Evan Carmichael responds to Diego Acosta, who is depressed after divorce and loss. Carmichael recommends raising your standards and redefining what you accept, finding work you love, and building a morning routine. He also covers how to repair relationships through self-love and showing real change.
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How do you overcome depression? I'm gonna try to answer that question on today's episode of Lunch and Earn. So I recently got asked a question from one of my new YouTube subscribers, love you guys, Diego Acosta, who wrote in to say, Evan, I want to thank you for this video. I just subscribed to your channel last Sunday and you really do exceptional work trying to help others. Thanks, Diego, appreciate that. How do you overcome depression? The last months have been a rollercoaster for me. A lot of things going on from divorce to death of close family members. I feel like I can give more to life. I don't like the way I look, what I eat, where I work. I'm trying to go back and get my wife and my daughter, but every morning I try to hear motivational videos that help me for minutes or hours, and then I'm back to that poor performance in everything in my life. What would you do? What would your advice be? How do I find what I love and not feel stuck in life? Diego, this is a really heavy message, and I really feel for you and what's going on in your life and how everything is kind of crumbling around you. Uh, and I've got 3 bits of advice that I hope will help you. Number 1 is raise your standards. Every time that I've seen a major improvement in my life, every time I've jumped up to the next level, it's because I've raised my standards. It's because I've changed my mindset. It's because I've made a list of the things that I'm no longer willing to accept. Accept. And that's the start, right? If you're down deep in that hole, you've got to set some new standards for yourself of the things you are no longer willing to accept in terms of everything in your life. The people you hang out with, the, the type of work that you do, the types of food that you eat. It's a different mindset where you're not now the guy who's just trying to lose 10 pounds. You're the kind of guy who has already lost that 10 pounds. What does that person look like, right? Who is the person that your wife fell in love with and married? And it's not you doing a couple little things, it's totally changing yourself to be that guy, right? Raising your standards for what you are no longer willing to accept around you and also within you. Number 2 is find your passion. You've gotta do something that makes you come alive. It'll be such an amazing feeling for you once you can figure that out because you've You've done and experienced a lot in your life to this point that has been the exact opposite, that's just like beating you in the ground. And you need to find that thing that you love doing that brightens you up, that makes you come alive. And there's a funny thing that happens when you are doing work that you love, that is meaningful, that is earning you money, that you are excited about, that has a ripple effect, right? Work has a ripple effect. If you come home from your business or your job and you are upset and angry and stressed out, that has a huge effect on the rest of your life, right? That impacts your relationship, that impacts the food you eat, that impacts your health level, everything. Where if you love what you're doing and you're coming back home excited and feeling grateful and being happy with what you've contributed that day, then that has a positive impact on your health and the food you eat and your relationship with your wife and your, your child, right? So you want to do work that makes you come alive. And it's not gonna happen every single day, right? I mean, I love what I do, but there are days still that I have that are bad. So it's not gonna be perfect ever, but if you are going too many days waking up and going and do something that you don't love doing, then you need to switch. You gotta find something that you love. And number 3 is start a morning routine. I'm big on routines. I love it. I find they set me up for the day really well. Find the thing that you need to start your day that makes you get excited. That gives you energy, that makes you feel grateful, and that sets you up for success for that day. So the reason why I started the Ennspresso series that I record every morning is because I wanted something to give me that little shot, to give me that feeling of thinking bigger and reaching for higher dreams and studying success and how can I pour that into my business so I'm not complacent and boring and just doing the same thing over and over and over again. You need to create that routine for yourself so that You've set those high standards, right? First step, we're setting our high standards. Now you are doing something that you love or exploring and try to find that, and then you need that morning routine so that you can get back to that every day. Because you could be one day on a high, you watch motivational video, whatever it is, and you're all excited, and then the next day you're starting from scratch. And so, at least for me, I find it's— I'm starting from scratch every single day, and I need to have that morning routine to get me set up for success? Do I want to address the wife? I feel like I should, but I feel like I'm not an expert. Alright, whatever, we'll go with it. In regards to getting your wife back and your daughter, I don't pretend to be an expert in that field, in relationships, and I almost didn't want to record this answer, but I felt like I'm just gonna share my thoughts and hopefully that might add some meaning and value for you. One of the things I found in relationships is you need to love yourself first. You need to be happy with who you are and not look to the other person to always bring you up. Where I've seen a lot of failed relationships, you're always depending on that other person to make you feel good and you're not ever happy with yourself. And so that's a start, right? You have to love what you're doing, right? You have to be happy with yourself as a human being. The other thing that I found is when it gets to divorce stage, there are probably times along that path where, where she was trying to help you, where she was trying to believe in you, where she was trying to support you, where she was trying to find ways to make it work, and you just kind of shut the door on her. And so it can be hard to come back from that, right? Where it's like shut, shut, shut, shut, shut, shut over and over and over and over again to then open the door and show that you've become a changed person. And so if you really wanted to get her back, my honest opinion without any factual kind of knowledge or research would be: 1, I wouldn't let her go. I would continue to stay in touch. I would continue to tell her that you love her, that you're thinking about her, not in a desperate way. You know, one of the things I find really helpful in the mornings, I have quick notes of gratitude, and I'll send a note to my wife, just either a happy face or a I love you, or just something to start my day off with gratitude. I would make a conscious effort to think about her in a positive way and share what you love about her and that you're thinking about her. So it's not a desperate way, but it's an honest, kind of heartfelt way. And then I think the biggest thing for her is going to be showing that you have actually changed, because it's easy to say you're going to change, and you've probably said that you were going to change and then you didn't, and so now she doesn't trust that opinion. You have to actually show that you're changing. You're showing that, "Hey, I've lost 15 pounds. I'm eating healthier. I'm working out. I like taking our daughter out to places. I've switched the job that I'm at. I've started my own business." Whatever it is, right? Like, when you actually feel happy in what you're doing, that'll radiate out and she'll be able to feel it if you're staying in touch and showing I think she needs action to see that you've actually changed. So I kind of rambled there a bit at the end, and I'm still a little bit hesitant about publishing it, but I feel like we're going to put it up. So good luck. I feel for you. I, you know, that was one of the hardest messages that I got coming in from one of the YouTube subscribers, and I really hope that it'll help you turn your life around. So for everybody watching, if you guys have some extra advice that might be helpful in this situation from your own personal experience, experience. I'd love for you to share it as well because I think that might help him as well. Leave in the comments below. Thank you guys so much for watching. Continue to believe, and I'll see you soon.
