022 Psychological Safety - A Common Mistake for New Leaders

This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and we influence for good.

In other episodes, I covered some aspects of psychological safety, such as the body language of listening. I covered the Chinese or Mandarin word ting, which means to listen, and all of its various aspects, being present, hearing, seeing, feeling, etc. I covered multiple aspects of psychological safety and why it's important to create an environment where it's safe to speak up, especially in high risk professions and high risk environments, but also even in our homes, especially if you're raising children, to be able to be safe, to bring up areas of concern, areas of embarrassment, or just areas of curiosity. If you create an environment where it's psychologically safe to bring up these things, then you're more likely to have a better outcome. Now, that doesn't mean always being happy, always being comfortable. Look, the full range of emotions is available to an environment of psychological safety. It's just that there's a context and a culture and an environment where that sharing of ideas or thoughts or mistakes are not met with disapproval or judgment for the act of bringing them up. Okay, so anyway, it allows the whole group to get to a better space. But the point here of this episode is not to talk about psychological safety in all of its entirety and all of its various aspects and nuances, but instead I want to focus on one mistake that's very common that I see leaders make, especially new leaders or people who have recently changed positions. They have a new title, they have a new role, and they've risen to a new level of challenge, some would say to a new level of incompetence. And one of those is establishing psychological safety in that role. Now, a very common mistake that I've seen time and time again is where team members support that person by telling them to express some vulnerability. Hey, we're going into this meeting. The whole team is going to be there. This is a great time to start with a message where you share some vulnerability on your part, and that will be really good for going first for the rest of the group. Now, that advice is spot on. When you're the leader, if you go first, you make it easier for others to follow suit when the time comes. So that advice is spot on. The mistake that occurs is often how it's implemented. So oftentimes that leader that's going to be vulnerable will tell a story or share something from their past where they almost made a mistake, but they figured it out or they turned it around or some, and somehow they end up being the still being the hero of their story. If you're the hero of the story, it's probably not the best story to tell as an act of vulnerability. In other words, typically the best story or the best act of vulnerability is when we yield to someone else's opinion or we yield to someone else's path forward. So the pattern might be, when I did xyz, I ran into this challenge and I stumbled. And as I stumbled, this person over here or this other group of people or so and so stepped forward and they gave this advice or they did this act, or they took this action and in so doing turned it around. So I want to celebrate them. So instead of you being the hero of the story, you tell the story in such a way that the other person is the hero, that the other person rescued you from that mistake or from that judgment or from that embarrassment or helped you get to that better place. So the biggest mistake is to make yourself the hero of your story of vulnerability. Because many times that comes off as the exact opposite of vulnerability. It comes off as, I almost didn't do something great, but I still ended up being great. Like that is not conveying vulnerability at all and will often backfire. So if you're about to tell a story and you think you're being vulnerable, examine am I the hero of this story or is someone else the hero of the story? If someone else is the hero of the story, then you might be on the right track. I hope you found this helpful. I'll see you in the next episode.

This is only the end of today's show if you let it be. Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them Right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space, so telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoyed today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it. They offer more ways to take your influence, your impact, and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good every day.