098 Becoming Panic Proof with Holistic Anxiety Expert Dr Nicole Cain

Welcome to the Orgasmic Lifestyle Podcast by Venus o'. Hara. I'm here to welcome you into the world of orgasmic living by hosting experts to discuss orgasmic topics such as nutrition, spirituality, personal development, sexuality, and much more. Here we will offer lifestyle lessons that can help you lead a fulfilling, joyous and orgasmic lifestyle. I'm your guide, Venus O'.

Hara. Welcome to episode 98 of the Orgasmic Lifestyle Podcast with Venus O'. Hara. In this new Moon episode, we discuss anxiety and mental health. We speak with Dr. Nicole Cain, a clinical psychologist, a holistic anxiety expert, and author of Panic Proof. I also review the book Good Vibes, Good life How self love is the key to unlocking your Greatness by Vex King. And the episode ends with a guided meditation with affirmations for overcoming anxiety. But first, let me share with you some really personal stuff.

They say the timing is always right.

And it seems very ironic that this particular episode is airing today. In the last month, I've been going through some very big challenges in my personal life. So the topic of anxiety is very familiar to me right now. And before I start talking about what I've been facing or how I've been dealing with it, I wanted to give some background, background about my interview with Dr. Nicole Caine. It was interesting because I just walked in the door from coming back from London. I'd just been in the UK for a few days to visit family and friends in London and Manchester. That was a very emotional journey.

And.

Because I just got off a flight and had, you know, all this emotional upheaval, I didn't have time to actually prepare any questions. But I thought I would challenge myself and be okay with the unpreparedness and just, just be present and intuitive with the interview. And I didn't expect to vibe so well with Dr. Nicole Caine because the topic of anxiety didn't feel like it was part of my passions at the time. But it was very unexpected and a very, very pleasant surprise. And we went way over time, which is always a good sign because I usually allocate about 45 minutes for my interviews. But yeah, there was seems, seemed to be a lot to say. But now that was about a month ago that when we did the interview and since then I've been going through some really contrasting events in my life. I've had some incredible joy with the publication of my fourth book and I've had lots of promotion, lots of media attention, which is really nice. It's very validating to know that your crazy ideas are held and being promoted by other people and being appreciated. Which is always nice because sometimes being a content creator is kind of a lonely journey and you know, it's kind of like an uphill battle. Sometimes you're just on your own just making all this content and then looking at numbers online. Then you kind of forget sometimes that behind those numbers there is a person.

So yeah, it's very nice to have.

That kind of more face to face in person feedback which I do find very encouraging and motivating as well. And I'm not going to go into has been going on in my life but what has been interesting is how I've coped with it. Because me, I've just had so much growth in, in the past and I do think the challenges in our lives, moments of emotional upheaval, pain etc are moments for potential transformation and that's how I like to deal with it. I do believe that pain is our greatest teacher. And I have been kind of processing some, some things and I think old me would have over shared with friends or like what's going on with me just to try and get some support and yeah, just to be held by others and that's great. It's good, good to have a, you know, a circle of people who can hold space for you. But also recently, well, kind of recently I. My trust, the trust I had with some friends has been bro. Something I. Some things that I confided in someone were repeated to the wrong people and that has had a massive impact on my life this whole year. Earlier in the year maybe it was actually last year now I interviewed a celebrity psychic and I remember he said to me that your friends are going to disappoint you. And I was thinking no, I've got this like solid group of friends. No way, I can't believe that. And then just after that interview I went to an event and I saw a friend and then she revealed to me that she had let one of my secrets escape. And she just said it in a very matter of fact way. No, sorry, no apologizing. And I was flabbergasted. I couldn't believe it. And that has been a massive blow to me ever since. And I tried to, I didn't know how to deal with it. I tried to kind of gauge what, what have you said to who? Well, how do they react? And it just felt very, I felt very exposed because even though I do make content about, you know, sexuality, relationships, I do reveal a lot of my thoughts and experiences. I do feel I'm in control of my narrative. And I'm kind of sharing from a space of what I've learned rather than implicating third parties and bringing drama into my content. That's not what I want about at all. And also I tend to attract very private people in my life. So out of respect to those people, I don't want to narrate my life in real time like it's a soap opera. That's not what I want to do at all. So when my, my trust was broken, the trust was, it was gone. I was incredibly, incredibly disappointed. And I have had to deal with that all year. This disintegration of support system that I thought I had and.

But, but that's.

Not really what I was I've been.

Dealing with in the last month.

There's something else and some other things happening. And the old me would have reached out to people and said, hey, hold space for me. But now I just actually I have a very, very good friend that I trust so much. And she taught me the power of silence. And I have been really learning and exploring this, this modality of just sitting in silence and processing and not sharing.

And that's very kind of against who.

I am and how I've been in the past. And I found it to be so, so, so, so liberating, so peaceful. And now every morning I'm spending 10 to 15 minutes just sitting in silence. Before, I would be trying to fill the silence with music, but now I'm just listening, observing my thoughts and processing pain. And I just think, feeling how, into how things are moving through my body and, and just taking notes and also just trying to find lessons. I do like to find meaning in things. And something that one of my, the same friend said last week when we were at an event, she said, you know, intuition doesn't always know why. And I think I've been really tapping into how my body feels about things. And sometimes things can just feel wrong and you don't know why, but then with time and more information then, then you can kind of understand why. But sometimes it does take time until you can get to that point, if at all. So now I'm just kind of like not asking why so much and just feeling, observing and accepting. And that has been my process over the last month. But in parallel I've been going through this incredible moments of absolute joy and success and growth, which has been amazing. So I do feel that, you know, pain can propel you to grow in ways that can feel, can feel unfamiliar. Sometimes it can be feel a little bit, a little Bit uncomfortable too, because sometimes it feels safe to stay where you are. But now I am incredibly grateful for everything that's happened to me in the last month and the growth that has occurred thanks to it. And also another thing I've been doing to kind of process my feelings and my emotions and my inner world is that I've been really getting into journaling a lot also because I've been asked to host a workshop at Barcelona Journaling Weekend. So I've kind of thought, well, I may as well, you know, actually practice what I preach. So it's been, it's become a daily activity for me now. It's kind of really cathartic to get all of your thoughts and emotions onto a paper. I'm also, I'm also mega paranoid about anyone finding these papers because I've really gone for it. So I tend to write in different languages. I speak four languages, French, Spanish, Catalan and English. So I'm writing, writing this mishmash, this kind of potpourri of different languages that no one will understand. And plus my messy handwriting. If anyone finds it, it's going to be okay. It's going to be impossible to decipher. So that's been my process right now. However, I do think that, you know, if you are going through difficult times, you know, sometimes you might need more than silence and journaling. You might need to connect with a professional. And that's something that I think is always a good idea to do. But for me, I don't think it's that ser. That's what I've been going through. It's just something that's learning, a learning process. And I've been held by my friends who value noble silence as well. And. Yeah, and trustworthiness, which is becoming one of my most important values. And I think I've shared with you before that the more well known you become, the more precious and sacred your private life becomes. And that has been the case for me, especially now with me. And I've been in lots of media here in Spain. I've got some more media coming and I'm really looking forward to that. And I also have the global launch of my book in January. But even though I value my privacy, I will still have lots of juice to share with you on here. So keep listening. Dear listener, due to popular demand, I am so thrilled to be offering 60 minute Zoom sessions just for you. Imagine an hour talking to me. Oh my God. About all of topics that I am a specialist in. I can help you with sexual wellness consulting. That could involve your sexual wellness business or even your personal life. If you need some sex coaching to spice up your life with your partner or even your solo sex life, I can definitely help you with that. I'm also offering Self Love mentoring and I'll be testing out my materials for my fourth forthcoming Self Love retreat and these sessions are getting some excellent feedback. I'm also offering Orgasmic Manifestation, the sex magic guidance which is the topic of my book and it's something that I am also very passionate about. I'm having excellent results with and also Life in Barcelona. If you want to visit Barcelona or live in Barcelona, I am your woman. I can provide you with lots of tips and last but not least, if you need a personal shopper for your pleasure product Purchases I am your woman. So we can connect and I will show you the best products for your needs. So are you ready to take the next step? If so, secure your spot today by visiting my website, Venusohara.org or you can click on the link in the show notes below. Let's make this hour all about you and your orgasmic journey. Now it's time for this episode's interview. We'll be speaking with Dr. Nicole Caine, a clinical psychologist, holistic anxiety expert, and the author of panic proof.

Dr. Nicole Caine, welcome to the Orgasmic Lifestyle Podcast. It's a real pleasure to have you here. For those who are unfamiliar with your work, could you tell us what you do?

Yeah. My area of expertise is anxiety. My mission is to help people learn how to decode the symptoms of anxiety and translate them into strategies for really truly healing.

So how did you what inspired you to follow this path?

It was out of necessity. You and I were before we started hitting the record button, we were talking about wounded healers. And so many of us come from backgrounds of stress and questionable family dynamics and maybe health and grief. And that was my story is I was brought into my family and I felt kind of in the role of caretaker. And so it didn't feel solid and secure and it didn't feel safe in all of the instances. And so I found that I was trying to create that safety. I was trying to regulate my parents moods and emotions. We moved a lot and so there was just a lot of stress. And by the time I hit college, I was on six different prescriptions for different health things like asthma and rhinitis, which is congestion, nasal congestion and anxiety and heart palpitations and all the things. And I wasn't getting any healthier. In fact, I was probably getting less healthy and so I decided that I wanted to understand how to help people and to do so in a way where I was empowered to do it naturally. And so I studied clinical psychology, went to naturopathic medical school, which is amazing. In the US And Arizona, naturopathic medical school is a mixture. You learn all the things that a typical MDDO learns, but then we learn all sorts of wonderful integrative naturopathic stuff. Like, you and I were talking about eclectic herbalism. We learn acupuncture, we learn about nutrition, and we learn lifestyle and trauma work. And so I was doing all of those things until rock bottom in 2015. And I was the expert at helping people get better. And people would turn to me for their integrative treatment protocols. I was very passionate about mental health. And then I had my own really severe mental health crisis in 2015, where I stopped sleeping. And then the body was in this constant autonomic arousal, and I was panicking, and it felt like my chest was on fire, and my muscles were twitching involuntarily, and it was just awful and agonizing. And in those moments, those kind of dark circles of hell are where we get to choose. Do I want to burn it to the ground and rise like the Phoenix, or is this the end of the conversation for me? And I wanted to rise like the Phoenix. And so. Which is beautiful that this all took place in Phoenix. And also such a lovely metaphor. I'm like, all right, universe, I hear you. And so I started to ask a lot of questions from this place of unknowing, this place of perceived powerlessness, this place of absolute collapse and despair. I started asking questions. I started to talk to my anxiety and say, what is it you're here for? What are you. What are you doing? What is your mission?

Were you medicated at this point? Were you taking.

I was very medicated at this point. Yes. I was taking antidepressant. I was taking a benzodiazepine, which is like Xanax or Klonopin, and I was taking Ambien. I was taking so many sedating supplements and medications. I remember driving through the pharmacy, and the pharmacist is like, this could kill you. Like, this is a lot of medication. And I was like, that doesn't help. I'm already freaking out. And through this journey, through this transformation, I started to understand what my symptoms were telling me. And my approach completely changed. And since that time, I've been working with clients to help them get through this kind of similar rock bottom. I've taken all the supplements I've done all the meditations, I've had their oil poured on my third eye by an ayurvedic healer. And I just, it's not going away. And so that's been my mission and that's what I'm passionate about and that's what the book is about.

So tell us about your book, Panic Proof. I've just been reading your book. What inspired you? To read it? To write it? Sorry, not to read it. What inspired you?

Yes, it was the book I needed to read.

Okay.

When I was growing up and I found when I was with my clients, I repeated myself a lot and there were these things I wanted them to understand and I didn't find that there was a place online or resource that I could send them to that had the total trauma, informed, integrative information that I wanted. And I was like, I should just write this all down for people and then they can have a book and they can take it and they can make it their own and be empowered with that information. And so that was where Panic Proof came from.

Amazing. So I've been reading your book. I actually read it on the plane and I've been reading it during my morning coffees.

Yes.

But it was interesting at the beginning when you talked about, you know, there's massive responsibility of work, it made me think, I actually like being a freelancer because I thought, you know, sometimes when you think about scaling a business, like responsibilities increase and that can be quite challenging. It's kind of hard just working as a solopreneur. You know, you've got enough kind of things keeping you up at night, but then you have bigger structures, it's more, lots of responsibility and to people, to loans, to like all this stuff. It really made me think, wow, this is interesting.

Which is, I think so relevant in this economic climate is the cost of goods is so high, wages are comparatively significantly less and more and more people are struggling financially. And our body tries to help us be more capable of adapting to this greater amount of stress. And so the body will make more stress hormone. The body will turn up your emotional centers of the brain like the amygdala, and that will trigger a cascade of hormonal changes which can affect your gut microbiome and your nervous system, your estrogen and that can affect our sexual well being, which I know is a big mission of yours, is to support people through that process. And so when we think about the world of anxiety, it's so far reaching, it can affect us in all sorts of different areas of Our lives.

So in the book I read, it was really about, you know, depression, anxiety. And you have different. Maybe people experience those things or react to those things in different ways for some different definitions. I'm kind of curious about when does sadness become depression? When does stress become anxiety? Where is the line? Because obviously life is nuanced. We go through ups and downs. Let's say someone's gone through a break up, they lost their job. When does that sadness become depression? When should someone seek help?

I think about it in terms of your sense of personal power. And so if, if I lost my job and I'm grieving, that we can grieve from a place of honor, from a place of personal power. It's a way of respecting the importance of what it was that we lost. But when that grief starts to take away your life or make your world smaller, then it's a symptom. Then it's data that, okay, something that, that we were honoring has now become something that is preventing us from living, thriving, growing. And similar with stress is. Stress is really good. Stress is what helps you get through the airport quickly because you were, you were traveling recently and if you were just lollygagging through the airport and stopping in all the shops, you may not have made it to your plane on time. And so you had just the right amount of stress to motivate you to get there, which helped your heart beat faster and that helped deliver oxygenated blood to your muscles. That helped you walk more quickly and roll your bag and helped your brain to be crisp and say, okay, what gate am I at? Right? So that stress enabled you to have greater life. But when stress starts to mount and it stays around out of context of being valuable and it starts to drain your sense of personal agency, that's when it becomes a symptom. That's when it becomes something that we want to then start to recalibrate or treat.

So how do we treat things? You've shared so many very interesting facts.

About antidepressants in your book.

Would you like to share what you found?

There's this chemical imbalance theory that's been predominated since the 60s. Is they. When they discovered serotonin, it was like a light bulb moment for the medical system is they're like, oh my gosh, there's this chemical and oh wow. We found, we developed a drug, Prozac was the first one. We developed this drug that can modify this chemical. And then in studies, it took quite a lot of studies to prove that it worked better than placebo which is a whole other conversation. But some people feel better. And so then they're, then they, they put a period at the end of the sentence and they're like, okay, imbalances in chemicals that can be corrected by medications. That's the way we're going to understand psychiatry. And while for some people, these chemical changing medications, whatever category they are, they can be helpful and life saving. But the chemical imbalance theory was debunked in 2022, where the researchers found that our understanding of why these medications work or why they don't work is really, really flawed. And it kind of brought us back to the, to the drawing board where, well, this person felt better on Lexapro. It's not necessarily because Lexapro increased their serotonin. There's something else to the conversation. We don't know what that is. Is it that Lexapro changes the gut microbiome? I don't know. Is it that it can increase neuroplasticity and the brain is healing itself? We're not sure. And so what's beautiful about not knowing is that it gives us the freedom and the space to try to figure out what might be going on. And my starting place is to look at the symptoms that somebody has when they're out of balance, Whether they're depressed or stressed or panicking or they have headaches or digestive upset or anorgasmia. They aren't, they aren't able to have an orgasm. Whatever it is, is. We want to look at the symptoms and then allow the symptoms to inform what might be at the root so that instead of just suppressing the symptoms, we're actually treating what's underneath of the symptoms.

So in your experience, do you think a lot of these, this anxiety and depression comes from environmental factors or is it something internal? What have seen the most of was just the blend. Because I think a lot of people, I think, I think a lot of people look for, like, the external to change, you know, when things are not going quite right and that they, they just want external factors that we can't control to change rather than thinking, you know, it's how you accept things.

That'S so brilliant. I'm smiling because I think that's such a, a wise observation. And so it can be internal and internal. I mean, our hormones, our neurotransmitters, our gut, our immune system, it can be our genetics, it could be nutrition, it could be detox, it could be mold exposure. So there's lots of internal things that could be happening processes. It could be external, like you were. You were wondering. It could be that you're. There's chemicals in your water. It could be that you grew up in a very difficult family environment. It could be that you need a relationship. Ectomy.

I love that word.

You need to get that person out. So there it's multifactorial. And so when we're. When. Which I love, because the chemical imbalance theory is like, this is it. This is why you're depressed and anxious. You need serotonin. We got it in a patented. A patented pill that you can go get at the pharmacy. Your insurance will cover at the end. But as. As you wisely are wondering, you pointed out is there's a lot more to the conversation.

I mean, once I went to the doctor because I'm a bit of a light sleeper because I think I've lived in too many places. That's a good thing. But I've. It's always been hard for me to just wind down at night. And I went to my doctor and he prescribed me like Xanax or something like Xanax just to. Because it was more anxiety rather than. It was about the falling asleep rather than staying asleep. So he told me to take. He gave me the lowest dose and he told me to take one every eight hours for two weeks. And I'm like, no. I just knew in my heart that that wasn't a good idea because I've had friends who've been, you know, they've been going through difficult times and obviously everyone has a different situation. But I found a lot of friends who've got. Gone down this route. They become quite numb to life. That's why it's quite interesting. That's why I asked you earlier when. If you were actually taking stuff when you had this. These lucid moments, because I think that also affects libido and actually sex can actually really. And sport can actually really make you feel better, you know, so it's gonna make you life, you know, if you're taking all these things. What do you think about that?

My story started with insomnia, and so I. My soul resonates with your story. I was given a benzodiazepine. Xanax is a benzodiazepine. I was given a longer acting one because staying asleep was also a problem for me. But I think what I would have loved your doctor to do is to maybe give you the Xanax temporarily, if that was right for you, but then to put a semicolon at the end of that instead of A period. And so, okay, we're gonna help you acutely and we're gonna give you something to relax or sedate you. Acute. There's pharmaceutical versions of that. I could provide lots of ideas of natural solutions for that. But I think even more beautiful and powerful is to then put a semicolon there and say what adaptive mechanism is in place that is resulting in you not winding down. And so I'll say that again in an easier to understand language is that there's something going on that you have adapted to. And when you've adapted to whatever that thing is that's going on, is it made you more aroused? And so the question is, okay, we know you're aroused. You're trying to go to sleep. It's difficult to fall asleep. Why is that? So then we can look and say, okay, maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's. It could be cortisol, stress hormone. So cortisol, stress hormone. When we're stressed, when we're busy, when we're really entrepreneurial and we're burning the candle at both ends, when we have a lot of pressure, performance deadlines, our body produces stress hormone. And sometimes that stress hormone doesn't release in its normal cyclical pattern. And I know that's really important to you. And your work is cycled, and our body is very cyclical. And so your cortisol should spike in the morning and it should go down throughout the day and be at its lowest in the evening. And just like if our a female's menstrual cycles are off balance, can cause a whole myriad of symptoms, your stress hormone cycles, if they're off balance, that can create insomnia and anxiety. And so, yes, you could take the benzo that will make you fall asleep. But if the reason that you're not sleeping is because your body is trying to keep you more aroused with the stress hormone, that's an obstacle to cure. So when you come off of the benzo, if that root cause hasn't been corrected, you're going to have trouble sleeping again. So it's just like one little example. Another example, if I may, that's really relevant right now for people is histamine. Histamine is a chemical released by your immune system that we all know for the itchy, runny eyes, kind of watering nose, the skin rashes, we pop a Benadryl. If we feel like a little bit of an allergy attack coming on, that same chemical that's really quite high right now when we're recording this conversation in the fall is a big cause of panic attacks that can be as stimulating as adrenaline. And so if you are anxious, if you have allergy symptoms, you can't fall asleep and the doctor gives you a Zoloft or Proac or a Sertraline. Now you have all the serotonin kind of chemically numbing you out, but it's not treating the histamine imbalance. And so that's an obstacle to cure. So those are kind of two examples of that.

So what about overthinking? What does, how does that come into it? Just because I think for me, when I don't sleep, it's overthinking. So how does that come into the, those definitions?

Let's explore that more because I'm questioning, is it the chicken or is it the egg? So you have thought anxiety in that example, right? So your brain is like, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. The brain loves thinking. Especially brilliant people like you. It's one of your, one of your zones of genius is analysis and thinking and asking questions. So if you notice that, and maybe in the moment we can do this together. So if you notice thinking. So think of the last time that happened to you where you felt like your brain just racing.

Oh, all the time.

All the time.

Because I think for me it's not always a bad thing. It can be exciting thinking, oh, tomorrow got this happening, you know, because I'm, I'm living in Europe, but I've got a lot of clients in the US So I get emails at night and because I'm a freelancer, I, I still look at the emails late and I'm like, oh, yeah, I get really excited, you know, because I've created this crazy job for myself. So I think, oh, yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna do this, this. And I, I get ideas and I write things down so I don't forget. So sometimes it can be really actually fun. And I've actually created a, I've had insomnia most of my life. I've been doing what I do for 15 years. And to, to combat my own insomnia, I have no alarm for 15 years. That's the number one, that's the number one tip that I have. Obviously not everyone can live like that. And I also, I've created, I've created like this oasis in my environmental factors. I have a weighted blanket, I have like the most comfortable bed. I meditate, I have my lavender and I have my little wind down thing with my acupressure mat and all that, you know, and you know, meditation, never have. I don't even have a tv, so I have all of that. But still there could be some excitement or worry happening. But yeah, having no alarm and just scheduling things for the afternoon is, is.

Kind of how I deal with that.

Then once I'm kind of out of that, my environment, then, then things can be very tough and I might need. That's why I take. Sometimes we'll take. Have the Xanax, the, the packet the doctor gives me lasts me a year. He gives me like 24 pills last me again, I take half. He says, he says don't worry about it. But I'm really proud of the fact that I only have to go for that once a year because in those moments of travel or visiting family where I can be a little bit stressed, then that's when I'll take something because I'm not in my normal environment with my weighted blanket and all of that.

Yes.

Yeah. So.

So this is brilliant. And I've worked with a lot of pilots and you, you have like the, the schedule of a, an airplane pilot, right. So it changes. Right. So. So you had an, A tendency perhaps to maybe be a little bit more of a night owl and so that we could follow that back into your origin story. But what I think is really cool about what you've done is that you had a tendency. And instead of trying to recalibrate that tendency, which some of us do, it's, which is fine. But what I think is really cool about it is that you enabled that to empower you to create new tendencies. So you're a night owl. You could have tried to sedate yourself all the time and be a morning person. Or you could be like, you know what? I'm kind of excited. I'm writing things down. I'm working with my US clients and people all around the world. I'm not going to set an alarm. I'm going to have a routine to calm my body, but I'm just going to kind of be in flow, which then I would argue isn't a symptom. It's the, the life that you've created. But let's say that there's somebody who's listening to this conversation and they're like, I work a 9 to 5 job and so I have to have a life with an alarm clock. And so then let's say that they're going to bed at night. Maybe they are naturally a night owl, but they can't change their life to do that. So they get thoughts. Their thoughts are Racing at nighttime because they're not able to creatively express or exercise or have sex or do any of the things to release that energy that their body is producing. And so then it comes out in thoughts that then create anxiety, and then they try to suppress it, and then the body is still wanting to be in alert, so then they get more symptoms and then more things to suppress it and on and on and on. So those are kind of like two directions. This tendency can go in a fork in a road. And I think that you went in in a beautiful, empowered direction.

It's definitely. That's actually what inspired me to create this podcast, because I had an interview with Marie Claire Brazil years ago about sex. I'm a sex toy designer. I'm a sex toy educator. And my. I call myself. Used to call myself an orgasm activist. But anyway, this woman was in. She's all panic. In panic.

And she's like, oh, I'm gonna be late.

I'm in a. I'm in a traffic jam. I was like, it's okay. The time difference. It was kind of late for me. And then she was like apologizing when we got on the call, and I was like, chilled. And then she was like. I told her I had no alarm. That was the detail of our conversation. We were talking about orgasm and taboo and all these other exciting things. But that was the detail that really impacted her most about our conversation. I thought, wow, I really have to share more things about my life. So this, this podcast, the Orgasmic Lifestyle, is about reaching climax in all areas of life. So we have the books, the nutrition, you know, sobriety. I'm really passionate about sobriety and spirituality as well. So in personal development. So that's what actually. Because I wanted to. Wanted to share more with the world about. And I started off, it was called no Alarm life at the beginning, but it's now. Now the Orgasmic Lifestyle. But sometimes orgasm, though. I used to have an orgasm at night because one. One thing that's good about that is because when you have these, let's say, erotic thoughts, you're not having the worrying thoughts.

Thoughts.

There's a really good distraction, like mentally and physically. But I suffer with something called noctoria, and that's my big issue. It's had a massive impact on my life. So huge that I don't do sleepovers. When someone invites me to go, let's say on a country cottage for the weekend, I don't go. If I go on retreats, I have to get my own rooms. That's Always the most expensive option. And also with sleeping with partners, I've kind of like avoided that. So it's just something that's been a huge. Had a huge impact on my life. So really having that emotional regulation is really quite difficult because I think there's like the environmental factors, but also the emotional factors as well. Do you have any tips about, let's say, winding down? I think that's a problem with most people because of smartphones. You know, people are on screens. That must be a big factor in these circumstances of insomnia.

Yeah, the brain. There was this research study that was done and it was talking about how the brain receives 11 billion data points per second.

Wow.

And that's a lot of data points when it turns out we can only process about 50 of them per second. So it's like a big colander, if you will, a big strainer. And all of this information is coming in and it's interoceptive information and external information from the environment. And your body has to largely ignore what isn't relevant. And so I think about the way that our brain's filtration system develops, and I think about something like nocturia, where along the way something occurred where the. The internal cues from the body that are going to the brain that says we gotta wake up, that got ignored. It's getting ignored. And. And so what that tells me is that there's an opportunity for exploring the ways that the brain and the nervous system have been calibrated. And I really appreciate what you were talking about in terms of calming the nervous system and then excitation of the nervous system. And so in neurology, we talk about this as sympathetic activation, which is that excitement, adrenaline, cortisol, that fight fluctuations, light freeze or excitement arousal. Or the opposite would be parasympathetic, which is that rest, digest and reproduce. And it turns out that we need to have a balance of that in order to not only be able to perceive our internal, our interoception, those data points from our body. Like, I'm feeling excited and lubricated and aroused, or I have to pee or I'm hungry or I'm hot. It could be anything from the body and what's going on in the environment. And so when it comes to the process of orgasm is that if somebody is in too aroused or too sympathetic or too activated of a state, that's going to inhibit our ability to obtain arousal. And so there was this way to remember it that we were taught in medical school. We call it point and shoot. And Then you want to hit a bullseye. So point and shoot. Shoot. You hit a bullseye. That's orgasm. That's yay. Everything is good. But we have to start with the point. And the point is parasympathetic. So the P is for parasympathetic and that's really practicing being in the body. This is relaxing the body. These are the things that you were talking about. Using your essential oils and practicing orgasm at nighttime, relaxing in a weighted blanket and whatever it that brings you into your centered zone. And then we start to build and so we've, we have this foundation of parasympathetic deliciousness. I'm calm and feeling really good. I'm relaxed. And then the excitation can build. And so then you start getting a release of serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin and adrenaline in the right amounts. And then we can have climax max. But it's as you were saying is we want to have this balance between the two states. And so with the environment, if there's all of this external overwhelm like screens and news flashes and calendar reminders and alarms and then tons of interoceptive data or maybe we're completely shut off from our body because it's just too much, then it's going to start to cause negative influences in our ability to enjoy our sex life life.

Do you have any tips about just let's say three tips for a. A good wind down. So this is something that, you know, people are taking their phones to bed with them. You know, people are really getting distracted and scrolling and then they're getting all this bad information. FOMO from Instagram.

And yes, yes, I think one that would be really resonant with, with your audience is, is self touch and it can be non sexual self touch. So yeah, like, and I really like the gesture that you just did. So you crossed your arms in like a butterfly hug and so you can squeeze and massage your arms. And crossing is particularly wonderful that you did that is because you're crossing the midline and so information from the right side of the body is going to the left side of the body. And so that, that's. It activates the brain in a different way. And you can take your hand and you can just rest it on your shoulder and allow the weight of your arm to pull down the shoulder. You can massage your feet. You can maybe even get. They have these fun reflexology socks that you can buy online and you can massage different points in the feet. You can massage your temples around Your eyes maybe even have fun with acupuncture points. And so, for example, there's the omnian point, which is if you take the tops of your ears and you follow that like you're wearing a headband all the way to the top center of your head, and then you can massage that point. This is. We do acupuncture points there to calm the body, to calm the nervous system. You could just do self massage there, massaging the insides of the wrist, wrists. This is the heart and the pericardium, meridians and acupuncture, so that can rest the body. And so that's just. That's one tip is self touch, self massage. Another tip is vagus nerve. And are you. Is that something that you guys have talked about on your podcast?

Are you familiar, I mean, the sexual way? I've talked about. Talked about it with a sexologist about how that affects orgasm. That was interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

The vagus nerve on so many things. I need to learn more about the vagus nerve because there's just so much. It affects so many things.

It runs from the brain all the way down to the gut, and it affects, as you said, so many different things. It's the super highway that your gut and your brain communicate along. And this is Vegas is, in Latin, wandering. I always make the joke that it's not like Nevada, this Vegas. Like, yeah, gambling.

Las Vegas.

Yeah, it's not Las Vegas. This is. This is the wandering nerve. And the vagus nerve is your switch to calm. And so anytime that anyone is feeling aroused or activated or excited, so you're on a plane and you're like, oh, my gosh, this air is really bumpy today. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling a little bit aroused. And not the good way you can hack your vagus nerve. And so anytime you want to calm yourself, vagus nerve is a great way to do that. And so one of my favorite ways is to just simply extend the exhale. The vagus nerve runs through your diaphragm. And so if I was sitting with you and we weren't in different continents right now, I would. I would reach over, with your permission, of course, and feel your pulse, and then I would show you where to feel your pulse. Have you actually done that before? Because I could show you exactly how to do it. Do you know how to find it?

I guess it's here or something.

Yeah, girl, it's right there. So for those who are listening, maybe not seeing the video is if you find your thumb on the palm side and you go to the crease in your wrist where it kind of just below where you bend your wrist, and it's where your doctor checks your pulse. And if you can't find it there, you can gently find it in your neck or you just gently place your hand on your chest and find it. But I'm going to show you how right now you can hack your vagus nerve. And it's really, really fast. So if you can feel your pulse, we're going to just pause for a second. What I want you to do is notice the speed. We're going to notice how fast or how slow it is kind of the rate should we show?

Because we're going to have a video as well on YouTube.

Oh, yeah. I love that. That. So, yep, you and I got it in the same place. You're even doing it like a. You're doing it like a. A Chinese medicine doctor because you're. It's so good. Yeah. And so you're just going to notice the speed, and then we're going to breathe together. And I'll just guide you. I'll count. It's going to be four. It's going to be a square breath, and we're going to do four on each one. And so what you're, you're going to do, I'll count. And you're going to notice the speed of the, of your heart rate. Are you ready?

Yeah.

All right. And those for who are doing this along with us. So feel your pulse, notice the speed. And then I want you to inhale. 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold your breath at the top. 2, 3, 4. Now really big sigh out. 4, 3, 2, one. And then hold at the bottom. 2, 3, 4. So that was our first time going through it.

That's called box breathing. Yes.

Yeah, Box breathing. Did you notice in this first time, this might take a couple of goes for, for you to notice it, but did you see or detect a change in your pulse?

Definitely, yeah. That's how I started my, my spiritual journey. I discovered. I discovered.

What's it called?

Belly breathing. It just blew my mind.

Yes, yes.

So I'll tell you, I'll tell you a little anecdote about that in a sec. So the third point. So that was number two.

Yes. And so for those who are listening and doing this at home, you should have felt your pulse slow down on the exhale, and it should speed up a little bit on the inhale. So when we inhale, we go sympathetic. That's that activation. And then when you exhale, that's parasympathetic. That's the relaxing. So first one was self touch, self massage. The second one is elongate the exhale or do box breath to activate your vagus nerve. And then the third one is, I think a really good one would be like fidgets and toys, things that you can touch.

Okay.

And so that's really good. When we get into this brain space where we're maybe a little dissociated, we're lost in our thoughts, we're confused, we're overwhelmed, we're just not in the body. And this is especially important for people who are more vata in our, in ayurvedic medicine. They talk about how we can go imbalances in three different ways. Vata, pitaka and people who tend towards vata, they get very in their head and they get very kind of activated and sort of of airy and floaty and excited. And so anything that brings you back into your body is going to ground you. So fidgets, toys especially different textures. So maybe like a rough stone or smooth stone or. I love those rings that you can wear where there's like beads that you can spin on the inside.

I have to squeezy to when I go to the dentist for a filling. I used to bring something like that and then I couldn't find it. Once I, then I brought a crystal.

Which is kind of cool.

Just have something. Yes, yeah, yeah.

And then your crystals, your multi purpose, right?

Oh yeah, for sure.

What is the benefit that I wanna. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was going through a really stressful time in 2017. Like my best friend became my biggest enemy and I was living in his house and I had to leave and I, I was in a position to leave basically and I had to work really hard just to kind of save up and leave. And it's so interesting because this guy had like the keys to the apartments. Every time I heard the lift I.

Was like, oh my God. Oh my God.

But I've discovered this app called Belly Bio which is amazing because you, you put your phone on the belly and you, you inhale with your nose and just like make your belly go really big and then you exhale. And when you get a regular breath, because it's just like the sound is like waves until your breath is regular color. And then it, you get this nice meditation music and you get a color like inhaling or exhaling. And then at the end it tells you how many breaths per minute and what your level of stress was. And what was so interesting is that I'd been doing it for a while, and I got to my. My most relaxed state when he actually came. And I realized, wow, stress is a choice. Because there's a statistic about how many breaths per minute is actually, you know, stress, you know, or a panic attack. That's actually one of my questions. What is a panic attack? So. So when you're into that, in that moment of, you know, hyperventilating and really, that could be 20 breaths a minute or something, but I went down to like 2.3 breaths. It was crazy. Like, but it was just over time, and it just became this beautiful addiction. I was like, wow. I wanted to see my. I'm really into biofeedback. So it was really nice to see getting more and more relaxed, even though I was in the most stressful experience situation ever. You know, when you. Because when you're home, is under threat. That was a very hard thing to deal with. And I was getting to my very Zen moments, and it was amazing.

That's incredible. And you allowed that data to empower you. You made the choice. So I really love that. That's like. That's like the tldr of my whole book. It's like ending anxiety because you allowed it to empower you. And I love that. I just wrote that down.

The Belly, it's kind of a basic app, but it's. Honestly, I think it was. It was. For me, it was life changing. It took me down this path of spirituality.

Then I discovered Sadhguru, and then I.

Kind of got into very spiritual things, and that kind of just changed my perspective on life in general. But going back to you, I just want to mention something here. I saw in your book that you had. You're on Insight Timer. I think Insight Timer is one of the best apps to use for any type of desired outcome. That meditation is the inner refuge, you know. So tell us about your.

Your content inner refuge. Yes, yes. And it's so good. Throughout the spectrum of autonomic arousal is that when you need it most, you will be so grateful for having practiced going into arousal and then coming out of it. Going into arousal, coming out of it.

So we're talking, say, arousals for clarification. We're not talking about sexual arousal here. We're just talking about excitement. Or what do we mean here? Arousal.

Such a good question. Thank you for asking that because chemically, they're very similar. The difference is the context. So. So does this feel like a tiger's chasing me? And I'm afraid, does this feel Like, I'm excited working with my clients. Does this feel like very sexually arousing? And so it's the context that we give to it. And so when I use the term arousal, it's kind of like just the activation of the body, the experience of going into a sympathetic activation. And so that activation can occur on a spectrum. And these strategies that you're teaching about the Belly bio app, insight timer, it's useful for all of them. But, but you, you mentioned earlier, what is panic? How do we actually define that? And so think about it in terms of the metaphor of a stoplight where green is when you feel parasympathetic, you feel calm, you feel chill, you feel relaxed, you're. You're in your vibe, you feel connected to spirit. In polyvagal theory, this is your ventral vagal. This is feeling connected to self and others. And then as we become aroused, as our body gets activated, it'll shift into the yellow light zone. And so this is where it's like, oh, I feel a little sexually excited or I feel a little overwhelmed or a little irritated or a little worried or a little confused, or my thoughts are going, whatever that is for us, neither good nor bad. It just is. It's just our body doing what our body does best. We're going into arousal. And then if that arousal continues, then we can go into the red light zone, which is where it feels like either sheer panic or it could be a rage attack, or it can be just complete dissociation where it's like some people, they just forget, they lose time because it's just too overwhelming for them. And so panic. I think about more on that red side of the stoplight, but if we can catch the signs of that before then when the body is whispering, we don't have to wait till it's shouting. We can listen to the whispers. And this, I want to circle back to, to orgasm sexually. Because this is so important for, for people who, who are listening to this, this conversation, this podcast is, is if you desire, let's say tonight, you. You desire to have a beautiful sexual experience, is you want to do everything that you can to get yourself into that green zone. Remember, point and shoot, right? So you want to get into the parasympathetic, you want to get into the green zone. You want to, you want to four square breath or do the belly breathing, you want to do self massage, you want to drink some nice, nice tea. You want to breathe through the, through the vertex of your head, all the way down through your root chakra. You want to notice your body, anything you can to. To get into your body in a way that feels safe. And then from that foundation of green, you can more easily and more successfully have an orgasmic experience. But if you come into it and you're already in the yellow light zone, that adrenaline can inhibit you from actually becoming sexually aroused and having a satisfactory orgasm.

Amazing. So tell us about your content on Insight Timer.

I have, I think, four guided imageries. They're all free, which I love about Insight Timer. And they are very trauma informed. And so my heart is to help us notice the symptoms that our body is producing and to hold space for them and to acknowledge them. They're like 15 minutes long. And so you can find it at Dr. Nicole Kane.

Perfect. Familiar Insight Timers for my favorite meditation. So good using it.

Yeah, yeah, it's my favorite too.

Yeah, I use affirmations. I do affirmations on there. So.

Yeah.

Because at the end of every episode on my podcast, I do an affirmation, Affirmations, meditation. And some of them are sexual, like I'm an orgasmic woman or my favorite was clitoral gratitude. Affirmations.

Yeah.

Who wrote Becoming Clitoris? That's my first ever episode. So. But a lot of them are kind of normal topics, and I guess for this one I'll just make one about I am calm, I am safe, or about anxiety. So it's all affirmations. I used to do whispered, but now that's just normal because it's just easier to edit. So I have all these different affirmations coming out every week.

Week.

But I really, really love it. And I listen to my own voice a lot because actually, that's actually really good for your own kind of. I like to call it consensual brainwashing. I love it. So I really want to ask you as well, from your book. Something that stood out to me from your book was the relation between anxiety, depression, and the gut health. Because I'm so into nutrition and food and everyone's talking about the gut lately and how can. How does it influence it? And what can we do in terms of nutrition to feel better?

Yeah, the gut does so much talking. You know, we. We talk about that the vagus nerve is that highway, that superhighway between the gut and the brain. And it turns out that the gut is doing 80% of the talking. We found in the research that our emotions. So if you feel sad, that could be your gut. If you feel sexually randy, that could be your gut. If you feel anxious, that could Be yeast in your gut. These little bacteria have so much to say. And they regulate our thoughts, our memories, our moods, our hormones, our immune system. All of the things are, are by and large regulated by our gut. And so the health of our gut, the balance of our gut, gut, as we can imagine, is profoundly important. And so when we used to study probiotics, which are supplements that can come in the form of a capsule or a powder or a yogurt, or they may fortify foods with them, is that these are live bacteria that we can take. And the objective is to increase microbial diversity because more diversity is generally more good. And so what we used to do as a profession is we would just give as many as possible. And so I would tell my clients, I'm like, okay, try to find a strain that has at least four different kinds of bacteria and as high of a dose as you can get, like 80 billion. And it turns out that that's not as precise as we can be. So if somebody, if we do testing, let's say that they have imbalances in cortisol. So we talked about the, that stress hormone earlier, that there are, as it turns out, specific bacteria that can regulate metabolism of your cortisol, or let's say that you are perimenopausal and estrogen is anti anxiety and your estrogen levels are going down and you just, you're struggling. And so there are specific bacteria that are involved in estrogen metabolism. Metabolism. So what this led to is the development of a type of probiotic called a psychobiotic. And a psychobiotic, it's the specific bacteria that we've known in the research that can affect your mood. And so now instead of just giving a bunch and hoping for the best, we could be really strategic. And we're finding that. So I have so many testimonials from people that it actually can restore the health of the gut, it can restore balance of hormones, it can restore mood, it can get anxiety down just by getting the gut back on track and using these probiotics, these psychobiotics. And then food you mentioned is if I could only, if your audience, if you. Or if I could only do one thing different with our diet to try to get our guts healthy. We can't, let's say we don't have access to all these fun psychobiotics and we don't have access to all the pills and things. Things. Maybe it's cost prohibitive or maybe they don't make them. Where you are is one positive thing that you can do is Fiber, fiber, fiber. Okay, that's eat more fiber.

Hopefully plant based. Like all I actually also read, I, I always have sauerkraut and kimchi and yeah, things like that. And I also read somewhere that having, you know, 30 different types of plants, that's including herbs and spices to kind of get to get that diversity as well. I've interviewed Dr. Michael Greger on here, Dr. Joel Fuhrman. So I'm, I'm really into plant based life.

Yeah, I love the plant based life and I, I, oh, I love this so much. So I studied herbalism and when we think about our plant friends is they're not growing with just, you don't have just a field in nature of just like straight up ginkgo biloba. That ginkgo is going to be growing with all of its friends. It's going to be growing with shatavari and it's going to be growing with bacopa and it's going to be growing with chamomile and it's going to be growing with dandelion. They're all growing with their companions. And, and so when, when we try to pull out the plant, let's say ashwagandha common one, a lot of people know about, about is that when we try, we take the ashwagandha and then we study all of the active constituents, all the active ingredients and we're like, ah, it's this, it's the flavonoid. And then we give it to people in isolation in extremely high doses. And then it doesn't work the way that we thought it worked. And so what I love about what you, what you were saying and what the other people who've been on this podcast are saying is, is use plant diversity. Think about how your plants grow together, where they grow, what region of the, of the world are you living in? Mother Nature often has what we need, where we need it. So an example is in Phoenix. I live half the year in Phoenix, Arizona. It's very desert, very rocky. And one of the primary ways that we injure ourselves in the Phoenix area is sunburned. And a secondary way is you scrape yourself on a rock. And two very common plants that we find in Phoenix are aloe vera growing right there in the rocks. Aloe vera is great for sunburn. And then we have chaparral or creosote, which is this beautiful plant. It's what makes the desert smell clean and beautiful after a rain. And that plant is useful to you help with scrapes and abrasions. It Heals you. And so oftentimes the herbs and the plants, the food and the medicine that we need grow at the time and in the place where we need the most.

That's amazing. I actually went to this event last week called Plants as Medicine and we made this thing called Four Thieves. Something have you heard about. This is from the, some French plague in the past. And it's basically. And they had. We made it with, with apple cider vinegar, thyme, oregano, lavender, mint and then some garlic cloves. And we have to kind of shake it and leave it for a month. And they do it on a. And it's actually for colds and stuff like that.

Yeah, I just love. My teachers called that the anti plague formula. We put horseradish in it too.

Yeah, yeah. It's actually something in history that some people, everyone was dying but except for these people who were using this particular blend. So I love all that because I actually get. I go to a herbalist and she makes me potions. Like I've got my insomnia potion. I've got my, my digestion digestion. I've got my brain potion as well for concentration which has got go to cola, rosemary and something else I can't remember Ginkgo baloba. When I want to write, it's like I'm a real witch. So I just love all that stuff and like big jaws of herbs.

Yeah, let's talk about herbs for libido. I actually.

Okay, yeah, tell us.

I actually made a recipe just for you and for your audience.

It's called Love it.

Yeah, this is, this is a, this is a gift from me to you. So I call this the libido blend. But you know, I love giving them names that really resonate with you and so that you, when you, when you take your herbs you could be like, okay, thank you herbal friends for this gift that you're giving me of X, Y and Z. And so then you're, you're. What was the, what was the, what did you say earlier? It's like consensual self auto sensual brainwashing. So then you're consensually brainwashing yourself with these tinctures. So the, the first herb is going to be 25 of the mix. And I like to teach people to. So I have a bottle here, here is. Get an amber bottle. You can buy them online and then buy the, the mother tinctures and so just get like separate bottles. I was hoping I had just like a separate glass bottle of an individual herb. But Buy a bottle of ginkgo biloba and then buy a bottle of bacopa and buy all and then you can mix them and make your own medicine at home, which is fun. So this one you're going to have 25%. It'll be Shatavara which, have you heard of this amazing plant? No. Okay, so Ashwagandha is called like the male rejuvenative herb, the libido boosting herb. It's like the herb for male formulas. Shatavari is the herb for women.

How do you spell that?

S H A T V A R I. Wild asparagus is her common name.

Oh wow.

And she's known in ayurvedic medicine as the queen of herbs. She improves well being, memory, youth, strength. She's an antidepressant aphrodisiac, strengthens the body and the mind. They call her the heavenly spirit herb because it opens the heart and it makes you feel connected. And as an aphrodisiac, this is just generally an awesome herb herb for women and libido. So I would put 25 Shachabari in there and then maca and so you know, you know our good friend Maca. So 25 Maca and then Turnerara is another one. That's another f. It's an aphrodisiac. It's T u r N E R a Turnera. Amazing aphrodisiac. It plays really nice with Shatavari. So they're synergistic, they enhance each other's activity. And then a little bit of horny goat weed. Like epidemium. Yeah, horny goat weed. So the Latin name is epimedium. So E P I M E D I u m. And so that will be. So we have 25 shatavari, 25 maca, 25 turner, 20% horny goat weed. And then we always leave one little titch left of 5% for a driver herb. And that's the herb that's like the cheerleader, the igniter, the spark plugs. That's what's going to make your formula work really well. And you want to base that on your constitutional temperament. And so if you're more chilly and you want to have a, a warm heavy blanket, you generally when you, you just like to be warm and cuddly, then put an herb in there that's warming like cinnamon or rosemary. If you are a very spicy kind of warm blooded person, then put something in there that's cooling like glyceriza or licorice or maybe Even lavender. And so that's your sexual power. Libido blend tincture just for you.

So would that help with hormone with menopausal women who are losing libido as well?

The maca can, absolutely. So if that's like the main thing for you, then maybe you would want to make the maca a higher dose, maybe make that first and then put Shatavari under it. But both Shatavari and maca are great for perimenopausal menopausal women.

Amazing. I'm going to ask my herbalist to get that. Yeah, for me. That's so cool.

Yeah, that's my favorite. I hope you love it. I, I, I'd love actually to hear about it. And so when using herbs, as opposed to, like, if we give you like a, a, a pharmaceutical herbs take a little bit of time to work. So give it like take it every day. Of course, talk to your, your doctor first. But I always tell my patients, take it every single day and give it a month before you decide, because it's going to be slow and steady. It's not going to be like, boop, orgasm central. It's going to be a little slow and steady wins the race.

So I think people expect no immediate results and I think with plants it takes a little bit longer. So in, in your practice now, is it all kind of alternative or how do you work these days?

I like to look at it from, we call it the therapeutic order in naturopathic medicine, which is a few steps. And so the very first step is addressing anything acute. And so if somebody has uncontrolled diabetes, we have to do that first. Or if someone's having horrible panic attacks and insomnia, you just calm the nervous system, get them sleeping first. So that's the first step. And then the second step is give the body what it needs. Your body can heal itself. Just like if you fall and scrape your knee, your body is going to heal that even if you forget about it. Similarly, your body can heal your gut, it can heal your brain, it can heal your mood, it can heal your trauma, it can do all of the wonderful, wonderful things. We just have to support that. So love, orgasms, sleep, hugs, nutrition, plants, all those things. The third step is removing obstacles to cure. We talked about that earlier with relationship ectomies and that word relationship. Yes. So what is in your life that's getting in the way of you getting the life that you want? And then the fourth is to tonify weak and damaged systems. And so this is like Tonifying your muscles. Just like we go and we exercise if we want to have really good arms. Arms. We want to tonify our liver, we want to tonify our kidneys. And so I'm thinking about hot and cold showers, hydrotherapy, acupuncture, exercise, crying on a regular basis. You know, things that are just like, activating and good for your body. And then the, the very last step, I think is really important, which is the whole recalibration part. And so your body, your mind, you've been programmed arguably against your will from the moment that you came into this world by your family, by culture, by the world around you, by your bacteria that you inherited from your mother. Right. And so as we get older and we are reclaiming our power and we're creating the lives that we want, we have to reprogram all of that. We have to go, go through and audit what patterns that we have created and adapted. So it's kind of like you inherit a house and you're going to redecorate it. Be like, this isn't my house. This is their stuff. I want that out. I want it to be me. And so that last step is all about noticing your symptoms and being really intentional with auditing and recalibrating it. And so that's. Those are. That's how I work with patients. And I like to play with all of the tools to help support that.

Amazing. So tell us quickly about your. Your book writing process. How was that?

I'm going to show you something I haven't shown anybody else. You ready for this? Hopefully you can see it. Oh, wow.

I love it. That's so cool.

So each post it note is so they're color coordinated by concept. And then each post it note is something that I want to teach. And so the process of writing is like, I scaffolded it all out, but I need to see it all at the same time.

And so visual.

I'm a visual learner. Yes. And so then every single one of those post it notes, they could be rearranged and moved. And that's. That was the birthing place of panic proof. And like, part of me is like, I need to put some actual art on that wall. Okay. Part of me is like, how grateful.

Am I I get a big frame and leave it without.

Put a big frame and a piece of glass over it and then have the book.

Have the book there as well.

Yeah, I should get a little shelf and put the book there. That would be fantastic. But it's fun.

There's always A story behind a book. I always find, you know, did you have panic writing it?

You know what? I loved writing it. I don't know what your experience is with your book, but I found it to be the most beautiful, therapeutic, wonderful thing in the world is like. It's like I was put on this earth to write this book. Even if 10 people read it. I really believe and hope that it can help change those 10 people's lives.

Amazing. I think it's like when you're in flow, it's like you're channeling almost like no writers coming through. Yeah, yeah.

We're like a victim to the flow. Get out of the way and flow. Yeah.

That's so cool. There's a lot of research in your books. I think a lot of mine that comes from just my own. Well, I love research as well but it's a nice, nice exercise when it's a nice process when it's just flowing through you and no blocks.

You know, I really appreciate that it is allowing that balance between intuition and flow. And also for me as a first time author and coming at panic from more of an integrative model model is I think that there's going to be a lot of skeptical eyes reviewing this material because I'm not just regurgitating a book that's been written and proven a dozen times. Is that everything that I claim? I went and did a bunch of research to make sure that not only was I representing it accurately but that it was fully studied in its integrity and that I differentiate that in the work is like this is my opinion in like this herbal tincture. I gave you some of this. My. I called Shatavari a she. It hasn't been studied for gender. It's how I experience and use the herb. But then when we talk about the vagus nerve activation is that's backed up by PubMed and, and studies and research.

So it's like responsibility in that sense because I think with mine it was very hysteric. So it's just kind of like can be anything but I guess when there's a of lot, lot of responsibility there to kind of get these fact check and everything.

Yeah, I can't wait to read yours. It's so fun.

Yeah, I'm just actually translating at the moment. So I'm trying to do like I'll hopefully have the English one by, out in, in November so.

All right, you want to get that? Where is it going to be sold?

Well, I've got it. I've got the biggest publisher in Spain in Spanish. I gave them the rights for all languages. Languages except for English, because I might self publish if I don't find a publisher, because I want to get it out fast because now I'm going to have press and stuff like that. So I want to have the English version out quite quickly and then just do Amazon at first. I've never self published before. This is actually my fourth book, so in the past I've published with Penguin Random House and in Spanish. So it's been 10 years. My last book, this is a very different experience. This one was like channeled, and I have no expectations of it, which is kind of a nice experience. But then I've just been to England now, and I'm a big reader. I went to WH Smith. Do you know WH Smith? It's a big book shop. It's like a bookshop and they have these deals like buy one, get the second one half price. So I just bought four books now. I've just been reading Green Lights. You're talking about traffic Lights. Earlier, I've been reading Matthew McConaughey's Green Lights on the Plane. It was like, amazing.

Yeah.

Reading. I'm just fascinated by that process. I think it is like having a baby almost, because it is like you're birthing something and there's a whole, you know, first it's an idea, then it's a Word document or a proposal, and it's a manuscript, and then it's when you have that first book in your hands, it's just a very beautiful experience. So it's a beautiful thing to experience. Yeah.

I honor that you are back at it and that you're doing it and sharing, hearing. Because this. The information that you're bringing to the world is so important and you have such a beautiful way of articulating things. And so I can't wait to read it. And thank you for being a part of. Of me sharing my book. I'm so honored and grateful for. For you reading my book and getting the chance to talk about it with you. That just adds so much richness to. To my experience.

That's my usp, because I actually do read books because this whole. This three dilters, that shelf, my podcast guests. So I've interviewed all of those authors, and that's something that's very special to me because I'm a big reader. So to read a book and then speak to the author is very special, you know?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's a real privilege. Yeah.

So amazing. You. You rock, sister.

Oh, thank you so much. So where can people find you?

Yes, you can find my book anywhere. Books are sold. The website for the book is panicproof.com and I'm Dr. Nicole Caine and you can find me on Instagram. I'm really active there. I love to hang out with you. It's D R N I C O L E C A I N. Perfect.

Oh, actually two questions before I forget. I always ask everyone these two questions. What is the book that changed your life?

Oh, the Body keeps the score 100%. Yeah. By Bessel Vander. By Dr. Bessel Vanderkol. That book, I was like, oh my God, this is everything put together in a beautiful trauma informed, magical bow. Yeah.

I think the truth doctor said I interviewed the, you know, the truth doctor, Dr. Casey. I interviewed her. I think, I think she said the same one.

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's dense. That's a really science heavy book. Book. But anybody who wants to really dig into the research behind how adversity and trauma and overwhelm can change our body and our brains and how to heal that, that's a really good book. Start with it. It was published, I think 2014 and it's still. It's still a mainstay today.

Amazing. And what about a quote or affirmation that you live by?

The affirmation that I live by kind of comes from Samuel Hahneman in the 1800s and he talks about the mission of the doctor and it is to help stimulate the health in a person to the degree which they can live in their body, to their highest potential, to their greatest glory in a way that obliges wonderment to those looking on.

That's amazing. That's really cool. Beautiful. I think modern medicine might have lost that somewhere.

We're taking it back. We're taking it back. Yes.

Okay. So thank you for joining us on the Orgasmic lifestyle podcast. It's been a real pleasure.

Thank you for having me. It's been a great conversation.

The book I'm reading now is Good Vibes, Good Life. How self love is the key to unlocking your greatness. And this is by Vex King. I saw this book in Manchester airport when I was about to fly home and I just love the format. It's kind of smaller than most books, a bit thicker, and it's got. It's just very simple cover. And I'm all about self love. I'm creating a holistic self love retreat next. Next year I've also started doing self love coaching. So I'm all about that. Right now. So I thought, thought it's good to have some more self love content in my mind to draw from. And this is very, it's a very entry level book to self help, to self love and also to manifestation. But I think even if you're on this journey, it's always good to be reminded because we do need constant reminders about how, how we should love ourselves. And it was very easy to read, very digestible and it just encompasses very different areas of life such as, you know, drinking less or eating better and just really taking care of yourself.

And I was actually talking to someone.

About this yesterday about self love and spirituality. And I think because, because I was raised Catholic, I think self love wasn't a thing. It was kind of people valued when you put yourself last and put other people first. And I've seen that so much in my family and in the environment that I grew up in. Especially for women sacrificing their own well being for others. And that's exactly my target clients, women who have been putting themselves last and to some degree sometimes you might have to do that. But I think, you know, when your cup is full, you can give so much more. So having a self love reminder is a good thing.

So I kind of read this book.

It's very light and digestible. I didn't think I found anything new in it because I'm quite advanced in my journey of spirituality and reading materials because I'm just such a bookworm. But I do think it's a great book to read or to gift someone who might feel a little lost and who wants to start this journey and someone who doesn't really read a lot as well. And Vex King is known, is quite well known on social media. So even if you're not into books, I would highly recommend following his Instagram account which is full of very motivational quotes, just little bite size snippets of wisdom that you can follow every day. Because I do think social media has been blamed for so much, has, you.

Know, very bad rap for, you know.

How it's affecting our mental health. But I do believe that it kind of depends on who you're following as well. If you're following accounts that, you know, seemingly these influencers have these amazing lives, it might not be like that behind the scenes and people forget that often and they get, you know, full of FOMO envy and. But if you're following, let's say, accounts that can add value to your life. I mean, for me, I open up Instagram and I instantly see vegan recipes and I'm like, oh wow, that looks amazing and creative and delicious and healthy and also spiritual content. So I just do feel very inspired when I when I actually use social media personally because I just don't feel, I don't follow anyone that who is giving me a bad feeling in my body because now I'm really connecting with how's my body reacting to things and if it's kind of like a oh, I'm not doing that, then just unfollow mute, you know, and. But it's always good to use these tools in ways that are going to empower us. So I definitely recommend following Vex King on Instagram and also this book if you are new to this journey or if you just need a reminder. And that's the book I'm reading now. Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King.

Now it's time to slow things down as we prepare for this episode's Guided affirmations meditation. It's probably not a good idea to listen to this while driving or operating machinery. Instead, take a break from whatever you're doing, get comfortable, take a deep breath and enjoy.

I am calm. I am safe. I am grounded in this moment. I release control over what I cannot change. I am capable and resilient. I breathe in calmness, letting go of tension with each exhale. I am grateful for every moment of peace that comes my way. I am calm. I am safe. I trust in life's process. I am the observer of my thoughts. I take action one step at a time and that is enough. I am deserving of peace and love. I am grateful for every moment of peace that comes my way. I am I am calm. I am safe. I focus on what I can influence. I am relaxed. I am centered. I choose to respond with peace and clarity. I am grateful for every moment of peace that comes my way. I am calm. I am safe. I let go of perfection and embrace my progress. I am worthy of taking up space and speaking my truth. I welcome feelings of peace into my mind and body. I trust in my ability to handle whatever comes my way. I am grateful for every moment of peace that comes my way. I am calm. I am safe. I am present. I release worry and welcome serenity. I am becoming stronger with each passing day. I find joy in simple moments, grounding myself in gratitude. I am grateful for every moment of peace that comes my way. I am calm. I am safe. I allow my body to fully relax. I allow my mind to fully relax. I honor my journey. I release what no longer serves me. I am grateful for every moment of.

Peace that comes my way. Dear listener, Due to popular demand, I am so thrilled to be offering 60 minute Zoom sessions just for you. Imagine an hour talking to me. Oh my God about all of the topics that I am a specialist in. I can help you with sexual wellness consulting that could involve your sexual wellness business or even your personal life. If you need some sex coaching to spice up your life with your partner or even your solo sex life, I can definitely help you with that. I'm also offering Self Love Mentoring and I'll be testing out my materials for my forthcoming Self Love retreat and these sessions are getting some excellent feedback. I'm also offering Orgasmic Manifestation, the Sex Magic guidance which is the topic of my book and it's something that I am also very passionate about. I'm having excellent results with and also Life in Barcelona. If you want to visit Barcelona or live in Barcelona, I am your woman. I can provide you with lots of tips and last but not least, if you need a personal shopper for your pleasure product purchases ppp. I am your woman so we can connect and I will show you the best products for your needs. So are you ready to take the next step? If so, secure your spot today by visiting my website, Venus o', Har, or you can click on the link in the show notes below. Let's make this hour all about you and your orgasmic journey.

To find out more about me, me and my orgasmic lifestyle, visit venusohara.org or follow me on instagram@instagram.com Venusohara make sure to search for the Orgasmic Lifestyle podcast by Venus o' Hara in Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Google Podcasts or anywhere else podcasts are found. Make sure to click subscribe so you don't miss any future episodes. Thanks for listening. Have an orgasmic week and make sure every day is a climax.