Make Potty Training Easier: What To Do Before You Begin

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Welcome back to Toddlers Made Easy. Today we're kicking off a two-part series on potty training, but we're not going to talk about pull-ups versus underwear. We're not talking about rewards, timers, or the perfect age to begin. We're going to start with the part most people completely skip. And what we're going to talk about is you. Because here's what I've learned after helping hundreds and thousands, actually, of families over the last 40 years. Potty training isn't just about whether your toddler is ready. Your readiness matters too. When you feel prepared, you respond to potty challenges instead of react to them. And when you know your triggers ahead of time, you can plan for them and deal with them. This will keep progress moving forward. So in this episode, we're focusing entirely on you, your readiness, your triggers, and the simple practical steps that set you and your child up for success. So let's dive right in. I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself a few questions. Am I in a place right now where I can keep my cool when things get messy? Is this a particularly busy or stressful season for me? Am I getting any time to myself lately? How am I sleeping? Can I handle the inevitable comments from family or friends without feeling attacked? Do I tend to compare myself to other parents, driving myself maybe a little bit crazy because my friend's child potty trained in one day? If you're running on fumes, if you're juggling 3 kids and a demanding project at work, if every relative has an opinion about what you should be doing, and you can't stop scrolling Instagram looking at all those perfect families? Well, think of this: potty training can be tough. You need composure when there's pee on the floor, flexibility when your plan completely falls apart, curiosity instead of frustration when your child refuses the potty for the third time today. And if your tank is on empty, that's really hard to do. It's really hard to potty train with composure. But if you fill the tank and think about your triggers before you start, you're tipping the balance in favor of success. So let me paint you a picture. It's day one. You're feeling hopeful, maybe a little nervous, but hopeful. Your toddler's in brand new underwear, perhaps the ones with dinosaurs or princess they picked out themselves. You're keeping things light, fun even, and then it happens. Your child pees right there on the living room floor, or your child holds everything in for hours because he or she just isn't sure about the whole thing. Well, what goes through your head in that moment? Are you frustrated, ready to blow? I just asked you to sit on the potty. Do you see what happens when you don't listen? Are you anxious, immediately second-guessing everything, wondering if you should go back to diapers? Now instead, imagine planning for these moments ahead of time. You've thought about what to say to keep things positive. You've planned how to keep your cool. You understand that the messes early on are part of the lessons, and when one happens, you can stay calm. That's what we're going to build today. So let's get to the really practical stuff. I'm going to give you some tools you can use in the moment to help you stay calm and carry on with composure. The first one is mantras. I love mantras, so I'm going to give you a few to help you in the heat of the moment. I'd suggest you pick one, write it down, put it on your phone, put it up on the wall around your house, and repeat it when things feel hard. So for instance, "This phase won't last forever," or "I believe in my child. He's learning to recognize the 'I need to pee' feeling." Or she's learning to recognize that feeling. I can do hard things. This is all new for both of us, and my child's doing the best he or she can, and so am I. This will get easier. These aren't just nice words. They're anchors that bring you back to feeling hopeful when you're starting to spiral. The next thing is trigger tamers, and that is if messes are triggering for you. Think ahead about what will make them easier. For instance, a cleanup basket that you can quickly grab and take with you wherever you are in the house. It would include baby wipes, hand wipes, a bottle of cleaner, a few disposable cloths, a clean t-shirt, and a bag for wet and dirty clothes, or anything else that would help you cleaning around the house. I'd suggest get cleaning products with pleasant smells. We're going to talk about how to care for your home in the next series, but just briefly here, you would cover your furniture and Rugs if you need to, and keep a mop handy. When cleanup is easy, you can stay calmer, and that matters. Your main goal right now is helping your child learn that "I need to pee" feeling. And here's the thing: accidents are part of that learning. They're not a setback, they're actually the lesson. So what matters most right now is how you respond in those moments, and a calm, simple reaction keeps training moving forward. A big reaction, even unintentionally, can make kids feel worried or unsure, and that slows things down. So try and remember, every accident is your child's brain connecting the dots, and this stage won't last forever. The next priority is to plan ahead. Keep life simple when you start potty training. Get rid of demands that distract you or make you feel rushed. Your child is learning to match the "I need to pee" feeling with getting to the potty. And if you're distracted, you can't help them make that connection. I'd suggest you do at least 1 day of full focus. If you can manage 2 to 3 days, even better. You have a choice here. You can go full focus right from the start, fully committed to helping your child make that connection between feeling and getting to the potty, or you can do it slower. Fully focus on day one and then go about life as usual, but keep working on it when you're home. Kids are smart and they can learn both ways. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. When I potty trained my kids, which is now decades and decades and decades ago, we kept them in a diaper until they made the connection about peeing and going in the potty. And then we moved ahead to underwear. So you can see things were very different then and they still worked. And I mentioned this because I want you to understand there's no one right way. There's just the right way for you. So personally, I've found that kids get the message stronger about pee and the potty when you focus on helping them for at least one day and ideally two. However, one day is enough as well. How we think about accidents guides how we respond to them. So let's take a moment to talk about how to reframe accidents. Accidents are going to happen, and really they should be called misses because these are lessons. They're not failures. Kids learn the "I need to pee" feeling by peeing and realizing they're wet and sticky. This is part of the process, and being prepared for it means you'll be able to respond in a supportive way. An accident teaches your child the early signs they need to know to get to the potty on time. So use accidents to teach your child and present them as another opportunity to try again. And the same thing goes for potty training. Here's an example of what you could say. Oops, you didn't make it to the potty. That must feel a little sticky. I bet next time you could make it to the potty and the potty's just right over there. You see, keep it light, keep it matter of fact. Now I want to give you a little pro tip here. Think twice before posting about potty training on social media. You will get swamped with opinions and they may not all help you. The next thing is to surround yourself with supportive people. People who lift you up and remind you you're doing a great job. Parenting feels so much lighter when you have voices around you that offer support, not judgment. Potty training is teamwork. So you, your partner, the daycare, the nanny, the grandparents, or anyone who shares in childcare should about your potty approach so there's consistency and a clear message. We tend to think of potty training being all about your child, but honestly, you and your child are a team and you both influence how the journey unfolds. And having clear, reliable information helps you be the cool, calm, confident teammate your child needs. Before we move on, I just want you to consider for a moment that you wouldn't punish your child when she fell when learning to walk. You'd smile, you'd comfort her, and you'd offer hope. And the same thing goes for potty training. So the last priority right now to consider is that when your tank is full, you'll be better able to manage the emotional demands of potty training without losing it. So please take a period of time and fill your emotional tank as best you can. Get sleep, get some time to yourself. Before moving on to potty training. In part 2 of this series, we're going to talk about how to prepare your child and your home. If you're gearing up to start the potty training journey, grab our 5 Must-Dos Before Starting Potty Training guide. You'll find the link in the show notes. Parents tell me that their kids were actually eager, confident, and excited to begin after using it. So keep up the good work. And I'll see you next week.