Celebrating the 100th Episode: My Life, My Lessons

Welcome to Toddlers made easy. I'm Dr. Catherine and this is the hundredth episode and I wanted to do something a little differently. Today I'm going to share some of the game changing moments in my life that have contributed to my point of view on big hearted parenting. Now, the first story, unfortunately, is profoundly sad, so please skip the first few minutes if you'd rather not go there. I completely understand, but I decided to include this part of my life today because I'm sure I'm not the only parent who has experienced a huge loss. And typically we suffer alone. And if you're anything like me, you tuck this away and try to avoid those feelings. But I want other parents to know they're not alone and open this up for discussion. In my early 20s, after the birth of my first child, Aaron, my world basically changed overnight. It was the third day of his life and I woke up to this strange whimpering sound and I quickly realized my baby was in distress. I wasn't a medical doctor at the time. In fact, I wouldn't go to medical school for another 10 years. We raced to the emergency room, but sadly, horribly, a few hours later, my little boy passed away in the NICU at Vancouver General Hospital. And this profound loss shaped my life in ways that I couldn't have imagined. And while I have much to share about grief and healing, I'm going to save that for another time. I was really worried about sharing this story with you as I thought it might be too uncomfortable, too uncomfortable for you and for me. But I've learned so much from this loss and it's helped me keep things in perspective even decades later. Now let's focus on the joy that followed. Within a year, my son Benjamin was born. And understandably, I was a really anxious new mom. But I had an incredibly patient and understanding pediatrician who supported me through those early days and weeks and months, and I hate to say it, years. And this experience deeply influenced my approach as a pediatrician, where I have always had a super soft spot for anxious parents. When Benjamin was about 2 1/2 years old, I made the decision to attend midwifery school. You see, my firstborn's distress had gone unnoticed. And although his congenital heart defect meant his outcome wouldn't have changed, I wanted to ensure other mothers wouldn't face a similar nightmare. My goal was to be there for families, offering the support and solid care that might make a difference in these critical moments. But the only midwifery school at the time, I'm talking close to 40 years ago, that I could find was in El Paso, Texas. And boy, do I have a lot of stories about that experience. Like when we woke up in the morning of our very first day there to find everything we owned stolen. Now fast forward to the end of the program, and after I completed midwifery school, I decided I didn't like having to call on somebody to come and handle the complications. I wanted to be the person that was called. I wanted that responsibility, and I wanted to play that role in emergency situations. So I decided to try and get into medical school with a plan to specialize in obstetrics. Around this time, I became a single mom, because losing a child can really pull families apart. And that's exactly what happened to me. I spent the next five years in pre med and med school, and that means I was a single mom in medical school, which, again, I have a lot of stories to share about that. But let me just say, being a single parent was incredibly challenging. But I had amazing support, and that was the only way I was able to get through and succeed in this period of my life. But my hat's off to all you single parents. In retrospect, I can say that while it was really a difficult time in my life, my relationship with my son is so close. I met my husband in my first months of pediatric residency. That's the time that follows medical school. As I mentioned earlier, I had fully intended to go into obstetrics, but after my first rotation in the nicu, I fell in love with pediatrics and pivoted. And that has been the best decision I made. I trained at the hospital for sick children, and in those days, you were assigned one month at an adult hospital. And that's where I met my husband. We had three children within about four years. And so at one point, we basically had three toddlers at once. Oh, those were crazy busy years. And there's so many moments my husband and I look back and really laugh. For instance, my son's big, huge tantrum. We were on holiday in Naples, Florida, taking a really badly needed break. We'd spent a beautiful day at the beach, and the kids lasted longer than usual. It took a really long time to get them loaded into the car. You know, we had to wash everybody off, and we had to gather the toys and wash the toys off. So it was almost an hour by the time we had made it into the car and were on the road. We were so tired, we decided, let's just go out for dinner. So we picked a restaurant where we knew the food would come quickly. And it did. It was a lovely restaurant, and you sat outside, and we were having a lovely meal, and everybody was giggling when my husband innocently reached across the table and asked Max if he could have a chip. And before you say anything, yes, I'm a pediatrician who occasionally gave their kids junk food. But anyways, Max completely lost it. He burst into tears. He took his left arm and. And he swept his arm across the table with the food falling on the ground. At this point, I just picked Max up, and I walked to somewhere a little private. I couldn't find any real privacy. And I could still see people were stretching their neck, trying to see what happened. But Max was a really passionate child. And I learned the only way through this was just to hold him and let him have a good cry. And that's what happened. And when he was starting to slow down with the crying, I said to him, boy, were you angry that dad took a chip. I knew this was not the time for a lesson or a lecture. And Max said, yes, I was. And he took my hand and we walked back to the table. And I'm sharing this story because the most amazing thing happened at this point. People in the restaurant started clapping and. And giving Max high fives as we were walking back to the table and saying things like, boy, I don't like it when people take things off my plate either. It was the best reaction you could ask for. Now, the story doesn't end there. A few days later, I did have a little chat with Max, and we talked about other ways of handling frustration, and we practiced it a few times. But I also had lessons to learn. I learned that when my kids are that tired, perhaps going out to a restaurant is not the best decision. It seems kind of obvious now, but I wanted to share that story with you because if myself as a pediatrician have to face those kinds of tantrums, then I don't want you feeling bad for the tantrums you encounter in your life. Now, I'm going to finish off with one more story, and this one really, it's just a funny story. It really doesn't contribute to my point of view, but I wanted to share it with you. So this is when I was in my final year of residency and I was doing a adolescent medicine subspecialty, and I had a few medical students under me that day that I was teaching, and I had to teach them how to do a urine pregnancy test. In those days, you didn't just stick a stick in the urine. There were a few steps to do, nobody would agree to give me a sample of urine that we could test. So I went and collected some urine and showed them how to do a pregnancy test and that's how and when I discovered I was pregnant with my next child. Anyhow, those are my stories for today, but I would love to know more about you, so please send me a DM over on Instagram healthiestbaby and share a little bit about yourself. I'd love to get to know you better. That's it for this week. Have a wonderful week and happy parenting. We'll be back to the old format next week. It.