A short transcript from a YouTube conversation (Dr. Tracy Dalgleish and a second speaker) about how childhood caregiver patterns shape adult romantic relationships. The speakers outline three common responses adults repeat from childhood: finding partners who replicate caregiver behavior, repeating caregivers' behavior toward partners, or internalizing and self-directed criticism — and encourage noticing patterns to change for healthier connection.
Chapters
In order to deal with feeling close and connected with other people as adults, we do one of three things that often stem from.
Our childhood.
One is, we find a partner who continues to do to us what it.
Is a caregiver did.
If you had an avoidant parent, maybe.
You found an avoidant partner.
If you had a highly.
Critical mother.
Maybe you found someone who's also.
Really critical of you.
Two, we do to our partners what was done to us.
That highly critical.
Mother is now what you do to someone else. Do you stonewall and avoid? That's what someone did to you, but now you do that.
To your partner.
Or three, we internalize what our parents did to us, and we start giving that to ourselves.
That highly critical mother.
We start being.
Critical for ourselves. A parent who never brought up hard topics.
We then don't bring up.
Hard topics in our relationship.
So when it comes.
To your partnership today, the.
Question then starts to become, what patterns am I repeating? What where have I done this before? Who has done this with me? And ultimately, our goal is not to stay stuck in the past, but instead it's to ask ourselves, what do I want to do differently today? How can I change the pattern in this relationship so that I can feel close and connected in a healthy way.
