Dr. Cathryn Tobin (Toddlers Made Easy podcast) discusses managing public tantrums by normalizing children's big feelings and avoiding scolding or shaming. She emphasizes considering context (e.g., crowded vs. movable spaces), preventing tantrums by planning for hunger/tiredness, and balancing respect for others (e.g., seeking private spaces in quiet/confined settings). In a listener Q&A, Dr. Tobin advises a parent preparing a three-year-old for a new baby, a move, and a nursery change: involve the child, maintain routines, let the child help with tasks, introduce the new nursery gradually, and schedule special one-on-one time.
Hi there. It's Dr. Catherine, pediatrician and your friend. And this is the Toddlers Made Easy podcast. I'm so glad you've tuned in today because we're talking about getting comfortable with. With being uncomfortable. We're going to focus on how to manage public tantrums. I'm going to propose a different way of handling things. You're in a crowded checkout line, your cart is overflowing with items, and you've had a long day. Behind you, beside you, your toddler's getting antsy and he's touching everything. And he can't stop talking about that cereal he really wanted but didn't get. And already people are staring and whispering. Suddenly, without any warning, your toddler's face down on the dirty floor screaming, I want cereal. Eyes are turning, whispers are starting. And there you are, feeling like you're being judged by everyone behind you. You're exhausted, and you feel like you're about to throw a tantrum of your own. Well, you know, you shouldn't care what other people think, but you do. While parts of you want to disappear, you know that scolding or reasoning with your toddler, especially in his current state, isn't going to solve anything. Now, although your gut reaction is to tell your child to just cut it out or say, stop it, you're embarrassing me, you know this won't help, and it may aggravate things. The truth is, we often view public tantrums as a reflection of our parenting, which really couldn't be further from the truth. Thanks to research, we know that tantrums are a normal part of childhood development, serving as a release for overwhelming emotions. The discrepancy in how we handle these outbursts at home versus in public usually stems from our own embarrassment, feelings of judgment, and our own discomfort with big feelings. Yet if we see tantrums as natural and even healthy, why do we struggle to maintain this perspective outside of the home? Well, it boils down to our concern for others and the spaces we share with them. And also it relates to how you yourself feel about big feelings. What's your comfort level? But does our discomfort mean we should suppress our children's feelings? What if, in most public settings, we allowed our children to fully express their emotions? After all, they're not concerned with bystanders opinions, a lesson we could probably learn from them. In spaces where people can easily move away, letting a tantrum unfold naturally can be the most respectful approach for everyone, especially your child. And that's who we're really concerned about. Now, this doesn't mean ignoring the comfort of others in confined or quiet places like a restaurant, it's considered to find a more private spot. As someone sensitive to noise levels, I understand the importance of this balance. My eldest actually suffers from something called hyperacusis and this means normal everyday noises are extremely uncomfortable and even painful for him. And it's made me very aware of noise levels in day to day life. So I certainly struggle with the balance between allowing a child in public to show their emotions and respect for other people's space. Yet in most situations, embracing your child's emotions openly can be a powerful stance against societal pressure. In other words, it's taking a stand against that term Terrible twos and Normalizing Tantrums let's shift our focus from embarrassment to empowerment, allowing our children to navigate their feelings freely, whether at home or in public. And by doing so, we normalize tantrums, fostering a greater tolerance for big feelings. It's time for a different approach now. We've just mentioned how to deal with the tantrum in the moment, but I want to remind you that prevention is also key. Tantrums stem from being hungry or tired or bored, so planning outings with your child's needs in mind, including snacks and activities, can really help you avoid potential tantrums. Before we go, I just want to.
Answer a question from a lovely mom with a three year old and a.
New baby on the way. Hi Dr. Catherine, I love following your page.
It's really helpful and informative and non judgy.
I was wondering if you could give me some advice.
We have a three year old girl.
And I'm about to give birth in about three weeks.
This is a huge change for my daughter, but I do think she's very excited and will take really well to.
Being a big sister.
She already seems so proud and engaged.
The issue is that we're also moving.
The house about a month after the baby is due and this timing wasn't planned unfortunately. And with this also comes a new nursery school. We aren't going to enroll her in the new nursery until September, so we'll have a few months before that adjustment has to happen. I think this change in nurseries is going to be the hardest part for her as she's been in the same daycare for the last two and a half years. Do you have any advice on how to make these changes as smooth as possible? Her whole little world is going to change and the mom guilt is awful. I just want everything to be okay for her. Corinne so hi Corinne. First of all, congratulations on the upcoming arrival of your new baby and the.
Move to your new home too.
These are exciting times, but I understand they can also be really overwhelming, especially when you're thinking about how your little one is going to adjust. It sounds like your daughter's already showing signs of excitement about becoming a big.
Sister and that's great way to start.
Often we think we know how our child will react to a situation, but kids are full of surprises. Often when a family came to me, they said, oh, Matthew's going to be really bad with this needle. And it turned out he was great and his sibling who was supposed to be the easy one, was the hard one. So don't make assumptions about your kids, don't and how they're going to respond. Assume your child is strong and capable and no guilt is needed. Nonetheless, here are a few suggestions to help make the transition as smooth as possible. First of all, involve your daughter and let her know what's coming up. This includes the new baby, the move and eventually the nursery. The more she knows, the less scary it will be, although you don't need to prep for the nursery until it's around the corner. 2. Maintain your routines as much as possible, try to keep your little girl's daily routines the same. This consistency can be extremely comforting amidst all the changes.
3.
Let your little girl help. Whether it's helping to pack her toys for the move or picking out clothes for the baby, involving her can make her feel important, important and included. In terms of the last point, a gradual introduction to the new nursery would be best. If possible, try to visit the new nursery a few times before she starts. Meet the teachers. Seeing the environment can help ease the transition when September comes around.
Also, a very important point is to.
Set up some special one on one time with your daughter amidst all these changes. This can reassure her that she's still very important and loved. And it doesn't even need to be you, the mom who spends this special time with your daughter. But the bottom line is there is no need for guilt. You're a big hearted parent who is thinking about your child and she'll feel and benefit from your dedication and support. Now if you're interested in learning more about managing tantrums gracefully, join our free 28 minute masterclass. This training is designed to help you manage tantrums with calm and composure, clearly a good thing for both you and your child. You can sign up with the link in the show notes. In fact, share the link with any friends you think might benefit from it as well, it's 100% free. Have a lovely week, everyone, and happy parenting.
