Toddlers and Chores: Yes or No?

Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minutes or less parenting strategies. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest Baby, and the mother of four amazing adult kids. And let's not forget Smudge My great big golden doodle. Today we're going to be talking about toddlers and chores. We often consider chores a necessity of home life, essential for cleanliness and order. But here today, when I'm talking about chores, I'm talking about age appropriate things that your toddler can do, not should do. Why? Because the goal of chores at this age is different than when they're older. The act of participating in household activities, it carries real emotional benefits that extend far beyond a tidy space. We've lived in the same house since my kids were little. And when you open up one of the kitchen cupboards, there's a list that one of my kids wrote when she was in grade one. And it's a list of several things. One thing that's kind of funny is list of things we owe her. And I just read the list today and one of the things is I missed giving her lunch about 25 years ago. She's also put in a claim for the house so that when she's older, it'll belong to her. Ironically, this daughter's become a lawyer, so who knows? And we never assigned the kids chores or asked them to make lists of them, but she herself created a list of things she considered to be her chores. And there were cute things like keeping the sneakers straight in the mudroom or keeping the dog's bowl full of water. I really loved that she did this and she did do those chores that she took on herself. We didn't assign them. Now let's get back to toddlers and how you encourage that sense of family and responsibility. So for a toddler, every task completed is a mountain climbed. Whether it's putting away toys or helping to wipe down surfaces, chores provide really tangible evidence to a little one that they're capable and competent, laying the foundation for positive self esteem. Chores really help children feel valued and valuable involvement in chores. It really creates a sense of belonging and significance. Toddlers learn that their contribution to the family matters. They're not just the baby of the family or they're not just a baby, they're an important family member. And these are vital threads in the fabric of family life. This sense of inclusion, it fosters a sense of security and emotional well being. And as toddlers grow, so does their desire to master new skills. And chores are a perfect playground for such development. The repetitive nature of tasks like sorting laundry or sorting socks, it's not mundane to them. It's an opportunity to learn and perfect a new skill, providing a real sense of accomplishment. And you know what else? Chores are often communal activities shared between a parent and a child or among siblings. And this shared effort is also a bonding experience, creating moments of connection and teaching toddlers the importance of teamwork and empathy. As they work alongside family members, toddlers learn to read emotional cues and the value of helping others. And you know, toddlers are always looking for ways to be independent. And by giving them age appropriate chores, we're giving them a chance to take this responsibility. And this in turn nurtures their sense of independence, which is really crucial for emotional development. And it teaches them they have some control over the environment and their actions. And also chores teach resilience. Not every task is enjoyable and not every attempt is successful. So learning to push through and contribute meaningfully to the household, it instills a sense of importance. Toddlers learn that even when things are challenging, their efforts are valuable and appreciated. Incorporating responsibility into a toddler's routine, it's not just about teaching them the value of teamwork. It's about nurturing their whole emotional well being. I listened to this fascinating audiobook called Hunt Gather Parent by, forgive me if I say this wrong, Micheline Duclef. And this highlighted, amongst other things, the importance of including kids in family activities. Dr. Douglas lived with families in vulnerable communities along with her three year old daughter. And in this audiobook she talked about how parents in a Mayan community raise great little helpers by getting kids involved in house chores as soon as they start walking. And then there was the Inuit parents who've got a super effective way of teaching their kids about handling their emotions when their kids cry, hit or have a meltdown. Inuit parents keep it cool and gentle and this teaches kids how to calm themselves and to think before acting. I'd highly recommend taking a listen to that audiobook. You'll be convinced about the importance of chores after listening to this or even part of this. Parents frequently find themselves in the cycle of constantly reminding older kids about their chores and probably more appropriate to say nagging their kids about chores, but it's a different situation with a toddler. Toddlers are eager to be involved and contribute and they don't just want to help they're enthusiastic about it. And this eagerness to help in the early years, it's a golden opportunity for getting kids involved in the family unit in a natural and vital way. When we welcome toddlers to participate in household tasks, we're not just keeping them busy, we're instilling ownership. And not only ownership, we're instilling a sense of family and responsibility to the family. And this early involvement ensures it plants the seeds for habits that will flourish as they grow. Just imagine a future where your children take initiative in household tasks without being asked. Picture kids who clear the table after meals without being asked, who willingly tidy up after a spill, and who understand the value of contributing to the family unit. This sense of responsibility and ownership, it doesn't just emerge overnight. It needs to be cultivated over years of consistent practice and encouragement. By letting toddlers pitch in, we're setting the stage for a mindset where chores aren't seen as a burden, but as a natural part of family life. We're nurturing children who understand the importance of teamwork and taking initiative. And these are the kids who in the future will recognize a need and step into help, not because they're asked to, but because they've learned that helping out is simply what you do. And wouldn't be lovely to have more people in the world like that. Recently, I was at a family gathering for a two year old's birthday party. And during this event, my niece's son, who's a teenager, started to clean up the toys that were spilling out of the family room. No one asked him to clean up. He just saw a need and pitched in. And he's a teenager. And then he didn't ask for praise or any acknowledgment or payment in return. I want to give him credit for that. It was amazing to see. And I realized, boy, you don't see that very often. And that's why I decided to do this podcast today. Because you all have the opportunity to nurture a child who pitches in without being asked in just the same way. By taking the time to let toddlers genuinely contribute and looking for realistic ways to keep them involved. That's how we lay down the foundation for raising the most responsible, kind hearted and considerate individuals. Now, let's look at some reasonable tasks we can give to a young toddler that will empower them. For instance, they can contribute to cleaning up their own messes along with you. They can clean up toys along with you. Also watering plants. Fine. Matching socks, putting napkins on the table, clearing the table as appropriate. And that's typically maybe with a little bit older child. These are just some examples of ways to give your child some responsibility. The next time your toddler eagerly asks to help set the table, remember that every fork that's placed, they're not just setting the table, they're setting themselves up for emotional success. Thank you for listening to today's episode about chores. You know, I was thinking when we say chores, many parents think of nagging. I was thinking we probably should change the name of chores, especially starting with toddlers who are eager into something like missions. That sounds a little bit more exciting and toddler like. Anyhow, if this approach resonates with you, I just want to let you know that we have a few courses that are really based on what I call big hearted parenting. So we've got a Toddlers Made Easy course and Potty Training Made Easy Course. And these are for children ages 1 to 6 years. You can find the links to them in the show notes. I wish you all a great week and thank you for listening and we'll talk.