"Master Persuasion and Control with These 7 Key Strategies"

If you are looking for ways to persuade people and gain control in any situation, then this video is for you. What's up, Believe Nation? It's Evan. My one word is believe, and I believe in you, and I want to see that amazing thing that you've got inside you come out into the world and have a huge impact for you, your family, the community, and the world. And so to help you on your journey, one of the things that comes up over and over again when I talk to entrepreneurs is I wanna know how to persuade people. I wanna know how to have control in situations. And so in today's video, I'm gonna share with you my 7 ways to persuade people and gain control in any situation. So way number 1 is to have confidence. The person with the most confidence usually wins. The person who can walk into a situation, have confidence that what they're doing is right, they win. You can shake somebody's confidence. If you walk in and you're just absolutely certain what you're talking about, the person who walks in and thought that they were certain now is questioning themselves. Like, "Huh, I was pretty sure about that, but this person seems really, really, really confident, so..." Maybe they're right. Maybe I should listen a little bit more. And so having that rock-solid confidence, if you walk in and you're shaky and your voice is quivering and you're not sure, you know, it's going to be really, really hard to persuade somebody and control the situation, the environment. And so how do you gain that confidence? One, I believe it comes from just self-awareness and confidence in who you are. Before even having confidence in your opinion, your idea, it's confidence in who you are. I believe it starts with your one word, understanding your single most important core value, and for me it's about believe. And I walk in feeling like I believe in myself and I believe in what I'm trying to do. And if you don't like it, I'm not actually trying to even convince you. I don't want to do a sales job on you. I will just persuade you out of my own confidence and passion for what I'm doing. And so I think that's really, really, really important. I remember a clip of Jay-Z and Warren Buffett talking to Forbes. And you think these guys are opposite ends of the world, Jay-Z and Warren Buffett. And Jay-Z never had a formal education or didn't finish university. And they asked him, like, do you ever feel like an outsider when you walk into these boardrooms and everybody else has all these MBAs and huge degrees and you didn't go to school? Do you feel like you're less than? How do you get over that? And he's like, I don't I don't feel like I'm less than, because I'm not. Because these guys may have gone to university and had all this schooling, but I went to the school of hard knocks. Like, I learned on the streets. I still went to school. And so just that perspective shift. As an example, Jay-Z walking into a big boardroom, the people in that boardroom may be thinking, "Ah, this guy, he doesn't know what he's talking about. You know, he didn't go to school. We're so much better than him." Him walking in with just confidence and not feeling less than, will make them respect him. If he walks in with confidence, and it's not a fake confidence, it's not a, "I have to show these guys how confident I am," it's he actually is confident in himself. And as a result, he's confident in his ideas. Him coming in confident will make them adjust, like, "Oh, oh, this guy's really confident in what he's doing. Maybe we're not right." And then they start to listen more. And so having that confidence again coming from you Your core, knowing your one word, knowing what you stand for, allows you to be you in every situation regardless of what other people are throwing at you. That allows you to win arguments, to persuade people, to get people on side with your vision and your mission, what you're trying to accomplish. Okay, way number 2 is to listen. If you want to persuade people to your side, if you want to gain control, you have to listen to what they want. Now there's an expression, you have two ears and one mouth. The best salespeople, the best persuaders listen first. It's not just about getting up and giving a speech or just being a super confident person. You have to have ideas that resonate with the people. And that comes from being able to understand them. You can't walk into a room of people that you don't know and just expect to know their problems and have a great solution. It's by listening to them, letting them talk first, understanding what they're going through, Understanding their pains, their desires, what they're looking for out of this deal, this negotiation, this event that you're at together. If you know what they want, then you can frame your opportunity in a way that makes sense to them. And so it starts with listening. Whenever you walk into a room, you're asking why they're there. You're asking what they want the outcome to be. You're trying to understand and dig at the problems that they're there for. And then you can create a solution that will persuade them. If they feel like you are on side with them, if they feel like you understand them, they're much more likely to listen to you and want to work with you than if they feel like you're just talking at them. And you've had that experience. There's a lot of times where a salesperson might come in and pitch you something that may even be the best fit for you, but because they didn't do a good job of listening to you and understanding you, you're not going to go with them. And so it's really, really, really important that the first thing you do is listen and seek to understand the people that you want to persuade first. If you get that buy-in, they will follow you anywhere you want to take them. Way number 3 for me is get to 85%. This is a term that I use and a strategy I use when I'm managing people on my team and the people that I'm trying to push to do more and push harder. I don't believe you ever have 100% information. You know, by the time you get 100% information, it means the decision has already been made. If you're thinking about, "I want to do this or this," There's always a degree of uncertainty. You never really know. And the only way you know is by looking backwards, and you can't live life looking backwards. Will this event happen or will this event happen? Well, I don't know. But you will know in a year when that has happened, but you can't make a decision based off of that. And so you're always working with incomplete information. What I want to do is get to 85% certainty. That's my benchmark. First point, self-awareness, right? I'm about believe. I know I'm about believe. I'm Evan Carmichael in every situation I go into. You know, whether it's completely foreign to me or it's something I've gone to every single day of my life. Two, I'm dealing with somebody, I want to listen to them until I get to 85% certainty. Until I get to 85% certainty of what this person really wants, what they're dealing with, how I can help them, how I'm going to pitch, before I start talking, before I start trying to persuade, before I start giving my argument or what I think is a solution, I'm listening until I get to that 85% certainty. Certainty. As soon as I get to 85%, I switch. As soon as I get to 85% certainty that I know what's going to help this person, how we can make a deal, the 85 becomes 100. It's just a confidence switch. It's 100%. I know how to do this. And I switch from listening mode into talking mode, into persuasive mode. And I know how to guide them through the path. And so you get there by listening, and then when you hit your 85%, then you need to start talking, right? You can't just listen. Listening alone is not going to help you. You have two ears and one mouth. You got to use both, right? You got to use your ears to listen and then you got to speak. And that comes for me when I get to that 85%. So it's not being afraid of the other 15%. I think that holds a lot of people back. You're mostly certain, but you're not 100% and so you are afraid of action. You constantly hold back. You constantly don't share your opinion. You constantly, you know, don't try to persuade others to move along that mission with you because there is some doubt. As long as there is doubt, right, the person with the most confidence wins. As long as there is some doubt, then you're going to lose. And so for me, 85% certainty equals 100% certainty equals absolute confidence, and then I can bring people on board with what I'm trying to do. Way number 4 is understand the reason behind the reason. This is really, really, really, really, really important when you're talking to people and you try to persuade them. The reason that they give you, and this is part of listening, right? The reason that they give you is very rarely the actual reason why they're not doing something. They may say, I don't want to do this because we may lose money on it, or that customer may say no. They give you some kind of reason, which is true, but it's not the real reason. Like, the real reason is maybe they're afraid. The real reason is maybe Maybe they're worried about being judged. There's always a reason behind the reason, and that's where you have to put your detective kind of gloves on, detective hat and glasses on, because if all you do, right, there's the real reason and there's the reason they're giving you. If you're always talking up here with the reasons they're giving you, then there'll always be another reason. They'll just keep injecting reasons of why this thing that you have in mind won't work out because you never hit the core. Where if you hit this reason, you really understand the why behind the why, right? Like this, when you solve that, all of these ones go away. And so your job when you're listening is to try to uncover, you're part psychologist now, the why behind the why, and you're listening. And the way to do it is you're asking a lot of why questions, like why this, why this, why this? You try to understand them, and then you're looking for patterns. And the patterns come up in, even casual conversation, like if you're meeting them on a Monday, "How was your weekend?" The answer is telling. If somebody is telling you all the great things that happened, you know, this is a really optimistic, loving life, happy person. If somebody's just complaining, telling you all the things that went wrong, then they're really negative, they're pessimistic. And so how they deal with one problem is how they deal with every problem, typically. And so in all of these micro-conversations and micro-moments that you feel might be meaningless, like you're not really talking about the guts of the situation yet, you're learning. You got your antennae up. Because if you go really optimistic and happy and positive on the person who just hates life, you're not going to connect. You're not going to persuade them. They're going to see you as this crazy, out-there person they don't want to deal with. And so the approach has to change. In those intro moments where you're just finding out about them and you're asking what seems to be casual questions, you're kind of like, you're taking notes, you're checking the boxes, and you're looking for patterns. You're looking for the ways that they constantly react to things, their constant thinking patterns, their constant belief systems. And when you understand that, then when you get to the guts of what you're actually trying to deal with, you have a framework for how to deal with this person. So understand the reason behind the reason.

Way number 5 is to over-communicate. Communication is incredibly important in everything that we do, especially when it comes down to persuading someone. So let's just take a step back to really think about why is it that we're trying to persuade someone. Chances are they're not seeing eye to eye with us, and a lot of the times it's because of misunderstanding. So it is our job to overcommunicate our vision and what the bigger picture is. So that way the person that we're trying to persuade could see things from all perspectives versus just on their perspective alone. So I was in a situation at work a few years ago where I was trying to onboard a particular project and there was someone on my team just simply did not agree with what it is that was trying to do. To the point it got so heated that she threatened to leave the company. And I really didn't want that because I cared about her as a person as well as I valued her talent and being part of our company. So I had to have a one-on-one honest conversation with her to really see what it is that was going on. So I started off by overcommunicating. Communicating my vision. The reason why I'm trying to onboard this new project is because I want to provide the best experience that I can for our customers. Now, the methodology is a little bit unorthodox, but trust me, it's going to work. And it's all in the sake of making our customer experience way better than it is before. So she sat back and thought about it a little bit. She's like, yeah, it's a little bit different. Your methodology, but the reason why I work with you and the reason why I am here is because I also want to provide the best experience possible to our customers. That is why I wake up every single day. That is why I come to work every day is for that particular reason. So really her and I had the same vision. Our vision is to provide the best experience possible to our customers. Now, how we did it was quite different. And maybe my methodology was a little bit unorthodox and very different from what she would do, but our vision was the same. So once we figured that we're really on the same page and we're really doing the same thing, she decided that— she's like, "You know what? I'm on board with you, and I'm gonna try this thing that you're trying to do even though it's completely crazy, but I know where your intention is and I know what the bigger picture is." I'm all for it. Even after that, I made sure that I overcommunicate with her all the time. I made sure that every single month I do a check-in with her to make sure that she's still okay with what it is that I'm doing and I'm continuing to communicate my vision with her so that way there's no cross in information and there's no misunderstanding at all. Now, years later, we're no longer working for the same company, but we're also really good friends, and that all came from having that honest conversation and really communicating what it is that I'm trying to do. Understanding the why behind everything is the most important thing that you could possibly do.

Way number 6 is be creative. This is where, as an entrepreneur, you win. Like, entrepreneurs are resourceful, we're creative, we like to find solutions that other people don't see And often, if you want to persuade people and gain control to your ideas, your mission, your vision, you have to be creative. You have to come up with ideas that may not have been on the table going in. And so when I go into a meeting with somebody, I have a game plan. You know, it involves all these steps, right? Like the self-awareness, the listening, the 85%, and it may even have a little bit of context on the situation. So my goal is to get them, you know, to here, like here's how we can get there together. But like the action plan for getting there, I'm uncertain about. I need to get to 85%. I'm listening. And often when you understand the why behind the why, to the last point, you understand the reason behind the reason, then you can come up with a solution that works for both of you. It's very rare that you walk in and just a solution makes sense. It can happen. Like exactly what you want is exactly what they want. Great, like you don't need to— there's nothing else that needs to be done. But when you want this and they want this, at the beginning it can seem like it's really, really far away. But often behind both is like there's a common thread, and it's figuring out how can we make that thing happen so that we're both happy that we didn't think about going into it. So, you know, as an example, Alex on my team at TDS, at Toronto Dance Salsa, was looking to train another instructor, but it was a guy, and he's— they work different days. Alex is teaching on one day, the other guy's teaching another day, different locations. And trying to figure out how can we make it work that Alex can train this person so that we can kind of get to the next step. And on the surface, it seems like it's impossible. The schedules don't match up, the locations don't match up. How can we make it happen? It's just thinking about creativity. How can we make it happen? So how can we meet after hours? How can you Maybe videotape your classes and then send those to me and I can review them. How can we do role-playing at a studio time that really makes sense for both of us? Or even bring in a demo audience and work together. It's like, okay, these are the problems. The problems may not be going away. Maybe the problems are real problems. Maybe they're fake problems that you can address, right? The why behind the why, but you need to know what's on the table, right? You need to know the variables that you have to deal with and then find a creative solution to be able to help Solve those problems. And if you're not creative at all, you have no resourcefulness at all, it's going to be hard. But maybe you can talk to somebody who is, and you can present all of those situations and all the variables and say, like, this is what I'm dealing with, how would you go about solving it? There's almost always— the best solution is not the one that you walk in with, it's not the one that they walk in with. It's some kind of weird Frankenstein hybrid of things that didn't expect to come out. It happens so often in my meetings. You know, I had a meeting with somebody else on my team and a third party was asking, "Well, how did the meeting go?" And I said, "Well, here's what we came up with." And he said, "Well, that wasn't what we discussed." Like, I know. I didn't think of that until we went into the meeting. Like, I didn't have that solution until I actually started talking to the person and realized, "Ah, there's something else that we can do here that I never thought of before based off of the feedback that I was getting back from the person. So if you're not sure, I think, I think a powerful thing too is to be able to walk away and just say, let's think about it, to not have to leave a room with a decision each time. And the more confident you get in creative brainstorming, come up with alternative solutions, the more you make that a habit, the better you're going to get at it. And it's just so, so, so, so powerful and important that the idea that you have coming in is rarely the one that you end with. and the more that you can collaborate and really deeply understand what they want, you can come up with a solution that fits for everybody. And way number 7 is have built up emotional equity. This is really important for people that are on your team, people that you know, but I guess also for strangers it can work out well. The more people know you, like you, trust you, feel a connection to you, it's just so much easier to have a conversation and move them to a point where you need to move them. You know, as an example, in my TDS business, we had to let somebody go. We had to let somebody go who wasn't a cultural fit for the business at the time. And this person was a friend of other people at the business. And I had a risk of losing those other people because they were friends. And friendship is a huge thing and people will make decisions based off of that even if it's not, you know, practical. And I had a big issue that I had to deal with to keep these people on board while their friend was gone. And the thing that saved me was one, having an honest conversation, explaining the situation in as much detail as possible. Overcommunicating is super important, but I had built up emotional equity with them. I had done other things for them so that I'm not just a bad person. They feel connected to me somehow because I've helped them in their goals. You know, the worst thing you can do is tell me what your dream is. If you work for me, the worst thing you can do and the best thing you can do is tell me what your dream is because it's on my mind. I want to make it happen even if it's outside of what I know or what I can do for you in my company. If you tell me what your dream is, I want to help you go out and do it. And for these people, I help them do that. I helped them in ways that other people people wouldn't, especially in a, in a boss scenario. And so that helped them stay. I used up all my emotional equity in that moment, and now I'm rebuilding it back up again with doing other things. And so the husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends of everybody on my team are important to me. For my instructors at Toronto Dance Salsa, I'll often meet with the boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands, wives, other people on my team to see how I can help them. To see how my business fits into their life. Because the last thing I want is somebody on my team going home and having to deal with a husband or wife who hates the fact that they're out at my business, who sees Toronto Dance Salsa as something that gets in their way. I want them on board because as soon as anything gets contentious, then it's an easy way to be able to step out. And so the more work that you can do, like if this is whether it's somebody that you've dealt with for a while, the more free work that you do to build up that emotional equity really, really, really helps for when you get to a difficult situation. And if you don't know them at all, or if you never met them, just understanding them, you know, if they're on social media, respond to some of their things, retweet some of their comments. You know, if they have YouTube videos, leave comments on it so that just they know you, right? Some of the people that, I try to connect with. I leave comments on their Instagram, I leave comments on their YouTube. There's people who, who I've never met who leave comments all over my YouTube channel who, if they ask me for something, I would do it because they're a known quantity. I would spend more time helping them than somebody who would pay me to help because I feel like I know them, because I feel almost indebted, like I want to see them succeed because they're part And so the more you can build up emotional equity with the person you're dealing with before you actually get in there and deal with them, the easier it is for them to understand you, like you, trust you, and want to go down this potentially hard road with you. So those are my tips on the 7 ways to persuade people and gain control in any situation. Thank you so much to Maud Abou Sal for recommending the topic. If you guys want me to make a 7 ways on a certain topic, topic, check out the link in the description, go and cast your vote. I'd also love to know which of the 7 hit you the hardest, had the biggest impact, you're going to test out and apply in your life or in your business. And did I miss an 8, 9, 10 that you want to add to the list? Share your thoughts down in the comments below. Thank you guys again for watching. I believe in you. I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love. I'll see you soon. So let me give you the one, one secret to happiness. One word, this is all you need to be happy. The most important word ever.

If you had to think of one word that's most important to you or that sums you up or that would be kind of like a little beacon.

Hey, Believe Nation! If you want to know what the most important one word is for Tony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Oprah Winfrey, Will.i.am, and Howard Schultz, I have a very special secret video for you. Check the description for details.