Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explains how relationship spark fades through small moments of inattention, not sudden collapse. Intimacy requires daily tending: looking up from your phone, sharing mental load, showing your partner they matter. Without it, couples become roommates.
In the beginning of your relationship, it felt effortless. There was easy connection, communication just flowed. And there was intimacy. That spark made you feel seen, understood, wanted. It's what made desire feel natural, easy. Not forced or pressured or like you have to, but something that flowed because you felt chosen. But sparks don't disappear all at once. They fade in the small, everyday moments where you choose to not turn towards your partner. When you walk into the room and your partner takes doesn't even look up from their phone. When you reach for understanding and a listening ear and get defensiveness and dismissal instead. When one of you is drowning in the mental load and the other asks, just tell me how to help. And intimacy feels like one more thing on your to do list. And suddenly you're wondering, where did our spark go? How did we end up feeling like roommates and two ships passing in the night? The spark isn't gone, but it does need daily tending to everyday, intentional moments where you say to your partner, I see you, you matter to me. And our relationship is worth paying attention to.
