How Marisa Peer Almost Broke Conventional Therapy with Mood Boards​​.

You know, many, many years ago, I was trying to get a book deal, and I'd put on a little talk about how to lose weight because my book was all about that. And I hadn't sold hardly any tickets, so I canceled it. And the same day, my agent called me and went, oh my gosh, I've got 6 different publishers who want to come to your talk. I'm like, well, I've just canceled this. She went, put it back on quick because they're all coming. And it was that weekend, and I think she called me on a Thursday night. So on the Friday, I rang all my friends, everyone. I said, come to this talk, it's completely free. And, and I got lots of people to come because I knew that 6 major publishing houses were coming to this talk. And she told me one of them was definitely going to give me a deal, if not all of them. So I only had Friday, and on Friday I could have spent ages planning the talk, but you know, I didn't. I actually made a mood board. I thought that's a good thing. So on Friday night, I had an old picture and I took it out of the frame and I started to stick things in it. And I wrote Marissa Peer gets a great book deal. I cut out the Times bestselling list and I stuck it in there and wrote on it my book. And it made me so excited about my talk. And the next day I went off and I did the talk, and lo and behold, at the end somebody came up to me and she said, oh my God, I love that talk, and you should come in on Monday, and we're going to offer you a book deal straight away. We'd really love you not to meet the other 5 publishers. We want you. So that was very exciting, and in fact I did end up signing with them, and it all was wonderful. But I know it was that mood board that helped me because it took my mind to where I wanted to be. It made me focus only on success. Of course, a mood board doesn't say things like, well, I might not make it. The mood board has success. So let's imagine you want to be a therapist, that's what your vision is, or a photographer. Maybe you want to be a chef. I want you to imagine you've got a mood board and you fill it up with pictures. If you want to be a chef, pictures of great food, reviews from restaurants, and of course you're going to cross out the name of the chef and write your name in instead in black marker pen. So find lots of reviews and put your name in, and then write all over the mood board too. Let's say your name is Alexandra Richardson. You're going to put Alex Richardson instead of that chef, and you're going to put lots of reviews. And let's say you found the top 10 best restaurants, and you're going to call your restaurant The Fox. And so you cross that and you put The Fox, Alex Richardson's restaurant, The Fox. You just keep looking at that, and you write all over your mood board all the things that work for you 'People love this restaurant, the best restaurant in wherever you live in the world. The food here is amazing.' And then you look at lots of interviews with chefs and you imagine your interview and you put it up there. You can even mock one up. That's what printers are for. So mock up an interview, mock up everything, and look at that mood board. Mock up all the things that you're going to cook that are going to give you pleasure. Mock up the cookery book you're going to write, mock up so much stuff. You know, a couple of years ago I was asked to work with probably the angriest kid I've ever worked with in my life. And when we started to work, he said, you know, no one loves me, I have no love in my life. And I realized that his anger was actually incredible pain, but I talked to him and I asked him what he was good at. He said nothing. So I asked him what he loved and he said cooking. So we talked about that a bit. And he's ended up being a phenomenally successful chef. He's got a great girlfriend. He went to work for other chefs. He's now got his own restaurant. His life has changed dramatically because I found one thing that he loved and focused on his purpose and the reason he was here. And he loved cooking so much that I knew straight away that that's what he was meant to do. And now he's doing it and his life has changed 360 degrees. Mood boards have been proven over and over over again to stimulate your brain, to excite your imagination, to keep your focus on where you want to go.

You need to create an environment of excellence. Excellence. Most people's environments are not excellent. The people around you, the videos that you watch, the things that are on your wall, the voices that are in your head. You have these moments that are bold, that are courageous, that make you feel unstoppable and you can do anything, and then you fall back down because the environment is the thing that's keeping you small. It takes a giant effort to overcome your environment. You definitely can. It's definitely possible. Tons of people are doing it, but it takes that giant effort to say, I don't want to stay stuck here. Most people stay stuck. Most people make minimal, minimal, minimal improvements in their life year over year. And if you don't want to stay where you are right now, fast forward to 1 year from today, you don't want to stay stuck. You want to be in a different place. Could actually be physically moving, but a different place in terms of your finances, in terms of your purpose, in terms of how much you're giving and caring and sharing and the life that you want to build. You want to be somewhere totally different. Like today, this is not acceptable anymore. I accept that this is where I am right now. But where I end up is not going to be the same spot as where I am right now, right? If that's your commitment, the biggest shift that will help you get from where you are now to where you want to be is creating that environment of excellence. What's the fastest way to learn a language? What's the fastest way to learn Japanese? Well, it's to go to Japan. Sure, you can read some books and you can hire a tutor, and the more intense it becomes, the more you're actually living it, the faster you're going to pick it up. So if you want to develop the mindset of the high achiever, if you want to become that person, the people that you look up to, the whoever of the world, like I want to be the next whoever, perfect, that person. The more you hang around with them, the more it's going to rub off on you how they think, because how they think, how they act, how they behave, how they see the world is very different than how you see it right now and how the people around you definitely see the world right now. So how do you do it? How do you start to become it? Well, I look at what I'm doing, and this was one of my biggest challenges when I was getting started, and honestly still in. Like, I think the biggest problem in the world is a lack of belief. I'm trying to solve the world's biggest problem. People don't believe in themselves enough. I don't, you don't, Oprah doesn't. People don't believe in themselves enough for the next level. So how do you start to believe in yourself more? The thing that helped me the most was to have these successful people around me constantly. And so I want to share a few tactics that I think can really help you that has really helped me as being the shy, introverted kid who never wanted to be in front of a camera and was making $300 a month and quit on my business partner and thought life was over, right? To now here, and it's taken me 20 years to get here. So hopefully we can shorten that path for you if you actually follow some of the advice in this video. So step number 1, how do we create that environment of excellence? What you feed into your brain really, really, really matters. So figure out how you love to learn. For me, it's videos. I like to see things. I need to be visual. If that's you, then you need to have a way to have those videos coming into your life every day. It could be part of your morning routine. That's why I make this channel part of your morning routine. Subscribe to the channel every morning, every weekday. We got a new video out there for you to give you the shot of espresso to help you. But if it's not my channel, it's some other channel, one of my other channels, subscribe to the channels that make you feel bold, powerful, unstoppable, give you hope, give you belief in yourself, and then watch that video every day or listen to that podcast every day. Or read that book every day. The trick is it can't be the same book or the one video, because that one video on repeat is going to lose its effectiveness, right? You know it. You watch a video, it gets you all fired up, and then you watch it again the next day and it's not as— like, oh, what happened? I don't feel as good. And you watch it the next day and the feeling's gone. So you can't just read the same book over and over, watch the same video over and over and over again. The key is to find a consistent source. So if you love this channel, you love this video, I'm making other videos just like this. That you can subscribe to. If you like an author, go find their other books or go find the people that inspire them so that you can read something every day. If you like a podcast, go find other podcasts like them so you have something every day. So you, you are manipulating what comes in your head with intention now, with intention. So you're not just scrolling through things like, I am going to watch one of these videos every day to slowly shift myself forward? Because it'll happen. If you love Elon Musk and you watch Elon Musk every day, what will happen is slowly, day by day, you will start to think like Elon Musk. It will happen. He will pull you forward. You will start to see the big difference in how he thinks versus how the people around you think versus how you think right now. And he will give you more courage and more boldness and more a sense of hope and purpose that you can do it too. You'll start to think more like him. So be careful who you pick. And maybe you don't like Elon Musk. Maybe you like Kanye West or Oprah Winfrey or whoever. But the more you're around that person, the more you will start to think like them. So you want to put that as part of your daily routine that every day, because yesterday was a different day. You might have been fired up, bold, motivated, great. But today's, today's a new day. The motivation you had yesterday is nowhere near what it is right now when you wake up, right? You can have the best day of all time. You wake up the next day and it's gone. So how do you keep the consistency? The routine. Tell yourself, I'm going to watch a video even when I don't want to, even when I feel low energy, even when, right, all the excuses we come up with. I'm going to watch a video to get myself into the state I need to get into because I want to follow, I want to follow my dreams. I don't want to be stuck here anymore. Tied to that is then subscribe to the channels that make you feel that way. So do an audit of all of the channels you follow on YouTube, of all the people you follow on Instagram, anywhere you're spending time on social. Do an audit of who makes you actually feel more bold and who makes you just waste time or who makes you feel bad about yourself. There's some people you probably follow who, when you look at their stuff, it actually makes you feel worse about yourself. Unfollow those people immediately, right? They don't care about you. So why are you caring about them? And then the people who make you feel better, follow them, subscribe to them so that when you happen to be on the platform, when you happen to be going through YouTube or Instagram, you see them and it makes you remember why you're doing what you do. So the first part of it is a habit. We are designing our routines around this, that I'm going to watch a video every day with my heroes so that they pull me forward. Right? We're putting it into our calendar. The second part of it is I'm also going to subscribe to channels and people that inspire me so that when I happen to be on the platforms, I'm feeding myself with things that inspire me and lift me up instead of waste my time or put me down. Okay? So that habit, that environment really, really matters. The second part of environment to create our environment of excellence, right, is the physical environment. So This office inspires me. This office. This was all with intent. The people on the wall behind me. We got Steve Jobs, Apu Janini, my parents, Howard Schultz, Kanye West, the trophies, you know, the YouTube stuff, the— getting my hands wrong here. This side, you know, the art, the art that people drew, my book, my neck brace from when I broke my neck, like all even the colors on the wall, all of this. It inspires me. This inspires me. When I walk into this office, I want to believe more in myself. I see Steve Jobs staring me down. I see my parents staring me down. It's like a reminder of what I want to do because I wake up and I don't have, you know, the most energy. I don't feel super bold and like, let's go take on the day, right? I don't have that as soon as I wake up. But we manufacture it through the habits and routines, but also the actual physical environment. And the beauty about this is you only have to set it up once. You know, I set this up once and then I walk in and every day I'm being hit with these messages and reminders of the person that I want to be. So whether it's a mood board you put up for yourself, whether it's people that inspire you, you have to look at the thing that inspires you to want to push a little harder. It inspires you to want to believe in yourself more. It inspires you to want to go off and take some kind of action today. The physical environment matters a lot and you can control that. So think about, think about your office, think about your bedroom, think about your car, think about where you're spending significant time and how much of that has actually been done with intent. How much of your physical environment has been created with intent to make you believe in yourself more? It matters a lot. And then the third thing really quick is the actual, your outfit, the clothes that you wear, how you show up for yourself. When I put this on, I remind myself that I'm a superhero going to work. That might sound really dumb or cheesy, but you know what? It works for me. I am a superhero going to work. I'm not fighting crime. I'm fighting lack of belief. I want people to believe in themselves more, and I'm going to work. When I see— there was a Green Arrow show I used to watch, and when they were in their, their base, in their lair, they always put their outfits on a mannequin. Right? So they're— when they're out fighting crime, they're in their uniforms, but then when they come back to their base, they're in normal clothes, but they put their outfits on a mannequin. So I went and got myself a mannequin. It's just— you can't see it, but it's just sitting here off camera. I got a mannequin and it's got my hoodie on it as a reminder that I'm a superhero going to work every day. And again, that might sound really cheesy or dumb or corny, but I like it. It works for me. And putting this on every day instead of just showing up in my pajamas. I just, I work from home. You know, we've got 30-something people on the team. I don't see my team physically that often. Most people work from home. I could just show up every day in my pajamas. But putting this on reminds me that I'm a superhero with a mission. Whether you want to adopt that or not is up to you, but, but how you present yourself for yourself, not just for the camera. I'm not putting this on just for the camera. I'm putting this on because this is what I put on. This is for me. I could make a video in my pajamas. That's fine. But I'm making this for me. I wear this for me. What do you need to do for you? Not just because there's some expectations. When your expectations of yourself become higher than what you think other people's expectations are for you, that's when the game starts to change. When I'm wearing something just because of how I think you guys will perceive me or some speech I'm doing or some meeting, I'm only living up to that person's standards or what I think their standards are. Instead, no, I'm doing this for me. I wear this for me. I show up like this even if I'm not making any kind of content. I only make content once a week, usually for YouTube. What am I doing the other days of the week? I'm still wearing this because I'm a superhero going to work and it's my reminder. This is how you start to create an environment of excellence, guys. Your environment is keeping you where you are. Your environment is keeping you stuck. And if you don't want to be stuck anymore, if you want to change your circumstances, if you don't want to be in the same spot you are right now one year from today, you have to create an environment of excellence. How do we do that? Number 1, we start feeding our mind with excellence from the videos and podcasts and books from people who inspire us. Number 2, we change our physical environment so that you walk into a room, you walk into your car, you walk into your bedroom or office or wherever you're spending time, and it pushes you forward to step into the person that you want to be. And then number 3, the outfits, what you wear, how you present yourself, having a higher standard for yourself than what other people expect, that you are a superhero going to work every day because you are on a mission. You've got a great heart, you've got tons of ideas. I see it over and over and over and over and over again. So much potential and just stuck, just stuck because there's a lack of momentum that stems from having a really poor environment. If you can just change with intention that I am going to create an environment of excellence for myself that inspires me and pushes me forward to step into the person I want to believe that I can be. If you can do that every day, your entire life will change. Also, to make sure you're actually taking action after watching this video, I've designed a special free worksheet just for this video. The worksheet will highlight all of the lessons learned in this video, as well as pull out our 3 favorite learnings and quotes that will inspire you to actually do something The worksheet will also give you space to write down what your key takeaways are and your specific plan of action to make sure you're getting results. If you want the worksheet designed specifically for this video, absolutely for free, there's a link in the description below. Go click on it and start building the momentum in your life and your business. I'll see you there.

First thing that people who are incredibly successful do is they do what they hate. They are fully prepared to do what they hate to get to where they want to be. And people who fail, they will give up their dream before they do what they hate to do. People who are very successful, they never, ever, ever wait for motivation. They do it because when you do it, you become motivated. A great writer won't go, well, I'll just wait till I'm really motivated to start writing this book. No, they get up at 4 in the morning, they don't want to, and they start to write. And then of course they become motivated. You wake up in the morning and you go, you know, You're not going to go, "Yay, it's 5 AM, I'm putting on my running shoes and going for a walk up Laurel Canyon." Of course you're not going to do that. You're going to wake up and go, "God, I really hate working out, but Marisa said successful people do what they hate to get to where they want to be." Of course, the wonderful thing is that when you do what you hate first enough times, it starts to become natural. Like, I've got to do my taxes, I'll do that first. I've got to confront someone, I'll do it first. And so I still to this day wake up and think, oh, I don't really want to do that, so I'm going to do it first because what I do want is to belong to that group of very, very successful people. So I know what the membership is, and every time I don't want to do something, I think, I don't want to do it, but what I do want is to belong to that group, so I'm doing it first. And it's, it's a great way of thinking because it starts to move you around wanting to do it for all the right reasons. Many, many years ago, I met someone who wanted to be a rock star. That was his ambition. Actually, particularly wanted to be a drummer. And he was a very young married man with 2 children to support, and he was going for a lot of auditions. And of course, all the auditions take place during the day, and every time he had a job, they wouldn't let him take time off. So he just decided he would have to work nights in order to audition during the day, and the only job he could get was a job he hated. He was a taxi driver and he hated it, but he did it, but he just wasn't making enough money. So he thought, okay, I'll have to work in McDonald's. I get more money, I can work nights, I'm free to audition. And about a month before he'd applied to work in McDonald's, he'd been for an audition to be a drummer in a band. He didn't know even know who the band was. And the day he was due to start working McDonald's, which he absolutely hated even the thought of, he got a call to go, you know that band you auditioned for? It's actually Simple Minds, and now you're the drummer in Simple Minds. So he never worked in McDonald's or drove a cab again for the rest of his life. But when he told people that story, they'd all go, oh, I would never work in McDonald's. Oh my God, I'd never degrade myself by driving a cab around London. And I'm like, Don't you think you're missing the point? His ability to do what he hated is what made him a rock star, because he had to have his days free to rehearse and audition. But if he had your mindset, "I'd never do that," he would never be a multimillionaire rock star. It was because he was fully prepared to do what he hated, to swallow his pride, to keep his vision in mind— I want to be a rock star— I must be free for auditions. How can I do that? Well, I have to work as a cab driver and in a fast food restaurant, which I hate. But I'm going to do it because it's going to take me to my goal. And it did. But the people who laughed at him and said, I wouldn't do that, none of them are rock stars.

You mentioned something about leaning into the feelings until you no longer need to feel them or until they go away.

Feel the feeling until it no longer requires me. To be felt.

Why do we— why should we do that? So give me an example.

Okay, so let's imagine you, you and your ex-wife are not getting on, and you have a feeling of rage about the fact that she's trying to get your kid to call a new guy daddy, and she's blocking you out, and you feel so angry. You think, well, I mustn't feel angry, you know, she's doing it for the interest of my kid, or— and so I just drink the anger, and I drink the anger. And you see, with a feeling It's the most real thing you have. A feeling is like a little kid in a class going, 'Notice me, I'm over here!' And if you don't, they get more and more out of control. And so when you don't acknowledge your feelings, they regroup and they regroup until they become outrage, rage coming out. And then suddenly they go a bit crazy in the car park of a store or the line of a store because the mind says, 'I've got all this rage, wants to come out.' Someone just cut into the line, take it out on them. And it's so ineffective, because I have something I call Triple A, which is be aware of your feeling. Most people have no idea what they feel. They go, I shouldn't feel jealous, I shouldn't feel envious, I shouldn't be furious with this kid who's keeping me up all night. So they're not aware of it, they certainly can't accept it, and they never get to articulate it. If you can say, you know, my wife's a good person, but actually I'm furious with what she's doing. It really hurts my feelings. That's why group therapy and places like AA— the good thing is you get to say, sometimes I could quite cheerfully hurt my wife. I'm not going to, but I feel like— oh yeah, I feel like that too. Because when you can express your feeling, it goes away. It goes away immediately. But when you communicate it, yeah, even to yourself. So if your mother-in-law is the absolute from hell, and you can't say, by the way, Dorothy, you are the most horrible mother-in-law in the world, but you just go and shut yourself in the bathroom, turn on the taps, flush it, and say, Dorothy is a really unpleasant mother-in-law. And one of mine— you feel so much better because you're not saying it to them. It's like feelings are like gas, they're in or they're out, and they hurt much more when you keep them in. And you want to let them out. Maybe it has to be not obviously right in the middle of a meeting, but when you keep stuff in, it causes you pain. You have to understand a bit more of psychology because humans are hardwired to recreate what they know. We like what's familiar, even if that's very— even if it's very bad. If I've never had money and I win the lottery, I'm going to get rid of it. Or if I've never had love and you love me, I'm going to reject you because is so unfamiliar. If I've had a dad who calls me an idiot and worthless, guess what kind of guy I like? That's it, because when I meet them, I go, oh, I feel like I've known this guy my whole life, we just clicked. And they think, oh my God, it's because he's my dad, but now I've been sleeping with him for 6 months, I don't know what to do with that now. Because we are wired to like what is familiar and to resist what's unfamiliar. What's familiar. And that's what kept us alive when we lived in walled cities. We didn't go, I'm a bit bored with this group, I think I'll go outside the walled city and find another tribe, because they might have killed you. So we have this wiring that says run towards what's familiar and run away from what's unfamiliar. But the very good news is you can make anything familiar. And the most important thing to make familiar is praising yourself. That's— if you could just do that, that in itself would change your entire life.

How do you praise yourself?

Well, you get up in the morning and go, I'm a good person. I have a skill. I have a talent. I have something to offer the world. I'm here for a reason. You look in the mirror and go, oh, there you are. You're a good person. You've got a good heart. You know, the most important way to answer that question is is this: what did you always want your dad to tell you? Even if you never had a dad. If you had a dad, a good dad, what would he have said? What would your mum have said? What would a nice teacher have said to you? And it would be something like this: I'm proud of you, you're a good son, I'm so glad I'm your dad, how lucky I got to have you. And a teacher would say, you're such a smart kid, what a joy it is to teach you because you're smart. And we all want to hear the same stuff: I love you, I'm proud of you, you're interesting, you're great company. Nobody needs to hear I'm the best dentist in Beverly Hills because that doesn't work. It's emotions. And many of my clients, their mother might be dead, but they're still trying to get her to approve of them. Dad's living in another country, but they're still working to make him like them. And you know, the most important thing is you like you. Your beliefs affect your biology. Your beliefs certainly affect your biochemistry. I've had women of 58 say, "Could you make me pregnant?" I go, "No, it's too late. Why did you wait 30 years?" But the mind will follow your instructions, and it's very important to give yourself the right instructions. Of course there are limits. You can't tell yourself you're going to be an astronaut. And when people say to me, "I want to be a millionaire," I go, "What are you going to do to be a millionaire?" You can't go, "I'm going to sit at home," That's the problem with the secret, attract millions to you. What are you going to do for these millions? I want to have a six-pack. You do need to go to the gym. I want to have great health. Well, stop eating pizza and eat better food. But once you get the mind to want it, it's actually easy. But when people say to me, I want to be a millionaire, then we tell them, well, any goal of significance requires you to learn something new. But then they have a fear of learning. And of course you're right, that when people come in and go, I want this, you have to look at the blocks. The number one block is the fear of rejection. If I make it, I might get rejected. If I find love, they might leave. If I make all that money, people won't like me anymore. So you've got to smash out of the ballpark the fear of rejection. You've got to smash out the second belief that says it's all easy. I remember Luther Vandross saying, you know, people say I'm an overnight success. I sang jingles for KFC for 12 years. It was a long overnight. So you do have to also have that desire. I mean, for me, you know, I speak in public, I write books, always aware that somebody's going to hate your book, I don't like it. I'm like, oh, that's okay. They can't reject me, they might reject my book. Most people happen to love them, but to get anywhere in life, you have to get over the fear of rejection. Because people think they're going to die from rejection, but they really don't. People come in and they describe, you know, I really want to be successful, but I'd love to be healthier, but I want to find love, but I can't get pregnant because— and the first thing we do is invest investigate like a good detective. A detective will lay out pictures and go, what's going on here? And they make sense of it. And very much the same, some people come to me going, I've got unexplained infertility, what is that? I went, well, there's a clue in the, in the, in the description. It is unexplained, nobody knows. Your husband's got cracked sperm that swims straight and plenty of it. You've got great eggs, great fallopian tubes, perfect womb but you can't get pregnant because the unexplained is here. And many people when they're younger will say this: if I got pregnant, my dad would kill me. Oh my God, if I got pregnant, it would be the end of the world. And I remember when I was 17 thinking I was pregnant, oh my God, no, disaster. Oh my God, my dad will be so upset, devastated. When I wasn't, I went, oh, thank you, God. Oh yes, joy. But you see, the mind listens to records everything you say. The mind is always switched on and it records everything and it never forgets. So in a moment of absolute terror or fear or pain or anxiety, there's something called an imprint. It goes in. So a child whose mother says, "That cat will scratch you and give you blood poisoning," or "That dog's going to bite you," or "That's a dangerous person," or— you know, I worked with a little kid who had terrible fear of monsters under the bed. Turned out his dad used to say, you'll get run over if you do that, you'll kill yourself if you do that, you'll drown if you do that. Turned out his dad was the monster because he was scaring him all the time. So you get a young person, can be an adult, and you get an imprint. And what we do is investigate where, where did this imprint happen. And when we've got the imprint, which is very easy, you can ask questions to get the imprint, you can listen to the client's story, the one who said, "My mom used to cry when I brought up food and was so happy when I ate," or you can use hypnosis and go back like that. And the reason I love hypnosis so much is you go to the imprint. You know, people come to see me, within 5 minutes they have the imprint. There's no, "Oh, how does that make you feel?" and "How do you feel now?" and "Let's talk more about that and come back next week." wait and say it for, and we'll keep this going. Because studies now say that's actually the worst thing you can do, because you just keep the story alive. So we do the investigating, we find the imprint, and then we interpret it. What does that mean? Why do you think, you know, your dad telling all these stories would now leave you to have this monster under your bed? Why do you think at 15 being terrified of being pregnant could possibly mean that today you've got an explainability? And they work it out. They go, yeah, now you say that, if I look at those scenes and look at this scene, it all makes sense. And then you interrupt the belief massively, and then you install a brand new belief. You know, you're getting pregnant like a high school kid on their first date. You're super fertile. You've got crack Grade A eggs. Your husband's got the SAS of sperm and it's going to collide. So you bring in the very powerful language and you are going to make a grade A baby. Because of course, people say, I want to be pregnant. I'm like, no, you don't. You want to make a baby that you carry to full term. I have clients who have been pregnant 8 times. You want a perfect, bouncing, healthy baby. So it's another example of not telling your mind what you want. So the combination of the imprint the investigate, the interpret, the interrupt, and the install is so powerfully transformational. When you focus on the worst possible outcome, you actually feel as if you are in that worst possible outcome. The only way to overcome a fear is instead of focusing on the worst possible outcome, to focus on the best possible outcome. I'm driving, It's foggy, it's dark, it's icy, I might skid off the road and kill myself. Or I'm driving very carefully, I'm driving very slowly, I'm driving very cautiously because I'm going to be safe and I'm going to get home. See, that's the difference. You just have to give yourself different beliefs. The thing with fear always is you have two choices. Rationalize why you feel so terrible or talk yourself out of it. You know, I was on the beach with my daughter and there was a big dog and it was quite a scary dog and she didn't like this dog and I said to her, you know, darling, when you don't like a dog, you get very scared and the dog doesn't like it either and he gets scared. So when you see a scary dog, turn your back to it, don't look at it, because when you look at it, you're challenging it. And that's hard to do, to turn your back on a dog, but if you turn your back it's not a challenge. And she understood that, and I was always teaching her, when you have a fear, you have a choice. Oh my God, that dog's going to bite me, attack me, hurt me, or I'm going to talk myself out, I'm going to turn away, I'm going to breathe, I'm going to be really calm, and that dog's just going to go on its way. And it's the same with everything in life to do with fear. Rationalize why you feel so fearful, or talk yourself out of it. I'll be fine, this is okay, everything's gonna work out perfectly, I'm okay. All of these fears hold you back, and they don't have to, because every fear you go through teaches you something. You see, if you go to a funfair and go to those loop-the-loop rides, you can scream in terror, or you you can scream in excitement. And the fact that people put themselves through those rides means that at some level we quite like fear. It challenges us to do more. It challenges us to grow more. So don't fear fear. Remember, the only fear to fear is fear itself. I find that even with cancer, if you have that belief, I'm going to try all this stuff but it won't work, and you know, it's— I'm riddled with it and there's no hope, and They start to read all these terrible diagnoses. I mean, in England, you are not allowed to say to someone, "You've got 10 months to live," because that's what happens. They turn into the 10 months. You cannot diagnose them.

What do they tell them?

They just say, you know, "We're going to do this and this, and you may not survive this, but you could." And in the same way that if you are having surgery and they go, "Oh, look, this is a complete mess in here. There's just no way," Even in surgery, your subconscious is hearing what's going on around you, and there are many people who come out of a coma who said, "You know, I heard everything." The hearing is the last thing to go. And so if you make a choice to talk to yourself better, you can bounce back. You might as well use your mind as much as you possibly can to be well. We tell ourselves the story. We play the only part we've ever known, and then that part becomes our own and we don't know how to separate it. And so people come in with their story and they go, well, you know, I nearly— I was a newborn baby and my mom told me that I was only like 2 pounds. I nearly died. They had to drop milk in me with a dropper. And I remember my mom telling me she used to cry every time I got weighed, or if she fed me, when I threw up, they would get so upset because I could die. Like, okay. And now you're 600 pounds because you keep telling yourself that story. And people tell themselves the story until it validates why, you know, my dad didn't love me. He left before I was born. He never came to see me. But he had another kid that he treated like Jesus, bought him everything, Game Boys, clothes. So if my dad didn't love me, I'm not lovable. And you have to go, but that was then. Your dad was an idiot. That has nothing to do with whether you can find love or not. But clients tell themselves this story and they don't understand that at any age you can go, well, I think it's time for a new story. And so my job is to first of all find out where, where, you know, they come in and go, I don't know why I do this. I guess I'm just messed up. I don't know why I can't speak. I've always been that way. I go, nope, no baby looks away when you look at them in the hospital. No baby goes, don't look at me. I'm having a bad hair day. We're all born with so much confidence. You have 4 children, they never go, no, I can't get a banana in my mouth. I, I can't get to grips with this walking, reaching. They're, they're wired to go for something. But a lot of damage is done very early, and, and I see that all the time. Really silly things like people come in and go, you know, I can't ask for money. And then RTT has what I call interruptions, or after they've gone back They have to then say, but that's not me because, and that can't be me because, and that won't be me ever again. And what that does is it starts to change the neurons. It's actually called neuroplasticity. It starts to change the way the brain is wired. They stop thinking the way they thought as a child and put into place different beliefs, and then they're forever changed. And it's amazing to see it in action. You always have a choice. Your mind talks to your body all the time. That's its job, and your job is to tell your mind what you want. I want perfect health. I don't do illness, I do wellness. Everything I do is perfect. You know, I was at a conference recently, someone ran up, "Oh my God, I'm so glad I listened to your audio because you know I have 4 hours of sleep and I tell my mind I'm having 8." And I thought, "God, I should do that. I'm teaching people this, I forgot I can do that too." I do, tell my mind I've had 8 hours sleep. Tell my mind I feel amazing. Tell my mind when I'm working out, my body loves this. My muscles love this. I can do a bit more. Rather than go, ugh, it all aches and I hate doing this and I could be at home watching TV. So just to be very clear, your mind's job is to do what you tell it and your job, should you choose to accept, is to tell it great things, amazing things. I'm not aging, I'm saging. I'm embodying wellness. I have perfect balance. You can choose. Not only does the mind tell the body what to do, it also interrupts the signals coming back from the body. I've got this crippling, thumping headache can become, well, I've got a little niggle in my head, but I'm really too busy to notice it. I'm in agony. No, you've just had a little shot. That's not agony. "This commute is hell." No, hell is not having a car or any gas and looking at people or taking 3 buses to do your commute. "Being in this store is torture." No. When you go to Africa and you see they don't have any stores and the ones they do have no food in them, you'll never again stand in Ralphs and go, "This is a nightmare. It's hell grocery shopping." If you have money in your wallet to buy food for people that love you, That is so far beyond hell. But people use these words: it's killing me, it's a disaster, it's a nightmare. And also, whenever anyone does anything wrong, we go, what's wrong with you? We should say, what happened to you? What happened to you? And they'll go, well, you know, my mom always said she didn't want a girl— boy, she wanted a girl. And I've been brought up— give an example. I had a city trader as a client who really had problems trading. And his boss said, you know, he's the best trader, but he's so nervous. And when I worked with him, he was saying that when he was a kid, his parents had two girls and then him. And he would smash his Tonka toys together. And they'd go, what's wrong with you? Look at your sisters just combing their dolls' hair, and they're so good. And why are you so aggressive? And a 4-year-old can't go, well, because I have something called testosterone, and they don't. And I'm designed to run and jump and hunt. And fish, and I got to learn what to do with aggression. Smashing my cars together is good for me. He didn't— a 4-year-old doesn't have anything because they live in the world. Yeah, they just live in a world of feeling, not logic. And he said, I never realized. Just spent my whole life thinking something's wrong with me because my parents would say everything comes— what's wrong with you? Look how neat this is. They don't get peas on the floor when they eat. And he said, I heard it every day until formed a belief something's wrong with me. He didn't date women because he thought, well, I should be like one, but I want to be like a man. And that session totally turned him around. He said it was like someone had sprayed him with pheromones because he went out that night and women were attaching themselves to him like a magnet. But he just got rid of the feeling of something's wrong with me, because most people do walk around going, something's wrong with me, I'm just majorly messed up. And you can't heal.

No one understands me. No one gets me.

And I don't understand me. And if I don't understand me, how can you?

And why should I even be here?

Yeah, because you can't heal what you can't understand. And so all the treating the symptom is like putting a Band-Aid on an infection. It doesn't— when you understand it, you can totally change your perception of what it is, because events actually don't affect you, but the meaning you attach attaches and does. Story we tell ourselves. Story. We have a great fear of rejection, which is not surprising because when we're born, we, we have two drivers: find connection, avoid rejection. After all, if a mother rejects a child, if a lion rejects the cub, it's not going to be adopted. It will die. Yeah, or it just starves to death. And so we know innately that our survival on the planet is linked to not being rejected. And not that long ago, you would have died from rejection. You know, 1,000 years ago, when they banished you outside the walls of the city, or you marooned a difficult sailor, or you cast someone out of the community, you pretty much died. There was nothing out there but purgatory. So we have a wiring that says, rejection will kill me. And that's why you had the fear. But when you can dialogue with the other, you go, look, no, it feels like it will kill me. It can't kill me because no girl can reject me unless I give her my permission, right? You can't reject me unless I agree with everything. I don't like you because you've got short hair. I don't like your shirt. I don't like you because you're white, not white at all, sure, glasses, not. But when you say you can't reject me, I'm— I can't be rejected because the only person you can reject me is me. You can talk to girls realizing even if they say no, you're not my type, I'm with someone, no thanks, or even ooh, not no. They can only reject you if you let that in. And we look at someone like James Corden, who's certainly not gorgeous, but women love him because he's funny. So funny. And you know, we like warm people. You know, the, the packaging is all very nice. Well, as we'll have a great packaging, a great wrapper, and it'll— but they're unhappy. And so our greatest fear is to be rejected, but the truth is, in 2018, you could live in this apartment, have Amazon deliver your groceries, never see a soul, and you probably live until you're 106. Yeah. Wouldn't advise it, but we don't die of rejection anymore, but we still feel like we will. And all schools should be teaching kids you cannot be rejected. You can ask for a pay rise. You can ask for crowdfunding. You can go to someone and go, here's my idea. You can write a book, speak in public. Because I work with a lot of actors who say, I'm so scared of rejection. I'm like, well, how are you going to be an actor then? Because you're supposed to be rejected all the time. Well, you and I write books. For everyone who loves it, there's going to be the odd person who goes, I hate this book, and I hate that writer too. But we don't let it in. We have to laugh about it. When you give a YouTube talk, I mean, I've got one of my talks got 3 million views and there's a few in there going, "I hate her, stuck-up English snob." But they don't know me, 'cause that's not me at all. But I don't go, "Oh my God, I can never write another book." I'm okay 'cause I don't let it in, 'cause the only opinion that matters is my opinion. I know I'm not a stuck-up English snob, so that can't hurt me. In powerful language, you can never say, "You're gonna fall, you're gonna mess that up, you're gonna ruin everything." That's just not going to work out. You have to say the opposite. Okay, I've only got 10 minutes to prepare my speech. I only need 10 minutes. I've only got 10 minutes to get there. That's exactly how much time I need. And if I'm late, I wasn't supposed to be there on time. I have a belief now when I get to a party late, it's because I wasn't meant to get there early. I no longer go, "Oh my God, I'm so late. This is going to be terrible." In fact, I was recently going in a cab across town to get a train to work with a football team, and we got stuck in traffic. And so I was playing a game. I thought, "Oh my God, I'm going to miss the train. This is terrible. I'm going to ruin my reputation. The team are going to be so upset." And I felt really sick. And then I started to say, "The trains run every 20 minutes. It doesn't matter. What's 20 minutes?" minutes. My material's so great. They have lots of time. After all, they finish practicing at 3 o'clock, and it was fine. So all the way there I was playing a game, and I actually got the train on time, but they really wouldn't have minded. But I could have ruined my day, made myself panicky and sweaty by going, "Oh my God, I haven't got enough time, and now it's all ruined." And it's never ruined. You can come back from Anything. And then I worked with a client who had cancer and had to go into this MRI scanner. And every time I saw him, he's like, "I can't. I can't do it. I can't get in that scanner." And I wonder, he said, "Well, I feel like I'm in my coffin. I feel like it's a premonition of my death. And I get in this scanner, I think, 'Well, I've got cancer and I'm gonna die.'" And what he said, "Well, I freak out. I press the button, I have to come out." And they keep saying, "Look, you've got to." "I can't. I can't even be in there for 2 seconds." Which is not true. And he was like, "I can't do it for even a second." He probably was in there for a few minutes. I said, "Look, the words you say to yourself in that scanner, 'This is a premonition of my death. I feel like I'm in a coffin. I feel like I'm suffocating and I can't do it,' that's the blueprint. And your mind doesn't like those words. So how about these words? How about saying, I'm in my bed at home and I'm just so chilled and I could lie here for hours. I'm chilled, I'm relaxed, I'm blissed out. You must use words that make a picture. You can't go, "Oh, I'm okay really. I'm quite good. I'm not bad. This is okay." 'Cause when I say the words okay, not bad, where's the picture? There's no picture. It's what I call fluff. When you say I'm chilled, I'm blissed out, I'm ecstatic. I'm just lying here and I could do this for hours. It's just so cool. The mind goes, "You're right." And when you go, "I'm in a coffin and I'm suffocating," the mind goes, "You're right." See, here's the great thing. You can choose any words you like. You can go, "Well, we're all going to be negative and this half's going to be positive." That's your choice. You know what you can't choose? What you do to yourself when you say, "I'm an idiot. I'm a moron. I'm a retard. I've got rocks for brains. Everything goes wrong. Who would ever like me? I've got cellulite. I'm a single parent. I've got no chance." Blah, blah, blah. "I didn't go to college, so I couldn't possibly do what you do." I got kicked out of college, by the way, so you can definitely do what I do. And it was the best thing. That ever happened to me. I can look at my life and say being fired, being dumped, and being kicked out of college, thank you God for putting that up to me because it changed my life. It was the best thing. Rejection has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Being the least favorite kid, if I could have my life again, I'd go back and be the least favorite kid because I thought, "I'm going to show my parents that I'm something." And if I was the favorite, I wouldn't have done had done that, I would have had a totally different life. Here's some things I want you to start doing today, right now, that will build your self-esteem super fast. The number one thing is to praise yourself. There is nothing, nothing, nothing that will build your self-esteem like praise, but your praises. If you have a shopper and she says, oh, you look really great in the outfit, yeah, it suits you, you buy it, they have an agenda. If your boss says you're amazing at your job but I need to give you work to do over the weekend, they have an agenda. Someone dating you might have an agenda, and your mind knows it. But when you say, I'm great at my job, I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm nice, people like me, there is no agenda. Unfortunately, when you go, I'm rubbish at my job, I'm boring, I always I always mess up and have no friends, your mind lets that in too, because your mind doesn't really care if what you say is right or wrong, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. Let me prove that to you. I want you to put your hand in front of your face like that. I want you to close your eyes. I want you to imagine you have a big, fat, juicy lemon, and I want you to breathe in that wonderful lemon smell, just squeeze it a bit and feel that wonderful lemon texture, because nothing quite smells like a lemon. So still really believing you have half a lemon in your hand, open your mouth, shove that lemon in there, cram that half a lemon into your mouth, and start chewing and sucking and biting and swallowing the flesh. Keep sucking all that lemon flesh into your mouth. Bite it, chew it, suck out the juice. And you will notice that what is happening is your body is responding to a thought as if it's a fact. Your body is responding to the image and thought of eating a lemon as if you are actually eating a lemon, and it's making saliva because thoughts are things. And every thought you have has a physical reaction in your body and an emotional response when you think, "I don't have friends, I can't talk to people, I can't take things back to a store, I can't ask for special treatment, I don't know how to talk to people," then your mind accepts that as a fact, just like the lemon. But when you say, "Oh, I can talk to anyone, I'm an interesting person, I'm warm and friendly, people like me, and I can make eye contact," I'm good at my job, I can ask someone out on a date, I can tell the person I'm involved with what I need. Your mind accepts that too. And someone recently said they keep a lemon on their desk now and look at it every day. I'm sure they change it every month because that lemon reminds them every day that they are responsible for what they think and feel. And you know, responsibility, that word means an ability to respond. So I want you to start to praise yourself. I want you to wake up in the morning, the first thing you go is, 'I like myself.' You do know, don't you, that people who are critical have so much criticism reserved for themselves? They actively dislike themselves. And you're actually showing me and the entire office that you really don't like yourself by critiquing me. Yeah, by critiquing— you're just showing me. Yeah, critical people always have criticism. Reserved for themselves. They are full of self-criticism, but they reflect it out. And superior people and happy people always praise, and people who feel inadequate always criticize, because criticize withers you and praise builds you up. And if you can use those 5 techniques— thanks for sharing, could you repeat that, are you trying to hurt my feelings, won't work, I'm not letting it in, since we're sharing, did you know what what is running your critical behavior, you don't let it in. And being able to not let in criticism, that too will change your life. It makes you bulletproof. You can't stop people being mean and having a horrible day. And we now have trolling, which is becoming an epidemic. So it's actually worse. Our kids used to get bullied at school and go home to a sanctuary.

Now they're bullied online.

Now they're bullied online. Online, on the phone, and it's— it never ends. And they feel really attacked. And see, when you find trolls, they're usually really miserable and unhappy, but they love the power because they have no power. They live on their own or with their mum. They have no life. I mean, we had a terrible situation in England where somebody was trolling this person whose child had been kidnapped, and when they exposed her, she killed herself. Oh man. Which was a terrible thing for her, but obviously her sense of shame that she was outed, and to kill herself, but she must have felt terrible. I felt so sorry for her. But she was very vicious in her trolling, but that's a really unhappy person. She needed a lot of help. But when you can teach people to come back from criticism without fighting or going, well, I hate you too, or you are all shut up, crying when you can just teach them, look, I'm not letting in. It's like if I try to give you a gift, you go, and I don't need that gift. I'm holding the gift. I can't give you something if you don't take it. I can't serve papers on you unless you accept them. I can't serve a volley to you unless you volley it back. So when you learn that people can try and give you anything, but if you don't accept it, you haven't let it in. And if you don't let it in, Can't hurt you. It just hurts the person who's left holding it.

How do you help people establish meaning behind—

Well, I wrote a book called I'm Enough, and we have a program called I'm Enough. And what that does is it takes you the process of where does this come from. You're not born with this belief. How did you get it? And when they discover how they got it, they're able to give it up. One of my first ever clients was this beautiful woman, very hard to believe, and she's like, I can never make a relationship last. And it sounds so silly, but she said that her dad used to say to her every day, you'll never ever find anyone that loves you like me. Nobody could love you like me. You'll never find the kind of love that I have. And he programmed her. When you label someone, you limit them. So now she's got an imprint. I'm never gonna find love like this love. And guess what she never found? Love like that. And all you have to do as a parent is to say, I love you. 'cause you're lovable and all your life you'll find love like this love 'cause you're worth it. So it's little tiny adjustments that have the most profound effect on people. And it's never too late to say, I'm enough, I can find love. And now if you give someone the power to make you feel good, you give them the power to make you feel bad. And if you do it to yourself, you feel so much better. It makes you slightly bulletproof. You still need other people. We all need other people. But the dialoguing with yourself and starting with I'm enough, I picked that because I found all my clients, addicts, bingers, bulimics, saboteurs, hoarders, compulsive shoplifters, they all went back to the same thing. I'm not enough. I need more. And if you feel enough, you start to feel equal. See, most of us feel unequal. You're better than me because you've got money, or you're more attractive than me. But no dog or cat says, oh, you're better than me because you're a pedigree. A baby doesn't know that another baby's wearing designer clothes and they're not. They have no concept of that. So really what I'm Enough is doing is reactivating activating, remanifesting, and regenerating what you were born with, an ability to say, "I'm enough." In my experience, people who try to be perfect are the unhappiest people in the world, and they're almost always the loneliest too. When you try to be perfect, you have entered a race that you can't win. You can't even complete it. There is no finishing line. Line, the finishing line keeps moving. So when you're in a race to be thinner, happier, richer, more successful, you can't complete that race. You can't win it. And instead of thinking, oh, I'm reaching my goals, you feel intense dissatisfaction. Here's the truth. The way you feel about everything is down to the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. And guess what is so great? You can change those pictures anytime. You can change those words. Every thought you think, every word you say becomes a blueprint that your mind, body, and psyche use everything at their disposal to make real. Thoughts are things. What you speak and think and say without realizing, your mind is working so hard to make that your reality. Eventuality, even if it's super negative. You know, I see parents all the time who say things like, "I'll be happy when my kid sleeps through the night. I'll be happy when my kid's out of diapers. I'll be happy when my kid is walking, feeding themselves, going to school." And they spend their whole child's life looking at the next bit to be happy, when you should be thinking, "Wow, I wish every stage took 3 times as long." You waste your amazing life wishing it away away for the next bit. Because happiness is not a destination you arrive at, it's the journey you're on. It's an inside job. Do not farm out, "I'll be happy when," because there is no terminal to get to called happiness. Happiness is the journey you're on now. Perfectionists come in all shapes and sizes, and they're often very good at hiding their inner drive to be perfect. There's one one thing that drives them all, an inner belief that says, "I'm not enough. I'm less than. If I'm less than and I can come across as perfect, I'll be more than." You know, my neighbors always say to me, "Wow, you have so many famous clients. Are they damaged by fame?" I'm like, "No, actually no. Damaged people are attracted to fame." They have a belief, "I'm so damaged, but if I'm famous, rich, gorgeous, just amazing, I'll be perfect. But you see what happens when damaged people try to be perfect? It actually damages them more. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be flawless. You don't need to be infallible. You just need to be enough. And when you let the fact in that you are enough, instead of trying so hard to be perfect, which you can never achieve when you let in being enough changes your life. So let it in that you're enough right now, because that's the truth about you. People think the brain's really complicated. It's not. It's actually quite simple. You only need to know 3 things about your brain to always get what you want. And the first thing is your brain does exactly what it thinks you want it to do, because it listens to everything you say. So when you say things like, oh God, you know, I got dumped, and It was so painful, I never want to go through that again. All your mind can pick up is you don't want to be in a relationship again. When people have a miscarriage and go, I could never, never go through that again, I'd rather die than go through that again, your mind is picking up, oh right, well that's a statement, that's actually a command to me to make sure you never go through a miscarriage again, and that's how you get unexplained infertility, which is something else I've been working on a lot recently. Instantly, because the mind listens to what you say. So people go, "Oh, I went on this flight, I thought I was gonna die," and during it they go, "I'm never getting on a plane. If this plane lands, I will never ever get on a plane again." And of course it lands, they go, "Oh, it was just turbulence," but next time they go to the airport, they have a massive panic attack because your mind's like, "Hang on a minute, you said I never want to fly again." And so if you haven't got what you want, it's because you're giving your mind very confusing messages. Your mind's number one job is to listen to what you say and to act on it. Its second job is to move you towards pleasure and away from pain. And it will always, always, always do more to avoid pain. So let's imagine you've gone for an interview, you've done a public speech thing like me, and you've stood up and you've gone, uh, uh, uh, and you say, oh my God, I'm never doing this again. And you'd have a terrible presentation. And one of my clients who worked for Sony was saying that she had to stand up and just say to Sony, "This is a new band from Camden." And she stood up and went, "This is a new band from— and they're called—" She said, "I couldn't do it. It was the simplest thing, and my boss had to take over." I was explaining to her that when you do that and go, "Oh my God, I don't want to do this again," your mind is now going to make sure you don't do it again. So the next time you go to to speak, it will give you a panic attack, it will make you ill. And if you say to yourself, "Oh my God, I'd love a week off in bed," or, "I'm dreading next Wednesday," your mind is so in tune with you, your week off in bed, you wake up with the flu and your mind's like, "There you go, how cool am I? There's your week in bed. You don't want to go to that speech? I've woken you up with diarrhea, so now you can't go." That's what the mind does. When I was giving my first ever presentation about my first ever book, I woke up with the most scrutinating migraine, I never had one before, I thought, "Wow, I must have been saying to myself somewhere, 'I don't want to do this because I've got this migraine.'" And I actually went and did it and I didn't have the migraine until I stepped back off the stage again and I realized that I was communicating very badly with myself. So you must never say nervous, say excited, because your mind listens. So those 3 things are your mind does what it really thinks you want to do. If you're very, very specific and say, "I want this," and this, I want to be a great speaker, I want to deliver things, I want to be fantastic at sales, I want to be able to look people in the eye and sell them things and come across as really authentic, your mind will understand. And if you make those pictures really good and pleasant, you'll move towards them. When there is a battle between logic and emotion, emotion always, always, always wins. How many of you have have gone to a really high building, an enclosed building like the top story of a hotel or the CN Tower in Toronto and looked down and thought, oh wow, I feel really scared. My logic mind knows that I'm safe, that the glass is that thick, that I can't fall, but the emotion that's making my stomach lurch is winning. So when you have a battle between emotion and logic, emotion always wins. Always, always wins. Here's something you all know. We can all ring our friend up and go, "I'm a bit bored, a bit lonely. Can I hang out?" Or, "I'm a bit bored. Let's go to the movie." You would never ring someone you've just met and go, "I'm bored and lonely. Will you come and hang out with me? Let's go to the movie." Because the emotion that you might be rejected will overrule the logic that says this person may be the person for me. So if you're having a battle between yourself, here's a great one. I know I shouldn't eat cake, that's the logic, but the emotion is, oh, the cake feels so good, and this creamy sugary stuff reminds me of being a baby when all my needs were met by having creamy sugary stuff. So in a battle between emotion and logic, logic will never win, Emotion will always win, and you can make that win for you by making it a better emotion. So here's how to do it. Here's an emotion: I'm scared to ask for a pay rise in case my boss laughs me out of the office. Make it a stronger emotion: if I go to my boss and show them what I've done, how valuable I am, that won't happen. Here's an emotion: I really I want to ask that person on a date, I'm not good enough. Change the emotion, I'm wonderful, I'm amazing. What could I get from asking someone on a date that says yes? So much, and if they say no, I'm only exactly where I was before except I've been brave, I've done something courageous, I've taken action. Even if it doesn't work out, I've lost lost nothing, but I've gained courage. So when you're having a battle between logic and emotion, emotion always wins. Logic never wins. That's why you could stand on the windowsill of your apartment if it was on the ground floor, but you would never stand on the windowsill, same size, if it was 100 stories up, because the emotion that you may fall will defeat the logic that says, I can do this, when it's a few feet off the ground, why can't I do it up here? Because emotion overrules logic. You can make your life phenomenal, extraordinary, and wonderful by always using emotion to defeat emotion. Every baby in the world is born loaded with self-esteem. No baby, when they're being pushed down the street in their stroller, goes, oh, don't look at me, I'm having a bad hair hair day, or I've just been sick on my little romper suit, or I've got really fat legs. Baby's first experience on the planet is being looked at. When you're born, the doctor, the nurse, the midwife look at you. Family come to visit you, you get your picture taken, people show you off, and babies don't avert their eyes when you take their picture. When I used to push my little girl down the street, look in her pram, go, oh my God, she's so gorgeous. She never looked away. She kicked little legs, she gave a big gummy smile because she knew that she was gorgeous too. And if you ever doubt that children like attention, go to a park, go to a swimming pool, and you'll hear every child going, "Mummy, Mummy, look at me on the swing! Daddy, watch me on the slide! Mummy, Mummy, watch me jump in the water! Watch me swim! Watch me jump!" Because children have this belief that I'm worthy of attention, and I like it, and I can I can ask for it and I'll get it. And then you have to ask, well, where does that go? Well, it goes very fast. You know, if I said to my little girl at 2, sing me a song, she would sing. If I said to her at 14, sing me a song, she'd roll her eyes and go, oh my God, you're so embarrassing, and walk out of the room. Because at a very early age, we acquire a fear of being judged. It's what is called performance anxiety. What if I sing someone laughs at me? What if I read in class and I get it wrong? What if I stand up to speak and I don't know what to say? Performance anxiety can be so intense that it makes us stop performing. But people who perform really well like themselves. They go, "Well, I'll see what happens, and I'll sing, I'll dance, I'll act." I mean, some people can't even dance at a party in case everyone's looking at them. And judging them badly. Some of my clients won't even go to yoga in case they can't hold the poses like everyone else. And believe me, we're all so busy worrying about ourselves, we don't have time to look at you and comment on your yoga position or how you're dancing at a party. And we kind of like people who don't care, who just let go and have a good time. So the thing You need to have phenomenal confidence. Really, are two things: stop judging yourself and be nice to yourself. Here's my advice to you. Expect amazing things then. If what is expected tends to be realized, expect the best. Expect love and success and an amazing life, 'cause you know what? It will probably be realized really fast if you expect it.

If you want another amazing Marisa Peer video, check it out right there next to me. I think you'll love it. Continue to believe, and I'll see you there.