Take Control: DECLUTTER Your Life Now

Oh, Heather, you know, it's. It's funny. So we were. We were talking on. On air. Off air, before we started here with. With Heather, my good, good friend, about the rite of passage at perimenopause and menopause and how it plays a role not only in our health and all these other things, but. But specifically in our clutter and. And the stuff that we have and how everything's sort of targeted to acquire more clutter, you know? So, Heather, I'm so excited about this conversation. I really, really am.

I am as well. And I think, you know, frankly, personally, the timing is perfect. I'm in perimenopause right now. You know, I had night sweats last night, and I'm like, okay, I am excited to have this conversation with you and to connect. To connect it to clutter.

Yeah. You know, it's. It's interesting because we don't think of our stuff as taking up so much mental and emotional energy. Right, Right. Somebody said this quote to me, and I bet you, you probably have said it yourself. It's. It's. You work to maintain the stuff you own.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Doesn't that just. I mean, take a moment. That's right. That's heavy. When we really think about it, our stuff owns us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you feel overwhelmed or tired or worn out, walk through your house and look at how much you have acquired. It was like, oh, my God. I am maintaining inanimate object called a couch.

Yeah, yeah.

And I may have one couch, but I might have four couches because I have. You know what I mean?

Like.

You know what I mean? So I was just like, oh, my God, that is so profound. So let's talk about it. You know, there's. I assume that. That when we look at clutter or just acquisition. Right. That sort of retail therapy, that it seems to be really directed towards women. It really does.

Well, there is. There's definitely a lot directed towards women. We are receiving from a very early age. We receive messages that we should be happy. So, for example, let's say you play a softball game. You're a kid and you win. Well, you should go celebrate. You should go buy something. Maybe you buy ice cream. Maybe you buy whatever it is you go buy something to celebrate. Well, let's say you're on that same team and you lose. Oh, no, we can't be sad, can we? Let's go buy something to make ourselves happy again. So we go back to the same ice cream shop and we Buy some more ice cream or whatever it is. And so from a very early age, we are receiving messaging, societal messaging, that says you shouldn't be sad. Being sad is bad. Being sad is wrong, even though sadness is a real emotion, a valid emotion. And so from a very. As I mentioned from the very beginning, we are told to buy, buy, buy, so that we can maintain a level of happiness that just really isn't. Isn't real and doesn't allow us to grow either when we experience sadness or when we experience grief or when we experience any of those other maybe heavier emotions we grow. We get to know ourselves better. Life becomes more meaningful. And so instead of trying to cover all those emotions up, I think it's better to just lean into them and to see what doors open because of that.

Yeah, it's so true. You know, it's interesting. So people that listen to my podcast know that if they listen a fair amount, they know that my mom had a heart attack and stroke two years ago. And at that time, she went from living on her own, doing everything on her own, all that stuff, to basically 100% full assist and assisted living. And so she had a house full of stuff. Right. So a house full of stuff. And my mom was what I always like to call an organized hoarder. Right? So she had like. But she kept egg cartons, not just a few, like 20, 30 egg cartons in the garage. Why? I don't know. But I would go over to her house because I'm also taking care of her. I'm, you know, I'm responsible for everything. I'd go to her house, and all sudden my breathing would get rapid. You know, my hair would stand up on the back of my neck. Heather. For two years?

Yes.

I would just lock the door, keep the air conditioning and electricity running, pay all the utilities, have somebody mow the lawn and walk away. I am literally not kidding. For almost two years, because I could, like, I only got rid of it in December of this year. So, you know, we couldn't break it.

Right.

We.

We will feel the clutter energetically. We will feel that. And let's go back for a moment because you said, why did my mom have all those egg cartons? Let's just get curious just for a second, because our clutter is a symptom. And so that was a symptom of something. And so probably childhood. Oh, yeah, probably. Maybe she was in a situation where she didn't have very much, or maybe she had to move around a lot and couldn't bring her Things with her, whatever it was, that clutter was also a protective barrier for her. She felt safer because of it. And so everybody has some kind of trauma. There's a big continuum, of course, but our clutter, it's always representative of a story that is keeping us safer in our minds. Whether the story is true or not. That clutter, when we get curious about it, there are so many doors that can open, it becomes fascinating.

Yeah. You know, it's interesting that you say that, because my mom, I mean, she was born in 1934, so Great Depression. Right. And they. I like. I like to say it was a Grapes of Wrath experience. They were on the farm in Nebraska, Dust bowl, you know, like everything you can imagine. Terrible. Like one rotten potato amongst the family. Like, they were so dirt poor that, like, the bread bags, everything was kept because you might need it at some point. And then my dad, same thing. He grew up poor in Paoli, Pennsylvania. So both of them have this mindset that if it had any utility, even slightly, you kept it.

Yes. And that mindset served them when they were younger. But then we get to a point where that mindset actually starts to sabotage us because we end up with hundreds of egg cartons in the garage or. Or whatever it is. And so sometimes people come to me and they're embarrassed, they feel ashamed that they have so much clutter. And I remind them that clutter is neutral. It really is neutral. It's just stuff. You have stuff, and you get to decide the story you tell yourself about that stuff. And when we come at it with compassion and understanding that we're human, that that clutter did serve us at a certain point, that allows us to get to a more solid ground, to begin to let go in a new way, in a fresh way, and. And. And basically start a new, fresh chapter of our lives without the clutter. And at the beginning of this call, you were talking about menopause as being kind of a right of rite of passage, or it can be a really special sacred time. And I like to say that decluttering, the intentional decision to declutter in a very intentional way can. It can be one of the best decisions of our adult life. It can be a sacred experience. It can be so tremendously meaningful. Just like menopause, getting to know ourselves better, leaning in, getting curious can be as well.

Yeah. You get rid of what no longer serves you.

Yeah.

It's really interesting because I've always said this, like, when I feel unproductive because I'm. Everybody knows if they listen to Me, I'm type A, right? Like, so I have to feel productive, right. I have to feel like things are moving forward. And when I feel like I'm not, I will literally go clean out my closet.

That is fantastic. Okay, so I love that for so many reasons. So you're right. A little bit of progress begets more progress. And when we go clean out a closet or we do something little like that, we get a little win. And think about the physiology of a little win.

Right?

Like all the good hormones going, yay, yay, yay. And so it feeds more. It feeds more. And so there's a net positive too. Not only do you physically feel better, but you just went and decluttered your closet. And so I love hearing that. That is one of your go tos. So in the beginning, for many people decluttering, they would hear you say that and say, oh my gosh, how in the world does she do that? There's no way I could do that. When they think about their clutter, they would feel so overwhelmed, usually frozen. Maybe they'll turn on Netflix instead or do anything, anything but declutter. And so often people will say, I think I'll feel this way forever when it comes to clutter. And I tell them, actually, you know that dopamine hit that you get from buying things when you begin to declutter and when you see the progress that dopamine hit transfers from buying things to decluttering. So all of a sudden the decluttering feels fun. You want to do it, you're looking forward to it, instead of thinking, oh my gosh, there's no way I can do it. And so you're already there. You're at that place where it's fun to you or it feels like the obvious answer to help you feel better. The majority of us, it takes a little bit more self reflection and curiosity to get to where you are. But we can all do it. We can all get there.

Yeah. It's interesting that you say that because when I, you know, I had to clean out my mom's house because we were going to sell her house, you know, and I was lucky enough that it had been paid for so I could sit on it. Like the cost of operating it for 18 months while I had, you know, heart palpitations about cleaning it out. And it was interesting because a lot of what we chose to do because she had so much stuff, right? She had stuff that you can't even sell. That's the thing, I think that was so upsetting. There was all these. Her house was full of stuff that wasn't sellable. Right. And so, you know, her thing was, is you keep everything because you never throw anything away. And I'm standing in the house and you're, you know, your heart starts to break because I'm like, a lot of this is going to end up in the dumpster because nobody wants it. I'm not taking it to my house to put it in my garage.

So.

Because it's still that way. And we, and we invited a whole bunch of people over. We didn't even have a state sale. I'm like free to a good home.

Yes. Oh, beautiful.

Come, come with a truck. And it is, I mean, antique companies. Like I went to an antique where one of those warehouse places and I was like, you like antiques, Bring it so up with trucks. I do not care.

Yeah.

You know, I just wanted somebody that was going to take it and appreciate it. But here's the thing that happened to me.

I walked.

I walked back into my house and I looked around and I was like, I, at this point, point at 55am driven towards my long term legacy of like changing women's health and I want freedom. And I looked around and I was like, if there's a cabinet I haven't opened in the 10, you know, 13 years I've lived here, it's getting cleaned out. And so we started hauling crap over to the house to give away, you know. Yeah. But you know, you know what I mean? So I think it's, I think it's also the urge during this time period when our brain is remodeling during menopause and we're driven towards more creative or emotional pursuits. Like it, like the anchor. Like we have to unload the anchor, you know, and it was, it was so freeing because I literally walked through and I like open a cabinet in the closet in the hallway and I'm like, yeah, that's going away. You know, it starts to become kind of a snowball.

Well, a really positive snowball.

Right.

Like sometimes we use the word snowball. Like my weight snowballed. And it's. And it feels so negative and so heavy. But this is, yeah, positive snowball. And it's because you are. Here's, here's the thing. Your house, Dr. Betty, is it gets to be a sacred space. We spend more time in our homes than anywhere else. And so if I had one dream for everybody, it's create a space that you absolutely love. A space that allows you to flourish. It allows you to, to be creative. It allows you to have adventure. It allows you to be yourself. And so that's what you're doing. You're understanding either consciously or subconsciously, that your space, that you get to design it in a way that it will serve you for the rest of your life. So many of us are living in spaces that are not serving us. And the reason is that we are not living by design. We are living by default. We are on autopilot. And so often people will come to me, and they have been thinking about decluttering for decades. Not. Not months, not years, but decades. And so they can finally come work with me, work through the clutter, and they no longer have to carry this invisible burden that they've been carrying for so long. And so there's a palliative care nurse named Bronnie Ware from Australia, and she spent 20 years listening to the regrets of those who were having their final moments. And she wrote an essay called the Top five Regrets of the Dying, and it went viral. She wrote a book. And the number one regret is, I wish I would have lived a life that was true to myself. And so many people have so much clutter. And this physical clutter, it's not just physical, right? It's mental, emotional. It is blocking them from showing up as their true selves. It is a distraction. And so often I ask, are you ready to no longer live in a distracted way? Are you willing to look at your clutter in a different way, a lighter way? Are you willing to let go of the judgment and the shame? Because that's what keeps us stalled out? And so. And definitely, do we want to, in our final moment, say, wow, I really wish I would have figured out the clutter. I really wish I wouldn't have spent all my life thinking about that clutter. No, no, I don't want that for anybody. And so, yeah, our home, it gets to be a sacred space. It gets to be a place where we get rejuvenated, where we do our most important work. It really gets to be a place that serves us.

Yeah. And I think the hard part, you know, like, the emotional attachment, a lot of times is we're not completely aware of why we may acquire things. You know, like, retail therapy was definitely like, my messaging as a kid, obviously, growing up in my household was, you keep everything. You have no money. You can't have stuff. I mean, I started mowing lawns at 9, washing cars, because I was like, I need cash, right? I was like, there's no resources here. But as I grew up, you Know if when I was stressed or other things, it was like, I'd go get some retail therapy. Right. And, and, but, but that, that is a protective armor. Our stuff is our protective armor to not have that sensation.

Right.

And so I think one of the most important things we were talking earlier, like at our clinic that we've had for 20 years, we have partners that are professional organizers because often what is also holding somebody back from their health is this sensation of not having control around our clutter at home or our experience. But the other part is it's really emotionally difficult to often do it 100% by yourself. So I was always like, you need Rent a Stranger.

Well, here, here's what I would say about that. The majority of people that actually hire somebody else to do the decluttering for them long term are unsuccessful because the clutter comes back because they don't get to the root cause of why they're holding onto the things. So if these partners sit down with them and help them figure out what are those stories, what's the root cause, then they can be really successful. But there are a lot of groups out there that will just come in and say, all right, I'm just going to toss, toss, toss. You don't have to be here.

And I think, oh, I can't imagine.

Missed opportunity. It really is. And so when we get to the root cause, then we can start from a neutral perspective. Then we realize, okay, the reason why I'm feeling so sentimental or the reason why I've got all of these emotions with these things, we understand the stories behind those reasons and we're able to ask ourselves, are those stories still serving me? Are they, do they still work for where I am today and who I'm becoming? Because most often they don't.

Yeah.

Excuse me. So let me, let me just share an example. So, for example, I had so many books, and I love books. And subconsciously books I had tied books to my self worth. Yep. See, all these books, they're like my trophies. They say I'm an interesting person. They say I like these subjects and I did not want to get rid of my books. Now we had toxic mold come through. It's part of why I. I wheeze a little and why I'm coughing. And so I got rid of all my books because toxic mold loves paper. And I mean, there was a period where I could not even walk into a library because they're all so moldy. And so in the beginning, I had so much trouble getting rid of the books and Then when I realized, oh, here's the story that I'm telling about my books. And guess what, Heather, Your worth is not in those books. When I realized that, it was so easy to get rid of them. So easy. Yeah. You also mentioned earlier landfills, Right? Like, it's so hard because we don't want things going to landfills. A very sad universal truth is that everything that exists right now will be in a landfill. Everything will be in a landfill. Exactly. And so if you love the planet like I do, where we have more agency, where we have more impact, is in the new demand that we're creating. And so instead of supporting fast fashion, which are the Walmarts and the Kmarts and the Targets and the Costco's and things like that, where they are producing fashion, instead of four seasons a year, there are 14 seasons a year. And so instead of buying cheap, cheap clothing, buy fewer things, but better things that will last you longer, buy more intentionally. And that's one way to help our planet out. Another thing is fast furniture. Yeah. And all that furniture has so many. So many endocrine disruptors anyway. It's so unhealthy for us. And so instead of supporting those industries, save your money and just buy fewer things, but better things. That is one way to take a stand when it comes to our planet.

Yeah. Oh, you're so right. We remodeled our bathroom and our closet during COVID I think. You know, so many people took on house remodeling jobs at that time, and we only had so much space that was between these two rooms. But I wanted my bathroom to be larger, so I actually took space away from our closet. And what's funny? And everybody was like, oh, my God, I can't believe you did it. I'm like, no. Because what it required me to do, I unloaded so much stuff, it felt like my closet was a clown car. I was like, how did all that fit in there? But now, because it is such a finite space, you know, if something comes in, something must go. Yes, Right. And so that keeps me from doing that. It's like, okay, you know, do I still wear these shirts? Because they're two seasons old and, you know, maybe they're. I don't buy a lot of things that are really, really trendy just because I don't have the space for it. And I'm like, that'll be here and gone.

And.

And it sort of. It's the containment of it. Like, if you make the container smaller, it's better. Like, I live in Dallas and Everybody, every. Every house has two to three garages, but nobody parks their car in a garage because all of them are full of crap.

Right, Right. Do you know that we have more storage units in this country than we do McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Starbucks combined?

Oh, my gosh.

And actually there are a few more fast food restaurants chains that you can throw in there, but I just don't remember their names. And so we. Yeah, and. And we are paying a lot of money for these storage units. Right? We're not just keeping them for a month or two. On average. We keep storage units for 20 months. We. And that's just on average. So just think, like, I mean, there are a lot of people keeping them a lot longer. And no judgment, just curiosity. Can we ask ourselves, is all this stuff and storing all this stuff, is it serving us? Is it serving our greater purpose? I don't think it is.

No. I would agree. I would agree. So, you know, we were talking about the sort of rite of passage and perimenopause and sort of clutter. You know, like you said, you're going through hot flashes right now. So tell me now, because you're a little further. You're further behind me. So tell me what emotionally comes up for you, because now we know you're in the zone.

So.

So what comes up for you at this point? Because I know from, you know, 20 years of discussion with women, you know, they're. They're often. Their kids are getting older where they're not necessarily, you know, they don't require oversight at every minute most of the time, or they're empty, nesting. Like, for me, a big catalyst was taking care of my mom. Like, if that wasn't a massive shift in emotional and, you know, sort of clutter regulation, I don't know what was.

But what. What's coming up for you?

Because. Because it is a massive transition.

It is. It is. And so here's one of the things that I'm reminding myself because I am just. I am newly in this area. The other day, like, all this hair came out. I'm like, what? And then, you know, I. I couldn't find. I couldn't remember some words. I'm like, okay, okay. And I know that this is. Does not have to be my permanent reality, which I am grateful for. Grateful. What I am reminding myself right now is that it is so worth my time to slow down, to pause, to regulate my nervous system and to ask myself, how do I want to show up? How do I want to show up today? What do I want to experience? How can I not be a victim? How does this. How can I turn this into a gift? How. How can I be excited about what's happening to me in my body? And I actually recommend the same types of questions for decluttering. Slow down, pause. Regulate your nervous system. So often we struggle with the clutter because we're not regulated. And so if we give ourselves the gifts of going outside barefoot or intentional breathing or whatever, there's so many different ways, right, to calm down, slow down. And so if we do that, we're showing up. And I love that. I love the sentence live by design, not default. And so whether it is leaning in to all of the. And you might. Some. Some might laugh that I say this, but leaning into the blessing that menopause is or the blessing that decluttering is, that can really, really make things meaningful. And for me personally, that's what I want. I want a meaningful life. I want to put good out there. I love feeling productive. I'm type A as well. And at the same time, I am aware that sometimes I have mind clutter that says subconsciously, Heather, you need to do, do, do to be valuable or worthwhile. And I slow down and I remind myself, no, no, just being a nice, kind human being is also just as good. And so in this time, I'm getting really curious about this next stage of life for me, this. My stage of menopause from now until the. My last breath. And I'm asking myself, what good can come from it? And. And I'm doing it in a regulated way, because if. I mean, that's the only way, I think, really, to. To have the best. The best experience.

Yeah, yeah. It's. You know, it's. It's just an. It's such an extraordinary time period because so much of our energy from our 20s, 30s into our early 40s, is spent really outward, right? It's all outward. It's for the benefit to. The benefit to others that this internal sort of dialogue. And I think for a lot of us, we just don't know how to ask those questions of ourselves, which is why what you do is so important. Because, again, if you have somebody come in and organize your stuff, but you don't have a coach that sits down, and it's kind of like, okay, let's figure out what is this representing in your life then, you know? But I think the same thing holds true for, like, let's not just spin our wheels and continue in the same direction when the direction is no longer Serving, it's like, let's figure out what the new direction needs to be.

And, you know, how we know that the direction is not serving us? How we feel heavy. Life feels heavy. Everything feels heavy. And so I love using the question. So, okay, first off, when I think of clutter, I like to define it as anything or thought, feeling or action that gets between where we are and where we want to be. And so when we are decluttering, one of my favorite questions to ask is, does this thing feel light or heavy? If it's light, it's right. It's not cluttering. If it's heavy, that is your answer or that is your permission to either let it go in its current form or to consider changing the form. If you change the form, maybe it will feel light and you keep it. So I have an example, kind of a fun example. I had this pair of jeans. I loved how they fit. They fit really great around my waist. Very comfortable. I like the color. Oh, I like the color so much. And I did not like how they looked at the bottom of my legs. And so they felt heavy. And yet I could not let them go. Why couldn't I let them go? I was so attached to these jeans and I decided, okay, Heather, they feel heavy. So if you're not going to do anything about it, it's time that they go to a donation center instead. I took out the scissors and I cut the jeans. I'm like, oh, I'm going to love these now. Now they're going to feel light. I'm so excited. Well, I put them on and I very quickly saw that I cut them as if I were a 13 year old girl or 12 year old, super short. And I'm like, I do not want it to be weird. So very easy to see. Okay, I can now let these things go. When we're decluttering in life, whether it's stuff, whether it's a calendar that's too full, whether it's engagements, relationships, does this thing, does this event, does this person, do they feel light or heavy? How do I feel around them? If we feel light, not clutter, if we feel heavy, that is permission to change the story. To say this no longer works for me and for who I'm becoming.

Yeah, that's, you know, it's interesting. We have a energy therapist that have worked, has worked with us for 20 years. And I remember years ago, probably almost 19 years ago, we were talking one day and she was, we were talking about weight, you know, because that's a huge Thing for women in this age group. It was something I experienced as I hit perimenopause, this, like, extraordinary weight gain when my hormones sort of made this sort of early shift in my late 30s. And I was like, what happened? And she looked at me, because at the time, I had just opened my clinic, I was burning the candle at both ends, you know, not realizing that I didn't have a business plan. And it was on a wing and a prayer, you know, and. And she looked at me just very clearly, and she said, betty, your body will expand to the field in which your energy is outwardly expressed. Right. So, like, if all my energy is going outward, I never am looking inward. I'm never doing anything for myself. My body will expand to meet that need because it must ground me.

Yes.

I was like, oh, yeah, that's totally profound. I was like, oh, my God, it's so. Right, right. So also, we often see this same emotional sort of stagnation occur when we're struggling with, you know, not only the hormone changes, but the things that sort of happen, and especially with weight as well, because it's a protective mechanism for our body to hold on to body fat.

Yes.

Keep us protected. It's not a willpower thing at all.

Oh, I agree. I agree. I think will. I think the word willpower has done so much damage collectively. I mean, I feel like that word is clutter, frankly, because it's like, because of the negative connotation and judgment and the shame and all the stories. All the stories, yeah. Yeah. I don't feel like it's been useful at all on the journey for so many. This is a time where we get to look inward, as you were saying, and we get to ask ourselves, what matters most to me? Not to our kids, not to our parents, not to the neighbors, not to our colleagues, but we get to ask that question to ourselves. What matters most right now? How do I want to show up? How do I want to learn? How do I want to listen? What do I want to create? Who do I want to become? And when we do that, we let go of all the distractions. We let go of all the societal messaging, all of that just heaviness. And we are able to release the stuff that's not serving us. The weight that's not serving us, the relationships that aren't serving us. And I'm not saying that we have to release everything. No, no, no. But we get to get curious about it, and we get to ask ourselves, is this a space where I want to evolve? Do I want to evolve with these. These other things in my life. And so I just go back to the thought that this can be a sacred experience, menopause and decluttering, that there's so much similarity in the two. And when we bring them together, watch out, world. Really, truly watch out. We can really show up in a way that we want to. In the beginning, you asked about shopping. Excuse me. You know, and is advertising more geared towards women? Things like that, with all the things that we have and we buy and we get to say, like, so, for example, there's a pink tax on women's items that men don't pay. One example is a razor. If you buy the exact same razor, a men's razor, and then the exact same razor, but it's just marketed and positioned for women, it's going to be more expensive. And so at this point, we get to say, you know what? No, I'm not going to fall for that. I'm not going to fall for that. This is how I'm going to show up. And I'm going to, you know, unless we want to fall for it, maybe we want the pretty pink razor with the sparkles, and, you know, that's okay, too. But we just get to show up more intentionally and show up again in a way that it just show up a little bit more on purpose. Instead of just letting life happen to us, letting all of the marketing happen to us, we get to say this. This is. This is how we. We can just see things so much more clearly, I think, at this point in our life. And I think that's one of the gifts that happens in. In this stage.

Yeah. And I think, you know, some. In some ways, to turn off some of that messaging too, is to stay off social media because there wasn't such a vac. I mean, such an extraordinary vacuum to just dig into your insecurities and your desires and all these things, because it's geared to do that. It knows where you're going to click before you know where to click. You know? You know, because a lot of people think it's listening, and it probably is, but the reality is, is they have such a perfect map of you. They know what to put in front of you. Oh, and manipulation is extraordinary. So I would assume in your school of living lighter, like, a lot of it is also like, all right, we've got to put a time frame around that social media use.

We create guardrails and so it's in containers and things like that so that we can protect ourselves from those outside Forces. And so, for example, social media, it's neutral yet if that's our entire life, we're going to feel heavy and it's not going to feel good. And so a guardrail could be. All right, no judgment. If you want to get on and you want to just swipe for a while. But how much time are you going to do that? Decide that ahead of time, go set the alarm. An alarm in a different room, so you have to actually get up and go walk and turn it off. And so we set up these guardrails so that we don't kind of fall into that oblivion and fall into that. You know, you wake up and it's four hours later. And so, yeah, there are a lot of things that are vying for our attention. Most of them. Most of them aren't really going to serve us. And so it goes back to that. What matters most to me, do we want it to say on our tombstone, I was really good at swiping?

Yeah, social media queen, right?

Here's. She was so good at swiping, or she was so good at watching all of Netflix or whatever it is. And so it's. It's just a beautiful time in our life right now. The present moment to ask ourselves, what do we want? How do you want to show up? One of my favorite authors is Sue Monk Kidd. Yeah. And she writes that you can find the sacred in the now, the ordinary and the natural. And I love what she says because it gives us permission to really get present. And if we are living in a present way for even half of our time, that is a gift. And so washing the dishes, not that I do it, I have. I'm grateful that that's my older son's job, but it can be sacred if he allows it, if he slows down, if he enjoys the warmth from the water, the suds from the soap, it can be a beautiful experience. And so the gift of being present, the gift of not needing massive amounts of, I guess I'd say, like, artificial pleasure. Right? That's the swiping, that's the sugar, that's the. So just being aware of those things and not needing those things, finding happiness in the ordinary, or creating, not finding, because, you know, often when we say the word finding, it becomes clutter, because when you're finding, looking for something, you never find it. Right. And so taking more ownership, creating happiness, creating the life you want to live. And so I like to recommend, when you're on the decluttering path, have you gotten outside in nature? I mean, you are nature. Right. So have you gotten outside in nature today, maybe regulated your nervous system? Have you gotten present with the idea that decluttering. Yeah, it's very ordinary. I mean, there aren't fireworks usually going off, but when we declutter that closet, the fireworks are going off internally.

Right.

We're so excited. And so, yeah, getting present, finding the sacred in the now, the ordinary and the natural can be such a gift at this stage in our life.

Yeah. No, I think it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. So if you were to give my listeners, like, three things they could just kind of look at right now, because I think even if we, even if we don't relate to being cluttered. Right. You know, maybe that's not like some of us may not relate to being cluttered. However, there is clutter in our life because none of us are. None of us are free of clutter.

So give.

So give my listeners maybe three things, you know, because the other thing too is sometimes it feels overwhelming. So it's like, where can I take a little tiny step? Like, the closet might be too much. It might be a drawer.

Exactly. Yeah. Well, I would say, number one, what you want to do if there, if there are three things, I would say, number one is you want to listen to yourself. You want to get away from all the distractions, all of the noise, and you want to ask yourself, what matters most to me when it comes to menopause, when it comes to decluttering, what matters? How do I want to show up? Number two, I would say to let go of any thought that tells you what you want is too hard, too difficult, impossible. Let those thoughts go. They're not serving you. Because that's what the brain does. Right? The minute we say, here's what I want, the brain comes up with all the reasons why it's not going to be possible. So just let those things go. And then on the journey, I would say, number three, use the question, does this feel light or heavy? Use it for everything. It is such a simple question and it can make such a big difference. So, for example, I had one client take that question and used it. She went into her kitchen and they had renovated the kitchen, yet she felt heavy in the kitchen. Do I feel light or heavy? I feel heavy. Why do I feel heavy? What feels heavy? And she realized it was the color of the cabinets. Had those painted made all the difference in the world? She delights in her kitchen. She loves being in the kitchen. It feels so wonderful. And so we can use that question, like, let's say you get invitation. Do you want to go? If you don't want to go, it feels heavy. You give yourself that permission to say no. So, yeah, those are the three things I say. Listen. Listen to what you want. Let go of any thoughts that are going to get in your way, and then take that lighter path by asking, does this feel lighter? Heavy, Actually, I'm going to throw in a fourth. Can I throw in one more?

Yeah, absolutely.

Have you heard of the term Jomo?

No.

Okay. Have you heard of the term fomo?

Of course.

Fear of missing out. So, so often we overfill our schedule, our calendar. We buy all the things, you know, the three for one sale. We. We buy it all because of fomo. Fear of missing out. Oh, my gosh, I want these things. Like, my life will be better with these things. If I don't have these things, my life will be worse. We buy all those things or bring all those things into our lives, and then we feel heavy because it's too much. So Jomo is joy of missing out. Joy of missing out. So if there's a three for one sale of something that you kind of like, but you don't love it, you say no. Permission to say no. You save your money for something you really like. Yeah, that's a. Heck, yes. It's the same for, like, let's say. Let's say you're questioning wine and alcohol and you're deciding not to drink as much, but you're not quite sold yet, right? And so you say, well, I'm only gonna have one glass of wine. And then maybe your spouse says, oh, just have a second glass with me. You don't really want it. In the past, maybe you would have done it. Well, yeah, okay, I'll do it. But Jomo, the joy in missing out on that second glass, or maybe even the first glass, as you get a better night's sleep, you wake up lighter in the morning on the scale. And so that. Jomo, that joy of missing out can be a tool that we use in life, and it can give us permission to really show up in the way that we want to show up. It can give us that courage. That courage to do so.

Yeah, what a great example, because definitely alcohol and wine is. It's not good for you at any given time. But, man, if that's not a major problem when we're in perimental menopause and menopause, because we can't metabolize it, but we get sucked in, and then the next day we feel like the hammered crap. And you're like, oh, I shouldn't have done that.

Right, right.

You can actually delight in the. I didn't do it. And I feel so much better. And I really wouldn't have gotten benefit from doing it in the first place.

Exactly. Like, I like to think of wine and alcohol as body clutter. And it's just, it's just, it will make you feel heavy. There's nothing good coming from it. There's a lot of societal messaging that says maybe if you drink a barrel of wine, you'll get something good, but really nothing good. It's body clutter. Like, if we think of clutter, we can think of what's the home clutter, what's the body clutter, what's the mind clutter. And if we adjust our clutter and those three areas, you're going to win. You're going to win. Life is going to get so much lighter.

Yeah. Yes, it is. Now you've got a gift for my listeners. We've got a. I believe it's a webinar. Right? Yeah.

We've got a class coming up and these classes are so much fun. I answer all the questions that are put out there. We talk about how to live lighter with less and the fact or the idea that less can often bring more of what we really want. Right. So less stuff, less headache, less heartache, less of all that can bring more peace, more calm, more freedom. And so we'll be doing a class we'll invite. Would love to have anybody who has enjoyed today's conversation come ask your questions and feel lighter.

Awesome. Well, we will have that in the show notes for sure. So everybody can click on that and go and participate in the class. Because again, even if maybe you don't relate, because a lot of times we're always categorizing ourselves if we don't relate. I promise you, having gone through what I've gone through in the last eight months, we all have a little bit of that. And it gets lighter every time. We just sort of. I think of it like peeling back a layer of an onion. You get success and then you go, okay, where else do I have heaviness that needs to go?

Exactly, exactly. We all have it. We all have clutter, like you said earlier. And if we can just let go of some of that clutter, things just get so much better.

Absolutely. Well, Heather, it has been so awesome having you on Menopause Mastery. I want to thank you so much.

Thank you. I've enjoyed this so much. Thank you.

Thank you. And if you are listening to Menopause Mastery on our podcast channels, please don't forget to give us a five star review. That definitely helps us get our message out. And if you happen to be watching us on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe. Subscribe and leave a comment below and let us know what you thought. And maybe, maybe what's your area of clutter you're going to get rid of? Like, what's your first step in this world?

I love that one.

I love it. Yes. And I will be back with you next week on Menopause Mastery.