165. Dr. Joanne Sotelo: A Wake-Up Call for Women in Medicine

Acknowledge the cost. What is it costing you when, when you say things like, oh, I'll deal with it later, or I'll just, you know, do it whenever, or when we're just going with the flow, what is it costing you in terms of your energy, your mood, your relationships, your presence, your health?

Are you a woman in medicine, feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from the personal fulfillment, that desire? You're in the right place. Join doctors Joanne and Erin as they rewrite the rules for women in medicine. Let's begin.

If you keep telling yourself you'll change after things calm down, my co host, Dr. Joanne Sotello is here to tell you nothing is coming to save you. And that's not bad news. It actually might be just the wake up call you need. And with that, Joanne, let's get started. And I'd love to hear what should we know about this topic? But don't.

Thank you, Erin. And for the audience, we want to let you know, kind of the behind the scenes, Erin and I meet and we talk about the topics that we believe we need to be hearing more about as women in medicine. What are the questions that we're getting? What are the topics coming up? What are the struggles that we're going through? And Erin and I, we love giving you all information. We're both very empathic and caretaking. And this will be different because there's times that we just need to hear the truth straight up and have it be a little bit more challenging. So that's going to be the tone for this podcast. And I really want you all to, to pay attention because these are more surprising things that we need to tell ourselves with honesty and, of course, a lot of compassion. So the first thing that I want to tell you because we get this confused in our minds, high functioning is not the same as healthy. And I'm going to say it again, high functioning is not the same as healthy. So often we hear women in medicine kind of confused. Like you'll hear them say, I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm struggling, I'm not getting my notes done, but I'm fine because I'm checking off all the boxes. Or I don't need coaching, I don't need mentors, I don't need this and that, which is part of that Dr. Programming that we talk about. But just because we are doing all the things doesn't mean that we're well. And I don't mean that again in a judgy way. I mean it with a lot of compassion. And that's what we're here for, because we want to be better. We want to think of our future, and we want to not just get things done, but we need to be mentally, emotionally, physically healthy, not just functional. We. We do that very well. I had a coach a long time ago that said they shouldn't compare us to the Energizer Bunny, because you know what the Energizer Bunny does? It stops when it runs out of batteries. And we don't. That's why we're at risk of burnout, anxiety, depression. And this is why I want to start with this, because we need to know when to stop, when to take a break, when to pause, when to ask for help and really pay attention to. To what we're feeling and what's going through our mind and all those good things that we talk so much in this podcast so that we don't struggle with changes in our mood or decreased motivation, low energy or worse. That. And when we stop feeling that helplessness or loss of meaning. So, again, a little bit different outlook than. Than our usual, but I. We really want you all to get this message.

Yeah. And it's interesting as I compare myself to other coaches, and one coach in particular that I'm thinking of was a very much a feet to the fire coach. And for some people, that works really well. And for my clients, a lot of them are in really fragile states. And so it's important for me to meet them where they're at and go slow and gently. And then after a period of time, then I let them know, hey, I want you to know this is my normal pace, but are you ready for me to push you harder? Is it time? Because I don't want them to be in that place where they can't be challenged. And. And so I love that our goal here with our listener is to. To say, hmm, are you ready? Let's, you know, shake things up and push a little harder. So thank you for that. We need.

Yeah, we need both messages. And the other thing I wanted to say here is again to tap into the compassion more because we were trained to override ourselves, to not get in touch with our emotions, that self abandonment, the delayed gratification that we're experts at, and we also keep on waiting for permission, and that's also keeping us stuck. And it's important for us to know, okay, one, what do I need to give myself permission to. To really move forward and not just stay in that autopilot that we were talking about recently in another episode, but really move forward with More intention and really paying attention to where are those areas of improvement that you want.

Yeah. And that episode 155 is what Joanne was alluding to. The no permission needed was one of my favorites. And Joanne, why is this wake up call more important now than ever?

There's more doctors and actually healthcare workers leaving medicine. There's the numbers keep on going up and usually it's kind of mid career, but sadly it's happening kind of early on, like young doctors already wanting to leave. And I would say that almost worse than that, we see healthcare workers, physicians who are disengaged or that kind of popular phrase of the quiet quitting or grieving. And again, we still show up, we check off the boxes, but we're not showing up at our best. And we're missing out in our sense of self and the sense of fulfillment and different ways that we can feel successful at this time of our lives. And then also of course, because of artificial intelligence changes in the system and how this is affecting our identity and our sense of self. Like I had, I was in a talk recently and it was. They were talking about AI. Very interesting. But they had a nice spin in talking about how, and this is not just particular medicine, but how many people are saying not just will my job be replaced, but more of will I be needed? Am I relevant anymore? Because the computer can gather all the information in just a couple of seconds. And there's an identity shift that's happening faster than ever that we need to be pay attention to and check in with ourselves more often to ask ourselves, who am I becoming and who do I want to become with agency? And by agency I mean your ability to control your decisions and not just go with the flow and kind of see what happens, but you really identifying the steps and taking the action that.

You want, so powerful and, and our perspective is important. So I love that, you know, digging in and saying, well, AI can be helpful in some ways and it can also cause us to question our value in others. And Joanne, I always love to hear from you about what can we do about it.

The first step is that we need to wake up to the truth. We need to have that radical honesty with ourselves and ask good questions. Questions like, where am I living in autopilot? And again, some things are good that we have in autopilot, but what are some things that could be different, better, more colorful, if you paused enough to question them with, again, compassion. I sound like a broken record because I don't want us to use this work against us. And beat ourselves up. But rather than saying this is a great time to create shift, another question could be, where have I like normalized things that are not good for me? And is that resiliency that can go against us and really checking in and, and where do you need to say no? Where do you need to set a boundary? And another question here to kind of check in with your truth is what version of me is running the show? And is that the version of me I want running the show? Do I have a better version that can show up instead? So that's again, we can go deep to get into that radical honesty of where we're at. The second one is again, because we're being a little bit more challenging in this episode. Acknowledge the cost. What is it costing you when, when you say things like, oh, I'll deal with it later or I'll just, you know, do it whenever, or when we're just going with the flow, what is it costing you in terms of your energy, your moon, your relationships, your presence, your health? This is worth sitting down and really thinking of each one of these areas of where like I think of, you know, without blaming work, but I think of how often and I'm just saying this because it's what I hear when this women who I am coaching that a good thing can go against us because we are going with the flow in work, work, work, work and our day to day and what we do as physicians can take the best of us. And if we're not paying attention, then we come home so exhausted and it is our family, our friends and even ourselves who are paying the consequences and our health overall.

Right.

Like some of us who are a little bit older, right. Like I, I, I think of longevity and what do I want to do to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally. So it's good to really sit down, honesty and with honesty and check in with what is it costing you. Another step here is keep agency. And this is a tricky one because it's a muscle that we lose and we need to rebuild, we need to rebuild agency. Sounding like I choose, I decide I am allowed to want more and pay attention to what your sneaky brain tells you of like no, you can't choose, you know, it's, they're not going to say yes to that. Or you just have to follow these rules at work. And I would challenge you to question those thoughts because sometimes that's what puts us at risk of burnout and anxiety and depression because you'll activate that part of your brain that Feels like something bad is going on and this is serious because it's our brain needs to know that we have options and that we are safe. So agency is very important. And then always stay connected with that next version of you. Embody her and really connect not just with the vision of you healthier and doing the things that you want to do, but also what's the emotion? What's that? How do you want to feel on a regular basis? How do you want the people around you to feel? And that's what's going to keep on fueling you to move forward through these challenges that we're giving you in this episode.

That's so powerful and that keeping your agency, Joanne, just stood out so much because I know in my own journey, when I began getting coached, when I felt I call it victim mode and I shifted to empowered mode, everything changed. And I see the same shifts when, when I'm coaching clients and I'm assuming you do too, when they go from that I have no choices to I do have choices and you shared, I choose. I decide I'm allowed to want more. They just shift into a completely different place and they no longer feel trapped. It's like I see them let out this big sigh and it's like I can breathe again. Such a beautiful shift. And so if you're not feeling in a position to have that agency where you do have choice, who's in your community? What help do you need? What support do you need a therapist? Do you need a coach? Do you need a new best friend Would really encourage you. If you're feeling trapped, look for that. Because agency to me is so, so key. Joanne, any other wisdom you want to share with our listener on this wake up call we're talking about?

I am going to give you another challenging question and I want you to listen to it and really sit with whatever comes to mind and the emotions that will go with it. So here it goes. If nothing changes in the next five years, how would I feel about my life? And again, do it just for awareness. Noticing the. We're not going to change anything right now. We're not going to judge ourselves. I just want you to really pay attention to what comes up and then reevaluate.

Well said. And with that, if you know someone who could use their own wake up call, don't hesitate to share this episode. And with that, stay tuned because our next episode is coming right up.

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