006 Three Transformative Reframes

This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and we influence for good. In a previous show, we discussed a bit about reframing, and you went through an exercise where you took a moment to imagine a little girl. She was looking back over her shoulder, giggling really hard as she was running forward. And then you took note of how you felt. And then we painted another scene, same scene, actually, but gave a little bit more detail and more data. And in that scene, you imagined that same little girl giggling, looking back over her shoulder, laughing really hard as she ran forward. She was running right for a busy street, and there were two adults chasing after her, really worried, arms outstretched, look of horror on their faces as they try to stop her from going into the street. Then you took note of how you felt. And then we expanded the picture a bit more and realized that there was producers, there was cameras, there were lights, there were. It was a Hollywood set, and those were actors and actresses. Same little girl, same adults, same busy street, but it was all part of a Hollywood set. And you took note of how you felt in each of those three sort of glimpses into the same scene that we illustrated. As an example of reframing, I want to tell you a couple examples of where reframing can really change your life or change the lives of other people that you're talking to. One of those stories comes from one when I was actually having a bunch of people over. So I have six children, and we had spent pretty much the entire day preparing for this thing, whether it was preparing food or cleaning up or doing all these things. And so we had cleaned up, prepared the food, gotten dressed, and I walked out and I looked into the living room, and the living room was a hot mess. I mean, cushions were off the couches, you know, splayed across the floor. There were, like, a sheet hanging from one of the lights and pinned up along the way. And like, there was just toy. There were toys everywhere. It was just, like, a crazy mess. And this was about 15 to 20 minutes, probably more like 20 minutes before the guests were due to arrive. At first, I started boiling. The flood of emotions that came in in that moment. Now, fortunately, no one was there, so, meaning everyone was, like, either getting dressed or somewhere. They just weren't in that room. And I took a moment to check in is I realized how angry I was. And so I took a moment to check in and realized I have to change my state. In that split second, I have to change my state. Why? Because if I did act out on the anger. What would happen? What would be the downstream consequences if I, you know, called all the kids in, you know, started shouting at them, you know, grounding people, saying they can't, you know, use their phones or play games or go outside or whatever. Right. If I started doing all that and shouting, and then the little ones would start crying and, you know, and they'd have the dirt streak tears down their eyes as the guests come in. And I'd be like, oh, you know, I'm so glad you guys came. No, it would be obvious. They were like, what the heck happened here? Right? Kids would all be in a bad mood, still having that breathing after the cry. You could imagine in that moment, what did I do? I basically took a moment to reframe because you may have heard that quote from Wayne Dyer where he said, you know, when. Actually, I don't remember the exact quote, but when you change the way you see the world, the world you see changes when you change the way you see your kids behavior. The behavior of your kids changes when you change the way you see someone else's behavior. You change the way you respond in that moment. Take it as a moment of reframe. What does this mean? Does it mean disrespect? Does it mean that they don't understand? Does it mean that they just like completely flew in the face of it? They just don't care? Does it mean that? Or could it mean that I have a lively household, that honestly, I should be grateful? I have six healthy kids who play together and yeah, the room's a mess. We have 20 minutes. And you know what? A lot of times people come late. We have time to clean up. In that moment I thought, like, in about 15 years, this room will be exactly the way I left it the last time I walked out of it. Now at least there's a sense of vibrance and life and people are there and my kids are home because in 15 years they won't be, you know, they may be married, they'll be studying, they'll be somewhere else. I took it as a moment to reframe for gratitude. So take anger and reframe it. And then what did I do, by the way, after reframing and getting centered, I mean, it didn't. It wasn't instantaneous, by the way. It's not like this just happens automatically. You can train yourself so that it becomes a habit of checking in and changing your state and trying different things to change your state, like with reframes as a super powerful tool. But in this particular case, after a few moments, after I reflected, felt grateful and all those things, what did I do? I put a laundry basket in the corner of the room. And then I was like, come on, guys. Come on in here. Let's all go. Go, go, go. Called them all in. And I was like, hey, okay, see that basket over there? Okay, we have 45 seconds to put all the toys in there. And so we just started shooting baskets. I'm like, who can hit from the farthest away? And we started throwing them in and throwing this. Okay, okay, okay. Let's put the cushions back on the couch. 10, 9, 8. Just count down, right? Like, it became a game. And then what happened when their friends came over? When the guests came over, they were in a much better mood. So was I. So reframing can be super powerful for your own mood, for your own state, for your own relationships. Now, how might you reframe for someone else? Take that same example. Well, similar example, kids playing. So I hear one day, I was sitting on my couch, and it's not too far from the kitchen, and I heard my kids talking, and two of them were saying to each other, this is impossible. You know what? This is impossible. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Who just said that? And they're like, what? I said, who just said that? Who just said that word? They're like, what word? We didn't say anything. I was like, that word impossible. Who said that? And then they're like, it's this cube. This Rubik's Cube thing. You know, it's impossible. And so we both said it, and I was like, I don't ever want to hear that word in this house. You know how I feel about that, right? About saying things are impossible? When you were born, I literally registered your domain names so that you could potentially, maybe, I don't know, maybe you'll become president. Maybe you'll become, you know, governor. Maybe. Maybe you'll be celebrity. So I registered your domain name so your competitors don't get it. Don't tell me something's impossible. Find a way, right? They're like, yeah, find a way. Okay, you do it. And they threw me the Rubik's Cube. And in that moment, I didn't know how to solve it. So what did I do after? They're like, yeah, see? Told you so. Blah, blah, blah. I got on Amazon and I ordered two speed Rubik's Cubes, like the type they use in competitions. I ordered two of them. I watched videos over the weekend on how to solve the Rubik's Cube. So I learned the patterns and things like that that people do. And then next time I went to them and I showed them. I showed them that I could solve it. And then what happened? I taught a few of them and we started competing to see who could finish the fastest. Now that has since died down, but the point is you get the lesson. They said it was impossible. And demonstration is a way of reframing. When somebody completely sees the opposite of what they thought, it can be shocking. We'll cover in another episode on Pattern Interrupts. But it can shock people into a different frame. And that frame is it went from impossible to how quickly can we solve it? Not from impossible to possible, but impossible to how quickly can we get it done? And then it got to the point where we were within only a few minutes of being able to solve the puzzle. Those two instances of reframes, one to change my own state, another to demonstrate and reframe for someone else so that they see the world differently. I did not want my kids thinking things are impossible and therefore not worth working on. That's find a way. It's kind of like Steve Jobs was quoted. Sometimes they would say in a 30 minute meeting, he would say, there must be a better way. 12 or 15 times is what some reports have had. Now, the third story that I want to tell you about reframing, I created actually a micro course. It's free. I mean just go, go to drtorey.com or influence everywhere.com and opt in right there. You just put your name and email and you'll be given this sort of micro course on how to how a single conversation and a single reframe can completely transform someone's life. And in fact, in hypnosis we call it hypnotic gifts. G I F T S gifts. Right when you're talking to somebody, you can deliver a gift with a reframe and completely change their life. So go ahead, go to drtori.com or influence everywhere.com and sign up there. Put your name and email. It's free. There's no, you know, no charge, nothing like that. There are a bunch of short videos as short as any single podcast episode that I have. Go ahead and check it out. Hopefully I'll see you in there. You can post comments, you can ask questions. This is only the end of today's show if you let it be. Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space. So telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoyed today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it, and they offer more ways to take your influence, your impact and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good every day.