Mom guilt and entrepreneurship

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Hi, docs. Welcome to the Entre MD Podcast, where it's all about helping amazing physicians just like you, embrace entrepreneurship so you can have the freedom to live life and practice medicine on your terms. I'm your host, Dr. Umna. Well, hello. Hello, my friend. Welcome back to another episode of the On Trendy podcast. You are going to absolutely love this episode. And I'm really recording this because I've had a number of moms reach out to me. They have young children. Some of them have kids who are teenagers who, you know, younger teenagers. They all need more time, if you will. And there's a lot of mommy guilt right along with the entrepreneurship. And they're like, can you talk about it? And I was like, sure. Always happy to talk about that because it's something that I dealt with. It was a really big issue for me. I had mom guilt before entrepreneurship. So entrepreneurship just, you know, took it all the way up. So I would love to share my story and share some tips in a way that would give you some strategies that you can use so you can enjoy your journey. Right. As an entrepreneur, the journey doesn't end. It's never really easier. We just get better. And so the point is, if you wait until a specified time when you have it all together to enjoy it, you never will. So we start enjoying the journey from now. Actually, I wish I started enjoying it earlier, but, you know, you know, I Don't do regrets. And so I'm enjoying it. Challenges are still there, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it. So let's. So let's talk about this mom guilt thing. I started my first business, which was my private practice. And the day I signed the lease for my private practice was the day before my daughter turned two years old. Okay? So I had two kids, two and four months. And you know, I was like, yay, we're gonna start this practice. It's gonna be amazing. Okay? And I also, at the same time, so I signed the lease on one day. The following day I signed up to work PRN at the local urgent care so that we would have revenue coming in while we're building the practice. And so I had these moving parts. And at the same time, we had launched a new church, my husband and I pastor a church. We launched a new church at about the same time. Okay. So I had the two babies, I had the other job that I was working at the urgent care, and we had the church that was a baby as well. So needless to say, I was. Time was not something I had the luxury of, right? Like, sometimes I would work in the practice till about 2 o' clock in the afternoon and then I will go start a 4P to 12 a shift in the urgent care. And I'd be getting home at 1:30 or so, only to start the whole thing over. And then weekends were not quite weekends because weekends we had the church, right? And so, needless to say, I had a lot of opportunities for mom guilt. I was not seeing my kids as much as I would want to. I was not there for them as much as I would want to. And I really did let it get to me. And so I remember thinking, okay, a number of thoughts. One thought was, I am doing this now so that I will have time with them later. Okay. Like, it's kind of like, you know, live like no one else now. So you can live like no one else now. And so that thought helped me weather the time. I knew it was for a season. I knew it wouldn't last forever, right? But in the moment, it was. It was kind of hard. And so that thought right there really helped me to go, like, okay, it's kind of like med school, right? Like, you're studying hard, you're doing all those things, but you know, it's not forever. And you know, you're doing that on the other side is going to be so much nicer. Okay? So that's kind of the thought that I went with. And the reason why I want to share this story today is because at this point, that was 12 years ago, right? So the question is, then, what did happen? And as far as that thought process goes, what ended up happening was as I went further and further along in the practice and then subsequently other businesses, I had more and more control of my time. I had more and more of my time back. And so in the beginning, yes, I was doing all of that, but within two years, maybe, or a year and a half, I'd hired a doctor who only wanted to work on Fridays. And so I had a long weekend, every weekend. And so I bought more time back with the church. We had a bigger team. And so I bought more time back with the urgent care. I think I did that for about two years. And then I let that go because at that point, the practice was, you know, really, really doing well. And so, you know, I got more of my time back. And so it wasn't even longer than two years. You know what I mean? Like, I got my time back, but then it didn't stop there. I kept getting more and more of my time back. And, you know, I started working three days a week, working one day a week. And then I took a sabbatical, and I got all those time, all that time back. Am I saying people should quit medicine? Of course not. I have my track and my track. I was always going to retire at 40, right? Like, that's. That was my track. And so. And so I did that. And now after the pandemic hit, I was like, you know what? I really want to homeschool my older two. And I got to home. I get to homeschool my older two. So I'm literally with all day, right? And. And all of that. So did I lose out? You know, maybe I wasn't there every single time when they were 2 and 3 and 4, but. But, oh, my goodness, I would not trade the amount of time that I have with them now. You know what I mean? Like, I. I wouldn't do that. And so did that thought process work for me? Yes. Like, let me buckle down and do this. Like, I mean it. And what it will do is it will give me the financial freedom and the time freedom to then spend all the time that I want to with them. Okay? And because I have, you know, work flexibility and they have school flexibility, we can literally get up and go on a trip, and they can do their work from there. I can do my work from there, but we're doing it by the ocean. Like, we can do all kinds of things. Okay. And so that does mean that in building, we're building strategically. We're building on purpose. We're not building for fun. I mean, we can have fun, but we're not just like, oh, you know, throw spaghetti against the wall. No, we're doing it like we mean it. Right. And that is why I invested in myself. That is why I invested in coaching. That is why I'm really big on strategic action. Like, is this taking me where I want to go? Okay. Because I'm giving up this time for a short season that I could have been spending my family, and I'm going to do it on purpose. Right. So that's the. That's the first. That's the first thought. Okay. The second thought is, what if it's not necessarily taking time away from my kids? Like, what if I didn't look at it that way, but I looked at it as setting myself up to be an example? Because an example is so powerful. I was talking to a doctor who was the student. She's an alumni of the On Trendy Business School. I talked about this on the podcast before, and she was saying how she had never seen an African American doctor as a child. She never saw one. And I have patients who brought their kids to see me because they had African American little girls and they wanted them to see an African American physician. Right. Like just that. Picture the power of an example. And so, in the same way, from. For my kids, when I am working on making myself better, when I am working on chasing down bigger dreams, when I am working on embracing, you know, living outside my comfort zone, daring my fears, doing all of those things, there is an aspect of it that is being an example, which an example sometimes is worth more than a whole college education. Not down in college education. Of course not. Right. But I want you to see the point. Like, everything you do to make you better, you're making your family better. So what if it's not just about, oh, time away from them, but I am setting myself up so that I become their. Their. Their starting points? Right. Like, all the limiting beliefs, I had to deal with it, all of that, I took one for the team and we're done with that. And they can start off on a completely different level. Like, my kids are not going to wonder if they can be entrepreneurs. They're not going to wonder if they can speak on stage. They're not going to wonder, how do people do podcasts? Like, they're not going to wonder. They're not going to wonder about any of those things, right? Is it right to serve and earn all of that? They're not going to wonder about that because of the example I've set. And so again, because it's been 12 years, my daughter was, was the one who turned to the day after I signed the lease for, for my private practice. And you know, this was 12 years ago. And so when I look at it now, I was like, what difference has my example made in her life now for her? Because, you know, I do a lot of events and all that. What I decided to do is instead of saying I'm taking away time with them is I, I bring them into my world. I'm like, come see my ex. Come, let's do business together, even if their contribution is watching me, okay? And so even when she was, when she was, from, when she was nine years old, when I would do speaking gigs, a lot of times I will have her do my introduction and so she'll come up, she was like, you know, you're about to listen to da da da da da da da. Let's welcome the stage. My mother, Dr. Una, like, you know, stuff like that. So she did that, she started doing that when she was nine. She did it at the first on TREMD Live and even at the entremd Business School Vision retreat we just hosted. I was teaching on something. I was like, oh yeah, I've taught her that. And she has a powerful example of how that happened in her world as an entrepreneur. I'm like, come on, come share it, right? And so she, she takes a deep breath and she goes for it. And she did a great job. And so I was scared spitless of speaking as a grownup, as a physician, as a grownup. And here she is at 14, comfortable on stage, even impromptu, right? And so that is part, that's the power of an example. That's the power of being in the environment, right? And so she has that. She started her own business. She's done a number of them now she's on the pastry side of things and, and she's making hundreds and hundreds of dollars every month. I think the last time I counted the most, she had done like 450 or something like that a month with something that she works on a day a week, you know, and it's, it's really, it really is mind blowing. And that's from an example, right? That's because I said yes to being an entrepreneur. She does her goals every month. And this is without me asking her. So for my September goals, I decided for my October goals, I decided. I'm like, okay. And she has them written, the nine areas of life and all of those things, and writes what she's going to do to pull them off. This is all while being an A student. And so, you know, when I think about it, I'm like, wow, I'm grateful that I'm doing this. She's had the opportunities to work on teams. At the last vision retreat, she was part of the team setting up, taking down, you know, serving the people who came for the event and all of those things. So the deal is, I don't regret it. I don't regret it at all. And I think that when we look at parenting and all of that, there is no real manual, right? Like, there is no real manual, but. And so some people are going to be able to be home every day, do every single thing with their kids, and that's their way, and that's fine. But if you're taking on the journey of an entrepreneur, the thing is, you're already taking it. You are going to be home less than the person who stays at home. But there's also the. An advantage to that. And then give them the advantage you can give them. This whole idea from, for me, started when I started thinking about the greats in basketball, and I'm like, you know, Stephen Curry is great, but he grew up on the courts, though his dad was a basketball player. He was at the games, he was shooting with the guys who were doing all these things, and that's the advantage his dad could give him. And for me, entrepreneurship, there's so many lessons that I've learned that apply to every aspect of life, and that's the advantage I can give them. And so I don't look at what I don't have, but I look at what I do have, and I give it to them, Right? And so I want to top this off by saying, I know it's not easy. I know that there are guilt trips and all of those, but what you're doing is so valuable. It's so noble. And if I could tell you anything, I would tell you to embrace the thought that you're not taking time away, you're paying the price to be an example, which is so powerful. It is so powerful. I'd ask you to borrow that thought. And I would ask you to realize that it's not forever. It's going to keep getting better and better. I'm going to invite you to embrace strategy. Listen, if you. If. If you don't have. You don't Have a support system. You don't have a community of entrepreneurs. You're not getting coached on strategy regularly and all of those things. Listen, come join us in the entremd business school, okay? Come be in a community where you're fast tracking, right? You're fast tracking what you do. You're in a community with other people who can support you and things like that. Like build your own, your own tribe, do that. And finally, I'd say get a team, right? Get people to help you. You're the CEO of your business, you're the CEO of your home life as well. Get the help that you need and enjoy the journey. It's a journey. It's your journey. You get to do this. Enjoy the journey when you're with them. Be all in. When you're in your business, be all in. And after a while, you're going to. You're going to buy all that time back and it's going to be so beautiful. It's going to be so wonderful. Okay? So what I would love is on this one, I would love you to send me a pm. Let me know how this helps. Send me a private message, Instagram or Facebook. It's at Dr. Una Chukwu. Either way, let me know how this helps you. If there are further questions, you can send them to me. I'm happy to make another episode just for you, but. But I am rooting for you 1000%. You can do this. Okay? Many have gone ahead of you have done it. Many of them are examples of what is possible. We can do it too. We can thrive as parents and as entrepreneurs, and our kids will be better for it. Okay? So thank you for listening. Please do me a solid and share this episode or with another physician entrepreneur who is a parent. This will be so transformational and you would have been the person who brought the transformation to them. So share it and I will see you on the next episode of the EntreMD podcast. Hey, if you love listening to the Entre MD podcast, I want to invite you to join Entre MD on demand. It is my signature subscription program that gives you access to to a library of business courses designed to help you do one thing as a physician entrepreneur, and that is to thrive. Just head out to entremd.com ondemand and I love to have you join us. See you on the inside.