Why Manners Matter (Or Do They?)

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Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. I'm Dr. Cathryn Tobin, a pediatrician with 35 years of experience and a mom of 4 magnificent kids. What do you say? Say please. These are all phrases we've said to our kids, and today we're going to talk about why manners matter. Or do they? I often find myself marveling at how my kids turned out to be such gracious, polite, and caring adults. If I'm being honest, I don't really remember sitting down to formally teach them about manners or even having extensive conversations about it. Yet here we are. And I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but to share a valuable lesson I've learned from watching my kids grow up, as well as from observing literally thousands of my young patients whom I've cared for from birth to adulthood. A valuable lesson I've learned at this stage in my life is that kids change as they grow, and there's a tendency among parenting experts to think short-term focusing on immediate results without realizing that we really have decades to work on issues. Manners are a perfect example of this long-term perspective. Now, when it comes to manners, I'm not talking about using the right forks and knives at the dinner table. I'm talking about how good manners are a way to show others that you care about them. Take, for instance, knowing the names of the people who clean your office. Or asking the cashier about her day. These types of manners show respect and consideration for others. They're small acts that convey a powerful message: you matter, and I see you. The seeds of kindness and respect we plant today will grow over time. In fact, it's really these small, everyday acts of kindness that make a huge difference. They help build a more compassionate world and foster deeper connections with those around us. Let's look at some ways manners matter. Well, manners help friendships. It makes other people feel appreciated and respected, which helps friendships maintain and develop. Plus, in the whirlwind of modern parenting, we often find ourselves juggling a multitude of tasks and responsibilities. Amidst all this chaos, teaching our children manners might seem like a quaint, perhaps even outdated practice. However, the essence of manners, those simple acts of kindness and respect, have never been more relevant. Now, let's explore why manners matter—not that upper-crust, pinky-in-the-air kind, but the heartfelt ones, the ones that make people feel good and build a more compassionate world. So we're going to look at the simple power of saying thank you. Imagine this: your toddler, with those innocent little eyes and budding vocabulary, says thank you to a neighbor who hands them a cookie. It's a small moment, but it leaves a lasting impression. Manners like these aren't just about polite words; they're about recognizing and appreciating the kindness of others. And when we teach our kids to say please or excuse me, or hold the door for someone, we're instilling in them the seeds of empathy. These small actions teach kids to consider others' feelings and needs. And in a world that could often feel rushed and impersonal, these moments of consideration create a ripple effect of kindness and understanding. I know this may sound petty, but I still remember one of my first days in my office. I was walking into the office building and my arms were loaded with things that I needed to bring, and a young man who was one step ahead of me let the heavy glass door slam in my face. Well, I got to my office and walked into the first examination room, and guess who was there? Yep, the door slammer. So good manners are fundamentally about respect. They show that we value others' time and space and feelings. And when a child learns to listen without interrupting or to contribute to clean up after dinner, they're learning to respect others and take responsibility for their actions. And this respect extends inward as well, helping children develop self-respect and a positive self-image. Children who practice good manners are often better equipped to navigate social situations. They learn how to engage in conversations, share, and play cooperatively, and these skills are crucial for forming friendships and building healthy relationships. Manners help children understand the importance of treating others with kindness and consideration, which in turn helps them receive the same treatment. One of the most beautiful aspects of manners is the joy it brings to others. A child who offers a heartfelt hello or a warm smile can really uplift someone's spirit in the instant. These small acts of kindness remind us all of our shared humanity and the importance of connecting in meaningful ways. In teaching our children manners, we're not just preparing them for polite society. We're equipping them with the tools to create a kinder, more empathetic world. These acts of kindness and respect are the building blocks of a compassionate community. And as parents, we have the privilege of nurturing these values in our children. Ensuring that they grow up understanding the profound impact of making others feel good. Honestly, I credit my husband, who is a profoundly empathetic, polite, and caring human being. Our kids, my kids soaked up a lot from him. This is one aspect of how we teach our kids lessons that we don't talk about very much. In fact, we spend so much time talking about how to fix our kids' behavior, that we miss the huge impact our behavior has on our kids. If there is any one thing you can do to teach your kids manners, it's to be a good example. Toddlers are like tiny scientists, and they're constantly conducting experiments and learning about the world, and we get to be their lab assistants, helping them understand and navigate the world. If you're ready to trade temper tantrums for teachable moments, swap power struggles for high fives, and kick self-doubt to the curb and embrace confidence, then please check out our Toddlers Made Easy online course. With my new 7-part approach, it's about making small, meaningful shifts in the way you interpret and respond to your toddler's behavior. By making these small, consistent changes, You'll be able to create a safe, loving environment where meltdowns are reduced, cooperation is increased, and yelling becomes a thing of the past. You'll have a happier, more confident child and a closer, more positive relationship that lasts well into adulthood. But I want to give you a little heads up. We are reworking the course right now and adding new lessons and ebooks and bonuses, and the price of the course will be increasing. So if you want to get in at this ridiculously low price, now is the time. I wish you all a wonderful week. My take-home message here would be to behave in the way you want your child to behave. In other words, behave so your kids will too. And I don't really mean behave. I mean, demonstrate the consideration, the respect, and the manners you want your kids to pick up. And they will soak these messages up without you even saying a word. Have a wonderful week and happy parenting.