Play Is Serious Business!

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minutes or less parenting strategies. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest Baby, and the mother of four amazing adult kids. And let's not forget Smudge my great big goldendoodle. Today's episode is a playful dive into play. Play. It's not just for fun. When it comes to kids, it's essential nutrition for growing minds and hearts. It's easy to brush off play as just play, just something frivolous. After all, it's just fun and games, right? But here's the thing. Play is a child's superfood. Yeah. Just like those nutrient packed foods we carefully choose for our own health. Well, play is the vital ingredient for a toddler's developing brain and blooming personality. Play isn't just about having fun. It's actually a really big deal for your little one's growth. It helps them learn how to think and solve problems and talk and understand others and control their emotions, even play. Plus, it's through play that kids learn to make friends and feel loved and secure with their grown ups in their lives. It's all about setting them up with the right skills and relationships to be happy, well rounded little people. Now, as I was preparing this episode, I remembered a doll that I just adored as a child. It was called Chatty Cathy. And everybody thought that was so hilarious because I was such a shy child and Catherine is what I'm called now, but I was called Kathy as a child. So I remember this doll which was one of the very first speaking dolls. You actually had to pull a string in Chatty Cathy's back and she would say one of 18 things. The funny thing about all of this is I think my parents thought it might help me to talk more somehow or other. But actually what ended up happening was everybody was so fascinated with this talking doll that I never had to speak. If somebody asked me something, I'd pull Chatty Cathy string and she would speak for me. Anyhow, I was just remembering that as I was writing this episode. Let's get back to it. So here's the thing. We can't measure play's benefit with a ruler or we can't track its progress in a report card. And because of that, its profound influence often goes unnoticed. But today, we're going to shine a light on the true value of Play. Now, when children play, they're doing more than burning off energy. They're learning to manage their emotions, they're building relationships, they're problem solving, and they're experimenting with the world. They practice sharing, leading, following, and even how to negotiate through play. Play is the first step towards emotional intelligence, problem solving skills and and even academic learning. Play based learning. It's not just a catchy phrase. It's a bridge to understanding complex concepts in a language that kids speak fluently. The language of imagination. Now, you might be wondering, do I need to play with my kids all the time? It's a common question, and I find it's really soaked in love. But there's also exhaustion and annoyance and adoration. Regardless of the answer, everybody is different. You may enjoy playing with your kids and this discussion may seem goofy, but on the flip side, you may be overextended or just you might not enjoy playing with your kids. Not everybody does. And that's okay. And honestly, you don't need to play with them endlessly and you don't need to feel guilty about it. You can provide the connection your child is looking for in other ways. For instance, get them involved in household tasks. Ask your toddler to help toss the salad, or sweep the floor, or match the socks. This fills the feeling loved and valuable quota. There's endless value in independent play as well. Self reliance, confidence and curiosity bloom when a child plays on their own. Here are a few ways to encourage your child to explore on their own. Number one, if you have a child who just always demands that you play with them, start slowly. Don't let the goal of having your child play independently become a power struggle. Start by being nearby without being involved. Next, don't hover. Just think about how it feels when you're working on something and someone is looking over your back. It's distracting, it's uncomfortable, and it's a little irritating. I'd also avoid interjecting or correcting your child when we do that. We are essentially teaching our kids to need us while they play. If we're always correcting them, they think, oh, I need my mom to tell me how to do this correctly. Also, we're teaching them not to trust themselves, which I'm sure is not your goal. So watch your kids so you know what they're interested in, and then provide play activities that include their special interest. You know, all those things you tell your kids not to do. We'll provide them with kid friendly versions of these things. For instance, maybe they love playing with pots and pans. So give them some old pots and pans and empty containers to mess around with. Lastly, creating a place that is baby proof or toddler proof and safe will allow your child to play freely without constant interruptions. In my family, we used to call this our yay place when my kids were little. Now, navigating the aisles of toy stores can leave any parent wondering if these high priced toys are a must. So I want to talk about that for a moment. Toys, after all, are more than just playthings. They're the building blocks of your child's developmental journey. The industry is keen on dazzling us with high tech toys that promise educational benefits. They've got flashing lights and electronic sounds. They've got the works. Yet often these toys are designed with a narrow scope, offering only a handful of predetermined ways to engage with them. And this isn't just a drain on your wallet, it limits your child's imagination. Kids are naturally inventive and they flourish when given the chance to explore and create. That's where simpler, more versatile toys come into play. Now I'm not saying don't ever have any of those electronic toys that you hit a button and a voice speaks because kids love them. But it means make sure you also have the other more traditional open ended toys that encourage kids to be creative. When a toy's purpose isn't set in stone, like the endless possibility of building blocks or the vast adventures awaiting in a costume box, well then children are free to craft their own narratives. They're not just pushing buttons, they're learning to think, problem solve, work through stressors, organize, get along and regulate their emotions. This kind of play not only stokes the fires of creativity, but it also sustains their interest over time far longer than most typical electronic toys. The reason this happens is that open ended toys can be played with in so many different ways, there's no limit to it. So the next time you're weighing the pros and cons of a pricey high tech toy, remember the best toys don't direct your child's play, they inspire it. The best toys for toddlers don't come with instructions or batteries. Now before we finish up, I want to answer a short question from a sweet mom whose name is Tanya that I recently received in my DMs and she said my two year old has started to hit me when I put her in a timeout, how can I stop her hurting me? It actually makes me cry. I'm so upset. Hi Tonya, thank you for asking this question. About timeout as I think it will benefit many parents. Timeouts can be very upsetting, as at the very moment your child needs you, fiercely, he or she is getting sent away to stay in the room by himself. Now, I prefer not to use timeouts as I found they don't really inspire better behavior. To be honest with you. I tried them a few times with my own kids as they were very popular when I was younger, but I didn't feel good doing them. And I always thought if I don't feel good, it isn't right. And also I found with the thousands upon thousands of parents I've seen in my office, rarely did anyone ever say, well, this time out worked. Now, if that's not true for you, everybody is different. Every family is different. But overall, I'd say your child is telling you that she needs you. She doesn't need a punishment. She needs you to help her get through this emotional upheaval. I also found that there's this negative cycle that develops with timeout where children begin to have more misbehavior as they're starting to carry a grudge. Okay, so that's all very well and good. What do I recommend instead? Well, I'd encourage you to use the easy method that I go through in detail in my course, but let's go through it briefly here. So the first step with any unwanted behavior, step number one is E of easy, and that is to evaluate. And really what you're doing right here is you're evaluating yourself. What do I need to calm down so I can handle this thoughtfully? Now, as long as there's no safety issues, take that moment. Create a space between your child's behavior and your reaction to it. Maybe you need to do some deep breathing or maybe you need to use a mantra. Maybe you need to jump up and down. Think about this before you need it. So you have a strategy in place. The next thing is to acknowledge your child's feelings. And I know you hear this all the time, but honestly, it's such an important point. When somebody feels heard and seen, it makes it much easier to hear the correction. And it just also makes you feel good. But this is where the next step of s which is stick to your boundaries. This is also equally important. So, okay, now your child, you've acknowledged their feelings. They're more open to learning. And here's where you don't allow yourself to become a pushover. You stick to your limits. So let's say your child just threw the remote control. Well, I would take the remote control And I'd say it is okay to feel angry, but now it's time. I'm going to put this remote control away because I don't want you to hurt yourself or hurt anyone. And it doesn't matter how much your child cries, you stick to that. But the next step, the why, which is the yes. And that's about finding the yes. I find this a very nice point because it really helps children learn. Okay, well, I can't do A, I can do B. And so what I'm saying with this point is that you find something your child can do. Now, it doesn't mean right then you could say, hey, later today why don't we go out in the backyard and we'll throw a ball. You see, you're telling your child there it's not just all the no's in the world, there are other things you can do. And that really inspires optimism in a child. Sometimes I just do it in imagination. Wow. Wouldn't it be amazing if you were a pitcher in a baseball game and you would take that ball and throw it across the field so it doesn't have to be that you're actually giving them something else to do. You can do it just in imagination. Now there are so many topics related to play that I'd still like to go through with you that I've decided to do an extra additional bite size episode this week because I want to talk about a few additional play related activities as we wrap up today's episode. Remember, the true value of play is immeasurable, but its impact is real. Until next time, keep nurturing those little moments because honestly, every moment is a big one. Keep up the good work and I'll be putting out the second episode on Friday of this week. We're going to really focus a lot on putting away toys and and some other play related issues as well. Now if this approach resonates with you, please check out our courses, Toddlers Made Easy and Potty Training Made Easy in the Show Notes. You're not alone and I'm there to help you through all these awesome but crazy toddler moments. See. Sa.