How To Manage Bedtime Stalling and Protests

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minutes or less parenting strategies. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest Baby, and the mother of four amazing adult kids. And let's not forget Smudge My Great Big Goldendoodle. Today we're diving deep into a topic that I know resonates with so many of you and that's bedtime stalling and protests. Oh boy, all the callbacks. I need water or Just One More story. Please. If you've ever found yourself in a bedtime battle of wills with your toddler, well, you're not alone. But here's some really good news. It doesn't have to be a struggle. We're going to talk about why toddlers stall, what tactics to avoid that just don't work, and how a simple dose of empathy combined with some sturdy guidance can completely change the bedtime dynamic. So sit back or maybe lie down if it's your bedtime too. And let's get started on reclaiming those peaceful nights. Now I'm kicking off a new feature here where I'm going to share a bite sized story that's shaped my parenting and pediatrician journey. And remember, we're all in this crazy awesome journey together. So bear with me for a moment. I'm going to share a little bite sized story. When I was about eight years old, I remember a night when my parents went out leaving me and my sisters with a sitter. The moment that door clicked closed, even though I knew full well that I wasn't allowed, I snuck into my parents bedroom and I went right for the forbidden jewelry drawer. I loved that drawer and I had to touch and explore everything. I wasn't allowed to generally go and play in that area, but my parents were out. The pearls were my favorite. I picked up the longest strand of pearls I could find, which of course promptly broke, scattering pearls everywhere. I was petrified. What was I going to do? I forced myself to stay up until my parents returned and then I somehow mustered the courage to confess immediately. Now, I don't really remember the exact words my mother said, but I was really confused as she wasn't furious at me and I sort of waited for something to happen over the next few days. And when I came home one day I found this lovely box with a great big bow on it on my bed sitting on my pillow and I opened it up and there was the pearl necklace that had been restrung and given as a gift to me. And in it was a little note about how I was getting a reward not for being disobedient, but for being brave and honest. And that simple act of empathetic parenting has stayed with me ever since. And it has informed how I've parent my own kids. That pearl necklace is a cherished possession of mine, but more importantly, it was a life lesson. Okay, so let's talk about bedtime stalling. I hope you enjoyed that little story. Imagine it's 8:30 and you've snuggled up and read Goodnight Moon to your toddler already. Twice. The room is cozy, the lights are low, and you're just about to escape into your own evening when you hear, I'm thirsty. Can I have some water? Does that sound at all familiar? Before having kids, you may have imagined bedtime as this calm, peaceful, cuddly time with our kids when they just magically drift off into sleep. But the truth? For most of us, for many of us at least, it's more like a game of delay and diversion. If you've heard the I need water tactic or the one more story, please, you're in good company. So let's get into your toddler's tiny shoes for a moment. Saying goodnight means they won't see you again until the morning, and that feels like forever to a toddler. Plus, if you're off by just even a little bit of time in the bedtime routine, well, your toddler may catch a second wind from a cortisol rush, making it even harder for them to settle down. So before we get into what works, let's consider what, well, what doesn't really work. Raising your voice, offering bribes, or making threats. It just amps up all the drama. We all say things we later regret. Like if you don't go to sleep right now, there'll be no screen time for the next month or I can't deal with you anymore tonight. Just go to bed. Far from speeding things along, it turns bedtime into an even lengthier, more stressful event for everyone. So the first thing to understand is that often stalling is about missing you. Here's a kid who doesn't really understand time, and we're asking them to stay in the room, alone in their bed, in a dark room, even for what feels like forever. So what can we do to make this challenge easier on our little ones? Because bedtime does have to happen, the first step is to show your child you understand what they're going through a simple I get that you're sad. It's bedtime. Well, these words can set a completely different tone for the rest of the evening. It's much easier to manage the separation when you feel someone is taking you seriously. Now, I want to share this next sweet but really powerful strategy with you that helps so many kids with their nighttime fears and separation sadness. And that is to tap into their love to help. So let me explain what I'm talking about. During the day, introduce your child to a new stuffed animal. Let's call him Hippo. For now, explain to your child that Hippo is far away from his brothers and sisters and sometimes he feels lonely or even a bit scared. Hippo really loves hugs. So ask your child, do you think you could help Hippo feel better by taking him to bed with you at night? Maybe giving him lots of hugs, especially if you wake up during the night. This helps your child tap into his natural desire to help others. And it allows him to focus on something besides from his own misery. This lovely hack, it really works well. It helps kids stay asleep and it helps them stay in bed, even in the middle of the night. So encourage your child to give Hippo hugs during the day. And then ask your child to tuck Hippo in at bedtime. Maybe use a little face cloth as a blanket. And encourage a short bedtime routine that's designed just for Hippo. And then after your goodnight kisses with your child, remind your little one to hug Hippo if he wakes up in the night. And this sweet little hack makes a huge difference in bedtime stalling. It helps kids also stay in bed and sleep better throughout the night. But there's one thing I need to mention before we finish off, and that is just like I emphasize in my course, when your kiddo asks to read their bedtime book again and again, that's your cue to set a loving limit. By saying something like, we can read two stories and then it's time to sleep, you help your child feel safe and secure, which is exactly what they need to drift off peacefully. So there you have it. Your child doesn't really need the extra book. He needs you to be the sturdy leader. That's what makes him feel safe. Now, by approaching bedtime stalling with big hearted but sturdy leadership, you can turn those tricky nights around. So in closing, remember that your toddler isn't trying to make bedtime difficult. They're simply grappling with big emotions that they don't yet fully understand. And the key is to approach these moments with a mix of empathy and sturdy guidance. This big hearted strategy not only helps your child feel seen and secure, but it also transforms bedtime from a high stress battle into a peaceful winding down ritual. And over time, this sets the stage for good sleep habits and a more harmonious home life. So take a deep breath, give your little one a loving squeeze and anticipate peaceful bedtimes. What I want you to take from today's chat is that seeing bedtime challenges from your child's perspective will help you give him or her exactly what's needed. Please try this bedtime hack with a hippo or any stuffed animal and send me a DM over on Instagram ealthiestbaby and let me know how it's working for you. I'm absolutely thrilled to provide you with more resources that can make your parenting journey easier, especially during the toddler years. If you found today's podcast on Ending Bedtime Stalling helpful, well, you're going to love our Toddler Made Easy online course. It's packed with practical, big hearted advice on everything from potty training, Sibley rivalry, picky eating, tantrums, and so much more. To get your hands on this game changing course, simply click the link in the show notes. Trust me, you won't want to miss out on this guide. It's a game changer for any parent navigating the toddler stage. And while you're there, don't forget to subscribe to our podcast for more authentic, empathetic parenting tips delivered straight to your ears. Thank you for listening and here's to more peaceful nights ahead. Happy parenting and remember, we're in this together. I'll see you next week. Ra.