Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explains how denial in unhealthy families teaches people to ignore their own feelings, then recreates the same pattern in marriage. When one partner denies the other's experience, the denied partner escalates, and the cycle repeats. Her book offers ways to break it.
Do you know what strategy unhealthy families use to keep control? They deny what happened, then tell you you're overreacting for noticing. In those families, denial says your feelings don't matter. My comfort does. And every time an adult child tries to step away, denial gets used to pull them right back in. The problem is, when someone grows up in that system, they bring denial into their marriage. Their wife says, what your mom did didn't feel good, and he says, that's not what she meant. You're being too sensitive. He's not trying to hurt her. He's doing what he was taught. Protect the story, not the person. And this is repeating the cycle. And what happens next? She starts defending herself. You don't believe me? Let me give you 10 more examples. The harder she tries to be heard, the more he retreats. Now, you're not fighting about his mom. You're fighting each other. But here's the truth. Denial doesn't protect the family. It protects the pattern. And until you name it, you. You can't change it. My new book, you, your husband and his mother, helps you break that legacy pattern. So you can stop repeating the pain, stand on the same team, and finally feel safe in your marriage again.
