Listening Made Easy

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minutes or less parenting Strategies for those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest Baby, and the mother of four amazing adult kids. And let's not forget Smudge My Great Big Goldendoodle. Today we're going to talk about an issue that I hear about daily from the families that I work with. Just yesterday, Marlene shared her annoyance. I asked Shelly to put on her shoes so we could leave for the grocery store. Instead, she bolted for the toy room giggling, completely ignoring my request. Matt said at dinner time I repeatedly told my 4 year old to stop throwing peas to but he just laughed and threw another one, hitting the dog. And Gina told me during bath time, I asked my son to sit down in the bathtub for safety reasons and he looked right at me. And then he continued to stand, splashing water everywhere. As you can probably tell, we're talking about not listening and today I'm going to share some strategies that will inspire better listening without turning you into a pushover. Parenting can often feel like a never ending to do list. From prepping meals and cleaning up spills to juggling work commitments and personal self care in the hustle and bustle, it's tempting to adopt a businesslike manner with your toddler doling out commands and expecting immediate obedience. But what if there was a better way? A way to not only get your toddler to listen, but also nurture their emotional intelligence along the way. Now, before we dive into some big hearted approaches that actually work, let's step back and consider why little kids may not be listening to you in the first place. It's completely normal for toddlers to ignore instructions. These pint sized little explorers are experiencing a whirlwind of changes. They're learning to walk and talk and discover the world around them. Now, when toddlers realize they have preferences and that they can make choices, their desire for independence actually goes a little wild. If they don't get the chance to exercise their independence, let's say by choosing their outfit or deciding which bedtime story to read, well, they might channel their frustration into rebellious acts like ignoring your instructions. So understanding the developmental context can make this behavior less frustrating. But it's not the entire solution. Before we get into the actionable tips, let's talk about your own triggers for a moment. When your child doesn't listen, it can evoke powerful feelings. Recognizing your own emotional triggers can help you maintain your composure. One useful trick is the power pause. I call this the power Pause method. In the heat of the moment, pause and take a deep breath. Count to four as you inhale and eight as you exhale. Ground yourself before engaging with your toddler. In other words, say nothing until you feel calm. Okay, so now let's talk about how to make toddler listening easier. You've taken the power pause, you've let your nervous system calm down, and now you're ready to say or do things to help your child. Listen up. How you ask your child to give up something fun for something they may have no interest in doing is key. Recognizing that it's tough to pause a fun activity, let's say to go fetch a sibling from school. Well, this can greatly improve your child's willingness to cooperate. For instance, you could say, I know it's really fun playing with your blocks right now, but it's time to go get your brother from school. Do you want to put your shoes on yourself or should I help? Or here's another example. I see you're really into your coloring right now, and I know it's really hard to stop when you're having fun. Would you like to bring a few crayons and a coloring book with us to pick up your sister? Or would you rather just finish your drawing when we get home? You could also say, I get it, you're having a blast on this swing, but we have to go grocery shopping now. Do you want to help pick out the snacks or would you like to push the cart? You see, by recognizing your toddler's feelings, you're helping them to feel seen. And when we feel seen, we feel understood and valued, which makes it a whole lot easier to get on board with what's being asked of them. However, because before you issue any directives, make sure you're tuned into your child. Get down to their eye level, make eye contact, and use a calm voice. For example, say, I see you're really enjoying building that tower, but sweetheart, it's time to go have lunch now. Would you like to help set the table? Also, simplify your language. Toddlers may not have a vast vocabulary or a long attention Spanish. Keep your instructions simple, straightforward, and actionable. Another tool that's very simple but effective is to sprinkle choices throughout the day to empower and engage their need for control. Offer two acceptable options. So instead of saying, put on your jacket, you could say, would you like to wear your red jacket or your blue one. But not everything has to be a choice. Too many choices can actually be stressful and especially when your kids are tired. So use your judgment on how much is the right amount for your child. Also, remember to praise your toddler when they listen. Be specific and genuine. Say something like, oh, I really appreciate how quickly you put your toys away. Just that's all. The next point is something that is not one that comes intuitively. But when we stop viewing our kids as the problem and instead look at the dilemma as the problem, well, then we can solve things differently. For instance, you're working so hard on that puzzle and I can see that you don't want to stop it, but Corey has an appointment at the vet and we need to get him into the car so we can go. How can we solve this problem? Early on, your child may not be able to answer that question, and you may need to give them some prompts to help them. Like you could say, how about you carry Corey to the car so he doesn't feel scared? I'll put the puzzle on the kitchen table so you can finish it when we get back. Lastly, a really effective way to solve virtually any difficult kid moment is to turn the moment into play. So turn chores into games or races or pretend play or sing songs, and that makes a task much more engaging and fun. For instance, when it's time to clean up, ask your child to put away all the green toys. Or tell them that only tigers can put the toys away in five seconds. Let's see how many you can put away in five seconds. So to finish up, parenting doesn't have to be a series of power struggles and meltdowns. By understanding your toddler's developmental stage and acknowledging their feelings and using respectful language and strategies, you can foster a more cooperative and harmonious family environment. Are you ready to turn those tough toddler moments into opportunities for growth and connection? We'll dive into our Toddlers Made Easy online course. There's no fluff, just real, actionable strategies to help you raise kids who are not just well behaved, but also kind, generous, and emotionally balanced. Trust me, you'll want to bookmark this. Check it out in the show notes because the journey to easier and happier parenting starts now with Toddler Made Easy. You're not just buying a product. You're investing in a happier, calmer, and more fulfilling family life. That's it for now. Happy parenting and I'll see you soon. It.