From Food Fights to Dessert Drama — Solved!

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Liberty, liberty, liberty. Welcome back to Toddlers Made Easy, the no-fluff podcast that gets right to the point. Because let's be honest, your toddler isn't giving you 45 minutes of quiet time to figure this stuff out. I'm Dr. Cathryn Tobin, pediatrician, mom of 4, and I've been referred to as the go-to expert for making the toddler years feel a whole lot easier. Today's episode is a little different and it's super special. Every single question I'm answering today came straight from parents like you. These are real struggles from real families trying to make mealtimes a little less stressful and chaotic. So if you've ever thought something like, should I end the meal if my toddler throws food? Is it bad to give dessert with dinner? What do I do if my kid only eats at daycare? Well, then you're in the right place. Let's get into this now. So the first question is a very common one. What should I do if my toddler throws food? In fact, this is one of the most common mealtime questions I get. It's so hard to stay calm when dinner ends up on the floor. In fact, just yesterday I had this conversation with my daughter about this situation. Here's what I would recommend. Keep your response cool and calm. Don't lecture, don't have a big reaction. Just say, food stays on the table. If you're done, that's okay. If your child keeps throwing food, it suggests she's full and it's time to end the meal calmly. So I'd say something like, looks like your tummy must be full. Let's go read a book. No punishment, no yelling, just a warm boundary that teaches throwing food means the meal is done. And here's a wonderful tool that I just love, and it's the no thank you bowl. And it's a small bowl on the table where your child can place food he or she doesn't want. It gives them a sense of control without all those flying peas. My granddaughter who just turned 2 years old has a no thank you bowl, and I just love watching how she uses it without prompting. The next question is, should I give my toddler dessert with dinner? Now, this one might surprise you because we're all raised on the idea of you have to finish dinner to get dessert. But here's the thing. When we dangle dessert like a prize, we teach kids that veggies are the job and sweets are the reward. So instead, if you're interested, try this. Offer a small portion of dessert with the meal. Yes, at the same time, some kids will eat the dessert first and move on and actually eat more food at their meal, and others will just fixate on the dessert. So you know your child best. If you think this is a good fit or something to try, give it a try. But if your child only eats the treat and nothing else, then this strategy is not a good fit and I wouldn't keep trying it. But the idea here, whether you enter dessert with your meal or not, is don't make dessert the prize. All foods should be neutral. No pressure to eat one food in order to get another. The next question is about screen time. This mom asked, is it okay to use screens during meals? It's the only way I can get my child to eat. And here's the honest answer. If your toddler watches a show during dinner or breakfast or lunch, you're not a bad parent. You're probably just tired and trying to keep the peace. And you might have found that your child seems to eat more when she's distracted. But here's why it might be worth rethinking this habit. Toddlers learn about eating by watching you and their siblings eat. And when a screen is on, that learning gets interrupted. And they're also not developing a healthy relationship with food when they're focused on the screen and not the meal. So what should you do? Well, you've got two options. You can go cold turkey, shut off the screen today, warn the family there's going to be a few rough days. And sometimes that approach, the cold turkey approach, is easier because it sends a very clear message. But if you think your child would do better with a weaning it out approach, you can start with one screen-free meal a day. And listen, if this is not the day to tackle this, that's really okay. Parenting isn't about doing everything perfectly. It's about doing what you can when you can. So please don't be so hard on yourself. The next question is, why does my child eat everything at daycare but barely eats at home? And believe it or not, this is a common question. At daycare, everything is predictable. There's a schedule. Other kids are also eating. There's no snacks 5 minutes before lunch. While as at home, your toddler's decompressing. They're tired. And they feel safe enough to let it all out. So if dinner is a disaster, but they ate like a champ earlier, that's not a failure. It's a sign that home feels safe, your child is tired, and they may not be hungry after what they ate at daycare. Now let's move on to the next question. What should I do if my child refuses dinner, but wants a snack an hour later? I bet that one sounds familiar because it's a classic toddler issue. You offer dinner, your toddler refuses it, you clean up, and suddenly they're so hungry. Well, you've got a few options, and the first one is something I think is a great idea, and that is you offer the saved dinner as the snack 1 hour later. Here's what we had for dinner. You can eat it if you're still hungry. Now, if bedtime snacks are a part of your cultural routine or part of your evening routine, that's okay too. You can go ahead and give them the routine, usual evening snack. Just keep it simple and healthy. But here's some general guidelines. Don't cook a second dinner and don't turn mealtimes into negotiations. One mom asked me, and I thought this was a great question, can my child eat too much fruit? Well, toddlers often get hooked on one food and we call these food jags. It's completely normal. But yes, if your child is having diarrhea or frequent loose stools, ease up a little bit and offer some more variety. The next question is something I'm sure you can relate to. How long should my toddler sit at the table and what if they want to leave? Well, toddlers aren't built to sit for long. This is a point I'm always making. 10 to 15 minutes is probably a good goal, but I've heard people use this formula: 2 to 5 minutes per year of age is a realistic expectation. But truthfully, I think the answer really is more dependent on a child's age their temperament, and your family mealtime routines. Make sure that your child has a chair that gives proper support. Their feet should be flat, their back supported. And one way to think about it is just imagine you're sitting on a bar stool and how hard it is to sit still for any period of time without somewhere to support your feet and back. Let your child get their wiggles out before mealtime. A little dance party, a race, jumping jacks. These can all help your child stay at the table for longer stretches. And what if they do get up mid-meal? Well, how you respond is a personal choice and it's a personal boundary, but I do recommend saying one thing. If you're done eating, you can leave the table, but eating happens at the table. So there's no running around with food because this is a choking risk and it makes meals feel chaotic and it should be discouraged. Now, if this episode answered one of your questions or gave you a little sigh of relief, please share it with a friend or leave a review so more parents can find this kind of support. And if you want more scripts, tools, and step-by-step help, come join me inside of our brand new Big Hearted School of Parenting. This is a membership where you'll get a new mini class every month, live Q&As with me, a vault of toddler scripts and quick wins, and even a chat for parenting help on the go. Believe it or not, it's just $9 a month, and it's made for busy, big-hearted parents who want real change. In just 5 minutes a day, you'll discover more peaceful moments at home. You'll find the link for this in the show notes. Until next time, stay big-hearted.