Actively Practice Gratitude And TRANSFORM Your Life! | Brené Brown (@BreneBrown) - #Entspresso

Good morning, Believe Nation! It's Evan. My one word is believe, and I believe that you have something special that when you unleash it, it will be able to change the world. So to help you on your journey, today's message is actively practice gratitude. Over to you, Brené Brown.

What I found, you know, 12 years of research, 11,000 pieces of data, I did not interview in all that time a person who would describe themselves as joyful or describe their lives as joyous who did not actively practice gratitude. And for me, it was very counterintuitive because I kind of went into the research thinking that the relationship between joy and gratitude was if you're joyful, then you should be grateful. But it wasn't that way at all. It was really that practicing gratitude invites joy into our lives. And when I say practice, I think this is the part that really changed my life, it changed my family and the way we live every day. When I say practice gratitude, I don't mean kind of like the attitude of gratitude or I mean practicing gratitude. These folks shared in common a tangible gratitude practice. They either kept gratitude journals. Some of them did interesting things like at 1, 2, 3, 4, like at 12:34 every day, they said something out loud that they were grateful for. One of the things that we do, like we say grace at dinner. And so now after grace, we go around and everyone in my family says something they're grateful for. I mean, and what's interesting is when we first started, I have a first grader, a first grade son, Charlie, and eighth grade daughter, Ellen. And at first I thought, and we've been doing it for a couple years now, like they're gonna like, "Oh God, Mom." And there was a little like, "Are you experimenting on us?" There was a little bit of that. But now what's interesting, even after we did it for like a couple of weeks, that on those crazy busy nights where we're trying to like get to soccer and piano and homework, and Steve and I are just like, we say a quick prayer and we start eating, my kids are like, "Whoa, what are you grateful for?" And it's been extraordinary because not only absolutely does it invite more joy into our house, it also is such a soulful window into what's going on in my kids' lives. So there are some days where my 8th grader will be like, "I'm joyful that there's a huge thick wall between my room and my brother's room." You know, something just very honest. But there are other days she'll say, you know, She had a friend whose mother recently died, and she said, you know, for a month she would say, "I'm just so grateful that y'all are healthy right now." You know, and so not only did it make us all more aware of what we had and more willing to slow down and really be thankful for the joyful moments we had, but it let me know where she was emotionally in her life. You know, my son is always, you know, "I'm grateful for bugs, I'm grateful for frogs," but sometimes he'll say, I'm grateful that you picked me up early, or I'm grateful that I finally understand adjectives. So it's, there's a great quote that says, "It's not joy that makes us grateful, it's gratitude that makes us joyful." And it's by a Jesuit priest. And I guess I was just amazed to find that bubble up so strongly in the research. Life-changing.

So I've had a gratitude practice for the past couple of years. It started off when I heard, I think it was Tony Robbins, say that you can't have gratitude and anger in yourself at the same time. Like, if you're really grateful for something, then you can't be angry and frustrated at the same time. And so it's a great medicine if you're ever feeling angry, frustrated, upset, then just shifting the perspective to just being grateful, asking yourself, "What can I be grateful for?" And if you can actually feel it, it takes away the anger and the pain and the suffering and the frustration. So I thought it was an interesting test. And I just started by writing 3 things down every night. I had this little stack of paper, it was like tearaways, and I'd write 3 things down every night that I was grateful for. And in general, I'm an optimistic, happy person. So you may think, "Well, why do you need that?" But I think there's always room to try to get better, to try to be happier, to try to feel more fulfilled, to look for other hacks and tests. And whenever somebody throws a new thing at me, like, hey, you should try this, like, okay, let's give it a shot, let's see how it works, see if it benefits me or not. And so it was something that I kept up doing, it's something that I found some benefit in doing, mostly just because of the perspective shift, just of one, when I'm frustrated or angry, I can try to think about, you know, what am I grateful for, but two, just I would always try to find something of my 3 things that was a little different. So there's the common things like I'm grateful for this great country that I'm in, I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for my son, I'm grateful for my dog Timo and his crazy energy. But then I would also always try to find something that I would normally not really notice. You know, I'm grateful for this table, I'm grateful that it's a really good height for me, I'm grateful that I can have my books on here, I'm grateful that it looks modern and nice, or I'm grateful for that tree outside. And just think of things that normally would go unnoticed and finding a way to be grateful for it, I found just really shifted my perspective a lot. So I've been doing that for a couple years and I found it really helpful for me. I would encourage you to at least give it a shot and see if it works for you. The extra step that I took that maybe is interesting for you guys who are running a team or have a group of people is I created a Facebook group where I've invited the people who are on my team who want to join in and share. And every weekday we post 3 things that we're grateful for and 1 thing that we have learned today. And so it's a daily habit for the people on my team, myself and them, where we're sharing 3 things. And again, I always try to find 1 thing that's a little different, little, you know, like the table or, or the tree outside, just a little perspective change. But then also it's a great way to be able to get to know get to know the other people on my team better and what they're up to. Because when you're having meetings, you're talking about business and work, and you might ask them about their life and what's going on, and you learn about important issues. But people are posting pictures of the camping trip that they took or the food that they ate and sharing things that you wouldn't normally ask in a conversation. And so it's a great way to build your team chemistry and for people to get to know each other as well. So that was a little modification that I found super helpful. And then just one last thought just around the perspective shift was I used to get really upset in traffic and waiting for the elevator. Those two things always really kind of drove me nuts because I don't like wasting time. Wasting time is among my biggest pet peeves, and if I'm wasting my time on something, I look for something else to do immediately. But when you're stuck in traffic, you're waiting for an elevator, there's not really a ton of options. And so shifting the expectation to gratitude— so I'm expecting this, I'm expecting to get here quickly, it's not happening, and so you get frustrated— shifting that expectation to one of gratitude and just saying, what can I be grateful for? And so for the elevator, I'm frustrated, like, where's the elevator? Somebody's moving in, and so like there's one last elevator. I'm sitting there, you know, maybe with groceries, and I want to get up, and I just think, you hmm, you know what, there's this magical box that takes me from the basement floor up to the 13th floor where I have tons of groceries in my hand and I don't have to walk the stairs. Like, these didn't exist, you know, a while ago. And just that perspective shift allows me to be grateful for the elevator. And same thing for a car. Like, I'm stuck in traffic, I'm trying to get somewhere. You know, we didn't have cars before. We couldn't travel those kinds of distances before. I'd have a much limited life if I didn't have the ability to get in the car and drive somewhere. And it just— if I can remember, and sometimes I need someone around me to, to help shift it, I try to tell Nina, like, Nina, okay, if you see me frustrated, you know, just remind me, remind me to be grateful. Thinking about it, having that perspective shift immediately takes away the frustration, the anger, the resentment, the expectations, and moves me to a much happier, calm, grateful place. And so I'd encourage you guys to try it out. Test it as your own morning routine or evening routine. If it works for you, maybe encourage your team members to come in as well, or friends. It can be a great way to kind of get to know each other better and keep that motivation going on a daily basis. And, uh, might just make a huge impact on your life. Worth a shot at least. So the question of the day today is, I'm curious, do you have a gratitude practice? Is this something that you've been doing for a while, or is it something that you are willing to test out for the next 10 days and see if it has an impact on you or not. I'd love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts and experiences down in the comment section below. I also want to give a quick shout out to Yayo Cruz. Yayo, thank you so much for picking up a copy of my book, Your One Word. I hope you enjoy the read, and I really appreciate your support. So thank you guys again for watching. I believe in you. I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love, and I'll see you guys again tomorrow morning for another shot Evan Espresso. I wake up every morning, espresso keep me going.

The next phase here is also to become grateful for what it is that you do have. So if you're starting to try to create change in your life, you want to make sure that you're really focusing on what it is that you do have in your life so that you feel an energy of gratitude. And the energy of gratitude can really open you up to this incredible capacity to feel more energized to feel more happy. In any given moment where you feel like, oh, I don't have what I need, or I'm not supported, or things aren't working out, the simple step here is to just say, I am grateful for what I do have. And when we look and we say, I'm grateful for what I do have, we create more of what we want. And the energy of gratitude opens our heart and it expands our energy, and it makes us a much more wonderful, loving person to be around. And with that loving energy, we begin to attract more into our life. So we want to really make sure that that energy of gratitude is a very pinnacle part of this Miracle Worker process, which is that we stay committed and open to what it is that we are here to receive, and we stay committed and grateful for what it is that we have. So you can begin today just by making a gratitude list and focus on it. And there's so many moments when I think, "Oh my God, I can't believe I have to do this," or, "I can't believe I have to get to that." And then I just think about what I'm grateful for, and it just spins me immediately out of the crazy chaos and back into a centered place of love.

And so I think that this is a really valuable tool for you to begin to use regularly, and it's an active tool throughout the book, "Make Cause Miracles." If you're obsessed, you know what you want, you take a massive action, maybe you modeled somebody, figure out the right action so you get there quicker, and you're executing, you still need a little grace. Some people call it luck, you could call it God, but I really believe that there's the part we do and then there's the part that comes to us. But I do know grace shows up a lot more when you do the first two steps on your own, and grace shows up a lot more when you acknowledge grace in your life. When you acknowledge that I was born in a world where I didn't have to build this internet that I can pull out of my pocket the answer to anything on earth. I am driving on streets I didn't pave. I'm reading books I didn't have to write. That's the gift of our lives. And I think when we experience that grace, we don't just experience more achievement, but we start to experience more fulfillment.

And grace not only affects your ability to get there, but it affects what you do and how you live once you are there.

It really determines the quality of your life because unless you live in a state of gratitude— I did an interview with Sir John Templeton, who as you know is one of the first billionaire investors and just a brilliant man. He came from nothing. And he donated, I think it was $750, they still do it, the Templeton Fund. I think it's $750 million a year. It's bigger than the Nobel Fund that he donates. And one day I asked him, I said, what is the secret to wealth? And he looked at me, paused, this big smile and his eyes got really bright like they always did. And he said, Tony, it's what you teach. I said, well, I teach a lot of things, you know, which thing? And he said, gratitude. He said, because you and I, Tony, know billionaires that are miserable And it's because they're not grateful for what they have. And we both know people have no money seemingly, but they're so grateful for their health, for their husband, for their wife, for their children. They're so grateful to God. They're so grateful for their life that they're rich. You know, so I think, I think it starts with that gratitude. It starts with that connection to grace, as simplistic as that sounds. And so it's not enough just to have your financial plan. You have all the money and be miserable. Let's have the money and be really rich emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.

Finally, Waking up every morning and figuring out, even in a difficult situation, where the pieces of gratitude are. So like coming into the city yesterday or the day before, I was stuck in traffic and I was late for something and I was like, "Ugh, you gotta go faster." But this is an opportunity for a difficult— to solve a difficult gratitude problem, which is, it's the city I'm going to is so amazing and wonderful that everyone else wants to be here even faster than me.