Dr. Tracy Dalgleish explains the concept of the "mental load" using a concrete school drop-off/pick-up example. She contrasts visible labor (e.g., physically picking up children) with invisible cognitive tasks—planning, tracking needs (shoes, sizes, food, communication with teachers), and anticipating emotional or logistical issues—and suggests ways to discuss this with a partner (see captions for more).
One of the most common questions I get is how do I get my partner to understand what the mental load looks like? Here is my example. When I'm at school, drop off and pick up, I see so many dads picking up their kids. This is an example of the visible labor. You can see it, it's tangible and there's an outcome that is clear. But there are so many other things that go into getting the kids to school. Did you pack both of the kids shoes? Do they have indoor and outdoor shoes? Do they, do you know what size they are? Did you contact the teacher? Because yesterday you saw that your little one was having a hard day in an emotional outburst and you were wondering what was going on in the classroom. Do you know what the food preferences are? Do you know that you are at the last piece of salami, that you are not going to be able to make lunch the next day? The mental load includes all of the cognitive labor, all of the cognitive planning and thoughts that are involved in order to help the family, the children, your relationship, friends function and continue to move forward. There are so many ways that you can have this conversation with your partner. Check out the caption below for more.
