Avoid Picky Eating Habits

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minute or less parenting strategies to help you calmly manage all those crazy, awesome toddler moments. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience, the author of two parenting books and the founder of Healthiest Baby, and most importantly, the mother of four amazing adult kids. And then there's Smudge My Great Big Goldendoodle. Today we're going to talk about how to avoid picky eater habits. One of the most challenging aspects of raising a toddler is dealing with picky eating habits. It can be frustrating to spend precious time in the kitchen preparing what you believe is a healthy, yummy meal, only to have your little one refuse to eat it. As a parent or a caregiver, it can be really stressful to watch your toddler refuse to eat or only eat a very limited range of foods. But here's the thing. As we continue to improve our philosophies and strategies for managing behavioral issues based on our new current understanding of toddler brain development, it's important that we extend these changes to the ways that we approach mealtime as well. Let me give you an example. 4 year old Sarah was a really picky eater. Every mealtime was a battle with her parents, who constantly urged her to try new foods. Sarah's reluctance to try anything new really frustrated her parents, who often argued about it at the meals. They'd say things like, just take one more bite. There's no dessert until you eat your dinner. Try it for mommy. Mmm, it's so good. Your brother ate it and he liked it. Sarah and her parents both began to dread mealtime, which became a source of tension and anxiety for everyone. If Sarah didn't eat her vegetables, she was given a timeout. All this table talk and pushing and bribing and bargaining and coaxing may not actually be helping you or your child. Just like I recommend a no pressure approach to potty training, well, the same thing goes for mealtimes. Studies have convincingly demonstrated that the old school tactics where children experience high levels of parental pressure during meals, they're more likely to become picky eaters. And no, seriously, all those desperate steps to get your child to eat one more piece of broccoli may actually be contributing to picky eating habits. So the more you push, the more your child resists. And watching and commenting on your child's eating habits, it also creates unnecessary pressure and resistance. So let's embrace the new way of doing things, the new science, and help our little ones develop a positive relationship with food. Now, we're going to talk about this in more detail, but first I want to share with you some normal changes in eating habits that you can expect around two years of age. Let's start with what are standard eating habits and changes that show up during the toddler years. So, for instance, toddlers love something one day and they hate it the next, or a toddler they won't eat. Also, a toddler doesn't typically eat unless they're hungry. Toddlers test limits, as you know, because they crave independence and they may not eat the same amount each day. Some days they may eat a huge amount and the next day only have a few mouthfuls at each meal time. In general, toddlers need to eat often, three meals a day with two snacks. Now, research shows that almost 50% of kids are picky at some point in their life. So now that we realize some of the normal changes in the eating habits, the goal is to respond to these changes in ways that don't promote picky eating habits. I really like Ellen Salter's division of responsibility. It's a perfect approach to mealtimes. And let me explain. On the one hand, after a year of age, you decide what, where and when your toddler eats. In other words, it's your job to choose what's available for the kids to eat, where the kids eat and what goes on at the table, and when the kids eat and how often they eat. But on the other hand, here's the division of responsibility. It's your toddler's job to decide how much to eat or really whether to eat at all. In other words, it's your kid's job to choose whether to eat what you've put out on the table and how much of it to eat. So this means saying goodbye to some of those old habits, the pushing, the bribing, the bargaining, asking for a number of bites, making dessert the prize for eating. I know it's really hard to stop pressuring your child, but remind yourself, research has shown that pressuring a child to eat typically results in less intake. So here's what I suggest. Respect your toddler's appetite, or lack of one. If he isn't hungry, don't force a meal or a snack. Now, as a pediatrician, I'm going to put this in because this part is very important. This is all based on the assumption that your toddler is growing well, developing normally, isn't complaining about tummy aches or having vomiting or diarrhea or constipation. And also, it's based on the assumption that your healthcare provider has no concerns about grief growth. If there is any concerns, please discuss this with your healthcare provider. But let's get back to how to encourage your child to actually feel relaxed and enjoy mealtimes. Most kids get adequate nutrition when you consider what they've eaten over the course of a week. So think about your toddler's intake week to week, not day to day or even mealtime to mealtime. Truthfully, the goal shouldn't be just to eat a certain food. The goal should be to enjoy the food. So let's start with some changes that we may need to make. The first thing is we need to shift our thinking. Instead of viewing picky eating as a problem, we've got to recognize that in the toddler years, it's a bit of a natural stage. We also have to trust our toddler's food journey, and that sends the message, I believe in you. So there's going to be days when your toddler's appetite is huge and and other days when they eat very little and seem to get by on almost nothing. This is normal as long as they're growing and developing normally. Let's look at some strategies to encourage your toddler's food comfort level combined with this enlightened mindset. There's a lot of points here, but we'll start Number one is to prioritize calm and happy meal times. Family meals are important for so many reasons. They're about enjoying each other's company and connecting and sharing. So talk about the day instead of about the food eaten or bites taken. The next thing is, I encourage you, when you feel like you can tolerate it, to let your toddler make a mess. Toddlers eat with all of their senses, so touching and squishing food are powerful lessons about the food and the texture, and it boosts food confidence. Studies have shown that kids are more willing to try different foods when they've been allowed to explore the food with their hands. Now, you're not going to always feel like letting your kid make a mess, and that's really okay. Just allow it when you can manage it, because we know in the end it's a good thing. Next comes repetition, just like reading the same book over and over helps kids make sense of it. Well, the same thing goes for new foods. Young children will often touch or smell new foods and they might even put a tiny bit in their mouth and then take it out again and it may take many repeated exposures to a new food before your child's willing to even try it. The next point is to talk about food color, shape, aroma and texture as opposed to it's good for you or you're going to get sick if you don't eat it or you need it for your eyesight. Also offer new foods along with your child's favorites or what we also call a safe food. And I'd also suggest offer healthy choices until they become so familiar and actually preferred. It's great idea if you can involve your toddler in the food prep. Toddlers can do so much more than you think, so ask them to help you with shopping and cleaning and preparing foods. It's also a good idea to stick to a routine and offer healthy snacks between meals. And that way, if your child doesn't eat well at a mealtime, well, they've got a healthy snack coming in a few hours. This next point is often overlooked, but it's a really important one and that is be a good example. Toddlers learn so much about foods just from watching you at mealtimes, so eat the foods you want your child to eat. Next comes no distractions, and this is a hard one for many families. But if possible, I would say goodbye to using television or iPads at mealtimes. And as a distraction, they may in the short term seem like they're helping you, but in the long term they distract kids from actually focusing on the food and they also distract from a family meal time. The next thing I would focus on is to downplay dessert. You could even serve a small dessert along with the dinner. Most kids will eat the dessert, but then they also eat more of the meal. You don't have to do that if it makes you uncomfortable, but it is one strategy that can be helpful. I want to talk a little bit about scripts for picky eaters. If your kid says something like ew, that's gross. And your toddler refuses a certain food, you could say something just simple like, that's okay, maybe you'll try it next time. Or you could say, you can eat it when you're ready. Or if your child says, I don't want that, you can simply remind your child to say, no thank you, Mom. It's also a good idea to talk about if your child says they're full, than to say, that's good. You listen to your body. That's important. You know your body the best. Or you can trust what your tummy is telling you. If your child doesn't want a particular food, then you can say there are other things on the table for you to choose if you're hungry. Or also if your child complains about a certain food, you can just give them permission. You don't have to eat it. Also, I'd mix up the brands, varieties, portion sizes and shapes. And not only that, I change up what you serve at mealtime. So for instance, try soup at breakfast and eggs at lunch. Just focus on a big variety of foods early on. Offer new foods in small portions and offer it along with a favorite. We call favorites safe foods because you know your child will eat it and it doesn't cause them anxiety. Another strategy is to offer similar foods. For instance, if your child likes mashed potatoes, try mashed sweet potato or mashed carrots. In other words, choose foods with either a similar color or similar flavor or a texture that you know your child likes. Be patient. It really does take time for a toddler to expand their diet. And remember to always provide a favorite or a safe food at each meal. Focus on relaxed and happy Meal times as the priority. I'm going to give you one tip here and that is to be careful that your child doesn't start to over drink milk to compensate for not eating enough because that has problems in itself. So please, if you're having any concerns about your child's eating or growth or complaints, please chat with your healthcare provider now. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. If you're looking for more practical and proven parenting strategies, check out our Toddler Made Easy online course. And there's also Potty Training Made Easy course. Talia, who recently took the course, said it was her best parenting purchase ever. Now if this sounds like something you're interested, the links to the courses are in the show notes. Thank you again for joining me and I wish you all the best. Sa.