, and I had a business partner and he did not do what he should do on his application. So it was fraud.

However, because you signed the application—

like, signed it all.

I know, but like, wouldn't that be his problem on that?

But we signed the note based on what our applications said together.

So, so were you aware of it or no?

I had no idea. I met the guy 2 weeks before. Seriously.

Then how is he your partner?

So how much can you get in trouble with somebody buying a building with? I had a real estate company and he was a client of one of my brokers and he needed to put money somewhere. My banker was a friend of the lady that I was buying the building from. He actually funded the original building when it was being built. So she said, you need to go see my banker. So I did. And he said, I'm going to switch banks. Can we wait to close this? I'm going to go to another bank. I said, well, you have to ask the seller because I'm under contract. She said, yes, we get to the other bank. And now they needed more money down because their policies was different. I had to go find a partner. So somebody said, hey, I just closed the deal. I know a guy that's got some money. He'd love to do this with you. And that's where it started.

It sounds more like an investor, though, than a partner.

No, we partnered. It was 50/50, and I was paying 100% of the bills of something I only owned 50% of because he bailed right after that.

Hmm. So were you already successful in real estate?

I was.

Yeah. Or you wouldn't be able to qualify for that big of a loan.

Correct. But let me tell you, it was my first commercial building I'd ever bought. Prior to that, I was only buying the homes that I lived in.

So prior to that, were you just a nice lady doing business. I mean, you don't seem like a criminal mastermind, is my point.

It depends on who you talk to. Just saying.

I'm talking to you.

So I had a very successful janitorial business. We had over 300 full-time employees, commercial, worked for most of the big companies in town, lots of school districts, high-rises. We gave our people 40 hours a week. They were not part-time. We gave them benefits. Therefore, they were not calling in on our job. Because usually it's a part-time gig. I was making so much money with that. It was either pay the IRS or go into real estate, buy a building. Instead of buying the building first, I ended up getting my license, being an agent, then being a broker, and then bought the building from the lady that I was a broker under.

Well, none of that sounds illegal, though.

It wasn't.

The only illegal part was the false information that this other guy put on the application. Well, because that information was falsified. Why? How would they hold you accountable?

Because I benefited from the loan.

Yeah, but you didn't, you didn't fill that out.

No, I did not.

So why wouldn't— why would they make you guilty for something you didn't do?

And that's where the other story comes in. So we had a balloon note of 20 years. It was a 20-year note. We had a balloon note in 5 years, maybe it was a little less. And we had to redo it. So in the, in the loan, both of us were present when we first bought the building. On the balloon, he would not sign it. So therefore everything became me. It's just my signature to keep it. I had to put another $200,000 down to renew the loan. A year, another year went by. They said, we're gonna do a 1-year balloon. Maybe he'll sign the papers. He couldn't because he flew the country. He knew something was up. Later I find out that the bank took TARP money back when the banks were doing the bailout. And they didn't pay back all of the loans. So I think they owed like $500K, not a whole lot for a bank. But that considered, but that made my loan a bad loan. Because at the time, I had land and I had a building. And we had now bought the building, separated the land, developed the land, streets, curbs, gutters, detention center, all of that detention basin, benefit district through the city, It's my first time ever developing, and I was riding somebody's coattails that I thought I was gonna learn something from. And that was my partner.

Was that partner a criminal in other things?

I did not know that at the time. Yes, he already had a felony. He fled from a fort after trying to do something with an MP with a gun. Shame on me for not doing my due diligence.

Wow.

And you know how I found out? He applied for his broker's license. And they called me and said, he's got a felon— felony. Would you be interested in sponsoring him? Because you're gonna have to sign off on this. And I said, well, I didn't know about it. Let me find out what it is. He lied to me, said that it wasn't a big deal. I said, I'm not going to write the letter because you lied to me. He wrote the letter, forged my name and got his license. And it all shows up in the mail because I'm the broker. So I had to get an restraining order from him on the building. He caused a lot of problems. Our tenants hated them. So now I'm paying 100% of a building I own 50% of. And since I could not redo the loan after the year, I had to make a deal with the bank that I will give back the land, but I'm going to keep the building because my business is in it. They said, okay, now it's a bad loan. So when they got investigated, but not when they didn't pay back the TARP money, my banker found out that he did over 50 bad deals. He had loaned to the— lied to the loan committee. And therefore now it's my signature on it.

So the rule for the listeners would be do not falsify applications and do not lie to the bank because that is bank fraud.

And also don't get with a lender that's a fraud themselves because my lender— I did not know. But do your due diligence. It was a big triangle. They all knew each other and it was planned. They can say what they want.

Were you like a mark?

Oh, let's say that my prosecutor was a very— was a son-in-law to a very prominent man, and he was trying to make a name for himself. So he made an example out of me. Now, I'm not going to say I didn't play my part in other things because I could have spoke up when I knew some things and I didn't. Kept my mouth shut. There were some other things that—

So you were complicit a little?

I was. Like I said, I was guilty. I was guilty because the law says I was guilty. Right.

But you weren't— you aren't a criminal mastermind, is my point.

No.

So the fact that you get out of that and go on to build success in multiple ways doesn't surprise me because, again, you weren't really a criminal in the first place. You just got kind of entangled with criminals.

I did. But then they bring out everything you've ever done, or so they think. So we're all guilty of something. I don't care who we are. Nobody's squeaky clean.

That's right. Remember that, folks, because that is true. That's why I don't look down upon people. Why? Number one, I believe everybody you know knows something you don't.

Mm, that's good.

So there's value no matter if they're homeless or they're billionaires. There's value in what they know, which makes them valuable. Number two, um, I think everybody's guilty. There's just some got caught and some didn't.

I mean, our president has, what, 30-some felonies and probably some we don't know about.

And he's the president of the United States.

He's our leader.

He is a felon. And I can't seem to frickin get a gun. So you're not allowed to have guns?

No, I'm not. I have all of my rights back, but that—

see, don't you think there's something with that too? It's like, listen, like, how do you protect yourself? Yeah, it goes against our Constitution. Yeah, it's like, come on, people.

I could see if it was a violent crime.

Not— well, yeah, if it was a violent crime, a gun in that crime. If you— if— listen, if you're a violent offender and you're a danger to society—

well, they said I was—

you shouldn't have a— no, not again. You did, especially in your case.

Yes.

But right now you don't have the right to— you don't have the ability to defend yourself.

I do not.

So like, if somebody showed up at your door in the middle of the night and started kicking it in, even with a deadbolt, and they're just keeping kicking, be really good. You can't do anything except hope the police get there.

Can't even do a bow and arrow.

Why?

Because it is something that can hurt somebody.

Really? See, I didn't know that.

Maybe some of the states can do space.

Can you do mace?

Yeah.

Like, I can have a big old machete.

You can have a big old machete. I can have knives.

See, the rules never hardly ever make sense.

It does not.

They don't want us to have guns is my point. So if you ask me, there's a lot of people that get caught up in felonies for the purpose of disarming them.

And if I was state, you can get your gun rights back. Yeah, but because I'm federal, only thing is a presidential pardon. Are you listening, Trump? Because I'd like that.

I hear you can buy those now.

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, if they're worth it, go ahead.

And just to get my gun rights back, it would be kind of nice. But it is what it is.

But I will tell you, marry someone that can have a gun.

Oh, he has guns.

There you go.

Lots of guns.

That's all you need.

You know, when I got out, I wasn't allowed to live with my husband or my parents or anybody because when you first got out. Yeah, I had to live with my son. Yeah.

Yes. See, again, the feds, the states, you know, if their goal is rehabilitation, I think they need to revamp their rehabilitation program.

Yeah, they hadn't done a house study yet. So because my dad is an ex-Green Beret and military and my husband is a hunter, they wanted to come do this, make sure all the guns were out of the house. We were moving in with them.

Like you're going to like—

Exactly.

See, just stupid. They set up people for failure, don't they?

Yeah.

Why do you not want these people to enter back in and have a fight?

Because it's all about the money. They don't care. They make money.

Yeah, but it's no wonder these people think that they're victims and that they're, you know, they're at some disadvantage.

Well, they can be if they let their mindset control them. I chose not to. I chose to move forward.

How did you know that? Were you like a personal development person, or did someone come along and wake you up?

Well, you know what? Yes, someone did come along, and that was my Lord and Savior. I sat in that jail cell. I was, I was a believer before I went in. So it's a little bit embarrassing. You know, most people go in and find God, right? But I already knew him before. So I knew what scripture said. But I was able to— it took me a year. I was really angry. I was mad. And I had to get on my knees and, you know, do the thing that you got to do. And then I was at peace. And 3 years later, I get a call from my attorney about 2 and a half years later. And she said, I think the prosecutor is listening to your phone calls with me. And I said, well, I tried to tell you that, but you thought I was crazy. And that was the truth. So he had to let me out. So I got out 34 months early. I had a 7-year sentence, 72-month sentence.

Just because they were listening?

No, I don't think my case was as good. I hadn't been sentenced yet or pled guilty when that happened.

Dang.

Yes. So I was technically a detainee for multiple years. I was not an inmate. Dang.

See, how crazy is that?

So where does, where does Dr. Reuben West come into the picture?

So in 2019, I had got out in 2018. And I've been a speaker for decades prior to that, but in real estate, women's ministry, just other things. And I told my son, I said, I think I want to get back into speaking. And he says, yeah, that's a great idea. My husband's going, why? Why do we want to do this? Why do you want to share that story? Why do you want people to know? And it wasn't that he He didn't want me to. He was protecting me. And I can respect him for that. Ruben had a thing for— it was a black belt speakers conference for speakers. And this ticket price was like $220, something like that. I didn't have the money.

That's reasonable.

Oh, it was, but I didn't have the money. And I was not going to ask my family for money. And so he put out this thing on Facebook. I didn't know who he was. It says, I'm going to give away 2 free tickets, message me. So I did. He sent me the tickets. And then I still almost didn't go because I didn't have the clothes to wear. My mom said, nope, you're going. There is no way we are not doing this. You need to get back out there. So I go, we go shopping. She gives me the clothes. She buys this outfit for me and we go to this event. And I still sitting there with a closed mind, man, I've done conferences my whole career. Why am I even here? I don't need this. I know everything, right? There's nothing he can teach me. Wrong. And then I— he had this class that I wanted to take. It was $600 and I didn't have the money. I said, Reuben, can I talk to you for a minute? Now I do events and events are very busy. And he pulls me into a small room and he sits down and he says, sure, let's talk. And I said, I want to take your class, but I don't really have the money. I can only give you $50 a month. So I was going to take a year to pay this thing off. And he said, okay, no problem. Now if I'd asked for it for free, probably would have gave it to me. But since I only asked, to make the payments. That's what he gave me. And we just started a relationship. And that night, he also put me on a stage for 5 minutes.

What made you do that?

You know, I believe that everybody deserves a chance. Notice I didn't say a second chance, because it doesn't matter if it's the second or the third or the fourth or the fifth. They deserve a chance. And the first person to give them that chance is themselves. And if they're willing to take a chance on themselves, I'm willing to let them. Number one. Number two, I know the stigma that comes along with being incarcerated. And it's for the most part, it's mostly self-contained because nobody knows. And when people meet you, they have no idea. And so it's really an inside-out problem. You're thinking it's that subconscious mind that starts talking to you. Oh my God, they know, they're going to find out. But Really, I— there was something about her, you know, her humility, the fact that she was willing to be there. And, and for me, my goal is to help people change the way they look at things, even themselves. And so because she— and that's the reason I always say, let me give a couple of tickets away for free, because there are people that want to do it, they can't. I remember I— my mentor was Les Brown, and I signed up for his Platinum program. And my brother had been in some trouble with the law. He'd went to prison and stuff, but I believed in him. And so I took him down to Florida with me to go meet Les Brown. And him and Les Brown sat down and they talked for a while and they're going back and forth and, you know, he's this larger than life and he's talking. And then later on that day, he said, "Reuben." I said, "Yeah." He said, "I wanna talk to you." He said, "I really like your brother. He reminds me of me." I said, Awesome. He said, so I let him in my Platinum Speaker Program for free. And I was like, what did you say? Like, you charged me all this money and you gave it to him for free? I was outdone that he would do— like, what would make you do something like that? He said, I believe in him. I really think— and, and it bothered me only because he didn't give it to me for free. I thought I was worthwhile. But it also taught me something, that there are people that you should give a chance to, and you don't lose because of that. You get rewarded for that. I, I grew up in church, and so that's what I know. And it says, "Give and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing," or some say running over. But it also says, "Shall men pour into your bosom." In other words, you will be blessed by individuals. You will be blessed through individuals. It doesn't mean there's an angel and the money's going to fall from the sky, or there's some spirit that's going to bring you some money. No, it says that—

it could mean that.

It could mean, but it says—

because it says somewhere in the scripture, when you're giving to like a homeless person, that could be an angel you're helping.

Yeah, he said, "Be careful how you entertain strangers because you might be entertaining angels unaware." And so I don't judge. If I can help, I just help. Now, what I believe is that it always comes back to you. It comes back to you more than you know, but we tend to focus more on what went wrong than what went right. So one of the things I do is I just keep notes in my phone, or I have this little book journal where I just make note of when people just, do things for me. It might be buy me lunch or buy me some coffee or invite me to an event, no matter what it is. And I just write it down and write it down and write it down. And what you start to realize when you go back and look is there's a lot of stuff that's happening for you. But we notice the things that are negative much more than we notice the things that are positive. So if we don't keep track of it, we won't remember all of those positive things. So me inviting Brenda to my event or encouraging her to step out there. I've gotten paid for that 100 times over again. She was one of my speakers in Kenya last year, and she rocked the stage talking about building her team. We've done events together, projects together. We've just— we were doing it right now, even this event that we're talking about, the Becoming the Better You. And the reason is, I believe that people are trapped in prison not of a physical sense, but of a mental sense. And, and what I know is until you can separate themselves from that prison, they won't take the step. I think it was Warren Buffett said that the chains of habit are too heavy to be— too light to be felt until they're too heavy to be broken. When you try to get them to step away or go a different direction, it's hard for a lot of people because they identify with that pain. They love telling that story over again. "Let me tell you what they did to me, and let me tell you how they hurt me, and let me tell you how they cheated me." And they get some level of power out of telling that story. Someone said that you can't free someone that's in love with the chains. Mm-hmm. And until you're ready to let go of those chains, you'll never be free. So what we try to help them see is like, "That's great, and it may even be true, but have you tried this?" And most people are afraid to give up the story because they get something from telling the story. Oh, that's their identity. And people will cater to them and people do things for them. And poor you. But there's a greater version of you out there if you're willing to take the step.

What do you, what do you, what do you say when someone says, oh, you're just trying to hide it? Like, it sounds like, well, people should just forget about it, move on, which I might advise people to do because like, dude, it doesn't stop you. Like, nobody cares. You know, you have an application, you're trying to get a job. Says, have you ever been convicted of a felony? And there's a yes or a no. All you got to do is put a check between the yes and the no. That's all you do.

That's all you do.

Because again, if they catch it, which they never did for me, they'd say, well, you— it doesn't specify. And then I'd go, oh, well, Well, that's what— that's odd.

Yeah.

Let me see.

Huh.

Must have bumped. That's a yes.

Okay.

And guess what? No one ever checked, is my point. Same thing with the diploma, because I don't have one of those either. Yes. No. Did you graduate? Did you graduate from high school? Yes or no?

Check in the middle.

Right in the middle. So there's a little tip for you guys if you guys are out there, if you're listening, because you don't want to lie.

No, you don't.

You don't want to lie, but you can miss the things. And if they don't pay attention, they wouldn't see it anyway. Just like, do you have a college degree?

Why? But I do have one, so I can say yes, but I didn't for a very long time.

But what you do is you put the check outside the yes, but let the line go through the yes.

Yeah.

Well, that's the— I didn't mean to hit that.

And they're always telling us to think outside the box. So you just gave a big practical application of being outside.

Literally.

Yeah.

Because when people get out of prison, especially if they're young, they got to go get a job. And then the jobs are like, you ever been to prison? Well, yeah. Oh, sorry, can't work here. It's like, how is this designed to help people? And not only that, I figured the prison sentence was your payment, right?

Supposed to be.

You were paid. You, you got paid.

Government paid in full. Yeah.

You're there. You did your time, right? Get out now. Don't do that shit again. Okay.

They want you to stay. My prosecutor was livid because he got busted. He wasn't very honest himself. Imagine that. So when I found out the phone calls actually happened 2 months after I got in, but I didn't know about it yet, nor did God let that happen yet because I wasn't ready.

Were they trying to bust you on more stuff?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Must— they wanted so much. Like I said, they superseded my indictment to 26 charges. Walked out with 3.

Now, nowadays, do you still talk about it other than to show people that, you know, you have the past but you didn't let it define you?

That's about the only way I do. And I will tell you, sometimes when I'm on a stage, I don't even share my story. I will end it with, if I can walk out of a jail cell after spending 4 years in prison at the age of 50 and do this, what's stopping you?

How did it feel going in? Did you think your life was over?

Yeah, I was looking at 30 years. Because they have a point system based on money. And it was $6 million. So it didn't matter. I was already at 30 years.

So how do you get people that have murdered someone and they get 6 years?

It's just the point system. It doesn't matter. And if it's Kansas— mine was Kansas. Kansas State's different than feds. And so all the guidelines, all the laws are different per state. And the regulations are different. So you can go in for Conspiracy, it's a 5-year minimum. It's hard to prove that you didn't conspire, and they will do that because they want you. They, they're wanting who you know. They're wanting you to turn over on somebody, so they'll keep you on a conspiracy charge. You may or may not even know anything. The feds are unbelievably crooked.

So you went to a speaking event, that's where you met him.

I did.

And then just so happens you were what, helping people speak? How do you Yeah, get into the prisoner, ex-con type thing.

I put it under the ruse of helping people speak, which I do do that. But most people won't show up for personal development. Like when we go international, I mean, they love personal development. Here, if we're doing a concert and a sporting event, you can get massive amounts of people to show up. But if you say, hey, I'm going to take you through some things that may help you change your life, most people don't believe that they need a life change. Remember, because it's the subconscious. My life is the way it is because it's the way it is. But once I get you in the room, I already have you in the room. And so now I can say whatever I want to say or do whatever I want to do. My PhD is in positive neuropsychology to work you through some processes to make you open up to see yourself differently. I had a gentleman in my event. He was from Indianapolis, Indiana. And when we got started, he asked if he can go up on the stage and say something. I was like, yeah, sir, it's a speaking event. So he gets up there and he said this. He said, I can't read or write. I'm completely illiterate, but I really don't believe no one in this room will judge me. And this is the first time in my life I've ever said it. And we all clapped and whistled and he came down. And, and that's the environment I want to create, because in that environment you can transcend who you were or who people said you were. See, in that moment he was— before that, he was intimidated about being what he would call illiteracy. I can't read or write. We don't care. I don't care if you can read, I don't care if you can write, but there's something about you that is powerful. And there's something that you can still do, irregardless of whether you could read or write. How do I know? 'Cause you live your whole life now and you haven't been able to do it, but you still had a job, you've still been able to maintain, you help your sibling. So there's value there. And so that's what I wanted to do. So all I need to do is get you there. My goal is to get them there. And then once they're there, that's where the transformation happens. And that's exactly the thing, same things that happens at these BTs. TBY events. I say that we're really looking for two types of people at the event: individuals who don't have it all together, who may think that their life is stuck. They may feel stuck and they want to come, or maybe it's with their business. Their business is stuck and they want to come and get some help. Or there's people who feel like, I already know this. I help other people with business. I help other people change their life. I help other people with growth. Well, if you're the first person, you need BTBY.

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If you're the second person, we need you. And so if you can help people, come join us and help.

And that is basically becoming the better you.

Exactly.

So if there's people listening right now going, hey dude, this is me, right? They all day long. Where do they go get these Become a Better You tickets?

Like, you can just go to comechangyourlife.com. Everything you need to know is right there.

You want to change your life?

Comechangyourlife.com. That's it. We have Becoming the Better You.

And you guys, you guys do national tours.

We do.

Yeah.

You just travel around at your— I mean, what's the passion behind it? Just because you want to give back or what?

That and somebody was my cheerleader. And I want to be that for somebody else. I want to see them grow. And I hope anybody that we work with will far exceed anything that we've ever done. We tell people we don't compete. We don't, we don't compete with you. We collaborate with you. We don't care if you're doing the same thing. We're going to help you get to that next level. And it starts right here. So my motto is change your mindset, change your actions to change your life. And it works. It worked for me. I had over 35,000 hours in that jail cell to evaluate me. And I knew I needed to change.

Were you reading books in there?

I can't even count. Hundreds of books. Hundreds. Just a lot of books.

Well, it's unfair to have a conversation with me about it because I believe in it.

No, I do too. I was reading before.

Well, I try to tell people, like, I didn't read for a long time, and right when I started to read more, that's when, like, shit started changing, right? Right. And I believe it's because of this. The, the reason you are where you are or you have what you have is because you do what you do. And the reason you do what you do is because you believe what you believe. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant. Your belief system determines your actions and your choices and who you hang around and all that.

That's right.

And so in order to change what you're getting, you got to change what you're doing. In order to change what you're doing, you have to change what you believe. And the only way that I found to change what you believe is to change the information you receive. So all my life I've heard this and believed that, and that the only way to change that is to get new information. So I started reading. I didn't have to believe it. A lot of it I didn't believe. But at the end of the day, it's when I started reading, it's because I started getting new information. And then I started making— and then I started what? Thinking. It's like a lot of people don't think, right? They just— they're on autopilot. It's like, dude, think, man. It's called critical thinking. And then I started doing it and all of a sudden things start coming my way. And instead of all these problems, they were all opportunities. And then, you know, it was like, literally, I'm like, holy crap, dude, it's your perspective, right? Because like, I could tell you what's going on in my life and you'd be like, oh my God, you're so lucky. I could tell him and he'd be like, God, I'd kill myself if that was my life.

Perception of it. That's right.

It's just, it's the same circumstance, different way to look at it. And it's like, mindset is how do you see things? How do you feel about things? So to me, because I got a couple of almost like what you guys do, it's not necessarily for, for people that are stuck. I just, I believe mindset, that's number one, then skills. Because again, you could be all positive and still suck, right?

That's right.

And if you're not very good, guess what? You're probably not getting paid. People pay usually the best. You know, I'm looking for the best attorneys. I'm looking for the best speakers. I'm looking for the best salespeople. So you got to have skills. And then it's the habits that you, that you get into. Because if you can get your mindset right and your skills elevated and your habits locked in positive, good habits, you— that's why the rhino. You're unstoppable at that point.

That's right.

There's nobody that can stop you.

I don't care.

I don't care if you got out of prison for murder. Don King, do it, you know, bang, go, go get yours. And it's totally possible for everybody.

You know, it's interesting. They had reached out to me and said, hey, they had an event in Chicago and they wanted me to know, wanted to know if I would come talk to the young men. And I said, yeah, you know, I'm a speaker. What do you want me to talk to them about? And they said, hey, can you talk to them about pulling their pants up? You know, they're sagging and they wear the clothes like that. And they were going on and they were explaining to me and I was like, okay, no, They're like, what? I said, no, I won't waste my time coming to talk to them about pulling their pants up. But I will come talk to them about pulling their dreams up. Because if they pull their dreams up, their pants will come up automatically. The mistake we make is we focus on behavior, but belief creates behavior. So since my son was born, while he was still in my wife's stomach, I would talk to him and say, you're full of greatness and possibility. You're full of greatness and possibility. Every day. I would make him stand in front of the mirror and say it to himself.

Why?

Because belief creates behavior. He did his first international speaking gig at 7 in Kenya. And he's—

why Kenya, though?

It's just a country I go to. And I've been to South Africa, Uganda. He did an event in DRC where he used a French interpreter. I think he was 9 then, but he's 14 and he's going to do his first TEDx presentation at Oakland City University on April 17th. Belief creates behavior. It's exactly what you said. So it's a waste.

I don't have a PhD, right?

And you don't need one, right? But, but you see the mistake of trying to change somebody's behavior and you didn't change their belief. Even if you did it, it would only last so long because they're going to go back to what they believe.

Do you believe that they should pull their pants up?

I believe that they should pull their thinking up. I believe that they should change what's going on in their mind. I can't tell them how to wear their pants.

No, I agree when you say it, because I was about to say, I'll tell them to pull their pants up because, dude, you're being judged.

Yeah.

So when you see dudes walk by with their pants— I'm not talking about like they're a little loose. I'm talking about the sag to their knees. It's like, how are you even walking like this?

Right, right.

Let alone it looks stupid, let alone you're being judged, man. You're being judged. You look like a hood. You look like a thug. You look like someone that's going to rip them off. You don't look appropriate. Pull your pants up. But then again, you said it best. I don't want them to pull their pants up. I want to pull their dreams up because then those pants will come up. And that's technically true. And quite frankly, it's just a style. But to me, I'm always wondering, like, how do they walk that way and why wouldn't they pull their pants up? Do you know why they do that? Is it a— is it a symbol?

It's a style. And the problem is they take cues from media. You know, you gotta look— when you look at media, a lot of— they have a lot of programming for entertainment, but a lot of entertainment is for programming. And so they use the entertainment to get you to feel, think, and act a certain way. If you can watch a 30-second commercial and it can get you to buy a Pepsi or a Snickers or buy a car, then imagine what an hour or 2-hour program will do regularly every week. So when they show them certain images and certain shows, they want to emulate that. They want to copy that. And so even when you tell them to pull their pants up, which I think they should pull them up too, there's a reason they let them sag. Like, they were like, man, you trying to get me to do that when I want to do this?

They're not—

it's not an accident. It would be something different if they didn't have a belt, and then we could say, oh man, you need to pull your pants up, pull them up, and I'm going to help you, and I'm going to give you this belt. They don't even have a belt. They will have the belt in the pants and they'll still be hanging down. So it was purposely done for something that they believe is the right thing. And so even if we convince them, what do they say? A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. So even if we got them to do it for a day, tomorrow they're sagging again.

And those pants equate to their life. That's just what you see. But that's also how they act. They don't— they're following the crowd. They're doing things that they probably shouldn't. They're with the wrong people that they should be. They should be hanging around role models, people that are better than them. I changed my circle. I came out of prison and I was dealing with some pretty wealthy people. I was one of them, but they weren't the right people. I changed my circle. And once I did that, man, life was good. My mom said, knock it off. They cannot take your experience or your education from you unless you give it to them. And now most of my clients, because we can't do this for free everywhere, we do fund it through our business dealings. So we help businesses scale. We teach speakers how to speak. Most of our clients are multimillionaires. I got one in the room today. Not only is he a client, he's a partner on our tour. He believes in the mission and he's become unshakable and he wants to teach that to others. You want to bring up Toby?

Yeah.

Can we bring him in?

Sure.

Fantastic. Well, let me—

he's been here before.

Let me introduce him before he comes to the stage. I had him speak with me. In Nairobi, Kenya. He's absolutely amazing. They loved him over there. And then I went to his conference in Dallas, Texas. It was the Unshakeable Conference. And when you're looking for someone who can give you sound business principles, great ideas, but not only that, help you increase your network, the people around you, to increase your net worth, that's this gentleman. And his name is Dr. Toby Potter, also known as Mr. Unshakeable. Let's bring him on up.

Come on up.

See this?

He called it a stage.

It is a stage. Everything's a stage, even a conversation with one person. That job interview is a stage.

Well, I see the analogy. What's happening, Bradley?

How are you, brother?

Man, if I was any better, I'd be twins.

Yeah, well, the world can't take two of you, so we're glad it's just you.

Hey, you know, let me ask you this question. Do you believe in the—

the—

what they're talking— I mean, obviously you believe in them, what they're talking about, you wouldn't be with them, but you believe that it's more important to have a positive mindset or be really skilled at something?

Positive mindset overcomes everything. Positive mindset— you can have zero skills but believe in the, in the impossible by believing in yourself and achieve the skills.

You can, or you can achieve the skills with the right mindset. Well, that's why, that's why it's the right mindset. You won't, right?

Yeah, without the right mindset, you won't achieve anything. You'll, you'll fumble through things, but you won't achieve anything. Yeah, a positive mindset overcomes everything. And you and I talked about it a year ago when we were here. It's all about the mind, the spirit, the body. Being spiritually sound, mentally sound, physically sound overcomes and adapts to everything that goes on in life— the trials, the tribulations, the storms. With that, you achieve greatness.

You guys, have you ever heard of a guy by the name of Nick Sanonastasso?

No.

I want you to look him up because if you guys are like believers in mindset like I am. Yeah, that's the guy that I would have speak at one of your events. He—

he—

fantastic.

He gets paid stupid money to speak. So— but he'll—

we don't make stupid money.

He'll— he'll— he'll— he'll walk out. He won't walk because he has no legs. He has no arms really to speak of. Well, he's got an arm, but it's only got like a finger.

I think I have— I just didn't put the name together now till you said that.

Yeah, he was born with some rare disease. You know, he had his own arm cut off, which wasn't really an arm, but it was a limb. He had it cut off so he could wrestle because he wanted to wrestle, you know. So I think he was— it was fortunate that he was born that way because, you know, you don't know any different, right? Because if he ended up that way, I don't know if he still would have this mindset he's got. But every time someone brings up mindset, I'm like, that's the only guy I know that like—

well, that's like Nick Hrváčik.

Him too.

Yeah, yeah, he's got the stump leg or stump foot, no arms, no legs, but a little foot. We just watched him speak in Dallas at Life Surgeon. Same way, completely understands who he is. Married, 2 kids, 2 or 3 kids, beautiful wife, beautiful kids, and up on stage telling a story to the world. Positive mindset achieves everything.

Yeah, and this guy, he's got a hot girlfriend, drives cars, which I don't even know how, how, but he does.

When you want it, you find a way.

Swims like it's like what? Like, dude, there's, there's people with all their limbs, all their body parts that are sitting there just, poor me. And look at this guy. And by the way, like, you can't tell him anything that he can't do, right? And you would think, well, you can't do this. Nope. Yes, you can. I would say, dude, you're never going to drive a car. You got no limbs. And I don't know how he does it, but he does it. And he's a cool dude too. Killer.

Where there's a will, there's a way. That is a very true statement.

Yeah. So mindset, I agree. But skills, you have to develop skills.

You have to develop them and people can teach them.

What do you guys think the most important skill is to learn nowadays?

Hmm. I'm going to say adaptation.

Is that a skill?

It is a skill.

I'd agree. That's probably—

it's not, you know, I'm not going to go build this beautiful table for you. It's not that type of a skill. No, but I can learn.

Yeah, and I think communication is the most powerful skill. I think we have to be able to articulate better. Uh, today's society is terrible about articulating their message, articulating their purpose. It's— they're too— they're like a leaf in the wind. They just go wherever that the wind blows them. There's no foundation. Being able to communicate and articulate who you really are, where you want to go, and what you really want to be helps rally those around you to help support and grow and develop with you. If you can't give a clear message, then nobody knows where you're headed.

What made you decide to be a mentor, coach, speaker kind of guy?

Well, going through all the, the stuff, you know, we shared when we was on our stage with you last time about how we had built an empire in the real estate business, the mortgage business, uh, living high on the hog, and then lost it all from the 2008 financial real estate crisis and was basically homeless. Had a wife, 2 kids, and now homeless. Um, I had that poor me attitude, you know, how was I going to control the stock market and control this and control that, and how dare they take it all away from me because I didn't better plan. And then all of a sudden I realized that, you know what, when you came here, when you started this business in 1994, you were homeless, you were by yourself, you had no money, and you built an empire. If you did it once, you can do it again, but now you have bigger more powerful responsibilities, people that are really counting on you. Two little girls, an amazing wife, so you better get off your butt and go do it. And then I built the empire that we have today in real estate coaching, real estate investing, The Unshakeable Self. I've written now 12, 13 books. And doing all that, realize, you know what, there's so many people that, that we work with on the, on the lending and on the real estate side. If there's these— we got 13,000 clients— there's probably 13 million clients that need to understand they too have the ability to become anything they want in life. They just can't get out of their own way. And so by being through that, kind of like what we talked about earlier, we have a path of our life that we've been through for a purpose and a reason. And once we all realize that and realize our story, then that story now needs to be shared to the world because somebody else needs to hear it, whether it's you or that's you or that's—

That's exactly what BTBY is.

And that's what BTBRI is, is let's share our stories, how we went from here to there and how we're no different than Brad, than Ruben, than Toby, than Brenda, than anybody else. We just now can articulate it to help you resonate, understand, and grow within.

I usually put a crown on at the end when I speak. Not, not always, but I tell people I rule my own kingdom. I don't let fear, doubt, insecurities. I don't let my husband rule it. I don't let my kids rule it. I'll rule it through Christ, through him. That's the only one I rule my kingdom. I don't let other people's opinions change what I'm doing.

Did you have to learn that? I did.

Well, I didn't learn it through books. I learned it through my experiences of dealing with people. I do have talent. I do have a worth. I do have a passion. I am very giving. And if I can do this after everything that I have come through and not be bitter, then everybody else can too. I can go back and get a job. I can go back and probably do the same industry and be back on top again. But here's the thing, I'm already on top. Because I'm doing what I want to do. I'm loving what I'm doing. And I'm meeting fantastic people along the way. You can't ask for more than that.

You guys ever find people that are unhelpable?

Yes.

What do you do with those guys?

That changing of circle that I was talking about that You know, as a business coach, as an individual, uh, uh, coach, personal coach, all the time.

Because see, as you know, and you interview hundreds of thousands of people, everybody wants the success that we have, whether it be personally, whether it be financially, be business, no matter— everybody wants that. Every person I talk to, every person you interview, everybody that watches your podcast, everybody wants that success. Not everybody's willing to do the work you did, I did, she did, he did to get there.

Now, can I, uh, respond to that? Because a lot of people think that same way, and here's what I would challenge. I don't think they're unwilling to do the work. I think they don't believe the work will get there. So then that's why they're not willing. Because again, if you told people, hey, you do these 330 things in 6 years and 9 days, I'll give you $100 million, you will get Everybody doing exactly what you say because they believe that 6 years, 9 days, they're getting paid. But the reason why these people don't go do the shit that we've all done and realize and then turn around and say, hey, there's all you got to do. And then everyone's like, yeah, sure, that ain't right. It's because they don't believe.

But here's what happens.

The mindset again.

But here's what happens. So I would agree with you to some degree, but let's just say it's 6 years, 9, whatever you said, and they get into year 1 and there's no success. There's no fruit to their labor.

Doesn't matter. But 6 years and 9 days. That's all you got to do.

But they give up because they don't—

because they don't realize it's 6 years and 9 days of solid pounding. You're going to cry, you're going to bitch, you're going to complain, it's going to suck, right? But guess what? Just smile all the way through it. In 6 years, 9 days, I'm going to write you a check for $50 million and your whole life is going to be better. If they knew that that's going to happen, they would do it. So when people say they're unwilling to do it, yes, but challenge you on that. I always ask, why are they unwilling to do it? Because I see the same people. Yeah, I had a program. Matter of fact, I'm about to literally either— I say shut it down, but what I really mean is modify it. Or like, listen, I'm looking for people to come work at my organizations. I need killer salespeople. I, I need to grow and scale. I got people to talk to and deals to make and nobody to talk to them.

Right.

So, man, let me get some people in here. So I put an ad in the paper and, you know, if you're a killer salesperson, you know, I'll hire you. Well, you get people that, that apply. They're not killer salespeople. And so I say, you know what I'll do? I'll put you through a program, a training, a training, right? And it's going to suck. But guess what? I'll turn you into a killer salesperson.

Right.

And then you can make the money you want to make. And they're like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I started doing it. And sure enough, they quit when it gets tough and they don't want to make phone calls and they don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation. And so I finally just said, I'm going to shut it down. But I felt bad for the people that started—

I—

well, no, for the people that think they're great and they're not. Oh, in other words, like, there's people that they're delusionally believing they deserve millions. They just for some reason are at a disadvantage. No, that's called victim. You suck. You don't know how to close. You don't know how to convert.

You don't—

they realize that they will never change. And that's why I would say I would challenge you on— if you— even if they have that date and they do everything and they receive that check, they'll still stop.

Yeah, stop what?

They'll still, they'll still stop. They won't go on past that. They won't see past that.

$50 million, they can.

Yeah, but you know what? Money didn't make me happy. Well, my definition of success is happiness, because I can successfully wash the dishes.

I think happiness is a choice.

It is a choice.

Well, then you can just choose to be happy.

Now it's a mindset.

You can choose to be happy broke.

Broke?

Yes, you can.

But in my formula, and I believe everyone has their own, you don't have to agree with mine.

Right?

People always say, Brad, what's What's the key? I say it's not really a key. It's a combination. Everyone has their own. If I give you mine and you unlock, you won't lock on unlock your lock, right? Because that's mine, man. Go find yours. Well, what is it?

You choose it. That's correct.

But mine involves money. Like, I have to have money.

Why?

I'm not saying I don't like money.

For what? But, but I need money not to be happy. I can be happy with no money. But I need money. I want money. That's part of my formula. Why? Because I like Ferraris. I like Rolls-Royces. I like flying private. I like better food. I like better choices.

I like it.

So I need money. So now that I'm like, okay, so money's a part of your deal, bro. So what do you do? Well, you better get skilled. You better get— you better solve problems instead of hiding from them. Look for them.

Keep the money.

Huh?

Some people cannot keep that.

Me too. But that's the whole nother— that's a whole nother story.

No, don't get me wrong. We I mean, we do like the money as well. Who doesn't? It makes it a whole lot easier.

But you can do so much more. I mean, and your platform is correct. I mean, bring them in, grow them up, and let them have the rewards.

Well, watch what happens. So, so I'm putting my time, energy, and money into these people and they're quitting. So I was about to shut it down, but I feel bad because like, you know, it's definitely how you get out of the rat race, right? So I said, you know what I'm going to do? Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to require a $5,000 deposit so you don't quit. So if you give me $5,000 and, and that's just so you don't quit, like, I'm not going to keep it, I'm going to hold it. If you quit, it's mine because I'm putting more than that into you. You give me 5 G's, I'll put you through the program, and when you successfully do everything I tell you to do, I'll even give you the job, okay, where you get the opportunity you need. I'll give you the opportunity. And so like, that is a no-brainer pathway to at least a couple hundred grand a year. And then during that journey, they start to build the mindset and they start to realize like, dude, I don't need to work for you. I can go build my own. And I'm like, exactly, welcome to the club. So it's not even a job I'm trying to offer them. It's just all—

all you hope that they do, right?

I'll use the opportunities because you got to have an opportunity. So I'll give them the opportunity. I'll train them on everything. I'll give them everything. And that's where I teach mindset, skill set, habits. Because that's all they really need to know. They'll learn more on the way. Long story short though, so people pay the $5,000 deposit, and sure enough, as soon as it starts to get uncomfortable, I want my money back.

That's right.

I'm like, you want the money back? That you— that, that you only don't get back is if you quit. So the only thing you need— you can do to lose that money is what you're doing. And you're right, they quit. They won't keep going no matter what. Why? It's uncomfortable.

It's hard.

It's hard.

It's hard.

And but mentally, maybe mentally.

So, so you go back and I guarantee you, you can go back to almost 100% of those people and look at their past. You look at their family, you look at their generations, and you're right. Their mindset was, I don't deserve this. Yeah, I'm not qualified for this. So therefore, this is what has to break. That chain has to be broken, that you are disqualified. When we tell our stories, I grew up on a dairy farm in Stillwell, Oklahoma. Stillwell was only known for two things. We were the strawberry capital of the world and we were the marijuana capital of the world.

That's it.

And I didn't ever believe—

those are two good things.

Those are two good things back then. But, you know, I wanted more than a dairy farm. I wanted more than this poverty. My father made maybe $50,000 a year and raised 8 kids on it. There's no money in that. I wanted more. So I broke the chain. Now, we all broke the chain. But until you understand who you are, what you can become, you don't have to be born into it. You create it. You know, I heard a very, very wise man who received a title and he was asked, "Well, now, what does this title do for you?" And he said, "It's not what this title does for me. It's what I do for the title. It's what I create within that title. Now I have another opportunity." opportunity to become something great within that title. We all have to understand that, that we have the title of greatness within us. And if you can't accept it, you can't believe it, then you will never achieve it. This is what we do at BTBY. This is what we do at The Unshakeable is create that mindset and understanding that you have to start believing in you regardless what the noise is, regardless what the past has told you, and take advantage of what God created within you.

And for me, I had to believe it in myself before I could show others how to do it. So another member of our team is Terence Lethridge, and he is deemed the Professor of Change, because change is possible. But I tell people, if you don't want to change, then don't come.

Are you guys a nonprofit or profit?

We have both. So we have Becoming the Better You.

There's probably people listening in the back going, I'd like to support these guys.

You just go to the website, there's a big donate button right there.

Really?

ComeChangeYourLife.com. So we have Becoming the Better You, which is where events and things are. And then we have Becoming the Better You Foundation. That's where our schools and churches and things go.

That's beautiful stuff. And you're just accumulating all these people that have been there, done that. And now it's almost like a squad of— it is independent.

It's independently wealthy people, both money and mindset. See, wealth is also in your head. It's not just the paycheck for sure. And we're showing others that if they can do it, So can you. Also, the stature and the reputation that a lot of these people have on our stage are pouring into people when they come in there. Everybody's on the same level. Nobody's better than anybody else. Well, then I can't sit with them.

We make, you know, we'll make one exception.

No, he's got to be just like the rest of them or he can't come. He's right.

Well, coincidentally, I already think that, like, I already think, you know, I'm no better than anybody. In fact, There's people that try to put me on a pedestal and I'm always thinking like, you know, you know, what did I do? Because I have in my mind and I still have journey to take, like I'm still learning. I'll still learn while I'm there. Because again, to me, compared to what I should have done and could have done, I've lost, I've sucked, I screwed it up. I've screwed up my whole life. Yeah, even I think that. Well, again, why do humans think like that? And then which ones are paralyzed by that? That's who should be going to this website right now and just going to these events. And again, there are a lot of them are free. You don't need to go pay a bunch of money to go. And even if you do pay, like $220, like, to learn to speak, like, that's not a ticket price. That's freaking—

I think our highest one right now just to attend the event is $197. And we have other, other programs, but the average price is $97. $47 free, or one in Orlando. Yes, it is.

It is cheaper than Starbucks coffee.

And not only that, the relationships that you build at those things— because I— because that program I was doing, you know, you still get your whiners. And that's why I asked you, get people that you can't help, because like, it's sometimes it's just like, just think, you know, shut this thing down. Like, I don't need this. I'm trying to help people and I'm getting people on Reddit going, Brad's a scam, trying to sell me a It's like, Dick, it's not a job, you dumbass.

It's an opportunity.

No, you came for the job I would have gave you, but you suck, so I need to develop you, and that costs me time and money. This is a deposit so you don't quit, bitch. But they don't listen, and it's almost like, oh my God, dude, I'd rather just go be successful by myself and let everybody freaking fail, you know? And you guys get that way because here's what I have to rethink. Yeah, I do too, because then I always think, you know, I feel, I, I feel like I want to help people. Why? Because I used to be that person.

And, and where, where we all fall short in our human nature is we want it more for them than they want it for themselves. Yeah, well, you know what I said, that's where, that's where the, the aggravation and irritation comes in. You know, I have a sales team through our, for our mortgage companies and all that, and 30, 40 guys, and The most frustrating is seeing somebody with talent but too lazy to exploit it, too lazy to put in the work. They want the immediate gratification, success. They want to be like me, but they don't want to put the hours in. I put in every bit of 14 to 16 hours a day still today. They put in 6 to 8 and they want to know why they're not successful. And you sit down and have these conversations with them. You create these opportunities and they still don't do it. And it's infuriating. 'Cause like, dude, if you just get off your butt, you could have success. You have the talent, you have the charisma, you have the charm, you have the knowledge. You're just too lazy because at 5 o'clock you wanna be home with your girlfriend or you wanna be at the bar, whatever, instead of investing in you and your future. And that's where the problem lies.

And it's a big problem.

I wish I could find the magic sauce for that.

You find it? I'll help spread it.

Yeah.

Everybody also asks us, how can you do some of this for free? Because of the clients that we have. We have clients that already built their empire but are also still stuck because people get stuck or their empire's fine. But like Toby wanted to branch out into speaking, wanted to make a difference. It wasn't about the money for speaking. He really wanted to help others achieve their dreams. That's what we're doing.

Because that's what's fun, isn't it?

Yeah, right.

You know, when I started this company, not the podcast— why, this podcast I just do from this company, but this company's Lightspeed Training System. I started it on accident because I helped some dude in the back of my dealership learn to sell and close. I watched him go from minimum wage— he's a Mexican dude with a family, and like, they were just nice as hell but broke. And you could see that they walked in, you know, with their heads down, and their kids were like, you know, very I don't want to say demure, but like, you know, almost they felt shamed, I guess, you know, because they were broke. So I taught the guy how to sell. He went from minimum wage to $15,000, $20,000 a month. And I watched his whole—

he started to believe in himself. I'm sure he did.

He did. And again, money and consistency and evidence of winning. So all of a sudden his whole family's bright and happy and made a big impact. And I thought, man, I want to do that for a living. So I quit my job to go to go do that. And then when I went out on the road, I thought it was just my information was so valuable that, that if I just told everybody else, it would all— that would happen to everybody. So when I went out on the road, it didn't work, and I couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. So I said, man, what did I used to do? And that's how I came up with the whole Lightspeed. So if I wasn't trying to go help people, I never would have thought of Lightspeed, right?

Right.

I thought of Lightspeed because I'm trying to help somebody. And by the way, coincidentally, a lot of podcasts I'm on ask Well, what was— what shifted for you? Before that, I was always trying to help me. Like, I didn't care about y'all. I cared about me. And so, like, I was always about me. And then at that point, I was like, you know, let me go help people make money. I didn't do it intentionally. I didn't, you know, have a revelation. It's just— that's just what happened. And as soon as I started helping others, That's when frickin' everything unlocked. It's like, dude, and Zig Ziglar says it, the best way to help others— no, the best way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. That's all.

Very true.

Very true.

And that's, and that's, and that's true.

Yeah.

When I—

you already made a bunch of money and then, and then you went to help.

Yeah.

Yes.

Well, and that's— but our foundation, every company I've ever had was helping people. So when we got into being a hard money lender, it wasn't to make money. It was to help people because you can't go to a traditional bank and go get— buy on a dilapidated house and get the purchase money and the rehab. You had to go to off-market money because people are trying to grow their real estate platform. So not only were we lending money, but we were also coaching and educating at that time for free because it was building a clientele. So Brad came to me and said, hey, Toby, I want to buy this house over here in Vegas. I'm gonna pay $150,000 and they put $60,000 into it and it's gonna be worth $300,000. We would do that deal. But we'd also, every time you needed money for the rehab, we would look at that scope of work and guide and direct on, is it being done right? Is your contractor good? Is there problems? And we were coaching you up to ensure that you sold it for top dollar. And then you came back because you and I built a rapport. You trusted me. You understood that I wasn't just lending you money and charging you, but I kind of coached you through that process as you got better and better and better. That's how we started and grew and built from there. Yeah, it was always about coaching and helping others.

And so at the end of the day, how'd you get started? You got out of prison, you went to his event, you started speaking and building things, and now, like, what, what, what, what is your goal?

Sometimes you have to be careful for what you pray for because you might just get it. And when I was in prison, I had always wanted to write a book. So I wrote 5, of which 3 of those 5 are published. So I said, I'm not going to do the time or let the time do me. I'm going to make it valuable. So I started focusing on me and I said, when I get out, I'm going to help other people. And everybody say, oh yeah, right, you're never getting out of here. You're— I walked out of a federal holding facility, didn't never really go to prison, prison, but that was still maximum security. I had to see my family through the glass on the phone. But my marriage got stronger. My relationships with my children got stronger, with my parents, with my friends, because I was changing and I was taking responsibility for me and my actions and what needed to happen so that I could change, so that I could be worthy of the person that they needed me to be, because I wasn't. My family deserved for me to be a better you. Once I made my mind up with that, I just, just steady doing it. So I go to Ruben's event. And I said, I'm gonna do my own events, because social media is crazy. And I don't have footage of me in the past doing this. So it was supposed to be a one-off event. I did it, it was Becoming the Better You, Overcoming Challenges. So each one, even though the event is Becoming the Better You, BTBY, it's Becoming Unshakeable, Becoming Unbreakable, each theme is different every year for a big one. Last year was No Excuses. Before that, it was Becoming the Better You. A Work in Progress. And I got told I was nuts because I did it in like a warehouse of a building on the top floor. And it was all construction themed. Our stage was cinder blocks and plywood. It was all about building. We're building you.

Well, that just might be your marketing. Because if you had to deal with this, like, hey, you know what, we can turn this into our thing.

We did it. We did it on purpose because we are a work in progress. And I tell people, I'm not better than anybody but the person I was yesterday. And every day I'm trying to learn, I'm trying to move forward. I'm gonna take people with me. It's just grown. People have caught on. They see that it's doable. If I can do it, come on now, why can't you? Most of these people don't have a felon— felony. They don't have money problems. They don't have anything that's going to disrupt them. But right here, I work with a lot of wealthy people that are stuck. They have the life that everybody wants, but they got comfortable. And now they don't know how to get uncomfortable to move forward. Because if you stay there, you're gonna lose it. You're gonna lose it all.

So again, in order to get tickets to this thing, they just go to comechangeyourlife.com.

That's right.

And you guys are going around to every city in the country, right? Or eventually.

Eventually.

That's the place. Will it show me where the dates are and It does.

It's all there. You can sign up. And let me tell you, if you want to come and it's in an area near you and you need a scholarship, then reach out to us. We'll see what we can do.

There you go. Just say you heard them on the Bomb Squad, but don't too many of you do that.

You never know what's going to happen with somebody else in the room. And a perfect example is I was in Dr. West's room. He was already doing the things that I wanted to do. And I tell people, if this is something you want to do, then get in the room with other people. That are doing what you're doing. And the second thing is don't take advice from people who aren't doing it, because they don't know, and they're gonna talk you out of it. But I got in the room, and I was observing, and I did my own event. And it was so helpful to other people. It wasn't big, it wasn't glamorous. We didn't even have the money for decorations. But we made it through. And it's turned into what it is today. And I love every moment of it. It's a movement.

Folks, you want to become a better you, then go to comechangyourlife.com. But you guys can follow Brenda at Brenda Ringwood on everything. Brenda Ringwood 1. And where do they follow you?

Uh, Toby Potter Official.

Toby Potter Official. What about you? Reuben West. Folks, these are easy. Reuben West, Toby Potter Official, and Brenda Derringwood 1. And if you guys forget all that, just go to comechangyourlife.com. Make it happen. Appreciate you guys coming in. You're doing good. You're doing God's work.

That's right.

See the cross, right? Doing God's work. Till next time, folks, keep it real.