A Fresh Look At Potty-Training Readiness.

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minutes or less parenting strategies. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest Baby, and the mother of four amazing adult kids. And let's not forget Smudge My Great Big Golden Doodle. Today we're going to be talking about the new way to think about potty training readiness. This is a subject that can make even the most seasoned parents break into a cold sweat. In fact, I get so many DMs and emails about how do I know if my child is ready to start potty training? So that's what we're going to focus on today. And I'm going to share with you my aha moment that changed everything for me. But before we dive into this, I want to share a little story that popped into my head as I was preparing this episode. And to be honest with you, it has nothing to do with this episode, but it's the story that came to mind and I want to share it with you. So many years ago and many, many years ago, actually, I was about 7 years old at the time. My mother and I were out for a drive and it was a beautiful day. My mother was wearing a kerchief around her hair and sunglasses, very Jackie Kennedy style. And I was sitting up in the seat with my mom and we were just having a nice chat. At the time, I didn't realize that there was any special message I was about to hear. I thought we were just out for a nice drive together. But after a few minutes, my mother told me that I was about to become a big sister. Now, I was the third child and I'd been the baby of the family for about seven years and I was pretty invested in it. But here's the thing. At the moment that my mother told me I was about to become a big sister, the car door swung open. And in those days you didn't wear seatbelts and I went flying out of the car. Now, I know that sounds horrible, but we were in a small, quiet neighborhood and going slowly. And so I didn't actually get hurt, my emotions got hurt, but I was fine. And I'm betting my mom didn't feel much like Mary Poppins that day. But in that moment when I was told I was about to become a big sister and I went flying out of the car, those two incidents are tied together. For me, however, I adore my baby brother and I always did. But I sometimes laugh to myself when I'm preparing a blog or a podcast episode about how to prepare your toddler for a new baby. And I think, well, if being thrown out of a car didn't hurt our relationship, then probably nothing would. Anyhow, let's get to the topic at hand today. Today, again, we're talking about how do you know when your child's ready for potty training? Traditionally, most experts are going to tell you to look for signs of physical and emotional readiness. Things like staying dry for longer periods, showing an interest in the potty, or even expressing discomfort with dirty diapers. Here's the typical checklist for signs of readiness. When your child stays dry for two hours or wakes up dry from a nap. When your child makes sounds or stops moving. When they need to pee or poop. When your child can listen and follow easy directions. When your child can walk to the bathroom and help push down their pants. When your child shows signs of not liking wet diapers and asking for a new one. When your child is out of that no phase and craves independence. But here's the question. Do you really need to wait for these signs? And says who? A lot of things in parenting are just habits that have been handed down and no one's ever asked any question about why. Why is this the signs that you have to wait for, for instance? So let's step back for a moment and think about this. Babies often wet their diapers right after eating because their digestive systems are still developing. They can't control the muscles that hold in the pee and the poop. And and this ability, it usually develops all on its own around 18 to 24 months of age, usually closer to 18 months of age. Now, as long as the peeing and pooping process remains involuntary, a baby can't start potty training around the first birthday. Kids start to notice when they need to pee or poop. So you might see a one year old squat or tug at their diaper. If they're placed on the potty at the exact right moment, they'll pee into it. But she can't deliberately wait to use the potty. And so a one year old cannot typically be potty trained. Now, some of you may be saying, wait, wait, wait, what about elimination communication? And that's a whole different topic based on a whole different criteria. So we're not going to really talk about that here because it's quite different than potty training. However, back to the topic Controlling this sphincter is critical for physical readiness. And it makes perfect sense that you can't potty train until your child has that control. But there's more to readiness than just sphincter control. There's a willingness and emotional readiness to potty training and giving up diapers. And this is where the big aha moment came in for me. Many potty training problems arise because a child feels pressured to use the potty, and nobody likes to be pushed around. So. And when you're potty training, you can be pushed around every two hours to use the potty. Now, we usually blame potty training accidents or pushback or rebelliousness on readiness. We say, well, your child wasn't ready to potty train. But honestly, most often it's related to how we approach potty training. In other words, the strategy you use for potty training is it's going to influence a child's willingness to give it a try. So when we adopt a no pressure approach, and I like to call it a laid back approach, this is where your child is the hero, the one who's doing the work and making the accomplishments, and you're the guide, but the child is the hero. Kids are much less likely to rebel against it. Another word for that is toilet learning, not toilet training. So while a child needs to be physically ready with sphincter control, we all agree that makes perfect sense. But our approach to potty training, it also influences your child's readiness or willingness, we should say, to use the potty. So once I realized that readiness wasn't the whole picture, it's not that kids have accidents because they're not emotionally ready, but in fact, the process we use, and it makes perfect sense, but the process we use influences a child's willingness to use the potty. That's when I had this whole new idea and awareness of how we could have an impact on readiness. So let me explain that. One mom came to me and she said, you know, my child, I know he knows exactly what to do. He just won't do it. So, for instance, I'll say, go sit on the potty. And he will. He'll go sit on the potty, but he'll stand right up and pee on the floor. So the typical response would be, well, your child's just not emotionally ready. But in fact, that's not the whole picture. And I believe it really is a sign that you're not using an approach that's a good fit for your child. So parenting experts always recommend prepping for big events like when you take your child to the doctor or the dentist, you know, you tell your child what to expect, what's going to happen, how they might feel about it. You give them some tools to cope with the difficulties. But for some reason, we don't do that with potty training. We just literally go from one day, no potty training to the next day. Here's your underwear. So this is where pre potty training prep comes in. In other words, easing your child into potty training rather than just waiting for signs of readiness is something you can do once your child has developed that physical sphincter control. So, say starting around 18 to 24 months, you can start pre potty training your child and then you basically ease them into the process. And you know what happens when you do this. There are very few signs of not being emotionally ready. I received so many emails saying after pre potty training prep, I didn't really need to train my child, she did it herself. So I would like to just take a moment and go through some more of the advantages of pre potty training. There's really a lot of advantages, but I'm going to just mention a few. And before I even start, I want to answer one question that I get asked, which is, how long is this going to take me? Because I'm already drained just thinking about potty training. And I want to reassure you, pre potty training is really just a few minutes a day. We're not talking about a great time investment. And you'll understand that more when you see the details of what goes into pre potty training. But let's just take a moment and talk about the advantages. So pre potty training will ease anxiety. Knowing what to expect significantly reduces a child's anxiety about using the potty. And it makes the transition so much smoother. It builds confidence. Breaking the task down into smaller tasks makes it much more doable. It empowers body awareness. And the great thing is your child develops this body awareness before you begin potty training. It fosters independence, it saves time, it promotes comfort, it promotes familiarity with the bathroom and bathroom routines, and it strengthens your parent child bond. So if you haven't yet listened to the seven Must Do's Before Starting Potty Training, that's one of the previous episodes. I'd go back and take a listen. Or if you'd rather, I have a little free ebook and you'll get the link for it in the show notes called 5 must do's before Starting Potty Training. And this is a fantastic guide. It's a very quick read and it'll give you some very concrete and actionable steps that that you could start anytime after 18 to 24 months and that will ease your child into the potty training process. So let's rehash. Physical readiness is a real thing and your child needs to be physically ready before you can start potty training. But emotional readiness is a little more blurry and a lot of the problems that we relate to readiness are in fact caused by using a parent led or a pressured approach to potty training. And this is something we can change. We can make our child more accepting of the process by using a more laid back approach and with pre potty training. So please go into the show notes and download your free ebook and enjoy it. I would love to hear from you about how this has worked for you. So please send me a DM over on Instagram @healthiestbaby. Have a great week and keep up the good work.