Dr. Cathryn Tobin explains why praising your toddler to a stuffed animal instead of directly to them works better. When Mila overheard her mom tell Toby the cat she was proud of her, she believed it more than if she'd been told straight. Kids find overheard compliments more credible than praise aimed at them.
Foreign. Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy. This is the podcast that gets straight to the point, because you've got about three minutes before someone needs a snack or a band aid or finds the permanent markers. I'm Dr. Catherine, pediatrician turned toddler whisperer, mom of four, and I'm here to give you the tools to make toddler life easier. Today, I'm sharing one of the small, sweetest, most effective parenting tricks. It's big hearted, it's playful, and it's surprisingly powerful. And all you really need is your toddler and a stuffed animal or a family pet, or even a kid's toy. Now, before we dive into this parenting hack itself, let's take a moment to think about something really important that's often overlooked that can make a big difference in a child's behavior. What we notice, we tend to see more of. And let me explain that in toddlerhood, this statement is especially true when we only react to, let's say, the challenging behaviors, the whining, the throwing, the pushing. Well, our kids learn. That's how they get our attention. It's not intentional or manipulative. It's just how a toddler brain works. Attention, even when it's negative, is really powerful. So a toddler repeats what works. But what if we flipped that? What if we started highlighting the behaviors we want to see more of? Things like cooperation, kindness, bravery, listening, and helping. If we started noticing those celebrating them gently, consistently, warmly, toddlers would start doing more of them because they'd realize, hey, mom sees this and she really likes it. And I feel good when I do this. And that's the magic. Which brings me to today's hack. And here it is in a nutshell. Highlight the good things your toddler does, but don't say it to them directly. Say it to their teddy bear, Whisper it to the dog. Casually mention it to their toy truck. Let them overhear your admiration without it being aimed directly at them. I know it sounds a little crazy, and maybe it is, but it works like magic. And I'm going to tell you why. People believe what they overhear more than what they're told directly. Imagine you're getting ready for a dinner out. You meet up with a friend and she says, wow, you look so nice tonight. Nice, right? You'd think so. But now imagine overhearing that same friend talking to someone else, saying, did you see how amazing Sarah looks tonight? That dress, wow, it's beautiful. Which compliment would you believe more? Well, most likely I'd say the praise that you overheard and we all do this. We're a little suspicious when praised, especially if we're feeling unsure or defensive. But when we overhear kind words about us, it lands deeper and it feels more real. And your toddler's exactly the same. Meet Mila and Toby the cat. Let me tell you about Mila, a curious, spirited two and a half year old who was really stuck in that no phase. She refused her shoes, she refused bedtime, she refused getting dressed, even snacks. Some days she'd said no to her mom. Jen was exhausted. So I gave her a little challenge. I said, instead of focusing on what Neela was doing wrong, what if we zoomed in on all the good stuff? And here's the trick. Instead of praising Mila directly, Mum was to say it to someone else, but close enough to Mila so she could overhear it. And so she decided she'd talk to her cat, Toby. The next morning, when Mila brought her snack plate to the sink, Jen didn't say, good job. Instead, she whispered it to Toby when Mila was within earshot. Toby, did you see that? Mila cleaned up all by herself. She's so responsible. Well, Mila heard it and she smiled. And then she ran to put away her cup, too. So try this at home. Pick your gossip buddy. A favorite stuffed animal, a pet, or even a pretend character. And when your toddler does something kind or helpful or brave or cooperative, something you like, puts their shoes on, gets out the door on time, casually tell the story. Wow. Bear, bear. Did you see how fast Logan zipped up his jacket today? Or Fluffy Mia shared the last cookie with her sister. That was so sweet. Or Mr. Penguin, did you see that? Jackson helped me with the groceries today? That was so helpful. Let your toddler overhear. Smile if they look at you, but don't make a big deal. Just keep it light and playful. This isn't about being sneaky or manipulative. It's about using your attention strategically and generously. It's about helping your toddler see themselves as good, as helpful, as kind, as brave, and as thoughtful little people. You're not bribing. You're not threatening. You're not begging. You're simply noticing and sharing. So today, try this. Pick a stuffed animal. Or talk to the family dog and notice something your toddler does right. And tell the puppy about it or the stuffed animal. I used to do this in my office all the time when I was having trouble, let's say, looking at a child's ear or throat swab. And it worked amazingly well. Parenting is hard and it's the most important job there is. You don't have to do it alone. That's where the Big Hearted School of Parenting makes a difference. It's the only membership just for parents of young kids with real life tools, expert guidance, and a community that truly gets it. Loving your child is natural and easy. Parenting them is a skill and we're here to help you. Thank you for listening. Keep up the good work and have a lovely week. Sam.
