No More Picky Eaters

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Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, the no-fluff, bite-sized podcast about turning all those tricky toddler moments around quickly using big-hearted parenting strategies. Turns out you don't have to be a perfect parent to raise an awesome kid. Today we're going to talk about a problem that causes so many families grief. We're going to talk about picky eating habits and how to avoid them. Primarily, we're going to focus on how to prevent toddlers from developing fussy eating habits. However, interestingly enough, the way to prevent these stubborn eating habits is very similar to the way that you manage the problem. Toddlers are learning how to explore their world, how to talk, and to make some of their own choices. They don't have very much control over very many things, but eating is one area they start to have a say in. But as you may already have discovered, you can't really make your child eat, just like you can't make a youngster go pee on the potty. So when a toddler discovers something they can control, such as deciding what to eat, they can really dig in. And a normal developmental moment can become a stressful, sticky habit that's truly hard to break. But this is the good news. This is your opportunity to break the most common knee-jerk reaction to this picky stage and become a real true cycle breaker. Imagine this: during dinner, 3-year-old Ava refuses to eat anything green on her plate. She pushes her vegetables to the side and demands macaroni and cheese, even though her mom makes all her food look so cute and she even puts sprinkles on all the vegetables. Many 2-year-olds show their growing independence by being picky with foods. If they don't like it, they're simply not going to eat it. Leo, a 2-year-old, decided he only wanted to eat chicken nuggets most days. Last week, the only food Leo would eat was pizza. His parents are struggling to get him to try other foods, and they're really worried about his nutritional intake as he rejects anything that isn't his favorite food of the week. Let's talk about how to avoid the fussy food loop. How you respond to this natural picky stage that can occur around 2 years of age can really influence whether pickiness becomes entrenched or it fizzles out. In other words, I'm going to show you how to do what I call the picky pivot. Now, this isn't about blaming parents for a child's eating habits, as there are other contributing factors. There are sensory issues and temperament issues and other family member influences. And studies even suggest that genetics play a role in fussy eating. However, this also is the opportunity we have to influence how things progress. It's really tough when kids refuse to eat their meals, and often we feel like we're stuck between two tough choices: watching our kids not eat enough or resorting to making the same simple meals like mac and cheese just to see them eat something. And this can leave you feeling pretty helpless, but it's important to know that this isn't your fault. You've never been shown other ways to handle these mealtime struggles, and that's what I want to talk about today. Picky eating might just be a phase, but you have the power to influence how long it lasts and how challenging it becomes, up to a point. Now, every child is different. There are kids who are naturally eager and enthusiastic eaters, and these kids, they really enjoy food and they eat willingly, and they're happy to explore new and different foods, and they tend to have really nice big appetites. And then there are the careful or the fussy eaters, and they have smaller appetites, they're more cautious about what they eat, and they're easily upset by taste. And textures. And lastly are the kids who fall somewhere in between. Probably most kids fall into this category. Sometimes they love everything and other times they're more cautious. Well, let's do our usual looking at things from a developmental perspective, because that will help you to know what to expect at each stage. So babies, and we're going to call babies, say, 0 to 2 years. Well, most babies, though not all, are really open to trying different kinds of foods and textures. They usually have big appetites and are eager to eat, and this is a great opportunity to introduce a wide variety of foods to your child. There's a window of opportunity right here to really expose your child to different foods and textures. Now, toddlers between ages of 2 to 5 years, well, this is that super resistant stage that kids go through. Their growth slows down a bit as their minds are developing very rapidly, and this can make them eat in unpredictable ways and even become resistant to trying new foods. One day they may love a food, and the next day they hate it. Also, kids become more aware of the food around them, like when they see sweets, they may ask for them. A key insight at the heart of what I call the picky pivot, or the way to avoid getting stuck into picky eating habits is understanding that picky eating, it's not really a problem to be fixed. It's a stage for many toddlers. Much like we develop strategies and tools to help our kids handle separation anxiety, we can also equip ourselves to manage this phase of their eating habits effectively. When we use a big-hearted interpretation, we hang back and we look at the situation from a toddler's point of view. But before we do that, I'd like to take a moment and let's look first at the parent's point of view, then at the child's. So from the parent's point of view, during dinner, Emma, who's 3 years old, sits at the table with a frown. Her plate is filled with a variety of colors and textures, grilled chicken, steamed broccoli, and a small scoop of mashed potato. Emma is poking at the broccoli with her fork and making faces. And then she pushes the plate away slightly. She picks at the chicken but immediately asks for a bowl of cereal. Well, her parents are really feeling frustrated, but they're also worried. They think she's going to get sick if she doesn't eat a more balanced diet soon. But from the child's perspective, Emma looks at her plate and she sees the green broccoli. She remembers the last time she tried it, she didn't really like it. The chicken looks a little bit better, but it's not as yummy as cereal. She wishes she could have something sweet and simple to eat instead. Emma's upset because she knows her mom wants her to eat the green stuff, and she wants to make her mom happy, but she doesn't want to eat the broccoli. When we consider our kids as smart and capable and we trust their instincts, we send the message that we inherently trust our kids and their ability to eat well. When we don't trust our kids, we end up pressuring them, nagging them, begging them, and bargaining to try to get them to eat. Unfortunately, this tends to lead to more resistance and less intake, and the cycle just continues. Now, when we pressure our kids to eat, they may end up eating the broccoli, but at the same time, they may resent you for forcing them to eat something they don't like. And remember, picky eating is a stage, just like separation anxiety is a stage. There's an actual process for learning to like foods that kids go through. It involves seeing the food, touching it, not eating it, seeing it, tasting it, not eating it, seeing it again, and trying it and eating it. Just like we now think in terms of potty learning, where we create an environment that empowers a child to use the potty. We trust that with the right encouragement, a child will learn to use the potty and feel proud of themselves. And this is where we're teaching a child to listen to their body. Well, food learning is the same and should be child-led. To do this, you have to really trust and have confidence in your child. And I'm not talking about kids eating when they feel like it. 'Cause meals should be structured, but I'm talking in being patient and positive and believing your child will develop good eating habits with time. Another priority is to pay attention to how we communicate about food. And I want to give you an example of some ways that are not effective and some ways that are more effective. So let's start off with one way that is not effective. So let's say the child says, "Hey mom, can we buy bananas?" And the mom says, "You don't like bananas. It's a waste of money." Well, kids start to like new foods when we keep offering them gently without making a big deal about whether or not they eat it. It might take a little time, but often kids surprise us by trying something new when we least expect it. However, if you tell your child you don't like bananas, odds are they're not going to like bananas. Here's a better way of approaching things. Your child says, "Ew, this is gross," when you put down her dinner. Well, as a mom, a good way to respond is, "That's okay. Everyone's different, but you can just say no thank you next time." Or the child says, "I'm not eating this. It's yucky." The mom says, "That's okay. Everyone is different. You can just say no thank you next time." Let's take a moment and just look at the difference between how to encourage your child to eat something and how to do this without pressuring them. So this is an example of pressuring your child. If you don't eat this, then there's no dessert. Versus, this looks yummy, here you go. That's encouraging. Here's another example. If you want to take out the potatoes, you can do that before tasting it. Or you could say, "You can try licking it before eating it if you want." Let's look at one more topic before finishing up. Should you be a short order cook? Though there are many problems with this, although it's completely understandable why it happens, but when you become a short order cook, you would inadvertently teach your kids you don't need to learn to eat your meals. It turns out that being a short order cook actually exacerbates the problem. So what's the takeaway today? Picky eating in the toddler age group is normal, and a no-pressure, empowering mindset will help your child the most. This isn't necessarily easy, and change won't happen quickly, but they will come with time. I want to add in a little something here. I find with many kids, if they are being picky with their eating and showing you they need a little bit more control in their lives, Make sure at other times you're giving them choices. And again, this or that choice is, is best. Now, before we sign off, as a pediatrician, I just need to add in a few points about some red flags for you to keep an eye on, because while picky eating is generally not a reflection of a health or developmental problem, occasionally it is. So please have a chat with your healthcare provider if any of these issues are present, such as if your child is having a poor weight gain and falling off the growth curve, if there's coughing and choking during most meals, if your child is a big vomiter and seems to vomit intermittently but frequently, if your child constantly complains of abdominal pain, if your child is very sensitive to clothing labels and noises and textures. If there are developmental delays, if your child is having some sleep apnea, and really you should talk to your child's healthcare provider about your concerns with the picky eating habits. That's what we're there for. Turns out you don't have to be a perfect parent to raise an awesome kid, but here's the real secret. You need to know how to reframe challenging moments Set boundaries and nurture your child's unique spirit, even on those days that are fueled by coffee and Goldfish crackers. If this resonates with you, check out our Toddlers Made Easy course. You'll find the link to it in the show notes. It's for parents of children aged 1 to 6 years. Have a great week everyone, and happy parenting.