How to Master Emotional Control in 19 Minutes | Transform Negativity into Power

Good morning, Believe Nation! Today we're going to talk about how to deal with negative people. The second rule is my personal favorite, and make sure to stick around all the way to the end for my thoughts and some special bonus clips as well. And as always, if somebody says something that's really deeply meaningful to you or really helps you in some way, please leave in the comments below and put quotes around it so others can be inspired as well. Enjoy!

It's necessary that you detoxify your life, that you have to look at your life and look at the people in your life. And Jim Rohn said, ask the question, what is this relationship doing to me? See, most people never live their dreams because they are saddled with too many toxic, negative, energy-draining people in their life. You gotta look at the people around you and ask, is this, this relationship, is it helping me to grow mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually? On the financial part, MIT did a study. You earn within $2,000 to $3,000 of your closest friends. It's necessary if you are serious about your dream that you detoxify your life. Dr. Dennis Kimbrough out of Atlanta said, if you are the smartest one in your group, You need to get a new group. When I heard that, I got all the broke people out my life.

Why?

Because people rub off on you. John H. Johnson, who had a loan of $500 from his mother and built a $400 million empire with Ebony magazine and Jet magazine, fired his best friend. And the reporter asked him, why'd you fire your best friend? He said, he told me I couldn't do it. He said, hell, I didn't think I could do it. I didn't need anybody on my payroll to tell me tell me. So you have to look at your life and say, hey, who's in my circle? Who's in my ear?

Let me tell you my thoughts about number one thing you should do when you got to deal with negative people.

Use it.

Use their energy. Use that energy they put out there. Use that challenge for your own character development. Really. See, when I have someone who's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. "Oh gosh, they're such a negative." I don't go home and assume their energy and now I'm negative. Instead I go, "You know what? This is a moment to test. Am I really in command of my emotions and how I think or are they? Am I giving my power over to the world so that they can just take my energy and turn it to what they want, or am I in charge? So I use it as a challenge, not as something— I don't have to challenge or change them immediately. I'll get to that point, but I get to the point where I say, you know what, huh, here's a little challenge the world's throwing at me right now. Can I stay on my game? Can I stay centered? Can I stay peaceful? Can I stay calm? Can I stay present right here, right now, and not have to run away from it, not have to pretend it's not there, but use it. And I encourage you to do that because if it's just something that you immediately complain about, well then in your complaint, you just let them win. Their negativity has turned you into noticing what is negative and you lost. You're not winning. Even if you can critically, you know, throw a barb at it, make fun of it, you're still losing. You're being sucked into their pools of pessimism. You're drowning. So I say use it, recognize it, and use it.

Know that your own frequency that you're broadcasting at is the most important thing to protect. In other words, if someone wants to be negative over there, then yeah, and that's the signal they're broadcasting, very similar to a radio station. If you're sat in your car right now, you can tune into a myriad of different stations. Now they're all playing simultaneously all around you. The question is, who do you want to tune into? If you want to tune into people that are in your environment that are negative, if you start listening to somebody that's broadcasting at Radio Suckville, then you're going to be singing songs very shortly. Even if you don't like the music, you're going to be starting to hum or sing those songs or tune in and get depressed. Game over. If you are in an environment where somebody is broadcasting that, you need to start listening to something a little more. Now, you can broadcast your own songs. Yeah, you can see them, know that, yeah, I see where they're at, that's their behavior. Yeah, uh, it's not who they are, it's just their habit or whatever it is. I'm grateful that isn't me. Send them some love and compassion and then move out of that environment. If proximity is an issue, you work with the person, they're part of your family, then make sure that you're at least taking time for yourself to log in or tune into higher levels of frequency that you can generate You can play your own song, and if you play it louder than the ones that they're playing in your mind, then it's far less likely that you're going to be affected. Now, one thing you don't want to do, my friends, is don't try to change anybody. Oh, well, I just want to make them more positive. I'm going to accuse them of not being positive. That game doesn't work, right? And I'm sure you've already tried that, some of you, and know where that path leads. No, again, if we start to judge people, try to change them, we're we're no better off. We may as well be broadcasting, "You're wrong," and nobody hears, "You're wrong." They all hear, "Oh, I'm being threatened as my sense of identity, which I need to then defend and protect and then have a go back." Right? That's— doesn't matter what the argument is, doesn't matter who thinks who's right. Get off the game of trying to change anybody except that if they're in a part of their life where they get their needs met by being negative, then that's who they are. Your job is not to fix them, change them, or convince them otherwise. Your job is to maintain that your radio signal that you're broadcasting at is more positive, yeah, a higher frequency, and therefore no matter who's playing at Radio Sockville, it doesn't affect the song that you're singing. Yeah, that is, yeah, by far the best way to be able to deal with that.

And number 3 is the perspective, the bigger picture. A lot of us, we may be dealing with someone at work It may be a friend, even the next-door neighbor, and they push our buttons. We have to first see that all relationships are mirrors. So what can we learn from this experience? That is fundamental. So they are also showing us things about ourselves. So we have to thank them as well, and we have to see the bigger picture to say it's not the end of the world. There is so much going on in the world that why am I focusing on this person? Because whatever you focus on grows. You turn into whatever you're tuned into. So we have to see that once you can see the bigger picture, this so-called person who is making you feel unhappy, they just disappear into thin air.

A few months ago, I read a book called The Happiness Equation by a guy named Neil Pasricha, and in this book, Neil argues that happiness is 90% attitude and only 10% circumstance. And when I look back at my own life, I agree with this. When I look back 6 or 7 years, I was definitely less successful as a freshman in college. I had less money, I had a lot more uncertainty, but I wasn't unhappy, and I don't think that I'm a whole lot happier on a day-to-day basis now than I was back then because my attitude was similar both now and then. And when I'm thinking about these concepts of happiness and attitude and looking at them through the lens of dealing with other people, as Hanlon's Razor leads me to do, I'm reminded of a quote by the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, which I really wanna share with you guys today. Now, in Roman history, Aurelius is known as the last of the five good emperors. One of the good emperors. And while he was definitely a great ruler, he was also a great philosopher in the philosophy of Stoicism. And his writings, which have been collected in the book Meditations, are where this quote comes from. So in Book 2 of Meditations, Aurelius writes, when you wake up in the morning, tell yourself, the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good and the ugliness of evil. And have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own, not of the same blood or birth, but of the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him, these are obstructions. I think this is a really powerful quote, and I wanted to give you my little interpretation of it here, basically that 2016 Thomas Frank version 2,000 years later. So when somebody is being jealous or being rude or coming at you in any sort of negative way, you can realize that you are of the same nature. You are both imperfect human beings going through imperfect circumstances within this world. And when you realize that, you can root yourself like a tree and to bend, not break, because you realize that whatever they're going through, that is most likely what's causing them to act this way. And once you do that, number one, it can set your attitude and make you a happier person overall because you've let the negativity wash over you instead of fuel you and make you react in a negative way yourself. But number two, it can let you get to the other part of human nature, which is to cooperate with your fellow human beings.

Recently, a friend said, "How do you handle distractive and negative people?" I'm like, "Look, the thing is not to just be positive, not even to offer this no negativity policy that I talk about. The way to avoid negative and distracting people, man, is to vibrate at a rate so fast that you're out in front of them." Once I got a speeding ticket, actually here in Miami, and the police officer says, "Why you speeding? Why you in such a hurry?" I'm like, I'm trying to stay away from the crazies, okay? If I can just get ahead of everybody else, I'm not distracted by anybody but guys like you. And your job is to stop me, but the truth is their job is to stop me, distract me, and cause me to turn around and stop my mission, see? So I got my ticket and moved on and went to the head of the pack again. See, this is what I'm telling you, man. Look, if you want to not be bogged down by negative, distractive people. You need to take responsibility that you're slowing down enough to get caught up by this magnetic charge of distractive and negative people. Dude, you need to vibrate so fast that these people are distracting other people, not you. Get way ahead of the crowd. Get so busy that nobody's gonna jack with you, man, because you're filling up your pipeline. You're full, you're busy, and you don't have this stuff sticking to you. Look, if you got negative people around you, if you got distracted people, and we all do, but if it's causing you to be distracted and negative, dude, you need to vibrate. You need to fill up your pipeline. You need to explode, blow up, get busy so this isn't happening to you, 'cause you're partly responsible. Fill your pipeline up.

So my quick thoughts on this are, one, I think most situations you can take yourself out of the environment of negative people. I think too many times we have negative people in our lives and it just sucks the life force out of you. It's really crappy being around negative people. They kill your ideas, they tell you they can't do something, they tell you that you can't do something. They just complain, complain, complain, complain, complain. And the world does not belong to complainers. The world belongs to the people who are taking action or doing something, who are frustrated about something and are going forward to try to fix it. Where if you just hang around these negative people who are constantly complaining, You know, you become a product of your environment, and so you need to be really conscious about that. And so I'd be looking to think of how can I, how can I escape this? If I'm around negative people, my number one go-to solution is don't be around negative people. Try to avoid it. Create a new environment for yourself where you don't have to be around these people. That's a lot easier for someone who's an entrepreneur because we get to decide what customers we work with, what suppliers we work with, what team we hire on board. And I think a lot of people become an entrepreneur because they're trying to avoid the negative people that they have in the other parts of their life where they had a job before. The second scenario is where you don't have control. You have to be in that situation where, you know, you have that job and you could actually leave that job and go somewhere else. But, you know, I think about my son who has a bully in his class. Understand that, you know, for him, yeah, we could sure step in and say, hey, discipline that bully, or we could take him to another school. But the fact is There's bullies in every school, and if you're gonna stay in school and you don't want to do homeschooling, that's part of the process, is dealing with— learning how to deal with these people. Understand that negative people want somebody to be an outlet with. Negative people need to release it because they don't want to just complain and be by themselves. They need the validation from somebody else. So if you are listening to them, whether you agree with them or not, just the fact that you're listening to them and giving them time, giving them airspace, that's validation for them, and they're gonna keep coming back to you. Where really you want to just ignore them, not spend any time with them, not acknowledge them, and then they'll move on to somebody else. And so, you know, it's the advice that I gave my son in dealing with the bully in his class is don't, don't just, don't pay attention to him. He'll then find somebody else to bully, somebody else to pick on, somebody else to be negative around. You can go off and do other things. This is also true in like in family situations. If you have a really negative mom or dad or Uncle Joe or whoever it is. I don't want to say walk away from your family, although sometimes that's the right call, but limiting your exposure and then trying to do something in the rest of your life where you're surrounded by people who build you up, where you create an environment of greatness, where you have, you know, things on your wall and videos that you watch to now try to take that equation instead of being all negative to having a tiny bit negative and like 95% positive. So even if you don't have complete control over the situation that you're in— why don't I challenge you to think, do you actually have some kind of control? But let's see, we have no control of the situation. Then look at all the other things that you can control in your environment, your habits, your routine, your daily practice, to overload it with positivity to help you have the confidence and courage to go after that thing that you want and be the best version of yourself. So thank you guys so much for watching. I hope you enjoyed. I made this video because Daniel Rocha or Roca asked me to. Hope I got that okay. If there's a topic you'd like me to cover in the next edition of Believe Life, please leave it down in the comments and I'll see what I can do. I'd also love to know which of the rules or what did people say today that had the biggest impact on you? How are you now gonna go out and deal with negative people and the negative things in your life a little bit better? Please share it down in the comments below. Below. I think it could help cement the activity for you as well as inspire other people to maybe make some changes in their lives. So thank you guys again for watching. I hope you have an amazing day. I believe in you. I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love. I'll see you soon.

Empathize. You know, a lot of people who are being in a negative mood or negative energy, you don't know why. You know, you've had a bad day too. You've been rude. Yes, I know you're amazing and you watch this show and you're really into personal development, but at the end of the day, you've been rude to people too. You've had a bad day. You snapped. You've been impatient. You've hollered. You've been a jerk when you shouldn't have been. You know it. Well, other people do too. So when somebody is negative, always wonder, "I wonder what happened today that led to that?" You know, maybe the kids got out of the wrong side of bed and they were just horrible that morning and they— that person didn't sleep last night. Maybe something happened with their family. Maybe on the way to the work they just thought of something very depressing in their past. Maybe the truth is right now they're so unclear about who they are and what they want in life that they're taking it out on other people. Maybe their own failures, their own struggles, their own disappointments have ravaged them and led them to, you know, depression, led them to mental disorder. The reality is we never know someone's story, and once you can teach yourself that, I really believe you become a better human. You become more compassionate, you're better at listening, you're better able to understand because you have the intention to sympathize and say, "Oh, that person's really in a bad place right now." You don't take ownership of that and say, "Well, I didn't cause it." You just say simply, "Ah, they're in a bad place. I hope they're okay." You know, I think it's a real true personal power to be able to walk by negative people and still say, "I wish you nothing but joy and health and strength and love in your life." To have that hope for people even when they're in a bad place, that's humanity.

A great way to deal with negative people is always to keep it moving. And to keep it moving, you have to see that— how is this serving you? Because we have to let go of whatever no longer serves us, but more so we have to see that we've got work to do. We have to ask ourselves, how is this helping us become the greatest version of ourselves? Because once you argue with a fool from a distance, nobody can tell the difference. So a lot of the times we just have to see that, keep it moving, don't let Negative people take over your life.

So negative people, we're, we're always going to have them. Maybe they help positive people keep their feet on the ground, I don't know, but be careful of just laughing at them. Ignore their behaviour at your peril. Behind that negativity could be a cry for help. Maybe they are miserable by nature. Maybe they just lack confidence. Or maybe they feel a sense of injustice. I'd love to provide you with a magic wand on how to deal with negative people. I can't, but think of it like this: in many respects, people's behaviour is a bit like an iceberg, and above the surface you're seeing the negative behaviour. But if we can understand a bit more of the reasons that are causing that in the first place, what's going on below the surface, then I think we will have a lot more success in dealing with negative people.