004 The Body Language of Listening

This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and we influence for good. Okay, let's quickly go over the three components to the body language of listening. First, it's important to remember whenever you have anything with body language, typically the body language exists during certain situations or emotional states, but it can also be used to induce those situations or emotional states. So, for example, you do certain things when you already have rapport with somebody. If you do those things before you have rapport, it can help you induce it. So the same thing goes with the body language of listening, in that if you are listening, you'll tend to exhibit these three main components. And if you would like to listen better, start with these three components, and you'll find that you listen better. And the experience of the other person, by the way, is that they've been heard. So let's go over those three components. My name is Dr. Tory with influence Everywhere. I'm an expert in influence, persuasion, body language, and rapport for better relationships and behavior changes. So let's get into the three components. Component number one, which is to slightly cock the head. Slightly cock the head. Now, think about it. You've seen many animals, right? If they hear a sound or something that's interesting, what do they do? They cock their head, they move their ears. They angle themselves to hear the thing better, right? And so you've seen sometimes there's, you know, cute pictures of kittens or puppies or things like that. When a sound is made and they cock their head, you actually do the same. Now, you don't do it abruptly like they do when they first hear the sound, but with your head slightly tilted to the side. Okay, that's one. That's component number one. Component number two is to expose the neck. Now, by expose the neck, I don't mean expose skin, per se. So if you're wearing, like, a head scarf or a neck scarf or anything like that, that's okay. But to open up the space between the chin and the chest, slightly tilt the head, which is component number one. Component number two is to expose the neck. Why is that the case? Well, let's go back to animals. Have you ever seen a cat or a dog stretch its underbelly? Essentially ask to be rubbed? Right. When does it do that? It only does that when it trusts the other. The person there, right? Or the other animal. They only do that at a time of trust, at a time of safety, at a time of comfort. The same thing for us with our neck. Now, we're not necessarily asking other people to rub our neck, but the point is, when we feel safe, when we feel comfortable, we expose our neck. This is something we do normally. Okay. When we are uncomfortable, we tend to cover it. We might put our hand over our chin. We might play with a necklace. We might pull a collar forward or a vest forward or a jacket forward, or put something between us or, you know, sometimes in a state of shock or awe, we might cover our chest in some way. And our neck, the lower portion of our neck. Why is that? Well, the neck is loaded with vital equipment. It's got your airway, it's got your esophagus, it's got your spinal column, it's got your jugulars and your carotids. It's an essential area. And in fact, it's where predators would go. You know, especially when mammals attack their prey, they go for the neck. We protect it when we're uncomfortable, and we expose it when we're comfortable. Step number one is to slightly cock the head. This. Step number two is to open up this space to slightly expose the neck. When you do so, you're conveying that you feel safe and that it is safe, and therefore the other person feels it. Now, remember, people experience body language. They're not sitting there like, oh, wow, she's tilting her head and exposing her neck. He is, you know, doing whatever like you. We're not doing that. We're not calculating their body language. We're essentially experiencing it. And so when you expose your neck, you are sharing the experience of, it is safe here, and I feel safe. Okay. Component number three is to nod. Simply nod at certain points in the conversation. At certain points while they're talking. Right. By the way, the body language of listening occurs while you are silent. Right. But. But nonetheless, you tilt the head, slightly nod, and expose the neck. This is the. These are the three main components of the body language of listening. If there were to be a fourth main component, it would be to express the emotion that the other person is expressing, to mirror the emotion. If they, if, if they just expressed that they had a major loss, like a loved one or something, then your facial expression should do that. As you're doing all three components. As you are tilting your head, nodding, and exposing your neck, you also show the emotion of whatever it is. Right. Those are the three main components. With that fourth little added bonus. This is the body language of listening. It's extremely important because if you are not in the mood to listen, you're distracted, you're thinking about other things. Start with the body language of listening. Start by just slightly expose your neck a little bit and cock your head. If you do that and then start nodding, you will tend to listen better. Not only that, the person will experience that they've that they've been heard and they will love the conversation. Why? Because they like what they heard. Because it was them. This is these are the three main components the body language of listening I hope you found this helpful. Check out influence everywhere.com or Dr. Tory.com for more information on influence, persuasion, body language and rapport. 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