132. How to Give Generously Without Burnout

Welcome to the Holistic Inner Balance podcast with Dr. Nicole Cain and happy healthy Hadley.

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All right, Hadley, I have to tell you a story. Are you ready?

Yeah. I want to hear it.

So I was talking with a client recently who explained to me that she had just gotten a PowerPoint from her 10 year old niece of all of the gifts that she wants for the holidays and this out, I was like, whoa, your 10 year old knows how to make a PowerPoint presentation. That's incredible. But also it felt like a little bit like a pause for me of this like culture behind like I want these things. I'm going to make it easy on you to deliver me these things. Here's a list and that's actually an inspiration for this conversation. On my side when you were talking about generosity in giving and why I was so excited about it. And so do you, as you're listening to this conversation resonate with does your family give each other lists? Do you have a budget that you're supposed to meet? Do you feel like you're getting a little burned out on like the whole sort of corporatization of gift giving and what can we do about that? What is another option? And so welcome to the Holistic Inner Balance. And I am Dr. Nicole and I'm.

Joined by I'm happy, healthy Hadley and so had.

What do you think of that?

Oh, that's so interesting. So like on the one hand, I feel like that can be helpful, right? I think it's hilarious. It reminds me of the Charlie Brown Christmas movie. For anyone who's seen that. I watch it like every year with my family and his little sister like is like reading off this list of things that she wants from Santa and at the end she's like, if this is too much for you, you can always send cash. Like, tens and twenties are great. He's like, tens and twenties. This is from like the fifties.

Yeah.

So he's like tens and twenties. Like everyone is so, you know, consumerism, all of that. Yeah. My own dog gone commercial. Like, it's, it's so funny.

Which by the way, if you like, look at that, like Snoopy is like eating a stack of human sized femurs.

Like, yeah, he is. You're right.

Oh my God, so weird.

It's so fun that, oh, those movies are so good and they're still so timely. Like if you watch them, you're like my gosh, like Lucy's like pretending to be like a psychotherapist. Like, wow, this was ahead of its time. Totally. But anyway, so, so we're going to talk today about how to give in a way that actually doesn't deplete us and instead actually gives us more life. It's something that I've been thinking about a lot recently or for the past like five years, honestly, because the I have seen. So there's like two sides of this and we're going to bring the nuance because that's what we do. So like on the one side, there are so many things that are saying that we, you know, in order to feel happier in our lives, giving is the way to do that. When we are generous, we actually become happier. There are many, many, many studies to show that this is true. Like there's, there was one study that showed that that participants were, were asked to tell the, the researchers all the things that they think would make them happier. And then the researchers kind of like made a lot of that stuff happen. Like, oh, I would be a lot happier if I like got more sleep or I would be a lot happier if I could go on this vacation. Or I'd be a lot happier if they saw no change. And then they use the same, the same people came back the next week and they gave, I think they gave them money and they were like, go give this to someone who you want to give it to. And that actually made a difference in their happiness levels. And so. And whereas the self care stuff, the stuff that was like self care wasn't actually bringing them happiness. But I also am seeing all over the place that people are burned out by giving too because they're like, I'm doing all, I'm over giving, I'm doing all of this, this stuff for all of these people and I have no time for myself. And I'm like, how are these two things? How can these two things be true? So something that I've just been like marinating in for the past like five years since I started my, my business, five and a half years, I guess is how do we like rectify this? How do we actually bring these two things together as can they both be true? And so we really wanted to talk about this with you today. It's something that is, I'm finally fleshing out and I'm really like trying to kind of create a philosophy on this. And Dr. Kane has a ton of really great things to add to this too. Like this, this sense of how do we give from a sense of overflowing generosity without feeling burnt out? So the thing that I want to say here is that there I actually don't know that over giving is a thing. So that's like kind of my bold statement here is, is over giving really what it is, or is it actually giving out of alignment from how we actually want to give, how it actually feels like it gives us more life? So can we give generously from a state of like overflowing gener generosity rather than from this place of feeling like we are obligated that we have to. That we should. That like, you know, I have to do this for this person because they did something for me, or I have to do this for this person because that's how our relationship is, or I need them to like me or whatever it is. And rather, can we come from a place of I just want to give this because it lights me up, it gives me more energy, and then that's that. That what that study I think is talking about, where when we do that, then we don't need all of the, you know, I have to go take care of myself and then I can start giving again and then I have to go take care of myself and then I start giving again. Which self care is important, but giving in a way that actually gives us more energy, makes it so that we don't have to like go like repair ourselves after the fact as often.

Yes. And I'm thinking about this in the imagery of spoons, which is funny because you guys, Hadley bent a spoon into like three bends recently just with her sheer mind willpower.

Maybe we should do a podcast on.

That at some point. I think we need to, because you blew my mind. So maybe that's why I'm like still on the spoons even after like two hours of talking to you, and I'm still on the spoon. But spoons can be representations of bandwidth that we have or resources that we have, whether it's finance, financial, like the girl who had the PowerPoint or, you know, like tens and twenties from this, the Charlie Brown. Or it could be time, or it could be energy, or it could be intellectual property, it could be really anything. But the spoon represents your bandwidth for giving. And when you give, you. You release a spoon and you hand that energy bite to somebody else. And so the paradox that you've just presented us with, Hadley, is that we get spoons by giving, but we have to have spoons to give so that we can get spoons to give, to get spoons. To give, right? Yes.

Oh, it's so good. It's like spoon theory.

Spoon theory.

This is a thing. This is the thing. Yeah.

Wait, spoon theory is a thing? You're not just inventing that right now?

No, no, it's a. Spoon theory is a thing for, like, chronic disease management. It's thinking about how there. There are always people who have a chronic illness have to think about their energy in terms of spoons. So it's really weird that you don't know that, but that. That it was spoons that you came up with. That's really wild, girl.

Sometimes my brain is like, I know things that I don't know, that I know, that I don't know, that I know. Yeah. So that's interesting. So spoon theory is about using spoons as a unit of energy. And so these individuals have these specific limitations of energy units that they have to then figure out where I'm going to spread it out. But what your research that you were just describing is saying in order to attain more of that spoon energy you give, but the nuance that you were just introducing at the beginning of the conversation is that there's different ways of spending our energy and that some ways of spending our energy put us in a deficit, and other ways of spending our energy can actually put us in an abundance. Right, exactly.

Yes. And I think that this is something that is, like, people aren't really thinking about. We. We often think that energy is like, our energy, like, just gets depleted throughout the day. And, you know, we only have so much energy, but really there are things that we do that actually bring us more energy. And one of those things can be giving.

I love that. I'm thinking about the old story called Stone Soup. Do you remember that?

Yeah, I do. From when I was, like, in kindergarten. Yeah. Yeah.

And I don't remember it and can't represent it adequately, but I'm gonna try and. Because I think this is important as we're really allowing radical acknowledgment of where we are as a country economically. Is that when. When I see a video heading or an article heading, and it's like, all about redefining generosity, and then I think about all of the people that are out there, which is the majority of people who are like, I don't have enough spoons to meet my needs today, let alone redefining generosity. And so Stone Soup is, I feel like, a really interesting portrayal of that, where you have a bunch of people who arguably start with nothing, and then they end up with this amazing soup and so the first person, I think they. They have a fire and a pan, and then they have a stone that they add in there. And then somebody else comes along and they have, like, something small that they can add to it.

And then they're a Carrot Top or something.

Yeah, Carrot Top. And so it's like, as more people come together and they contribute to this communal thing, there's enough soup for them all to be well fed. And it's. It's so good. And I think about, what can we in this modern era learn from. From that lesson where if I'd have walked by and I would have held on to my Carrot Top, I would have been hungry. But in this magical fiction story, I wasn't hungry. I was. I had community and I was nourished and fed. And of course it's fictionalized, but I think that there's really something to it, especially when we think about that energetic currency. So can you tell us a little more about that energetic currency that can come from the different types of giving?

Yes, totally. So I was recently doing a somatic experiencing practice with my clients and, like, slash journaling session, and I was asking them to kind of come up with, you know, how they, at the current time of this recording were in December. And so I was having them identify, okay, so things that you want to experience during the holiday season or throughout the rest of the year and really, like, hone in on what you actually want without, like, obligations, without, you know, all of the shoulds, what would your experience look like that you would want to have and how would you want to give during this season? How. What would actually make you feel so excited to give to someone? On what? You know, whether it's gifts or whether it's time or whether it's, like, volunteering somewhere or whether it's making something. Like, what would feel if you had all the time and energy in the world, what would feel so exciting to you and would feel make you feel so. So lit up? And one of my clients was like, I realized that I don't give that generously in that way, but. And, you know, instead of feeling bad about that, because that would be A lot of times where we go is like, oh, my gosh, I'm not as generous as I wish that I were, which was me. Like, my whole life, I always wanted to be more generous than I was. And I always felt like I wasn't a generous person. And she was like, But I realized that it's because I am like, she didn't say this, but Basically leaking energy to all of these other areas where I feel obligated to give because we were talking about giving from obligation versus giving from overflow. And so the reason she wasn't giving from overflow was because she was leaking all of this energy on all of the things that are shoulds, that are things that she feels like she has to do. And so, so a lot of times we hear be more generous if you want to be happier or like, be more generous to be a better person. Right. Like that's, that's a classic one. I, you know, especially if you're in like, you know, religious, religious communities and stuff. And really it's not that you're a bad person. I mean, if you're listening to, listening to this podcast, you're like probably more of the kind of person who tends to like, give, give, like quote unquote, over give because there's so many things that you want to be doing for other people. Not that you're just like, you know, oh, I don't care about anyone else. Like, if you're listening to this podcast, that's probably not you. So how can we start to give in a way that actually instead of. And it's. So how can we say no to all of the things that we're doing that is leaking our energy so that we then can become this like, overflowing generosity person? And that's what I've experienced even in the last year, I would say I feel like I have kind of plugged up a lot of those leaks where I'm not doing as much of the shoulds. And I'm still not perfect at this by any means. I'm still working on, you know, different things and identifying where, where leaks are coming from. But it's giving me so much more capacity to have that overflowing generosity. And so it is, you know, so the self care piece is really just like the plugging up of the energy leaks of where you're giving in places that don't feel in alignment. And it's going to be different for everyone. Some people might really like to go over to someone's house and cook for them. So, but, but you might not like, so you don't have to do that if that's not what you love to do. Some people might love to like make things other people and like be like, you know, all Pinteresty and stuff, and you might not. And so you don't have to do that. And you can say no to things we just talked about in our holiday Podcast episode about you can say no to going home to your family for the holidays. Gasp. Like that is a possibility for you. And then, like, you're gonna have so much more bandwidth if you allow yourself to then give generously after that, then it's like, you're just gonna have so much capacity to give to wherever you actually want to. And that gives you. That makes you feel it up.

So how do you find energy leaks?

Oh, I like that question. Basically, anytime you feel like there's like, an icky sticky. That's what I call it. Like an icky stickiness. Yes. Where you're like, this doesn't feel. I don't feel excited about this. I feel like there's just. Just like, in the kind of. Just like, the energy between you and that other person or you and the event or you in the, like, situation that's. That's going on. That's an opportunity for us to really be like, okay, what's going on here? And it's not to say that you have to, like, be like, nope, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this because these are energy leaks or, like, I'm cutting this person out of my life because it's an energy. Like, it might just be. There's. There needs to be just, like a little tweak that needs to happen. That. That moves you into it, into a new dynamic, a new relationship dynamic, or a new way that you show up or, you know, and, you know, asking someone else to show up in a different way. There just. There might be just like, little. Little teeny, tiny tweaks, or there might be really big things that need to happen. But identify. But how you actually identify it is just noticing where does it. Where is that icky stickiness?

Yeah, yeah. And that might involve, like, scanning your body is like, imagine yourself doing the thing or buying the thing or whatever it is that's the energy expenditure and then saying, okay, if I notice this, how do I feel? Do I feel more energized or do I feel a little bit excited? Or is there, like, a place in my body where there's that kind of stickiness? The icky sticky, you said. And what would be really interesting is to allow that icky sticky to inform you about what unmet needs you might have, because then you can take it deeper than, like, oh, wow, well, maybe I shouldn't do this thing. And you can take it deeper than just putting up a boundary or drawing a line or Saying, no, you could actually go and go to that origin of that, that thought, that emotion or that sensation and say, okay, what is this rooted in? So it may be that I want to go out with a friend, and I love this friend and I love spending time with that friend, but I just feel dreadful going out. And it's probably not that it's a. A currency exchange that would be detrimental or deleterious, but rather it's bringing up something else that maybe a nutmeg needs. So maybe I need more rest, maybe not less of that time with that person or to give to that person, but I need to schedule in more time to rest. Or maybe I have a person in my past who took advantage of me spending energy and they had the same haircut. Like, it could be anything. And so allowing that icky sticky to inform you about, is there anything that that could be rooted in? Because all of these opportunities provide us the space to do even deeper healing. Yes.

And we. We don't. It doesn't need to be. I like how you gave the example of, like, you know, maybe you're like, oh, I just want to cancel my plans with this friend because I don't. I feel depleted or whatever. That could be a tweak too. It could be like, well, I'm feeling the icky stickiness, but I know that I really, like, enjoy spending time with this person. So it's not necessarily like the person or the relationship dynamic, but maybe it's like you were planning on going to grab coffee and the icky stickiness for you is feeling like, I don't want to be around a bunch of people right now because I don't want to, like, you know, just be like, overstimulated or whatever it might be. Or maybe it's like, I don't feel like going. Going for a drink because I don't like to drink. And I don't. It doesn't make me feel good or, you know, whatever it might be. And so maybe the tweak is we do something else or they come over to my house or I come over to their house or we go for a walk or something. That actually makes you feel like now. Now it feels like it would be a great. A great experience. Now it feels like I would really want to do that. So it's a good, like, small ex.

I love that example. And I was thinking about gifts in that I don't actually love giving Christmas gifts, but I love giving gifts for randomness. And so like, the other day I bought Ashley a necklace there's this, like, necklace that our friend Taylor at the office has, and we all love it. So we all keep getting the same necklace and copycatting her. And I love that. I was like, thanks, Taylor. And she's so great. And she's, like, so generous about it. She's, like, fine. And so I bought this necklace for Ashley because she expressed us that she liked it. And so I gave it to her. And she's like, oh, you could have saved this for Christmas. And I was like, but it's fun giving it to you. And it's not expected. And I don't have to. I'm not obligated to.

And I don't know how I feel.

And I don't want to energetically say that I feel, like, obligated because I celebrate getting them gifts. It's just different when it's maybe expected, but she doesn't expect it. So I'm trying to, like, figure out, like, how I want to frame that. And so I hope that you guys who are listening are hearing me convey that I especially find it energizing and puts more carrot tops in my soup when I get to give randomly. Yes. And so I wanna. I'm leave it at that.

Yes. No, I love that that's. Actually Todd and I are the same way. Like, when we hear someone say that they love something, we will be like, oh, did you hear that? Like, we gotta go. Like, just go order it right now and then we'll give it to them because it's so fun. Just like that. Like that, that.

That's.

That surprise, that spontaneity. And that feels so energizing for us. Whereas, you know, with. With Christmas gifts, it's also the sheer amount too, where you're like, oh, my God, I have to get something. Like, and it has in, like. And I always want it to be, like, you know, special. Like, I want it to. To not just be, like, random crap.

Yeah.

But I also do, like, for. For, like, holidays, sometimes I will do things that are more like, you know, making like, Christmas cookies or making that are, like, consumables for a bunch of different people. And then, you know, I can do those specialized gifts, like, throughout the year, if that makes sense.

It does. And the way that people feel is really different. And I'm thinking about a patient that I had once where her mother was the person who's expected to prepare all the meals for their family. And you and I talked about this in another podcast episode about, like, how a certain person who has the expectation of preparing all the meals and how they, if that's not their love language or if that's not how they feel in abundance and spoons given to them is, that can create a lot of distress or even resentment. And so this patient of mine has been really working on when she sits down to meals is that she has this like grief in her belly. She feels guilty, she feels unworthy. And so we were processing through that what it was like for her to sit down and have meals growing up. And her mom was really stressed out whenever cooking and felt like angry and resentful. And so when she would receive this meal, she felt shame and like a burden and felt guilty. And so it's like, interesting as you're talking about, like, I want to make these cookies. It's so fun. It energizes me. Like, I guarantee you that the person who's eating those cookies is going to have a different experience eating those cookies versus if you were like, I have to make these, these flipping cookies because they expect me to do it every year and I'm so annoyed and I'm gonna slap them together and they better darn well like them. The experience of receiving is impacted by your experience in the giving.

Exactly. Yes. And. And then you're also able to give more of yourself too. And, and then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so energized by this now I want to go do this thing to give to someone. I want to go do this. And it creates like a momentum. It creates. And then you just become a generous person. And then it's just like it's. Life gets a lot more sparkly, which we also have talked about sparkly conversations and stuff. And it just feels.

Yeah.

A lot more fulfilling. And now I also want to mention, like, people might be like, well, I have so much going on, I can't give that much. Like, I, I have too many things. So I want to also mention that like, you gotta plug up those leaks. Like, you gotta, you really got to like, you need to or you get to really. You get to plug up those leaks. If you, you know, if you want to, if you want to do this work is you get to plug up those leaks that are, that are those icky, sticky things. Because I know that a lot of times people are like, well, I overgive. But if you're giving from that place of, of obligation, that's where the over giving feels like it's coming from. But yeah, it's really like you're giving out of, out of alignment. You're not actually feeling as lit up as you could feel from giving in other. In other scenarios.

Can I give a practical example of how to assess this and do it?

Yes, please.

So the. There's this book, it's called Essentialism, written by Greg McNown, and I think McEwen. I've said his name wrong for, like, 10 years. Oh, my goodness. I even listened to it on Audible.

It's like Ayurveda.

Say it. I. Your Veda, Right? Yeah, I Her Veda. So. So that's so funny. Wait, Kewan.

McEwen.

McEwen, yeah. Okay, I'm gonna mispronounce that again. Just keep correcting me. So he talks about how our culture is often doers of all and masters of none. And we often say yes to all these things, and they are energy leaks. And what he teaches is you draw a triangle, kind of like a pyramid shaped, and then at the base of the triangle, you list all of the things that you're doing. And so in this scenario, maybe all of the ways that you're giving are going, spending energy, all of the yeses that you're outputting. And then at the top of the triangle, at the point is you write down what your main mission is or that thing that fills your cup, or where you feel the most important or valuable or like you can contribute whatever it is that. That unicorn star at the top. And then you start to look at what things you're saying yes to are pointing you towards that, and what things you're saying yes to are not. Yeah, and so that's the first step is so you, like, get really clear on what you're doing. You get really clear on where you want to go. And then in a perfect world, you would plug up all those gaps, get rid of all of the yeses that aren't getting you there, and then you would be, like, rocking and rolling. However, I understand that that's not reality, but maybe you can start by plugging some of those up or delegating them or getting rid of them. And so starting somewhere can make a. A little shift, can make a big difference. And the fruit of that, what. What we're describing here is that you're going to have more of that overflowing generosity because you're going to have more spoons, right? Yes.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And. And really, it comes down to you feeling, like, lit up by the. By the things that you're. That you're saying yes to, and that's going to look a little bit different for everyone. But, like, talked about in the past, like, basically it's. It's like good feeling sensations in your body. So you can, like, if. If you're asking yourself, like, should I do this thing or should I do this other thing or should I not do this? Should I do this? Like, just tapping into your body and seeing, like, does this make me feel more alive to think about doing this? Does it make me feel excited? And. And. And I'm bringing in some details there, too, because sometimes people are like, well, you know, I'm, like, going back and forth. It feels good, but then it doesn't feel good. And I'm like, well, maybe it's just, like, the timing. Maybe it's not right, and maybe it's a not right now kind of situation where it. It'll feel good to do, but, like, maybe sometime in the future or it'll feel good to do, but maybe you. There's like a slight. There's like a slight tweak. So it would feel really good. So we gave the example before of my mom, who had us all for Thanksgiving. She had us all make. Make a different dish. And she didn't. She wasn't in charge of it at all. She was like, you have to fig out what timing it's going to be like. And, you know, and finally, all of our Thanksgiving food was cold, but it was fine. We just put it in the microwave. When we put it on our plates, it was great. And so you can tweak it. So, like, my mom wanted to have everyone for Thanksgiving that felt really good to her, but she didn't want to be in charge of it all. That didn't feel really good to her. So you can make these little tweaks, too, so that it actually becomes something that you actually do want to do and that it feels like this, like, this energy. Like this zing of energy rather than a depletion of energy.

I really love that. Yeah. Your mom is so awesome. She is. So in the last couple of minutes that we have together is, I talked about, like, my favorite way of identifying energy leaks. Referring to the book of Greg McKeown. Oh, Greg. Referring to Mr. Greg. What? Do you have an additional strategy that you use when you're starting to feel out of bandwidth and, like, feeling the icky sticky.

I journal so much. Like, it's like my lifeline. Yeah. Is like. Because a lot of times I don't even know what I'm feeling and thinking and all of that kind of thing. And so that's really the tool that I Use that helps me really get. I'm. Yeah, getting it out of my mind and onto paper helps me have breakthroughs all the time of like, oh, this is why. This is feeling like, that icky stickiness. Or, oh, you know, this is why. And so now I get to choose to change this. And, you know, even writing down, like, how might this be different? How might this scenario be different? And not even coming up with a solution right away, but writing that question down and, like, giving it to my subconscious mind to just, like, mull. Like, the answer usually will. Will come to me, like, throughout the rest of the day or the week or whatever. So journaling for me is like. Is huge. Just like kind of like stream of consciousness. You know, I'm. I'm feeling this way about this situation. Why is that? You know, I don't. I don't understand why that is. And just kind of journaling it all out. I did want to also touch on the fact that you mentioned that sometimes this needs to be a thing that we do that we, you know, don't do anymore. Sometimes it needs to be something that we delegate. And I want to also mention that. So a lot of times we think, like, delegation, okay, Delegation is me being in charge of the thing, but giving tasks to different people. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that. Delegation instead, can be. I am. I don't even want to have to think about this at all. Can you be in charge of this? Completely? Right? So, like, the, like the Thanksgiving thing. In the past, my mom has delegated. Like, she has done. Okay, you.

You.

You be in charge of this. You be in charge of this. But she was, like, orchestrating the whole thing the whole time where. Because she was in charge of it. So instead she said, you're in charge of this now. You're in charge of this. You have to figure out, like, time. The time that we're eating dinner is at this time, and it's all got to be ready by then.

Cool.

So this is something that we can do, especially if we have, like, a lot of, like, we're taking on too much of the mental load at work or at home in our families where we are in charge of all of it. This is the classic example is like a, like, hetero couple that's like husband and wife. And the wife is, like, constantly thinking of all the things that have to be done around the house. And the husband is. Is more than willing to help. And they say, just tell me what to do. Like, I want to help, but the mental load is all on the wife to figure out what there even is that needs to be done. So in that kind of situation, it would be helpful to do something where it's like, okay, I am in charge of grocery shopping, or I. You are in charge of picking up the kids from school.

School.

Or I am in charge of the lawn work. And I. And the other person doesn't have to think about lawn stuff at all, ever. Or I'm in charge of laundry. The other person doesn't think about laundry at all, ever. And so splitting things up that way so that we can. So, because some. Sometimes the energy leaks come from the fact that we're thinking about the things that we have to delegate out. And so I don't want that to become a trap for people.

I really appreciate that. That's a very valuable insight. Is. And I'm thinking about all of the things that I was just talking with Haley about today is like, what is making you feel drained and what is really energizing and what can we delegate out and have someone else do? And I think adding to that conversation would be really valuable and asking her, like, what do you not even want to think about, right, in terms of, like, giving someone else ownership of that and, like, knowing that they've got it. Because I think that what you're pointing out is that there is, like, the actual load of activities, you know, like building the house, but there's also, like, the architecture piece of, like, figuring out how it all goes together. And that can be very draining, too. So thank you for bringing that. That in. That's really good.

Yeah, it's so needed. Like, oh, my gosh. And so then that gives you more bandwidth with. To be able to be the. The generous, like, excited, enthusiastic person that you want to be in your life. So it's huge. It, like, it matters so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also the other thing is that, like, the individualistic society that we live in is, like, we should be able to do all of these things on our own. I also want to point out that, like, asking for help with these things, when you become the, like, generous, overflowing generosity, like, person, people want to do stuff for you. Like.

Yeah.

It's not like people are, like, resentful of you asking for things. Right? Like, yes.

So.

So, like, asking for the. The things that you aren't as good at or that you don't like to do and asking someone else for help with that becomes a lot easier when you have that overflowing generosity kind of like. Like coming from you and it's so helpful, like, so it's so helpful to be able to. To ask for those things. And it's really helpful to like, to. Well, okay. I also want to say that you don't have to. You can pay someone. This is. This is something too, that I. That a lot of people I think, kind of get tripped up on of like, I should be able to do it myself. I shouldn't pay someone to do that. I can do myself even sometimes. Sometimes we also think that things cost more than they do. I remember the first time I heard of, like, a personal assistant, and I was like, oh, my gosh, when I'm like a million gajillionaire, then I'll be able to hire a personal assistant, right? But no, like, you could, like, I actually did some. Some of this work when I was starting first starting my business when I lived in Seattle. I nannied for this family and they had the. The kids. Kids only half the time because they. The other half the time they went to their dad's house. And so the weeks that the kids weren't there, I would just run errands for the family. And like, this is a thing. Like, you can get someone to do this without spending, like, exorbitant amounts of money. If you want to just have someone, like, run errands for you, like, you can get creative on these kinds of things too, and you can pay people. And. And the other thing that I'll say is that, like I mentioned, we, we. We think that, oh, I don't want to put this off on someone else because it's like the sucky thing. Like, no one likes to do this. If you think that if you hate doing something, someone else, like, everyone else must hate doing that thing too. But that's not true. Like, one of my clients was talking about how she hates going through the fridge and, like, getting rid of stuff that, you know has gone bad or whatever. And I'm like, I love doing that kind of thing.

That's.

I like doing that. Like, I love the organization. And so it's not that you're like, putting off the bad stuff on other people so that you can, like, only focus on the good stuff. It's that you're just putting off the things that aren't part of your, like, zone of genius and you're giving it to someone else who's willing to take on. Take that on. Maybe it's their zone of genius, or maybe they're just. They just want to do it for whatever reason. And so I want you to, like, get your mind out of that space, too. You.

Oh, that's so awesome. Yeah, Personal assistants are the best. And they're allowing you to stay in your zone of genius, so they can do their zone of genius, and then more gets done. And then, you know, thinking about, like, cost, like, if it. If my hourly expenses require that I bring in X dollars and I can contract some of that out so I can make more X dollars, like, that just seems financially practical. So I really, really like that.

Totally. And sometimes it also helps to save money in other areas, too. So. Yeah, like, exploring a little bit of that, too, because. Yeah, I think we're so unwilling to. If it costs money, we are so unwilling to hire it out, but sometimes it is a lot cheaper than we think it's going to be, and it's going to help us actually make more money or save more money as well.

That's so beautiful. So I learned about spoons, and I learned about giving generously versus giving out an obligation. We talked about energy leaks. We talked about the essentialism pyramid. We talked about burnout today. We talked about soup. Yeah.

Which don't soup.

Talked about alignment, and I felt like this was really good. So what kinds of questions do y' all have? How do you feel like you get spoons? How do you fill your cup while being generous? I would love to hear more about that.

Yes. Tag us. You know, if you want to share this episode on, like, your Instagram and tag us. We. We love to, you know, repost and everything, and we love to hear from you. So. And if you have anyone who would benefit from this that you want to just, like, directly share with them, that would be amazing as well. We appreciate you so much. I just, like, I. I love getting messages from you guys and hearing about how the podcast is helping you in your own life.

And.

And we just. We love you guys are. It's like this podcast is, like, one of my favorite things to do in my life. So thank you for listening. Thank you for giving us an opportunity to help you with these different things. And if there's anything that you really want to learn about next, please let us know. Please reach out. Or you can leave a review. Leave a rating and a review on the. On Apple podcast. That really helps us. And you could even ask your question in there as well. Like, if you want us to. To talk about something in future episodes.

Oh, I love that. Thank you so much.

Yes. Thank you much. Love, everyone.

See you later.

Bye.

Hey, everyone.

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Just listened to consists of the personal opinions of Dr. Nicole Cain, a naturopathic doctor with a Master's in Clinical Psychology and Happy Healthy Hadley, an Ayurveda expert with a Master's in health, Behavior and Health Education. While these opinions are based upon literature, counseling education, medical training and clinical experience, this content should not be viewed as the definitive opinion on these subjects. Listening to this podcast is not a substitute for any sort of medical, psychological, or other form of treatment. If you are in a Crisis, please call 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-8255. If you are in need of counseling, don't hesitate to make an appointment with a counselor in your area. Dr. Nicole and Hadley are passionate about you becoming the expert of your own emotional and physical well being. If this resonates with you and you think this podcast would help someone you love, please share it with them. We look forward to seeing you on the next episode of of the Holistic Inner Balance Podcast.

Sam.