Dr. Ed Torrey argues that conversations work better as long-term campaigns than one-off events. Plant seeds over time through listening and teaching rather than trying to solve everything at once. Patience and rapport matter more than a single perfect pitch.
This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and we influence for good. Have you ever heard the phrase that when the student is ready, the teacher appears? Well, there's a corollary to that, and that is that the best of teachers lays the groundwork to make the student ready. But here's the thing. Sometimes we're too impatient. Sometimes we think we have to solve all the world's problems in this one conversation. It's true. A super powerful reframe can be a pivot in someone's life where a moment in a conversation is can completely change their trajectory. That's true. And not only is that true, that's a learnable skill. And that learnable skill of reframing and frame management, when practiced over time, can become a habit such that all of a sudden you become this magnetic personality. Why? Because every time they're around you, they get better. Well, stop thinking every single conversation has to be that way. It's not going to be that way. We have some such high expectations where we think we have to address all of the issues. We have to change everything right here and now. Perhaps you have a friend that's going through something or somebody that has a habit that you want to change. Maybe it's a teenage child of yours, or a sibling, or an estranged relative, a spouse. There's something you want to change in there and you want to address it and you want to address all aspects of it. Right now, perhaps you have a colleague and there's a difficult conversation or over time interactions that have occurred that are problematic, a pattern of behavior, and you want to address all of them. You don't have to do them all in one conversation. We tend to beat ourselves up when we don't accomplish everything we set out to do. Our own conversations, our own lens on conversations needs a reframe. Because your conversations and your interactions are episodes in a series. It's not one off, it's not one and done. It's not over when the conversation's over. In fact, your conversations are powerful if you view them not as events, but as a campaign. That particular interaction, that particular conversation is but one sliver of that longer term interaction relationship campaign. Sometimes you go, you enter a conversation with somebody else and you're establishing rapport with somebody. And if that's all that you've accomplished, that's wonderful. Sometimes you're in a conversation and you're simply just maintaining rapport. You're talking about stuff, you're reminiscing, you're doing whatever. Super valuable still, right? Rapport is where the magic happens. Rapport is the flow state of human, human connection. Maintaining, establishing rapport. These sort of things in a conversation absolutely worth its time, hands down. No question. There are other times though. You might be teaching, you might be learning, you might just be listening, you might be letting somebody vent, letting somebody cry, scream, letting somebody celebrate, or just hearing them out while they plan something. Conversations have a bunch of different flavors, but overall they're not one offs. They are events in the middle of a longer campaign. They are slivers of time on a longer timeline. And when you view them as such, you can see that going back to when the student is ready, the teacher appears. If you're that teacher, you're planting seeds all along the way. You're making the ground fertile for those seeds to grow. That is a better way of viewing your conversations. Whether it's you're trying to raise a child or have a great relationship with your spouse, or succeed at work or in school in any of those cases, these are not one offs. These interactions are pieces of larger campaign times in a longer timeline. And when you view them as such, your entire world will change. You don't need to boil the ocean. You don't need to solve all the world's problems. You don't need to convert somebody from left to right or right to left or whatever your position is on something. You merely need to plant seeds. You merely need to make the ground fertile for those seeds to grow. This is only the end of today's show if you let it be. Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space, so telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoyed today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it. They offer more ways to take your influence, your impact, and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good every day.
