A short YouTube video by Dr. Tracy Dalgleish urging couples to perform an intentional end-of-year relationship check-in. She explains how most couples operate on autopilot, why a reflective pause builds shared meaning and emotional accountability, offers a single reflective question (“What was it like to be with me this year?”), and directs listeners to download her annual relationship check-in guide.
As the year comes to a close, so many of us are taking stock of our work, our finances, our goals. But the place we often forget to pause and reflect is our relationship. I can't emphasize how many couples don't intentionally reflect together, not because they don't care, but because life moves fast. And here's what I want you to know about coming to the end of the year. This is not about fixing, it's not about blaming, it's not about problem solving. Instead, it's a pause. Here's why having an end of the year check in really matters. Most couples live in reaction mode. They live on autopilot. They live in this fast paced world. And I know this. The research shows us that parents to young children spend less than 30 minutes a week talking and connecting. And that 30 minutes is mostly logistics. Of course you're busy. You feel like two ships passing in the night and there's no intention here. And when we don't reflect, when we don't bring awareness in, then patterns repeat. Even if you are both trying to change those patterns, it just happens when we're on autopilot mode, when we're reactive. If you haven't yet, go back and listen to my autopilot episode. Greg was my expert on being in the autopilot mode in that episode and he did such a good job of helping us build an understanding of what happens when he goes into that mode. So here's the thing. When we shift into intention, it allows us to create a shared meaning with our partner. And this in relationships is what's consistently shown to keep couples feeling happy, secure and connected. The Gottmans talk about the love roadmap. They talk about shared planning and daydreaming together about their futures. This is exactly what you do. And so I'm gonna leave you with one question today, but I want you to go and download my annual relationship check in guide I only released at this time of the year. It is one of my favorites. So here's one question for you to ask today. And I'm going to ask you to show up to it with your partner, not as a debate, not as a defense, but with the goal to listen and to not correct or rationalize or explain. Okay, here's the question. What was it like to be with me this year? Take turns answering the question. Encourage reflection, but not interruption. And yes, if you're listening, thinking, oh my word, that's a big question. It's intentionally big. And if your partner gives you one word response like it was good, your response not to get frustrated, not to say, of course you say it's good. That's the only thing you ever say. That's your cycle taking off, by the way. And if you don't know your cycle, to be sure to take my free quiz to identify that negative cycle that you get stuck in. This is a moment where you say, tell me more about that. Tell me more. That was good of our relationship today. Okay? And here's why I love doing the relationship check ins, because there's a deeper meaning behind it. This is about creating emotional accountability. And it really moves you out of blame, out of defensiveness, out of that cycle that takes over so quickly and instead into awareness and reflection. This is not about finding the flaws of the other person, but instead how do we want to move forward together. Because that sense of togetherness is what helps you lean in. It helps you feel connected, helps you soften towards each other. And that's our goal in relationships. So here's my nudge to you. Grab the guide. This is for couples who want more structure, for people who want prompts, pacing and safety. This is for anyone who doesn't want this conversation to turn into a fight or a shutdown mode. I already hear you in my head. I Hear you saying, Dr. Tracy, we don't have 30 minutes to give to each other. I'm going to challenge you. Yes, you do. It doesn't have to be done all at once. You can do it separately if you want and then bring it back together. Grab your favorite cup of whatever it is or your favorite meal, your snacks. Skip that one episode that you're watching My Christmas plan right now. By the way, when I'm off for the holidays, I am watching the morning show. But in order to do this, Greg and I already have it bookmarked in order to do this. Because this, I need you to know this is my favorite relationship tool. And I only share this at this time of the year. But when we do it, it means I'm going to have to forego that cozy comfort space of watching TV side by side. And we're going to have to go into these conversations. But I want you to know that this intentionality without the pressure and my check in guide walks you through this entire process. This helps you to feel like you're on the same page. And I want you to know this, there's no perfect way to do it. This is just you showing up with authenticity, being brave and trusting that you can continue to build your relationship and to feel more aligned in the next 12 months that come. Alright. Thanks for clicking play. I'll see you next time.
