In this reflective monologue, Dr. Tracy Dalgleish uses Justin Bieber’s recent Coachella performance—where he sang alongside a representation of his 13‑year‑old self—as a vivid illustration of inner‑child healing. She explains why connecting with one’s younger self (through old photos, visualizations, or symbolic gestures) can counteract the self‑criticism many people develop from harsh environments, abandonment, or societal pressures. Dr. Dalgleish emphasizes the need for self‑compassion, curiosity, and softness when confronting these inner parts. She links developmental neuroscience to therapeutic timing, noting that the prefrontal cortex typically matures around ages 28‑30 (later in men than women), making this period optimal for deeper self‑reflection. The therapist also stresses that inner‑child work is an ongoing, lifelong process rather than a one‑time event. She invites viewers to watch Bieber’s performance, reflect on their own inner‑child work, and explore her earlier “Healing Your Inner Child” episode for practical guidance.
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This is one of those moments where pop culture intersects with the healing work that I do every day with people, and I just have not stopped thinking about what happened last weekend at Coachella with Justin Bieber. Okay, I want to use this first to just say I can't comment on Justin Bieber's mental health or their relationship. I do not know them, but I want to talk about what we witnessed and how powerful that is and how we can then use that in our own life. So Justin Bieber, if you haven't seen it, it's been all over my threads, he goes to Coachella and And it's an epic performance. Some people were like, you know, hey, how can you just have this performance where you're with a laptop and you're showing your old YouTube videos? That's not what it is. This is so much deeper. And I can't speak for sure on this, but I believe something about selling off his titles. And so he can only play it through his YouTube channel. I don't know. That's not what this is about. But when you watch him perform, he does something incredible that not many of us actually end up doing in our lifetime. Here's what he does. He puts on his 13-year-old self and he starts to sing with that younger version of him. And whoo, as a therapist, this one just lands so hard for me because you can feel the impact of connecting with his younger self and what that means to be doing this healing work. With every client that I work with, I think at some moment I recommend getting an old picture of them and looking back at themselves. And here's specifically why I do that. I do that because as we grow up, for many of us, society, our upbringing, the environments that we were in hardens us. It teaches us to be more critical of ourselves than compassionate. It teaches us to abandon ourselves, to reject ourselves instead of fully trusting and understanding ourselves. And so along the way, we learn that it is not safe to be us, whether it's actually the environment you're growing up in where you are rejected, where you are abandoned or abused, Or it's what you learned to quietly do along the way, to abandon yourself, to not listen, to look after everybody else. And so it's interesting because along the lines of doing this healing work, a lot of times we show up to this work with more criticism than compassion. I hear it with every client I work with. I should just be over this already. The why is this still happening? The why am I making such a big deal out of it? And that right there, that's the like you're taking paper and lumping yourself over the head instead of a more compassionate approach, which sounds like, of course I'm struggling with this, or I haven't fully worked through this, or I'm not healed yet, or even thanking our bodies and saying, thank you so much for telling me that this is important and it matters to me, and I'm struggling with this in the here and now. We constantly meet our struggles with criticism instead of understanding and softness, and it takes takes such courage for us to be willing to go back to those older parts of us and to look at that part of us with kindness, understanding, with curiosity. And so watching Justin Bieber at Coachella singing along with his younger self is like him giving that younger part of him a big hug and just that filled with, "I understand, I see you, I am here." I want to say this: it takes so much courage to do the healing work because for many of us It can feel scary and unknown of who we're going to meet at what point. And sometimes it feels raw and ugly and messy and it's not comfortable. And when we work through it, it's incredibly powerful to then live a life that is aligned, that feels meaningful, and that is within us being our truest selves. I think about developmentally what that means. So I was just curious to see how old Justin Bieber is. He's 32. And in some ways I thought, oh yeah, you know, that makes complete sense to be doing that work right now. And of course there's a bigger context in which he's living in, in terms of the industry. But when I work with clients throughout their 20s, I say to them, you are still an emerging adult. You are not fully at adulthood yet. And I actually don't believe that adulthood starts until you reach 28, 29. Then the front of your brain is fully formed and you can start doing this heavier work. Some of us will arrive earlier. We know that in general, women's prefrontal cortex finished developing earlier ahead of men. And so men's, then development might be slower in that sense. But oftentimes when I'm working with clients and they reach this point of 28, 29, 30, that's where the pieces are falling into place for them. That's where they are feeling aligned and able to do this self-reflective piece of who was I when I was younger, what did I need and not get, and what do I want to do with that now today to make sense of it. I want to add one more piece here around this concept of healing. A lot of times people come to me and say, I've been doing this work and It just keeps going. And the truth is, it does keep going. It is not a one moment in time. It is a constant opportunity to re-meet ourselves and to discover more about who we are today, what we needed back then, and how we can do that work between self today and meeting the younger parts of us. So I just want to finish this by saying it was a beautiful performance. And if you have not had a chance to go watch it, go watch a piece of it. Close your eyes. Let it hit you wherever it needs to hit, because it's pretty incredible to see a man meeting his inner child and doing this work. All right, let me know what you think of today. Let me know if you've watched this one. Let me know what you thought about seeing the Today Justin Bieber singing with his younger self. And also give me a note about what you've been doing in terms of healing your inner child. I know when I've talked about this before in the community that sometimes people have said, I don't quite understand what it is, and I don't know what I should be doing. So I'm gonna also link below my Healing Your Inner Child episode that I previously did. Okay, thanks for clicking play today. I'll see you next time.
