In this episode of the "Toddlers Made Easy" podcast, pediatrician Dr. Cathryn Tobin (35 years of practice and author of the parenting book Toddlers Made Easy) answers three common toddler‑sleep questions submitted by parents. 1. Hand‑holding to fall asleep – Mel’s 22‑month‑old needs a parent’s hand to drift off and wakes multiple times at night. Dr. Tobin explains why the way a child falls asleep shapes night‑time awakenings and recommends a gentle, connection‑focused shift away from hand‑holding, emphasizing patience over “cry‑it‑out.” 2. Bedtime resistance – Cora’s 3‑year‑old refuses to go to bed and repeatedly asks to come downstairs. Dr. Tobin suggests making the bedroom feel secure (family photos, a lovey, a voice‑recording button), acknowledging the child’s feelings, teaching a simple mantra, and establishing a consistent 4‑step, 20‑minute bedtime routine (bath, story, chat/cuddle, good‑night kisses). 3. Staying in bed – Ken’s 5‑year‑old frequently leaves his bed despite attempts like the “I’ll be right back” method. Dr. Tobin proposes an empathy‑based stuffed‑animal strategy: introduce a slightly sad plush toy that needs hugs and conversation, redirecting the child’s attention and reducing night‑time fear. Throughout, Dr. Tobin stresses big‑hearted, low‑tears approaches that preserve parent‑child connection. She also promotes her new workshop, Help Your Child Fall Asleep Without You, which teaches two gentle, step‑by‑step strategies for independent sleep. The episode is interspersed with brief ad reads for Smokey Bear and Liberty Mutual.
Chapters
Smokey the Bear.
Smokey.
Then you know why Smokey tells you when he sees you passing through, remember, please be careful, it's the least that you can do. Don't play with matches.
Don't play with fire.
After 80 years of learning his wildfire prevention tips, Smokey Bear lives within us all. Learn more at SmokeyBear.com and remember, only you can prevent wildfires. Brought to you by the USDA Forest Service, your state forester, and the Ad Council.
And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Oh no, we help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.
Only pay for what you need at libertymutual.com.
Liberty, liberty, liberty.
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. This is the no-fluff, straight-to-the-point podcast. I'm Dr. Cathryn Tobin, your host. I'm a pediatrician with 35 years of experience.
I'm the mom of 4.
Of 4 amazing adult kids and the proud dog mom to a golden doodle who acts like my 5th kid. I'm also the author of the brand new parenting book Toddlers Made Easy. Today I'm answering some of the most common questions parents have about sleep challenges with their toddlers and preschoolers. Let's start with this question from the mom of a 22-month-old. Hi, Dr. Cathryn. My daughter won't go to sleep without me or my husband holding her hand. She wakes up multiple times during the night looking for me. What can I do to bring this to an end and have an independent sleeper? Kind regards, Mel. Hi Mel, thank you so much for your question. And while it's really kinda sweet and heartwarming that your little one feels comforted by holding your hand, I imagine it's a lot less sweet when you're waking up several times at night. What's happening here is really common. Many parents hope habits like these will just fade away on their own, but they typically stick and become even harder to change over time. And here's why: how your child falls asleep sets the stage for how they handle the lighter phases of sleep during the night. We all cycle through light and deep sleep, but toddlers who fall asleep with a parent's help like holding hands, tend to wake up looking for the same support to settle back down during night wake-ups. Now, the goal is to gently shift away from this habit so your daughter and you can get consistent restful sleep. I'm sure you've heard about cry it out methods, and while they can be effective, I definitely prefer big-hearted approaches that are kinder to both parents and kids. These gentle strategies, they take more patience and more time and energy from you, but they work beautifully without unnecessary tears. What matters most is finding an approach that feels right for your family. Next, let's hear about a 3-year-old who is resisting bedtime. Hello, Dr. Cathryn Tobin Tobin. We have a situation where my 3-year-old doesn't want to go to bed. And once in bed, she asks to go downstairs and we often end up bringing her down. Everything feels like an argument and we'd love a bedtime routine that's easier and less stressful. Thanks, Cora. Hi Cora, thank you for sharing this. Bedtime battles like this are extremely common. And when you think about it from your child's perspective, it's kind of understandable given that your child has spent her whole day surrounded by adults and activity. Suddenly, at bedtime, she's expected to be alone in a dark room for hours, or what feels like forever to her. It's a big transition, and it can be challenging, just like drop-offs at school or daycare can be. So how do we make bedtime feel less lonely and more connected? Let's look at a few strategies that work really well. First of all, I'd suggest putting up some family pictures in your child's room. I'd also encourage a lovey. These make a huge difference in transitioning to bedtime. I also like using a recording of your voice. You can get a nice big button for very little through Amazon where you record a message and your child can hit the button to hear your voice. Also, it's important to acknowledge what your child's feeling, just like you would at other times during the day. Your child is much more likely to cooperate at bedtime when they feel seen. So saying something like, "You're sad it's bedtime. You're going to miss Mommy and I'm going to miss you," or something like, "It can be so hard when you have to do something you don't want to do." Also, give your child strategies to help them manage the separation.
For instance, teach your child to say a mantra like, "Mommy loves me.
Daddy loves me." Grandma loves me, et cetera.
Don't use too many names because then it's hard for your child to repeat it.
I'd suggest you practice using this mantra during the daytime so when your child needs it at nighttime, they're already a pro.
Now, the actual bedtime matters too.
So I'd aim for a bedtime somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30 works for most young children. Too early and your daughter may not be tired. Too late and she may get a second wind that makes winding down even harder. Also, if she's still napping, make sure nap time ends at least 4 to 5 hours before bedtime. A bedtime routine shouldn't drag on and on, and that is one very common problem.
So look at a bedtime routine with about 4 steps to it and ideally around 20 minutes long, 20, 25. So for instance, a bath, then a story, some chatting time and cuddles, and then your goodnight hugs and kisses.
Try to keep these steps consistent every night so your child gets that winding down feeling.
Now, I hope these tips help make bedtime smoother and less stressful. Next is a question about a 5-year-old.
Hi, Dr. Cathryn Tobin.
Our little guy has struggled with staying in his bed for about a year. We've tried things like the 'I'll be right back' method, and sometimes he'll sleep through the night in his own bed, but more often he ends up in ours.
Winter break seems to have made this worse, just like it did last year.
He's very attached to us, which is great, but he doesn't want us to leave him at night. We're hoping he'll outgrow this, but it's been tough. Thanks for your advice, Ken. Do you notice how each email is talking about, we're hoping he'll outgrow it. And again, let me remind you, most of these habits are not going to change without some encouragement from you.
So, hi Ken, thanks for your email.
It sounds like your little guy has a strong bond with you, which is so special, but I know it can make nighttime tricky. Let's start with the actual bedtime. How your child falls asleep is key to helping him stay in his bed all night. If he needs you there to fall asleep, it's natural for him to wake up and look for you during the night. Here's a gentle strategy to decrease night wake-ups and make it easier to fall back to sleep when they occur. So the first thing is get a new stuffed animal if you can, and ideally one that looks a little sad, and tell your son that Teddy, or whatever the name of your stuffed animal is, feels sad at night and needs extra hugs to feel better. Ask him to give Teddy hugs and to talk to him so he can go back to sleep. Make up a story about why Teddy is sad that will mean something to your child. You see, kids are really kind and compassionate and they love helping others, and this takes away the attention from their own fears and helps them fall back to sleep. In fact, this method has been studied and shown to help kids feel more secure at night and reduce their fears, and it helps them wake up fewer times and go back to sleep easier. So please give this a try and let me know how it goes. Now, as sleep is such a big problem, I'm really excited to tell you that my new workshop, Help Your Child Fall Asleep Without You, available. It's for anyone who's interested in working on sleep habits and wants a low-pressure but highly successful strategy. My Help Your Child Fall Asleep Without You workshop will help you gently guide your child towards independent sleep while keeping you connected to each other. In just 20 minutes, you'll learn 2 big-hearted strategies that focus on creating a secure and loving bedtime routine while transitioning away from habits that make nights harder. Now, these approaches are gentle. They're thoughtful, step-by-step changes without tears or harsh transitions. And they're also big-hearted. They prioritize connection while empowering your child to feel confident about sleeping on their own. You'll find the link to join in the show notes. I'd love to help you and your little one enjoy more sleep. In a gentle and kind way. Have a wonderful week and happy parenting.
