67. #ThatGirl Trend

Welcome to the holistic Inner Balance podcast with Dr. Nicole Cain and happy healthy Hadley.

Your go to resource for natural mental health and wellness strategies so that you can become the expert of your own emotional and physical well being.

Merging modern science with ancient wisdom. It's summer, it's bathing suit season and the that girl trend is raging.

That girl wakes up meditating on her yoga mat, facing the sunrise. Next to the mat she has a organic green juice and she does a perfect vinyasa pose, sun salutations, opening her heart, her crown chakra blazing. She goes inside, has a avocado toast with a poached egg. Of course the egg came from her chickens that she has out in the yard. This girl, she's got her stuff together. This girl is that girl. And that girl is what we're going to be talking about today.

Don't forget the phone. She has her phone recording all of.

It so that you can follow live on Instagram or TikTok or whatever social media platform you love.

Absolutely, yeah. So I have to say the that girl trend, we were talking about this earlier and I was like, that sounds like my morning. And so, you know, if, if we're kind of making fun of this trend, but if you do these things great, and if you don't do these things great. We're not judging it really here, we're just kind of poking fun at the trend that it is, the perfection that it is. And I am all about breaking out of perfection and not doing the whole perfectionism thing, the all or nothing thing. So we're gonna talk about that today. We're going to talk about body image, we're going to talk about diet culture, and we're going to talk about this trend that is the that girl trend. That girl.

And I hadn't actually heard about this until Hadley, you brought it up because I live under a rock and my morning is really different. I wake up and I like literally take my fingers and I peel my eyes open and then I moan, coffee and. And I stagger to the kitchen and I make coffee. And then after about 20 minutes of drinking my stimulant of choice, I am then human and I can open both eye holes.

I love it. I love it. And I think you guys, I mean, if you resonate with that, that's probably most of us here, right? So that's totally fine if that's you. And we wanna talk about the fact that this like that girl trend is for a lot of people, not super realistic. You know, one of the big habits that I Focus on with my clients is actually a morning routine. I'm all about a morning routine. I love it. And I don't think that it is super realistic to do all of the things. Plus, there's this element of. With the that girl trend at least, and. And a lot of times with morning routines in general. Right. Like, if you go on YouTube and type in morning routines, there will be thousands, hundreds of thousands of people with, like, their morning routine up or on Instagram or on TikTok, and it's really fun to look at. Like, they're. You know, it's aesthetic, it's beautiful, it's kind of, like, romantic. And, you know, that can all be great. And I think having that be the standard of wellness. So if we can't do that first thing in the morning, we feel like we've failed. We feel like we're a failure for the rest of the day, and we're like, well, I ruined it for today. I didn't do my morning routine today. So, like, screw it. I'm just gonna do all the other things that aren't healthy, and I'll start again tomorrow. I think that's my gripe with this trend.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

I resonate with that. I like that you're saying that is this feeling of a goal that I have to achieve because it's a representation of my level of success and achievement. And I even kind of perpetuate this with my students in a sense, where I teach about the morning mastery routine. So you get up, you do these things, and they are health promoting. But I think the difference that you're kind of pointing out is the mindset that's around it. And you also told me that this is kind of a rebrand of a different kind of pop culture morning mastery thing. What was it that you called it?

Yeah, so it wasn't necessarily morning mastery, but it was called fitsbo. And it's still a thing. But it was very popular when I was in college and in grad school, which was like, five or six years ago.

And.

And it was basically like how you look. It's like you look fit, essentially. Fitspiration. Fitsbo. And I, you know, this is slightly better. I will say that, you know, we're getting there, where it's not necessarily about what your body looks like. Rather, it's like the things that you're doing. And so it's kind of a step up from that Fitzpatrick Fitsbo trend, I would say. But it's very easy to look at the that girl trend and be like, well, feel like a, feel like a failure. B, get into that all or nothing mindset of like, well, if I didn't do it the right way, quote unquote, if I didn't do it the way that I saw it done on TikTok or on Instagram or whatever, then I am, you know, not doing it right. And so I'm going to put off doing it right until tomorrow or I'll try again later or maybe I just won't try again at all. And I'm just not going to do that at all. And I'm not going to do health. And that's, you know, it's just not realistic for me. And so it's, it's still narrow minded. And I think that if we didn't live in a society that was diet culture, then it might be fine. But we do live in a diet culture society, unfortunately. And basically what that means is diet culture is essentially for those of you who, you know, have maybe heard the term but aren't sure exactly what the definition is, it's not just about dieting. It's really a society where we value weight, shape and size and thinness over someone's actual health and well being. And that is basically the kind of the water that we're swimming in right now. It so permeates most of what we do that it also permeates the that girl trend, essentially.

So what you're kind of describing is the externalization of value into what am I doing? What are the steps that I'm taking? How is this going to show up in a photograph as opposed to more of a mindset that's how can I nourish my body, increase my health? And I have an article up here, I want to kind of just peek at the history of the that girl trend because like you're saying we're having a reinvention of these different trends. And this is definitely, it feels like a step up from just like straight up your body has to look this way to now your behavior has to look this way. So we went from body to behavior and then maybe we can kind of create a proposal for what might be a more optimal third trend.

Yes, totally. Yeah. This is something that I actually talk about with my clients a lot is, is assigning morality in general. I honestly believe that assigning morality to any, anything to do with health, but really a lot of things in the world at all, like assigning morality to anything can be not that helpful. And what I mean by that is like, you know, we used to assign well, and we still do, but we're doing this less now. Assign morality to the way someone looks. We still do that, but we're trying to kind of come away from that in the wellness space at least. And so it's not as much what someone looks like, but then now it's like we're assigning morality to what someone does. And if someone is striving for health, and it's like, wow, you're so good because you're striving for health. But while, like, I mean, this is what I do. I'm a health coach. I literally help people strive for health. I'm all about it. It's, you know, if it's what you want to do, but you are not any better or worse if you are striving for health or if you are not striving for health. So I want to just put that out there before we even dive into the rest of it, because I think that can be such a light bulb moment of like, oh, I'm actually not bad if I don't do all the healthy things, or I'm actually not better than anyone else if I am doing all the healthy things. It's a helpful frame, frame of mind.

It's a reframe. And before I do piggyback to kind of the history of the that girl is, I want to really make sure that we understand what you're saying about assigning morality. And so that's kind of a complex, kind of confusion, confusing thing to understand and wrap our minds around. So if you had to explain that to a fourth grader, how would you define, like, what do you mean by assigning morality?

Yeah, so it's essentially just labeling something as good or bad. That's all. It's like, this is good, this is bad. We do it with bodies, we do it with types of food. And even, like, some of the programming that I've seen for, like, teaching kids about nutrition is actually slightly problematic in that they're teaching kids like, this is like a red food, which is like, bad stop. Green food, which is like, good go. You know, and it can be helpful to be like. And then there's like, yellow foods, which are, like, slow, go slow, or whatever, which can be helpful. But when we're in diet culture so much, it can perpetuate it more. And so what I would rather see is, like, how does this food actually make you feel? Do you feel cloudy afterwards? Do you have less mental clarity? Do you feel lethargic and, like, ick, you know, bringing more awareness to that and then also not assigning morality. So not saying this is good or bad with how you feel even. Because sometimes people. People will be like, oh, no, I feel crappy after I ate this thing. I'm so bad for eating this thing. And now feeling crappy, like, we don't have to feel bad about that either. And it's actually counterproductive because it will result in more of that, like, deprivation and binge cycle of, oh, you know, now I feel guilty, now I'm going to deprive myself. And then once we get to a certain point where we've been depriving ourselves for too long, then we binge and then we feel guilty, and then we repeat that cycle over and over and over again.

The deprivation and binge cycle. Yeah. And that comes from a place of assigning morality and aligning with the objective, like, this is good or this is bad, or I feel good or I feel bad. And so when we start with this diet culture mindset and then we judge it in our success and how we feel based on some sort of, like, objective, unattainable measure, it can then create this deprivation binge cycle. Deprivation binge cycle, exactly. That's fascinating. I think that's really interesting. And so it's like, where did this come from? I have an article from Bustle and they talk about the that girl isn't, of course, any girl in particular, but they describe how it's a vague sort of wellness archetype that became popular in TikTok around April of 2021. And there's over 800 million views of this hashtag of that girl. What's happening is, especially over the summer, is that we get caught in this lifestyle community where creators are uploading how to guides, they're posting criticisms on don't be the that girl. Actually improve your life. Other people are posting, like, yes, be that girl. Because it's a healthy focus. Like, you're focusing on being healthy. And, you know, so it feels like the that girl trend has gone to all these different corners of the Internet totally. Where it's like, this is good, this is bad. But it's like circling back to what you're saying. It's like we're applying morality to it.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, the people who are criticizing it are like, well, it's bad. And then the people who are, you know, lauding it are like, oh, well, it's good. But, like, and we've talked about this before, where we need nuance. We just need to look at it for what it is. And, you know, is it helpful for people? Maybe for some people it is really helpful. And for some people it isn't that helpful. And, you know, we kind of have to discern that for ourselves. And we can do that from a place of not assigning morality. We don't have to get, like, fanatical about it. We don't have to be like, this is bad. This is good. And this. That's. If you do tend to do that, just know, like, I feel you. Because that's my tendency. And that's why I'm so passionate about not doing it with health and wellness. Because I used to all the time, like, these were all of my tendencies. You know, I wanted to be that girl, and I couldn't be that girl because I was trying so hard to be. And then I was doing the all or nothing mentality of, okay, I'm either gonna do all the things in the morning, you know, the morning routine, all of that. And if I don't do it, then, well, the day is ruined and I'm gonna, you know, wait until tomorrow or Monday or the new year or whatever it was. And now that I've, like, let that go, now routine looks like the that girl routine, but I'm not posting about it.

So what was the shift for you? Because it seems like the objective behaviors look similar, but the big shift is internally for you.

Yeah, totally. And again, you know, maybe I will post, like, my morning routine at some point, but, you know, I actually don't have my phone on me until much later because it's for me. My morning routine is for me. And it's actually for my mental wellness, not for posting it and, you know, showing it off to someone else. And it's not that esthetic. Like, my morning routine is, like, doing all of these things. You know, I wake up, I drink a ton of water, but I don't do, like, the. You know, I don't have it in, like, a cute glass with, like, the lemon. And so I just. I just boil or I don't boil. I like, warm up some water and then I chug some water and go to the bathroom. And then I do some. Maybe some meditation. Maybe I'll just go right to the gym. But it's not like this big, beautiful thing all the time. Most of the time, like, all the time. And it's for me. I love my morning routine. It's amazing. And if I had to post it all the time, I wouldn't like it.

I don't think if you posted it and posted It. Without the filters and the lemon and just posted it like it is what it is. Is it still the that girl or is a. Ooh, a not a that girl question. What, like, constitutes it becoming a the that girl?

Yeah, that's a good question. I. When I was looking into, like, the. The trend and stuff, because, you guys, I'm not very trendy. I don't really know very much about trends. I have to say, when I was looking into it, though, it's A lot of them are like, you know, avocado toast and, you know, like a latte with nut milk or, you know, some sort of green juice or whatever. And this is one other thing that I wanted to bring up with it is that, you know, all of. All of these things are, like. A lot of them are not accessible for people, and they're, like, very much a privileged thing. And, you know, and so that makes it so that it's not accessible, and people can be like, well, I can't even do that, so I'm not even gonna try to be healthy. Which. Not a fan of that. But I think, yeah, I wonder if we could. If we could make up a new Trend, like, hashtag RealThatGirl.

RealThatGirl, right.

Like the not a stuff that girl. Yeah.

And by kind of taking out this, like, need for aestheticism. Is that a word?

I don't know.

It sounded good.

Yeah.

Taking up the need for it to be aesthetic, it kind of, I feel like, takes this external perspective, this externalization of a process that's intended to be, like, very deeply nourishing and accepting. Like, okay, this morning I have halitosis, and my eye is glue shut, but I'm gonna drink a whole bunch of water, and I'm gonna post a picture of me and my real. I'm hydrating and nourishing. And so then it would be like a real that girl. It's like I'm doing the habits of the that girl, but I'm doing it in a way that is all about me and taking care of me and nourishing me, as opposed to perpetuating an archetype or perpetuating an image or perpetuating, like, a way of life that may be unattainable and unrealistic and maybe incongruent with my internal experience off camera.

Right? Yeah. I think that's the other thing is, are the. Are the people who are posting about it, like, actually getting, you know, the benefit from doing the things, or are they just going through the motions? And I can't say you know, I'm not here to say, like, either either way, but it's something to think about, and we have to be discerning about that on social media. You know, social media in general is like all of the highlight reels of everyone's life, and so we want to be mindful of that as well, because there are mornings that you just. You don't feel great, and that's okay. That's another piece of the health morality thing is I feel like, especially recently, it's been in the past couple of years, it's like if you don't feel great all the time, then you're doing something wrong or bad, and that's not the case. Sometimes we just don't feel that great and it's okay.

Yeah. So instead of putting it and assigning a morality to how I feel, it is what it is. Because I was writing notes as you were talking, and so you were talking about assigning morality. And again, this is good or this is bad. We're saying my that girl activities are good or bad or eating avocado toast is good or bad, or eating Captain Crunch for breakfast is good or bad. Assigning morality. And then we could also assign morality, as you said, Hadley, to how I feel. Like I feel good right this morning as opposed to, oh, this morning. I don't have much energy. This is data from my body. I think I need to rest.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And I'm a huge fan of taking stock of how you feel so that you can then, you know, do something about it or you intentionally choose, you know, not to. Whatever, that's fine too. No, no good or bad here. But essentially we can actually look at it through a lens of curiosity rather than a lens of judgment. It's like curiosity over judgment is kind of the. The name of the game here. Because with judgment, judgment is, you know, assigning morality is saying, this is good or this is bad or, you know, maybe it's not good or bad. Maybe it's this is right and this is wrong. There's a wrong way to do things, and there's a right way to do things. I love that that's not necessarily true either.

And I can. I can definitely feel that way, you know, because I like things being pretty.

Yeah.

I love aesthetics. I love looking at people's posts, and I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, you just look so beautiful and peace. And I would love to look and feel that way. And so curiosity over judgment versus right versus wrong versus, like, I have this desire. I have this Kind of part of me that's very romantic and I want to romanticize things. And one thing that you were saying before we started recording today is that there can actually be a benefit to the romantization.

Yeah, yeah. I actually talk about this with my clients because sometimes, sometimes we can get into sort of this mindset of like, oh my gosh, I have all these habits that I'm like, supposed to do, quote, unquote, supposed to do. And it's like a chore list, right? It's a to do list. We just have to check all the things off. But instead, with habits or with anything else, how can we if. If we romanticize some parts of our lives like this, like, you know, like what the that girl trend is doing, it can actually make life a lot more fulfilling and more fun and more beautiful. And we can feel really present in those moments. And really, you know, I just, I. I love the idea of why not romanticize as much as we possibly can in our lives? You know, like, we're just here to live our lives. So let's just enjoy those moments. Yeah. Yeah.

So if you're posting a picture and you want to have the most beautiful avocado toast and you want to look really beautiful, you can still be a beautiful, put together, real that girl. So long as that internal experience, that internal way of looking at it, is in alignment with your highest self, which is what we're all about here.

I love it. Yes. So basically it just means you're not going through the motions. It's. You're allowing yourselves, you're allowing yourself to be like, permeated by the experience. That's kind of how I look at it, is like allowing yourself to be affected. Because so many times I have gone through the motions in my life with health and wellness and other things, but I'm not allowing myself to be affected by the wonderful things that I'm doing. They just feel bland. Right.

So if we were to create a new definition of the real that girl.

Yeah, yeah.

She is someone, or he is someone who doesn't just go through the motions, but rather they allow the motions, the experiences to permeate them, fill them with curiosity, and allow them opportunities for deep and profound transformation.

I love it. Yeah. There's your definition. There's your definition of new trend.

The real that girl. That girl. Hashtag it. So if you're posting pictures of yourself and you look amazing and you hashtag realthatgirl, talk about how you're being transformed by that.

Yeah.

Or if I wanna post a Selfie of myself, like, horking back coffee with.

One eye, glued shot.

And I hashtag realthatgirl. That's amazing too.

Totally.

Because it's all about the internal experience.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely.

I wanted to add one little fun fact to the romantization. Romanticization. I don't know that word either. Words are hard to making it kind of romantic. Because one thing I really want to emphasize is I'm not. And Hadley's not saying, like, stop posting beautiful pictures online. Like, we all love your beautiful pictures.

Keep them coming. They're awesome. We all love beauty. That's an innate piece of being a human being. Yes.

And beauty can make us actually feel good. And so I was talking to Hadley earlier about this phenomenon called dopamine dressing.

Yes. And I don't know what it is, guys. She wouldn't tell me before this, so I'm hearing it for the first time too.

Stay tuned. So dopamine dressing is where you can dress yourself in such a way that makes you feel good and it changes your neurochemical levels of dopamine so that you have more dopamine and you feel even better. So if you're having a lousy morning and you're being inspired by that girl trending and you're like, oh, my gosh, like, if I ate a beautiful avocado toast instead of just scrambling them up and plopped a glob of avocado on the side, and then I'm gonna, like, put on my favorite linen outfit and I'm gonna stretch my. Because that will fill you. That's dopamine dressing. Like, dressing yourself in beautiful things that make you feel good and so real that girls can look just as good or maybe even better because they're actually nurturing their dopamine levels. They're nurturing themselves and filling themselves with bliss and happiness. But the focus is, how is it taking care of you?

Totally. Yes. Oh, I love that. Yay.

Awesome.

Okay, so hashtag RealThatGirl. Dopamine dressing.

Dopamine dressing.

Yes. And so again, dopamine dressing. Not good or bad. Just if it's useful for you, you can take it. If it's not useful for you, you don't have to take it.

Oh, my gosh. So I learned a new trend today, y'. All.

Well, I learned a new thing too. I love it.

Thanks for checking out our podcast. It's been so fun to have Hadley here. Hadley is an amazing health coach Ayurveda expert. I am. I am not an aura expert because I can't even say the word correctly. For some reason for like 15 years working on it, I've been saying it incorrectly. Are your veda.

I your veda.

I your veda. It's not I my veda, but I your veda. So y', all, we're not editing this out because we're all about being real and authentic here.

Hashtag real that girl. Hashtag realthatgirl.

That's so true. This is Dr. Nicole Cain, and my passion is to help you become your own mental health expert. And so this topic came from Hadley today. She's all about bringing it to the table. So if there's other conversations that you want us to have or questions that you have, let us know because we're totally excited about talking about anything that you want to talk about pertaining to emotional wellness, authenticity, also authenticity and physical wellness.

Yeah. So excited. So excited to be talking to you guys today. And let us know. Let us know how you like this podcast and if you want more like it or if you want anything else.

Awesome.

Thanks, Hadley.

Thank you. Talk soon.

The recording you just listened to consists of the personal opinions of Dr. Nicole Caine, a naturopathic doctor with a master's in clinical psychology and Happy Healthy Hadley, an Ayurveda expert with a master's in health behavior and health education. While these opinions are based upon literature, counseling education, medical training, and clinical experience, this content should not be viewed as the definitive opinion on these subjects. Listening to this podcast is not a substitute for any sort of medical, psychological.

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Sam.