053 Time and People - Ambient Influence and Deliberate Impact

Foreign. This is Dr. Torrey. Welcome to the Influence Every Day show, where we make every day better and.

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I've been reflecting on people and time and the relationship between the two, and I came across two phrases we often use that are incredibly different, but there's only a slight variation in them. There's a huge difference between the people you spend time with and the time you spend with people, the people you spend time with and the time you spend with people. Now, oftentimes in the productivity world, you may hear people refer to the people you spend time with. In other words, there's a famous quote by Jim Rohn where he said, you are the average of the five people you hang around. And so if you want to look to your physical health, well, your physical health will be the average of the five people you hang around, depending on their attention to detail in terms of their physical health, their diet, their nutrition, their exercise, their physical activity, their interests. The same thing goes with their, say, income level. You're the average of the five people you hang around. The kind of conversations that you have around money or around investing or around saving or around spending and where you put your money, what you entertain yourselves with, all of that stuff. The average of the five people you hang around. But I would say when it comes to influence, it's actually, I don't want to say more grave than that, but it is more intense than just the average of the five people you're around. It's actually more like you are the echo of the five people you're around. You are their beliefs, their fears, their frames, all echoed. Because we tend to share those with others as well and echo them to others beyond those five. It's not enough to say that you're the average of the five. It's actually you're becoming that. It's who you are becoming. The people you spend time with, if you take a good look at that, is who you are becoming. It essentially sums up your inputs. And your inputs have deep, deep, deep impact on who you become. They have deep impact on how you see the world, deep impact on how you relate to others. So be really careful, be really deliberate about the people you spend time with. Now, let's flip it for a moment. Let's talk about the time we spend with people. The time we spend with people is not so much about the people as it is about how you show up. The time you spend with people. Are you intentional? Are you deliberate in how you show up? Because how you show up is influencing them. Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you like it or not, whether you are a good influence or not. How you show up is persuasive, very persuasive, it's very moving. It changes things, it changes the context. So the time you spend with people is not about the duration of the time, it's about the quality of the time, it's about the how, it's about how you spend the time, it's about the impact left by the time. So whereas the people you spend time with is more like ambient influence, like they are influencing you and it's shaping who you're becoming. When it comes to the time you spend with others, this is more like intentional influence and it's more about how you show up and who you are helping, how you show up and who you are serving. Because it doesn't take more time. 10 seconds of an interaction could have more impact than a one hour meeting. It's not about the duration of the time, it's about how you show up, it's about what you put into the time, it's about how you serve during that time. So there's a huge difference between the ambient influence of the people you spend your time with and the intentional influence of the time you spend with people. So what I'm suggesting to you is that you be deliberate about both of those things. Be deliberate about the people and be deliberate about how you show up to the time, what you bring to the time. Be deliberate about both of them. This is, we can't go through life winging it on these things anymore. It really matters. It matters to your health, it matters to your relationships, it matters to how you view the world. It matters to how you show up to work, to school, to the dinner table. It's how you show up to love and sharing and charity. And it's how you show up to fear and anger. They matter by the people you hang around. It's not enough to wing it anymore. And then the time you show up, stop waiting and reacting to everyone around you. The time you have with others, who walks in the room? When you walk in the room, that is the question. And that's what it means when we talk about the time you spend with people. It's who walks in the room, when you walk in the room, what comes into the room when you come into the room, how are others moved? Because they are moved. The question is, are you going to be intentional and deliberate about it or not? So let's be deliberate about the people we spend our time with and let's be deliberate about the time we spend with others. I hope this served you. I'll see you in the next episode.

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