049 LIVE! 🤗 Real Talk and Real Solutions for Anxiety, Depression, and a Midlife Crisis with Dr. Nicole Cain

Welcome to another great episode of the Midlife Makeover show live on Instagram. These shows are unedited, uncensored, and unbelievably good. I would love it if you joined us on Instagram when we go live with awesome guests and great topics. Just follow me on Instagram at Wendy Valentine or the Midlife Makeover show and click on the live shows tab on my profile and hope to see you there. Enjoy the show. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover show live on Instagram. Wendy Valentine here it is. Great to be back. I've been in Spain for the last couple weeks. It was awesome. Today's special guest is Dr. Nicole Kane. She has a degree in clinical psychology and is a licensed nurse naturopathic physician in Arizona. She has been interviewed as a mental health expert in Forbes. Along with being published in psychology today and well plus good. Dr. Nicole's mission is to introduce a new paradigm for understanding and treating our mental health through her monthly membership online courses and seeing clients one on one in her free time, Dr. Nicole loves treasure hunting at consignment shops for Moroccan and Asian antiques.

Very interesting.

Everyone, please welcome the lovely Dr. Nicole King.

Bringing you in, girl. Here we go. Hey. It's just not my day for technical difficulties, you know? Can you see me and hear me okay?

I can see and hear you okay. And it could be that I'm sending out such an excited vibration that technology is like.

It's just her energy is just, like, overwhelming the Midwest.

Oh, yeah, right.

Since we're both in the Midwest right now.

Pure magic. All the satellites are like, oh, my gosh.

Well, welcome.

Thank you. I'm really happy to be here.

Of course, we chatted for 20 minutes before we went live. You know, we really don't have anything to talk about.

No, we're done. So we're just here to see what you guys want to hear about.

So.

I do.

Even though I read your story on your website, which is absolutely amazing, I want you to tell everyone a little bit more about your story.

I was that kid that wore a fanny pack in the woods.

You too?

I love that answer. You're the only person that's responded in such a validating and uplifting way.

I've got it on right now.

Here's a band aid in sincerity. So when he knows I had a little fanny pack and I have, like, a little first date kit with band aids in it, and it was in my soul. It's like when we go on these little adventures. I grew up in Iowa when we would go into the woods and go visit a little. Called it a little creek. We'd have these adventures, and I wanted to be the caretaker. I wanted to help her and take care of people. And so I was ready with a literal band aid. But what really made my soul excited is connecting with, like, the deeper part of a person and what makes them tick and what makes them feel. And that probably comes from a life of, you know, early childhood trauma and parentification and all of that. But it became a really beautiful thing that helped me develop as a person. And I went into psychology and counseling and then eventually medical school with the sole objective of trying to prove to myself that we could actually feel better from mental health concerns. Like, can we actually deal with depression and anxiety and ADHD and trauma in a way that is truly healing? Or does it actually have to be just medication and, like, suck it up and deal with it? Like, does it have to be that way? And so where I am today is a person who's been seeking, learning, growing, and I feel like I've successfully proved my. To myself that we can truly, truly heal. And it's your own.

You were your own guinea pig.

Guinea pig, yeah.

And I was, too. I think, actually, I admire that more about people. Like, instead of, okay, I went to school, I became a doctor. And according to this textbook, this is what you're supposed to do, which is great. But when you've actually experienced the trauma and the anxiety and the depression and you've applied it in your own life, you're actually living it. And I really, really admire that.

And so much of it is generational, and I come from this very Midwestern Dutch family lineage where it's like, we don't talk about it, we suppress it, and then we pass it on to our family with either epigenetic changes. And, like, we could totally go down a rabbit hole about how trauma can be inherited, it can change rna, but then also attachment and behavior. And so I. This, like, super long line of emotionally unavailable women and all sorts of suppression, and then I pop out, and I'm, like, wanting to know why and know all of the things. And so if you have people who are listening to this and they're like, oh, my gosh. Serving a conversation about, like, mental health and, like, oh, I don't really want to go there. Just tell me. I can take. Yes, I would encourage you to, like, if there's, like, a little stirring or a little something is maybe just see what it has to say and then take the herb or, you know, maybe consider a combination of yes and yes.

Exactly. Now, what made you want to go from. Go. Go more into the naturopathic way?

Yeah. By the time I was a freshman in college, I was on six prescriptions and two inhalers, and I was no better. And I was like, this is, quite frankly, like, this is B.S. like, the medical system isn't making me healthier. It doesn't feel like health care. And so I abandoned the medical system. I got my undergrad in psychoneuroimmunology just because it was what I wanted to learn, but I didn't want to be a physician in the way that I thought that I had to be. So I got a counseling degree. I was in Chicago. I got my master's in counseling in Chicago down on Wells and Wacker. And I know you're in Chicago.

Yes.

Right there.

It was probably gray skies then. It's still gray skies today.

Nothing has changed. It's the same. Yeah, yeah. It's just dirtier, probably.

Exactly.

Yeah. So it was like I was in graduate school, and I traveled to Lake Forest for my. My preceptorship training, and I was working in a rehab with adolescents who were hooked on, like, cocaine and methamphetamines and things like that. And my role as clinical psychology counseling specialist was to help get behind the behaviors and understand why and to provide them with coping skills. But we would have these teenagers that are, like, talking about their coke addiction and, like, chugging Red Bull at nighttime, expressing, I'm really anxious and I can't sleep. And so I'm thinking, like, okay, well, maybe cut back on the Red Bull, but that's out of scope. And so we sent them to the psychiatrist who's like, I'm going to prescribe you a benzodiazepine or hypnotic. And my head exploded. And then a beautiful Google search introduced me to actual legitimate medicine from a natural perspective. And within three months, I moved to the desert. I went to Arizona, got my medical degree, and now I feel like I'm able to practice in integrity, and I'm not on those prescription medications anymore. I'm a panic warrior, and so I don't deal with panic anymore. I do have anxiety because life is stressful, and I put it upon myself a lot of times, but. Right.

Like, we all do, right?

Yeah. But oh, my goodness.

I did today, actually.

You like me too.

Me too. Yes. And you know what? Speaking of, I think a lot of that is embracing it and sometimes actually did yoga this morning. I was a little stressed about something. I was like, all right, I'M going to stop what I'm doing. This is ridiculous. And I did some yoga, just a very relaxing yoga. And I did a meditation right after. And sure enough, it's funny how, like, certain things will just speak to you right when you need it. And they said in the meditation just about being okay with it. Like, being okay with. Yep, I'm having a really shitty day and not trying to pretend that you're okay and it's normal. I think it's part of being a human being. And I think sometimes, especially in society, we all want to try to be happy. Like, everyone is on Instagram and Facebook and maybe we're not happy, and it's okay to just be. I'm not happy today. And just be all right with that. And sometimes I think it's just being compassionate towards yourself and having that empathy. It's so easy, especially as women. It's so easy for us to have our little fanny pack and take care of everybody else. Here's the band aid. Here, let me do this and do that. But very rarely do we use that little fanny pack on ourselves and take care of ourselves. So how did. How did what worked for you as you kind of were going through your own emotional trauma and as you were going through your professional life and then your personal life, what. What did you realize? What worked for you?

It was more of all of the things that didn't work for me. Checking list. It was. It was awful. So if any of your listeners deal with what I'm about to describe, I just want to tell you, like, this is a human. That is a testimony of hope. And so if you resonate, like, there's hope for you, it. I hit, like, the dark circle of hell, like, rock bottom. And it was sheer panic. It was so much panic. I lost. I was. I lost so much weight. I stopped having my period. I couldn't eat, and I wasn't sleeping. I went days without sleeping, and I had burning pains, involuntary spasms in my muscles. The doctors were like, we don't know what to do with you. I tried homeopathy, herbal medicine, pharmaceuticals, neurofeedback. Some ayurvedic expert poured oil on my third eye, and I just cried the entire time. And, you know, all of the things. And what I realized, Wendy, is that I was on a rampage to get rid of the bad vibes.

Yeah.

And, you know, we're all, like, running around with these, like, Good Vibes Only T shirts and these, like, Good Vibes Only posters that we put next to live, laugh, love, on our wall. And I was like, how do I make the panic and anxiety go away? How do I make it stop? And I could like, I'm going to give you some, like, herbs today that you can use. Yeah, I'll give you some herbs that work. But more importantly, is to embrace what you were saying, Wendy, a moment ago, is to embrace the all vibes welcome and to actually lean into the messages of anxiety and panic because they're trying to tell you something. And it can be really awful and agonizing and painful to listen to them, but they start as a whisper and if we aren't paying attention, they start to get louder and louder and louder until we can't ignore them anymore. And for me, that was the dark circle of hell. And I developed something called a three minute hack. And I can't give you the resource. It's free, it's on my. In my bio, on my Instagram, but it will teach you in three steps how to actually, in a way, in three minutes, lean into the messages from your body. And so that's the very first thing is that I had a giant pink elephant in my story. And I was like trying to supplement it and sedate it and urb it and behaviorally transform it away. But it wasn't until I dealt with that shit that my anxiety no longer needed to tell me that I was out of balance with anxiety. I was better. Yeah.

And you know what? I think in myself included, sometimes for people it's easier to keep hopping around to different doctors and, you know, keep taking the pills and keep putting a band aid over it rather than going, shit, I really have to face, face it. Yeah. And I mean, the mind, as you know, is so powerful. And just what you described, all of your physical ailments were coming from your mental anguish. Yeah, I can totally. Like, when you were telling that whole story, I was like, yep, yep, yeah, I know. And I went through the same thing. Like, I. Well, a few times. But the first, my first. Well, first and last, hopefully last, like super duper deep, dark depression was after I had gotten separated, I was going through divorce, my brother died, my brother died, my dog died, my cat died. And I was like having to do a career change. Everything in my whole life was changing. And I just was like, I just collapsed.

Yes.

And I didn't. I could not see the light at all. It was. And I never had been there in my entire life. And I did actually go. I had gone to. I had gone to the er. I got taken to the er and sure Enough. What are they going to do? They, you know, give you a pill to take. And within, like, 48 hours, I was like, this is. No, this is not me. I am much better than this. Like, I can do better than that. And I did start taking some herbs that were very, very helpful. I can't. Cannot remember the name of the book. It was such a good book, but it talked about some of the. Oh, like, oh, five htp. Some of the ones. Okay. Yeah. So. But that. The point is, it scared me so much. It was the scream, like you talked about. Unfortunately, it got me to that point where, like, I had to wait until I got. My body was screaming, my mind was screaming, everything was screaming at me. I was like, okay, fine. Backs against the wall. It's time to change. And I did, and it was so worth it. And so depression actually taught me what not to do and what to do and what works for me and what doesn't work for me in so many ways in my life. So depression can be scary, for sure, but there's a way out of it.

I admire your tenacity and pushing through that because, like, that's the moment where people. They're like, at a fork in the road. It's like, am I gonna push through this? Or, like, am I throwing my hands up? Am I done in whatever way that. That shows up for each individual person. So I just have to, like, those who are watching this video, whether they're. They're getting in on the live or they're watching the recording, the fact that you're here is such a huge step towards just, like, one step at a time. And my doctor, when I was in my healing journey, she's like, nic, you just got to think of it like you're climbing a mountain. You're just hacking away one step at a time. And as long as you're showing up and taking one step, as you were describing, Wendy, then. Then there's always hope, as long as you just keep moving. And so I just have to just. You went through so much, and I really admire that tenacity.

Yeah. Like you said, too, earlier, about you being, you know, your hope, you. Your story is. Says hope. And for me, too. I mean, I know there's people out there that are having a difficult time. No matter how small it is or how big it is, it's still something that they're struggling with, and there's always hope. And like you said, it's just one little step and another little step, and each day will reveal something new to you. And sometimes it can be a roller coaster ride, but eventually you take charge of the roller coaster and it becomes a fun ride.

Yeah, right. And interesting, like what you're saying, the biochemistry is the same. So when you're, like, going into, like, orgasm, or when you're like riding a roller coaster, or when you're having a panic attack, like, the sensations are very similar. Like, your heart is throbbing, your breathing is faster, your body temperature goes up, you may have tingling. Like, all of these biological sensations are within the context that we give them. And so as you're saying, like, if you can just lean into, like, okay, this is data from my body. Like, I'm. I'm having all of this stuff. Okay, I'm just going to notice that. I'm going to listen to the data and just try to be that observer that can be profoundly helpful for the body.

Yes. I love that you said that. And that was one thing I learned. I don't know. I've read so many dang books.

Like, if you go to the self.

Help section at Barnes and Noble.

You've read them all.

I've read it all, yeah. Actually, my section, I think they've renamed it. This is Wendy's section.

This is Wendy's section.

Yeah. And I think it was probably, like, maybe it was a book on Buddhism, something of the sword, but about kind of as your emotions come through, to really just let them flow. Like, don't be scared of them. Like, if you feel sadness, feel the sadness. If you feel joy, don't try to push it away. And sometimes, too. I think I was listening to a podcast earlier today. I guess I did a lot today.

You've had a busy day.

But it was on Kathy Heller's show. I can't recall who she was interviewing, but they were, they were talking about. I lost my train of thought.

Leaning and letting the emotions flow. Leaning in. Don't be afraid of them.

About even being scared of joy and happiness and not even really letting that in. Where sometimes we get addicted to the suffering and the sadness and our story. We all have stories, and sometimes we get stuck to that and it's just this vicious cycle where sometimes we don't even give ourselves permission to be happy and to have that joy. And I was, I'm one of them. I was like, I don't. It was this. I'm not worthy of actually living a life that I love. And until I finally was like, okay, well, what's the alternative, Wendy? You're going to stay over here in the dark and be depressed? And miserable and be in, you know, have aches and pains, or you can come over here. I mean, the way I looked at it, I'm putting in the same amount of effort. Like, I'm either, like, putting in all this effort over here to stay in the dark, or I put in the same amount of effort to come over to the light. I mean, easier said than done, but it's true.

I have to emphasize what you're saying. It's so important, and I really resonate with that. And for me, it's just, like, need for control. Because if. If something really good is happening and I just lean into that, then the other shoe can drop and something bad can happen. And so for me, it's this part. And I teach a lot about ego states and parts. And for me, this part's like, nope, we have to be skeptical of all this shit that could go wrong, because then we'll be ready for it. And also, it's keeping karma at B because karma wants me to actually not get too egotistical. Right. So I love what you're saying and giving yourself permission for joy. And then if there's this part that's coming up that's like, nope, I'm not allowed to be joyful. I'm not worthy. Is actually doing an audit of like, okay, let's lean into that for a second. Where did that come from? What's the origin of that message? And then you might find out, like, oh, that's something that might Grandmother used to say. Or that's something that I was taught in my moralist upbringing. Right, Right.

Yeah. And then at the same time, too, it's okay, like, wherever it came from, that whoever that person was, they were doing the best that they could.

Right.

Just like you talked about your upbringing. My upbringing, it's. Everyone was doing the best they could with what they were taught, but it does help to go. That's where that came from. This was not my original thought. I sound like the sponge in my head somehow absorbed that. But you do have the power within you to be like, that's not what I really think. That's not me.

Return to center.

Taking that control back in a different way.

Yeah. And it's interesting with neuroscience that we see that what you're describing is totally possible. So, like, maybe that's like a synaptic connection, like point A to point B. This equals that. That your brain is believed for 40 plus years, or however old you are. Right. And you actually have the power via neuroplasticity to change those patterns in your brain. And so an easy strategy to do that is every time that you have that automatic thought or that habitual thought or something amazing happens and you catch yourself thinking, well, this whatever, I'm not allowed to be joyful is to acknowledge it. To straight up. Like number one is acknowledge it. Remember the origin story, okay? This is probably where this is coming from. And then number three is replacing it with something that you want to believe. Like, I believe I am worthy for joy. And the more that you do that in the moment, you're going to create new connections in your brain and literally change the actual gooey structure of your brain.

Yes. And that's neuroscience, neuroplasticity. That really changed my life. Learning more about that, I'm sure you know Dr. Joe Dispenza, right? He did a lot of his meditations and a lot of his. His retreats. And when I really made that connection, that it is possible to change your brain, to change your mind, to change your thinking, to change your body, to change your life. And yes, it does take time. It's not something like overnight you're going to wake up like, I'm a new person. It's, I mean, these, you know, sponges in our head. It's. I always say it's either your best friend or your worst enemy, but you have control of which voice that you're going to have be in control of your life. And I think becoming your own best friend and speaking such, you know, nice words to yourself, that's what really, really changes your life, I think.

And I like that you're talking about multiple brains because you're bringing to mind the gut brain connection.

Yeah.

And so for those who may not be familiar with it, is you have 100 plus trillion bacteria in your gut. You actually have 99% not human DNA. So you're 1% human, and the rest is like microbial DNA. Like, you have so many bacteria in your gut that it's like three Costco rotisserie chickens. Like, you go to Costco, you grab them, you're like carrying these chickens are big. They're huge. That's how much. You have like eight pounds of these bacteria in your guts. And the bacteria are very chatty little critters. And so when you're in this, this paradigm of I'm in a midlife crisis, I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I have all this stuff that I'm dealing with is your gut is. Your brain has communicated that to your gut. Your gut's like, okay, we got this and then they reaffirm it. So when you start to change your neuroplasticity, when you start to say, you know what? I'm not going to live in the flat earth anymore. Like, I want to transform. I want to change my brain, that. That starts to change your gut. And then your gut's like, oh, we gotta change up our messaging. And then your gut will literally change. So now you're changing this gut brain connection, which then your gut regulates your immune system, it regulates your neurotransmitters, like serotonin. It regulates your endocrine system. So we're talking, especially your audience, like, a lot of people menopausal, postmenopausal, we're talking about, like, progesterone and estrogen. Like, your gut bugs are regulating that, and that's going to affect how you feel. So by just making small, simple changes with your perspective can literally create a domino effect that will change your entire life trajectory.

Yeah. It's so awesome. Yay. I know. Or.

Yeah.

Or district chickens. So midlife crisis, since you brought that up, let's talk about that. What do you think midlife crisis is?

I mean, my entire life, I've gotten the societal messaging that when you turn 40, you get black balloons.

Yeah.

And so when I turned 40, I was like, none of you all get me black balloons because I reject that. Like, I'm not allowing that into my life. But I think with midlife crisis, there are a few things going on. Is one is that we've. We have a bio accumulation of narratives. And so think of, like, a whiskey barrel, right? And so we start out in life, and we all start out with a certain amount of metaphorical whiskey, which is representative of, like, negative biohazards in our barrel. Because we all have epigenetic trauma, environmental exposures, opportunities, economics, culture. Like, whatever it is, our barrel is, like, always at a certain level. And then as we go through life, that barrel gets more and more and more full until it hits that threshold. Like you. And when you and I were talking about is like, at some point, something's got to give. If we're not emptying the barrel at a faster rate than we're filling it. And so we often see that barrel starts to overflow around our 40s and 50s and 60s. And so that could be because of an accumulation of negative messaging. It could be because, like, your body is tired of you burning the candle at both ends. Now it's giving you the metaphorical middle finger. Right. It could be that this is when we're Entering changes in our hormones. And our body is in such a state of tenuous equilibrium that that change is difficult. And so we get hormonal symptoms. And so I really think that when we're talking about midlife crisis, is that we're actually looking at a whole gestalt of, like, which direction has your train been going? Has it been going towards greater living, greater life? Or has it been going towards a barrel that's more and more full? So if you're starting to experience that midlife crisis, then look at those symptoms as data on how you need to truly, deeply heal. Whether that's making big changes in your social life and what you're doing with your lifestyle or your job. Maybe you need a jobectomy. Like, looking at what's biologically going on. It's an opportunity for transformation.

Yeah, I love that you said that opportunity. Because I've always said midlife crisis. It's. Yeah, it's an opportunity for a midlife awakening. It's just like, the person is there. Yeah, I know.

I'm writing that down, getting my pencil out. Coin. Wendy.

And I love that analogy that you said too, about the barrel. I just today was thinking about that because I have found. And I think that's what happened to me. I've been pretty good. Like, I've done therapy my whole life. I've done all, like, yeah, reading the books. I've done it all. Like, emdr. I've done so much. And I think, yeah, that does happen for people like you. It reaches a peak and you're like, oh, my God, your body, your mind, nothing can go on. It's like you're having a total breakdown, a total meltdown, a midlife crisis. But for me now, I find that I'm so aware of something that comes in into my. To my psyche, into my path, into my life that are like, something doesn't feel right, doesn't feel good. I'm like, we're. We're tackling the sucker now. Because I know that if you don't, it doesn't go away, Right? You can't shove that shit further down into the barrel. It will keep coming up and keep coming up until you face it. Right? So I even had something happen not too long ago. I was like, oh, no, no, no, we gotta take care of this. No, get the shit out of my barrel.

I love that.

Yeah. But I think that is so important that you do face it. Just handle it now. Like, take the garbage out now. Don't. Don't let it wait, because it's not going to go away.

Right.

Even if it's something, right, that happened 10, 20, 30 years ago, it's still sitting there. Yeah.

What you deny will amplify, right?

Oh yeah, I like, let me write that down.

Yeah. What you deny will amplify. What you resist will persist. Like you gotta get it out.

It's true.

Yeah, yeah, go ahead. No, I want to hear it. I want to hear it.

And I think too, for me, like what works for one person may not work for another. And I think you have to just kind of try different methods. Some people need one on one therapy. Right. Some people are good with sitting and doing an online course. Some people just need to chit chat with friends. Some people need whatever herbs. Some people. And it's okay. And sometimes you just have to make that decision of like, okay, I'm going to try something and you figure out like, okay, this worked for me, that didn't work for me. And you just keep going until you figure it out.

Yes. And sometimes I have my like, I just talked to a patient today and this person, I've been working with her for a super long time and there's lots of deep trauma that we've pulled out. But surprisingly there's this one thing that like really helped her. Anxiety and panic attacks. And it was doing an NAD IV, which is B3 Niacin injection.

Oh yeah.

And it was like one of the most amazing home runs for her. And it's just like that. I mean, I have a huge list of strategies for people, but I was like, what the hell? Like that works for you. That's amazing. So it's like you're saying, Wendy. So if you guys are listening to this recording is just like, know that you just keep trying, keep looking at things, do the exploration. I always, I teach medical students and so I always tell them to be like a panther in a tree. And at nighttime this is like this panther and you're like sitting in the tree branches and you're looking and their eyes are peeled for any sort of movement, like a little rabbit or like a little marmot or something. And then when they see that, they pounce. They're like, ah, I got it. And so yeah, be the panther, be in the tree. See like what is, what are the indicators, what might support me? Who can I talk to? Like, be curious, be ready.

Yeah. Sometimes it's the simplest things that are the most profound. I mean. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Sometimes it's like, oh, you could read a sentence in a book and be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, whatever works.

Whatever works.

What works for you? I mean, I'm sure you probably have shitty days too. Yeah. What works for you to get out of a crappy day?

One is ego state therapy always helps me feel better. And ego state therapy is, it comes from EMDR equipment sensitization and reprocessing trauma therapy. But they also talk about it in ifs, which is internal family systems therapy. So basically it's a subsect of therapy where you look at the different parts of yourselves. Because sometimes I feel ways that's like my three year old is having a temper tantrum. My three year old self like, just got to work on that part. So doing ego state therapy always works. I have a therapist that I see regularly and she keeps me out of the loony bin is what I always say. And then number two, what always helps me is if I can get out in the desert and just move my body and hike and get like sweat and vitamin D and sunshine. That always helps as a pattern interrupt. You're walking back and forth, you're activating your nervous system, you're moving energy out. And then number three is honestly homeopathy, like finding the right homeopathic remedy for me is game changing, like from being like in that pit of like funk negativity to like, like skipping and whistling and snapping my fingers.

Yeah. And I found. That's awesome. That's great advice. And I have found too for me, if I'm physically tired emotionally, I almost like. Okay, I'm just gonna ignore the stupid thoughts because I know you're tired.

Yeah.

And you're gonna get a good night's rest tonight.

Yep.

And you're gonna feel fine tomorrow. Yeah. So I have, I have found though that physically if I'm exhausted, even like recently, you know, I had jet lag for it just hit me. Yeah. By the way, because. Yeah. You're gone.

Yeah.

You're gonna be traveling. Yeah. And it does like hit me about two days later. I was like, whoa, hit a wall. And. And then I feel just. And yeah. Maybe it has to do with the gut. Right. Totally the gut brain reaction. Right. So emotionally I was like, why am I so like, I'm like, I'm not really thinking that, but I'm just feeling blah.

Yes.

It's just because my body was feeling blah and it's okay. So I. Yeah. And I was like, you know what? I think I'm just gonna sleep today and that's okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly.

Being horizontal. And like, if you want to like just Netflix and Binge like having days to rest, like that's.

Yeah. Permission for self care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I used to be the worst of that. Now I'm like, woohoo. Self care. I'm signing up for a massage.

I so love that.

So depressive anxiety. I was looking at the notes here. Signs of depressive anxiety. Yeah.

So there are eight types of anxiety and of the eight types of anxiety, one of them is depressive anxiety, which is where you have the symptoms of anxiety, like restlessness, worry, trembling, heart palpitations, like all of those fearful type experiences. But it's like instead of it being just like a straight up anxious state, like sometimes people get this like mix of like, I feel worthlessness, I feel hopeless, I feel despairing, I have a lack of motivation. And so those are the depressive features. And so the treatment for just straight up pure anxiety is going to be different if there's anxious features with it. And so actually you earlier mentioned 5 HTP.

Yeah.

So as an example of that. So if I have somebody come into my office and they're really, really anxious, but then they're like sedated because of this depressive feature, 5 HTP can actually lift depression and calm anxiety as opposed to if they just have normal regular anxiety and they're just like restless and up and like, like panic attacking, then 5 HTP might actually make them worse because it's a little stimulating. So knowing what type of anxiety you're dealing with will help you find solutions that will zero in and be more effective for you. I have a quiz on my website. You can go in there and figure out what type you have.

Yeah, speaking of, your website is so awesome.

Thank you.

I'm one of those that looks at websites and be like, okay, but there's so much on there, you guys. You have to go to her website. I don't tell this about everybody, but I love like there's so many resources and your courses.

Thank you. It's so nice of you to say.

Impressed with that. And then just reading your story was so cool. Like you're real, like.

Yeah. That's why I love you so much.

Yeah.

I connect so very much with the work that you're doing and your mission. And I love that you are so sincerely authentic. And so when people connect with you, they're like getting a real human that is willing to be vulnerable while asking them to be vulnerable. And that's one thing I love about you and the work you're doing.

Thank you. I think for me the, the light switch finally Just went off. I'm like, I. In the kindest of ways, I. I don't really care what people think. I really don't. Like, I just. Like, I'm just gonna. I don't. I'm going to shine my light. I get some people that are allergic to my light. They're allergic to a lot of that. You know, I'm like, okay. But I feel like even if it's this right here.

Yeah. If we.

Between just providing this channel and you and I having this conversation, if one person is motivated to get out of that dark depression or to make a change in their life, like, I'm good. If I could just. Because I know. I mean, I've been there. It sucks. Like, I. I never in my entire life, and I haven't. Maybe I have admitted this, but I had never my entire life ever thought about suicide before. But I did for a very brief moment, and it was awful. And I thought, you know what? I can understand why some people get to that point. Because you don't see a way out. There's always a way out. There's always, always a way out. Yeah. And the way I look at it, like, we get one life. Like, what is that quote of? What are you gonna do with your one wild and precious life?

Yeah.

So if you get one life, why not just, like, go for it? Why not just make the best of it instead of.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah. So.

Yeah.

Can you hear me okay?

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. What I love about that, too, is it gives this, like, extra meaning to that fork in the road, you know? It's like, in that fork in the road, when things can feel worthless and meaningless, it's like, making meaning. It's like, this is. This is my one chance to, like, prove to myself that I am tenacious and that anything that changes is changeable and that I can figure this out and I'm not alone.

Yeah. Yeah. Or who's the. I can't think of her name right now. Marie Forleo. Everything is figureoutable. Everything's figureoutable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Figure it out. So let's see here. Top two herbs for anxiety.

Ooh, I have a couple of. They're my favorites. It's hard to pick out my favorites. But two. All right. Okay. If you deal with anxiety, but you need to keep your wits about you. So if you're, like, really busy, high achieving, you're gonna be driving you, and you can't take a Benzo because you don't want to be A zombie on the couch all day. You need kava kava. Have you ever taken that one?

That's good. Yes, I have. Yeah. That's what helped me out of my whole funky funk.

I love kava kava. She is such an amazing herb. And here's the hack. So I think the tincture works better. And a tincture is a liquid extract. It will look like this. So it will come in a bottle. It'll look just like that. And then you just do three big squeezes, a little bit of water right down the hatch. Takes like 10 minutes to kick in. And it will significantly make a huge difference. I bring kava on every flight, so that is what you're going to use if you need to keep your wits about you. But if you have, like hormone problems, like if you're, if you're going through menopause or if you're going through pregnancy loss, or if you're going through. You're having PMS or like wherever you are, if you're a male and you're going through andropause, or if you're transitioning, like anything hormone related, then you want Leonoris.

And I've never heard of that. Yes.

I got one that you didn't know. Oh. Her other name is Mother Wort. And so maybe people might know that name. Yeah, yeah. So Motherwort is hormone balancing. She's anti anxiety and she's antidepressant. And so this herb is like the hug from like the celestial mother. And so it's like if you just like, I just need a hug. Like that depressing anxiety.

Yeah.

Mother Wort or Leonoris. Yep. And she's. She's really, really good. And you can grow it. It grows in. It grows here in Michigan and you can harvest it and grow it. And so that's number two. And number three, I'm going to give you. This is a. This is an herb I guarantee you nobody else is talking about, because she's very, very powerful herb and that makes people frightened. And so very, very powerful herbs are herbs that you can only use in low doses. And so you don't want to take vats and vats of her. Because this herb, when you take too much, is very toxic. And we can't have that. But we just dropped doser. And so a drop is literally, you take the tincture, you just put one little drop in your mouth, you wait one minute. If your panic and anxiety isn't gone, then you do two more drops, and then you wait one minute and then you do two More drops. This herb stops panic and I'm ready to tell you her name. Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Pulsatilla.

Oh yeah.

People talk about homeopathy Pulsatilla, but Pulsatilla is an amazing panic and anxiety herb. You just low dose her. So people are like, don't use her because she's toxic. Well, yeah, if you drink a bad of it, it'll make you sick. But this is amazing. Like, this is like the mothership of herbs.

So how can people actually get these herbs?

Yeah, you can buy them on Amazon as long as you're making sure it's coming from the vendor themselves. And so you want to get something from like Wise Woman Herbals or Herb Farm or, or Gaia. I also sell them on my website, but I also. Yes, you can get them there, but shop local. So like go. If you have like a low. A local grocery store that has herbs, it's like bring them the list and support your local economy. So buy them there. Just make sure they're from one the three brands that I listed, Herb Farm, Gaia, Weissel and Herbals. Because that's going to be the pure.

Yeah.

They do good amount.

Yeah.

Yes.

That is so awesome.

Yeah.

And yeah, so are you. Can you see people treat people across the way or is it just.

I can't where you're at. Okay, I see I have patients in Arizona, so if you're in Arizona, I can be your doctor. But I'm actually writing a book right now, so I'm focusing on the Holistic Wellness Collective where it's like less than a cup of coffee a day and people can have direct access to me in a group and we like post our labs and we answer questions and I do lives. So that's. I would encourage people to do that. Come in there, come in there.

We'd have so much fun.

We'd have so much fun. We just like create unicorn magic every day.

You know what though too, I think that's so many thoughts today. I think that transformation can be. And it should be fun. And I think sometimes people go into going, oh, it's got me. And yes, there can be some tough times through it, but if you go into it knowing that you're gonna come out on the other side and you're gonna feel so freaking good.

Oh, good. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to get out of the dark and back into the light and you.

Can, you can feel better.

I've been trying to watch. We've had some great comments. I've been trying to watch Some of them. If you guys have questions, questions, you just let me know. Did I leave anything else? Oh, did you do the fave hack for a panic attack?

The three minute hack. And so step one, yeah, it's just listen to the symptoms. So like set an alarm on your phone, one minute. Just notice all the symptoms, lean into it, let them express themselves in their full gloriousness. Set your alarm for another one minute moment and then ask yourself, when have I felt this before? And try to look into your history because there's very likely a reason that you're feeling activated. And then number three is to ask that anxious part. What do you need me to know do for you? So it's a three minute hack. Acknowledge looking down the timeline and then what do you need me to do for you? That's the three minute hack.

I love it.

Yeah.

And it's simple really. Yeah.

Easy. Doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be complicated.

It doesn't have to be complicated. I've had people on the show recently with these amazing accents and I'm just like, oh, love it. Somebody who said beauty berry wellness.

Hi girl.

She says Hawthorne for cardiac anxiety.

Yes, that's actually you might be on my email list. Yes, Hawthorne is really good for cardiac anxiety. Hawthorne or Cartageous is her other name, is really good as a glycerite or a tincture and a tea is really good too. But I always do tinctures because they're more powerful and it's good for chest anxiety or cardiac anxiety.

Yeah, I've always noticed for me anything like liquid is much more. It's much quicker, stronger. Yeah. And I think it is important. I used to own medical practices and I used to have access to like really good herbs and you know like pure encapsulation and the really good companies. So not everybody. I mean actually nowadays with Amazon, a lot of people have access to some of this stuff now, which is great.

Yeah, that's huge.

You don't want to buy this stuff over at Walmart or Costco, like in the big, you know, the big bottles. Like it's not going to be good stuff.

Exactly. If it's cheap, there's a reason that they're able to make it cheap.

Exactly. Any other questions, you guys? Anything you can think of.

So I saw a comment through, come through when we were getting started about vitamin D and vitamin D is really important and there's a strong link between mood and vitamin D, especially when the days are getting shorter. So get your vitamin D checked, your insurance should cover that. It's a blood test, and you want to keep your vitamin D levels around 80 to 100. And so you're going to see on the lab report, those reference ranges are going to say like, 35 to 100, which is so ridiculously big. It's like the labs scratching their head and having.

I don't know. We don't know.

But the Vitamin D Society is up to date on the research. Get your vitamin D tested every single year. My Arizona patients are all low in vitamin D, so my guess is that all y' all are, too. The other thing that's really huge is ferritin, especially for menopausal women. Is all y' all get your ferritin checked, because I just did a reel about this. And so if you haven't seen it, go and look at my reel. I think there's like 780,000 views on that reel right now. Because everybody is low in ferritin. Ferritin is storage iron. And your storage iron goes down when we bleed. Our storage iron goes down, and we have malabsorption, certain medications like birth control or hormone replacement. And that causes a ton of symptoms like difficulty breathing, heart palpitations, restlessness, worry. Sound familiar? A lot of anxiety, right?

Yeah, exactly.

Check your ferritin. So those are two labs that I would highly recommend that you all take a look at.

D should be. I don't know what that meant. D should be between.

D should be between 80 to 100.

Oh, okay.

Yes, yes.

What if ferritin is high?

Ferritin will go up as inflammation rises. So ferritin is an acute phase reactant. So you want to find out why your ferritin is high. So if you're inflamed and you're dealing with autoimmunity or something like that, then it's not telling you about iron stores. So you might work on getting the inflammation down and then retest the ferritin with an entire iron panel to look at your serum iron, your total iron binding capacity, and your ferritin. It could also be hemochromatosis. And so some people, they have a genetic mutation where they store iron, but that's very, very uncommon. More commonly, I see deficient iron stores.

So do you do testing as well?

Tons of testing. All about testing, but not spray and pray testing. Like, let's figure out what's going to get you the most bang for your buck. But ferritin should be covered by insurance, and your doctor should be doing it every year.

Yeah. Do you know. Do you need vitamin C to absorb vitamin D. Yeah. Hi, Kira. I was like, I know her, she's so cute.

Vitamin D should always be taken with vitamin C, a K, calcium and magnesium. Because there is a stupid study that was done and they're like, oh, my God, Vitamin D put the plaque in your arteries. And so we looked at the actual study and what they did, and they dosed it incorrectly. And so if you dose it with all of its cofactors, it will pull it into the bones where it's supposed to be. And if you don't dose it properly, then obviously it's not going to work the way it should, so. Good question, my friend.

Yeah, she's a cutie. I miss her. Let's see here. Somebody else had a question. Let me go back scrolling. Have severe GAD and health anxiety. Best supplement.

Yeah. So GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Health Anxiety. So health anxiety is one of the eight types of anxiety. It's thought anxiety. And so what's happening is that your brain is trying to protect you and is trying to make the world in your control. In many ways, it's out of your control. And so your brain is producing anxious thoughts. For example, oh, my gosh, my heart is palpitating. Maybe I have a heart disease. So with health anxiety and gad, we notice our physical sensations more acutely and more intensely. And so for health anxiety, number one is make sure you have a doctor that you really trust that will do all of the testing that's appropriate and that will really look at optimal levels for you. And then when you have health anxiety, you can tell your health anxiety part. Like, I hear you. I know you're trying to protect me, but I want you to know that I've got you taken care of and that I have. We have a really good doctor in our team, and so you don't have to try to protect us with worry anymore. I got your back.

Yeah. Yeah. We're just complex creatures, you know?

We are.

Once you kind of figure it out, it's like. But then I think what I was saying before, too. I think you get more in tune with what you need.

Yeah, right. Yeah. You know when.

When you're a little off and it's okay. Yeah.

Then you.

You have. Then you have your little toolbox, if you will, of things that you can do. Or your little fanny pack. Like, fanny pack.

I feel like as I gotten older, it's like turning into, like a giant.

It's a big old. Ain't got a big old bag. Yeah, You've been so awesome.

Thank you for having me on where.

We can find you.

Yeah, I'm Dr. Nicole. I am very responsive on Instagram, so just click my name if you want to learn about all the cool stuff. I have tons of freebies for you. And if you do have additional questions, we try to reply to every single comment. So throw a comment on the video and if I'm, if it's on Wendy's page, just tag me in it and I'll try to reply to you. But yeah, come to my Instagram and then it'll have a link in the bio and all the fun stuff. Take the eight types of anxiety quiz so you can zero in on what to do.

Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Nicolecane.com right?

Yes.

U L E C A I N. Yeah, I mean, your courses are great. There's so many different courses on there. I love that.

Yeah.

One more thing, because I don't want to ignore that. Thoughts on natural or bioidentical progesterone? That's a hot topic right there.

If your progesterone is low, you want to find out how your body is metabolizing progesterone. And so we start with progesterone, and then your body will go down an alpha or a beta pathway, depending on how your body processes progesterone. It may be life saving for you, like 100 milligrams. You may be like seeing God. Like, you may sleep great. Be less anxious. So if you have low progesterone and it's metabolizing into useful progesterone, then, yes, take it. But if you already have sufficient levels of progesterone, then taking more is probably not the answer. There's probably something else going on. And so my favorite hack for this is the Dutch test. D U T C H. And so I run that on all my patients who have hormones, which is basically all of us. Right. And then figure out what are all of your friends doing and how do we support them to make sure that it's functioning optimally. So you're not just like taking prescriptions and hoping for the best.

Yeah, I did the touch test and it was great, actually, because I was having so many issues and I discovered I was like, oh, shit, I went through menopause. I had no idea. So it's so important to kind of figure out what is underneath all of it.

Right? Yes. You are worth a doctor who will take the time to hear your concerns, order appropriate testing, and honor you. So I, I, I can't emphasize that enough Right now.

Yeah. Thank you so much. I've enjoyed. I could stay in here all day. This is.

I know. I'm having so much fun. Yeah.

You're like, I gotta get to work.

I got a call. Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you, everyone that joined us. Thank you for buying badges and this show. I'm gonna post it right when we get done onto my Instagram on. On your Instagram, and then it'll be on the Midlife Makeover show podcast next Monday.

Yay. Thank you so much for having me. I love you all. So grateful.

All right, have a good one.

Thank you so much for listening to another great episode of the Midlife Makeover show live on Instagram. Before we part ways, just a few quick reminders of how you and I can connect outside of this fabulous show. Number one, join the Midlife Makeover Club. It's our private Facebook community for all things related to midlife relationships, health, mindset and more. You will receive episode updates, interview clips of the show, Instagram, live videos, wise words from Wendy, and of course, some wacky words from Wendy. Basically, anything to help you live, love and laugh through midlife. Just go to themidlifemakeoverclub.com and request to join. We would love to have you. Number two, join us for the next Instagram live show. The cool thing about IG lives is is that you can meet new guests and ask questions live on the show. How cool is that? Just follow me on Instagram at Wendy Valentine or the Midlife Makeover show and click on live shows on my profile. Number three, check out my Midlife Makeover method online course available@midlifemakeovermethod.com in this fabulous four week online course presented by your hostess of the Midlife mostest, you will embark on an awesome journey of transformation. I will help you discover your number one wish, uncover your why, and get you taking action towards creating a life you love. Over four weeks, we will go through four phases of seed to flight. You will walk away with a midlife metamorphosis.