Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explains why couples become roommates: not from big fights, but from repeatedly ignoring small bids for connection. A turned-away glance at school pickup, multiplied over time, teaches your partner's body to stop reaching out.
Oh babe, the funniest thing happened today at pickup, dropping off the kids. There was this mom that was in the line and she wasn't even paying attention to what was happening. And— That wasn't a small moment. That was her making a bid for attention, for connection. And he wasn't mean in what he did, but instead of turning towards her, he turned away. And most couples think that the problem is when they're fighting and shouting at each other and in these big conflicts, but the real start of feeling disconnected and feeling like roommates is that kind of moment happening over and over again that teaches her body, why bother? Why should I turn to you? Why do I want to even want to share with you? And this is where couples start to feel disconnected and like roommates, all because of one small choice that you make over and over again.
