Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician, argues that parent-driven potty training causes stress and shame. She recommends "toilet teamwork," a child-led approach that treats accidents as learning moments and respects a toddler's natural readiness, similar to how they learn to walk.
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Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy, where there's no fluff, just practical research based 15 minute or less parenting strategies to help you calmly manage all those crazy awesome toddler moments. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Dr. Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 33 years of experience. I'm the author of two parenting books, the founder of Healthiest B, most importantly, the mother of four amazing adult kids, and I just became a grandmother a few days ago. And then there's also smudge, my great big golden doodle. Today we're going to be talking about why toddlers don't really need potty training. Potty training is the old way of helping kids learn how to do without diapers. I'm referring to the parent driven process that is based on control and punishment. Look, it's completely understandable that you would assume kids need to be toilet trained as it's been the norm for generations. However, it's not the ideal approach for several reasons, and that's what we're going to look at today. Traditional toilet training, it's grounded in control and punishment, which are really not conducive for learning or emotional health, especially for toddlers. A toddler craves power, and this is a normal developmental expectation. But traditional toilet training, it actually robs a child of power. And because of this, many kids will often rebel and refuse to pee or poop on demand. And then this can lead to fights and frustration and failure. But truly, kids don't need traditional toilet training. I want you to consider this for a moment. When your toddler learned to walk, she he didn't need you to teach him. Your toddler learned on his own through trial and error. Now, you provided an environment that allowed your child to explore and learn. But then your child tried and tried until he succeeded and could walk. You didn't teach him. Here, sweetheart, hold the couch. Pull yourself up. Take a step. You just stayed on the sidelines and provided the right environment where your toddler could learn naturally. Now, there are other reasons why it's time to do things differently. When you use traditional toilet training processes, you inadvertently send the message that you are the boss of your child's body and that a parent knows their child's body better than the child does. But the thing is, we want to teach our kids that they don't have to kiss Aunt Sarah unless they want to. We want to encourage kids to understand that they control their body. And yet with traditional potty training, we do the exact opposite. We teach a toddler to listen to us about their body. And there's more. Another reason why traditional potty training may not be the best approach for every child is that many kids start to withhold their bowel movements. With traditional potty training, a toddler may react to the pressure to use the potty by refusing to have a bowel movement. In other words, they're basically showing you who controls having bowel movements. Because the child isn't having bowel movements regularly. Their poop then becomes large and dry and more difficult to pass. And a really difficult cycle begins where a child now holds their bms because they're afraid of passing them. And plus there's more. For instance, there's increased stress and anxiety. Parent driven potty training often involves strict schedules and expectations which can create a high pressured environment for a child. And this may lead to increased stress and anxiety about using the toilet. Emotional consequences is another complication of traditional toilet training, the use of punishment or scolding. In parent driven potty training, it can lead to feelings of shame and this can result in a child becoming secretive about their toileting habits. Behavioral issues is also a problem. The pressure and stress associated with parent driven potty training may cause a child to develop behavioral issues such as tantrums or refusal to use the toilet or even regression in other areas of development. And these behaviors reflect the child's frustration and it can actually prolong the potty training process. Lastly, there's also resistance and power struggles to consider. Strict parent driven potty training process can create power struggles between the two of you. Your child may resist using the toilet as a way of asserting her autonomy and this can lead to conflicts and further delay the training process. So how can you ditch those diapers without using overbearing methods? Well, I like the term toilet teamwork. It's more in keeping with the process I'm about to describe now. I keep using the term potty training or toilet training just because it's better known and I'm sorry, I'm sure it's a bit confusing and perhaps it's time to drop toilet training and start using toilet teamwork in its place. So toilet teamwork is a no pressure or more child led approach to potty training. And it's based on understanding that the journey is as important as the outcome. A toddler's feelings and opinions are viewed as valid and important. There's no punishment or criticism. You work as a team. And accidents are not viewed as failures. They're understood to be lessons. The process is based on guiding kids to recognize that I need to go pee or poop feeling and then inviting them to use the potty. It's assumed toddlers are smart and capable and can learn to use the potty with support and understanding and time. Just like when they learn to walk and talk when there is no pressure, there are no fights and there's no rebellion. And a really lovely thing about this approach is that kids beam with pride as they master peeing and pooping in the potty. Now, before we go, I want to introduce you to another new strategy that makes potty training so much easier. It's pre Potty training. Or think of it more like toilet training. Warm up. Now I have a mini ebook for you, the five Must Do's Before Starting Potty Training that's filled with strategies to make the potty training process easier once you and your child are ready to begin. Ideally, you start these steps once your baby is a year of age or at least a few months before beginning potty training. Your child doesn't even need to show any signs of readiness when you start these steps. If you're interested in getting the five Must Do's Before Starting Potty Training ebook, check out the link in the show notes. Have a wonderful week and happy parenting.
