Dr. Ed Torrey argues that managing your personal state matters more than video quality for influence. A 1987 study found women rated men as more attractive when they wore cologne, even though the scent didn't come through on video. Feeling better about yourself changes your body language and how people perceive you.
Questions this episode answers
200 women.
Vanderburg & Mace, 1987.
drtorrey.com/101 (PDF: "101 Ways to Manage Your State").
Chapters
This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and we influence for good.
What if I told you you could level up your performance in virtual meetings by wearing cologne or perfume? This is Dr. Toury. Welcome to another episode of the Influence Every Day podcast. Today I want to talk to you about a study. Although it was a while ago and there were some limitations to the study, it was actually pretty well designed. But in this study, 200 women were asked to rate men on their attractiveness. The men were rated when they were wearing cologne and they were rated when they were not wearing cologne. And it turns out that they were rated as more attractive while wearing cologne. I recognize the fact that some of us might be like, I don't think perfume or cologne is. Makes someone more attractive. It doesn't. In fact, it like, sometimes it's too overpowering or gives me a headache or annoys me or I don't like that particular scent. I get it. But here's the thing. Those men were on video. The cologne couldn't even be detected by the women. So what's the result here? The men were affected by the cologne. Their response to how they felt about themselves made them more attractive. If you've ever heard me do a keynote on the simple rules of influence, or if you've taken the course, you know that the number one rule, by far the most important, hands down, bar none, there's no question about it, underline it, highlight it there. The most important rule of influence is to manage your state. Manage your state. Because your state, there are so many things that depend on it. Your body language, your tone of voice, your pace of speech, how you establish rapport, if you even establish it with somebody. How your performance at tasks, your memory, your learning, your recall, the stories available to you are all state dependent. And. And there are lots of things that affect your state. It's not only mood and emotions. It's also things like, are you tired? Do you have to use the bathroom? Is there something that is causing some sort of urgency? Like you have to be some somewhere or did you just leave an argument? You're physiologically still revved up from that argument. All of these things are aspects of your state. And your state affects your performance in pretty much everything. And especially in. In human communication, managing your state becomes something that is absolutely vital. Now, let me tell you about a commercial that aired in 1975. This commercial was for the Wonder Bra. Now, I don't want you to think I'm like sitting around watching bra commercials from the 1970s. I'm not. This was referred to by my hypnotherapy teacher. And so I went back and looked it up. And in that commercial, they say something that is really incredibly insightful and valuable. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look great. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look great. Pay attention. That last part, when you feel good, you look great, that essentially sums up this study. And the study, by the way, was done by Vanderburg and Mace in 1987 and so published. It was a while ago. I recognize I'm referencing something from 1987, a study from 1987, and a commercial from 1975, but guess what? They're still valuable. Not only that, that study was repeated in multiple different kind of social psych kind of situations. We can learn incredible lessons from that. The men were more attractive when they felt better about themselves. And in this case, cologne was the thing that made them feel better about themselves, but it reflected in their body language and how they carried themselves. We can take that lesson from them. We can actually do the exact same thing. You're on video for virtual meetings, you're on video. When you're recording a video, like say for social media or for a podcast or something like that, you're on video. When you feel good, you look great. What will it take for you to feel good? Sometimes it's cologne or perfume. Sometimes it's the type of clothes you wear. Sometimes it's what happened in the hour before the thing, right? Sometimes it's however you managed. You state too often, though, we're winging it, we're just going in. Like, I actually test this cologne theory and I actually find that like, I think I perform better. I'm not trying to be more attractive to people in the meeting at work or whatever, right? But I literally have cologne that I have right next to my, my workstation and I put it on before I log into a meeting. The other thing is I found sometimes, like based on the clothes I'm wearing, I've tried that, you know, where your bottom half is like you're wearing something else, like sweats or underwear or something like that, and you're logged in and you have like a suit jacket and a button down shirt on the top. I've tried that. Sometimes that makes me like in a giggly mood and actually I perform better in meetings that way. But other times I feel self conscious and I don't think I perform as well. Check in with yourself. What is my state now and what will it take for for me to be in the optimum state for that thing I'm about to do? And in this case, logging into a video meeting. If you have to put on perfume, put on cologne, here's what I've done. I have created a PDF called 101 Ways to Manage youe State and you can Download that@drtorrey.com 101D R-T-O-R-I.com 101 Go there now. You can download this PDF and just look at it. There are 101 ways there, but there are thousands more to manage your state. Pick one and try it and see if that helps in your next interaction. Before you walk into that meeting, before you log into that meeting, before you walk into your home, before you greet your your kids or your significant other you know, before you go in and ask a hard question or have a difficult conversation, try one of these things and see how you do. Be deliberate about managing your state, especially for things that are important to you. Go ahead, download that PDF 101 Ways to Manage youe State doctortorrey.com 101 and try it. If that one thing doesn't work for you, then try something else. If you've tried meditation and that doesn't work, try something else. If you tried journaling and that doesn't work, try something else. You've tried exercise, you've tried the things, and if those things aren't working for you, try something else. It's tailored to you and it's up to you. Pay attention to your state before you go into things. Your state really matters to how the rest of the interaction goes. It sets the stage, so be deliberate about it again. Drtori.com101 I'll see you in the next episode.
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