Why Are Kids So Demanding? And What to Do About It

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The other day, I was at the park with my 2-year-old granddaughter Sloan when I saw a mom locked in a battle with her toddler. The little guy yelled and stomped his feet, "I want my cookie now!" while the mom, who looked really frustrated, tried to reason with him. Cookies are for after lunch, sweetheart. And honestly, I get it. When your toddler is demanding, it can feel overwhelming and frustrating and even downright exhausting. And that's exactly what we're diving into in today's episode. I'm Dr. Cathryn Tobin, and this is Toddlers Made Easy Podcast. Maybe you've had a moment like this lately too, because let's be To be honest, toddlers aren't exactly known for their patience. And whether it's insisting on the red cup even though they asked for the blue one, refusing to leave the playground, or melting down when they don't get their way, demanding behavior is part of the toddler years. And honestly, it kind of makes sense. Toddlers don't have the impulse control or emotional regulation or reasoning skills to handle disappointment the way adults do. They get revved up so easily, but that doesn't mean you have to get stuck in endless power struggles. You deserve tools that actually work, ones that help you stay calm while teaching your toddler how to handle frustration. So today, first, I'm going to unpack why toddlers can seem so demanding, and hint, it's not about being spoiled or manipulative. And then I'm going to share some practical, big-hearted strategies to handle those moments without yelling or bribing or losing your patience. The parents I work with would do anything for their kids. They're loving and caring just like you. They want to raise happy, resilient kids. But when their kids act entitled and spoiled, it's really hard to understand this behavior and accept it. And it often ends up with a parent having a knee-jerk reaction that inadvertently worsens the situation. Why? Because a demanding child is already overwhelmed and revved up, and when we react with comments like, "You're not going to get anything until you ask nicely," or, "You can't talk to me like that," well, we end up amplifying their agitation, and no learning or lessons are absorbed at this point. Your child doesn't learn to treat others with respect or become considerate when they're all revved up and not thinking clearly. So as usual, we need to think about how to respond to this demanding, spoiled-looking behavior in two ways. One, in the heat of the moment, and two, later when both you and your child are calm and learning can take place. So let's look at how to handle things in the moment. You could respond with something like, I know you're having some big feelings, but I also know you can ask differently. Or maybe something like, wow, you really know what you want. That's amazing. But could you please ask me differently? This is essentially asking for a do-over, and a do-over is a big-hearted way of responding because it's low-key and it's non-shaming. But at the same time, It teaches your child better ways of handling their frustration. But there's still even more we can do, and that's the teaching that comes later at the quiet time, where you can teach your child better ways of handling these big emotions. So let's say later, even the next day, say something like, sometimes you have really big feelings, sweetheart, and you feel like you need something right away. "but the way this comes out, it makes me feel uncomfortable." And then you explain to your child that you want to teach them better ways of asking for something, especially when they're frustrated. So go on and explain, you know, your child can do this because he does it so many times every single day. He or she asks for things nicely. So here's where play and role-playing come in. Kids love it when you teach them using role-playing or play. They think it's funny, but they also learn. So for instance, take turns being the demanding kid and respond to the demanding behavior by asking for a do-over. Or you could use a gesture like tapping your nose means do a redo or a do-over. I found that really helpful with my kids because Being able to ask them something without even saying a word made it easier for them to cooperate. So when the next demanding episode occurs, if you've spent time role-playing or playing how to handle this, your child will already have some muscle memory about how to handle frustration. So the next time it happens, do the tap on the nose or ask for a redo. Do you ever wish for the opportunity yourself to— for a redo, a situation where you could make things right? Well, your toddler does too. And a redo isn't about excusing bad behavior, but rather it's about making the most of teaching moments that can help your child learn and grow. We all get it wrong sometimes, caregivers and kids. So what I call a redo is essentially hitting that replay button Offering a second chance for both you and your child to improve certain behaviors. A redo can help your child learn how to handle difficult situations. It also reassures them that you're on their side no matter what. You can offer a redo as soon as unwanted behavior occurs if your child is calm. If not, it's best to wait a day or two until the atmosphere is relaxed because everyone learns better when they're calm. Redos are designed to encourage growth and learning, not dwelling on past mistakes. Use them as a supportive tool to guide your child towards better choices and behaviors. It reinforces that you and your child are on the same team. So thank you for listening to today's episode. To share a story or ask me a question, you You can write me at DrCathryn@healthiest-baby.com. Helping your child reach their full potential starts with you feeling empowered and supported as a parent. But raising a toddler isn't always easy, and you shouldn't have to figure it out alone. That's why I'm so excited to introduce the Big Hearted Parenting membership, a one-of-a-kind membership designed to help you raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids while feeling supported every step of the way. It's the first platform that combines trusted expert guidance with a global community of big-hearted parents, all focused on helping kids thrive. Inside, you'll get quick, effective strategies that fit into your busy life so you can parent with confidence, even in the toughest moments. This really changes everything, and I can't wait for you to be a part of it. So to get on the waitlist and be the first to know when the membership is open, check the link in the show notes. And before I let you go, let's just remind ourselves, being a toddler is tough, so let's stop being so tough on toddlers. And ourselves. Have a great week and keep up the good work.