The Power of Letting Go: Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Life-Changing Wisdom

Letting go is the secret to finding real peace and success. Life's hardest moments, whether it's heartbreak, writer's block, financial struggles, are invitations to grow, but only if we stop resisting and trust in something greater. If we cling to control, we block the blessings meant for us. In this radio show, Dr. Wayne Dyer shared how detachment, service, and trust can transform our lives. He advised a caller to love his wife enough to let her go with kindness encouraged another to reconnect with their creative flow by removing ego, and inspired listeners to focus on serving others instead of obsessing over outcomes. True freedom begins when we stop trying to control everything and allow life to unfold as it's meant to. Trust, let go, and let life surprise you. Special thanks to our partners at Hay House for giving us this content exclusively on our YouTube channel. To see more great content on their channel, check out the description below.

Hi, Dr. Dyer.

Hello there, Summer. How are you?

Oh, I'm doing great. Had a wonderful weekend.

That's good.

So I'm looking forward to spending the next hour as we talk to our callers, our listeners from all over the world.

It's a great day here on Maui.

Well, Dr. Dyer, we have callers coming into us already, and I know as we've been doing for a while now, it's fun to go right to the phones and just to start, you know, taking apart people's situations and giving them that direction.

Let's find out what's out there.

Great. How about we work with Dave in Boston? I am not sure, Dave, what your question really is all about, so let it be a surprise to me. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Summer, how are you? And hi, Dr. Dyer.

Hi, Dave.

How are you guys doing today?

Great.

First of all, let me just start by saying I attended the Change Your Thoughts seminar at the Javits Center in New York a couple of weeks ago. Oh, great. I thought it was fascinating. Program. Got lots of great information. I love the stories that you shared. Your daughter shared stories about her fiancé and her visiting you up in Maui, and the story about you and your friend who you carried on your shoulders despite the fact that you had a bad back. And yes, that the energy of that situation just kind of transcended any kind of limitations that you would have put on yourself physically. And I Just thought it was an excellent program. I really enjoyed it a lot.

Thank you. You got to hear my daughter Serena up there talking too.

Yes, I did. It was a great evening. Everybody enjoyed it.

It really was. It's the only time whenever I do New York, I always feel like a rock star, you know, because there were over 3,000 people there. It was jammed, and there were people, you know, standing there wanting autographs 10 deep and so on. I think, you know, it's that opportunity to be a rock star in one minute and then walk out and not a person recognizes you when you walk down Manhattan Street. So it's really good. You get a little of each.

Right, I know what you mean.

That was a wonderful, wonderful event.

It was an excellent show.

Thank you.

Actually, on August 27th, the show, I had called in and had spoken to you about my New Age instrumental music.

Yeah.

You gave me some feedback about my new CD, Moog Opus, and manifesting and detaching from the outcome was an important part of it. Allowing that situation to come into my life. It was very valuable advice and I really appreciate you giving that to me. I know at the end of the program you had mentioned about if I brought my CD to the show that you would play it. Unfortunately, for some reason it didn't happen even though I got there early and brought my CD. I went over and spoke to the events producer Nancy about it and had mentioned the show to her. But, you know, I was told that—

didn't get her.

Yeah, well, I mean, I spoke to her and they basically said that, um, you know, it wouldn't be played because it's not something that they would do. And I, you know, just had mentioned to them that I had spoken to you on the air.

And I guess I remember that. Oh, I'm sorry.

Exactly. And I felt, you know, I, I was so weird because I even bothered to, you know, I sent an email to your website, I sent an email to I'm sorry, Dave, this is Summer.

Do you mind? I'm not sure if you had a question for Dr. Dyer, just because many of our listeners weren't at that event, so they're not really referencing what's happening here.

Okay, well, I wasn't trying to reference that, but it was just that essentially that, you know, that at the call, you know, the promise was made, and, you know, I was there, and yet, you know, it didn't get played. And I just want to know, you know, what happened with that situation. Did I— was it something I did? Did I manifest you know, something, or in the back of my mind was I, you know, trying to elicit a failure of some kind? I just— it was just—

let me, let me address that. Yeah, let me address that because I, I can hear your disappointment in there, and I do recall the entire event. And, you know, try to put it into a context that everyone can understand is that sometimes when we have the great expectations about something happening and then for whatever reason, in this case the word just didn't get to me in time, there's always something to, to look at within that context and say, okay, what's the lesson here? What do I have to learn here? And what's going to happen for me in the future? And I think your calling is perfectly appropriate. And the next time I'm in New York, we'll just absolutely make it happen. You'll have to come to me directly, and I'll be back there, and we'll make it all happen for you.

So you don't believe that in some situations you actually set something up for yourself? No, it could just—

no, I don't think— no, I just think that, you know, God's timing is always something that none of us can really grasp and understand. I don't think you should put any blame or anything like that on yourself. And when things don't work out exactly the way we anticipate them working out, we have to go within and say, okay, it wasn't the time. It just wasn't the time for that to happen. But we'll make it happen in another time, and it's on its way. So we'll make that happen again, I can guarantee it.

I see that. I see what you mean. I appreciate it. Thank you. And again, a fantastic show in New York.

Thanks. Stay in touch with me. Stay in touch with me because I want to make that happen for you.

Okay.

All right, Dave. And thank you for your call. I really am, on behalf of Hay House too, sorry that that didn't work out for you, but we appreciate your call.

Appreciate it, guys. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thanks. God bless you. Thank you. You too.

Why don't we try then Madeline? We've got Madeline from Vancouver, one of our Canadian listeners. Welcome to the program, Madeline.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm so excited.

Thank you.

Hi, Madeline.

Oh my God, I'm so excited to talk to you. This is so cool. I just saw you, um, in October in Seattle, and you were— oh my gosh, you were just— oh, I can't even— you were amazing. And I have to say, I was laughing when you— when you were talking about feeling like a rock star because we got there and there must have been like, I mean, there were tons of people in line and me and my sister, like, the minute they opened the doors, we ran to the front of the stage. I'm like, this is like worse than being at some rock concert. It was so funny. Oh, we were all just so excited. So you were awesome.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome. Thank you.

Those personal events, those personal things are very different than anything you ever get on television. So when you get an opportunity to attend anyone in person that you, you've read or you worked with and so on, and you're You'll see a different kind of energy happen altogether. I think it's why actors love to go on Broadway. You know, the most famous actors in the world will still like to perform for just a few hundred people, to do it live and to have the energy of that. And that's what those events are so much— you know, they're so powerful for us.

Oh, it's such a different experience. And next year I'm going to be in Hawaii to see you, and I can't wait.

I'm so excited.

Oh, good.

That's going to be— and also I Can Do It, those kind of things like I Can Do It and those big conferences where you get to really mix with people and feel the energy. And you know, the thing that we did in Hawaii, we had 500 or 600 people there, and they became like an energy source for just really moving to higher and higher and higher places. By the time it was over, we all went into the ocean and ended the thing, you know, on a swim in the ocean. It was just phenomenal.

Oh, cool. Oh, it sounds amazing. Cool.

Yeah, it will be.

Yeah, very cool.

What's your question there? Okay, Madeline Holmes, you remember that song? "Padlin' Madlin' Home"?

No, I'll have to listen to it, though. I don't.

Yeah, it's an old song, right?

Okay, so my question was, in Seattle, one of— I mean, you said a million things that touched me and I left with, and I'll never get over, but one of the things that I kind of question and I'm wanting to get your advice, opinion on, that I loved— I loved what you said that, you know, if you were able to think of thoughts that— or when thoughts come up that don't necessarily serve you, you said, "How would your life look like if you were physically 'Never able to think that again.' And I was like, 'Whoa, oh my God, you just put it into such perfect context.' I loved it. But what my question is to you is, so when these thoughts do come up, if they do come up, then I mean, I guess they tend to because they're habituated thoughts a lot of the time. What is the, I guess, most effective way to let go of that? That doesn't—

yeah. Can you give me an example though? I mean, I can address that generically, but is there something going on in your life that is a habituated way of thinking or acting which creates for you some degree of unhappiness or dissatisfaction or whatever in your life?

Sure. I guess there's lots. I guess one thing we can touch upon today, because it's my situation today, is that I really am very, very blessed and so excited about my work. I love, love, love, love what I do on every level except The big except is that part of my job includes a lot of paperwork, and that part is just— I just haven't been able to get around really appreciating doing that. And every time, like, it's just every time it comes up, I procrastinate to the very last second. I fight against it. I mean, I know, you know, it's not ideal, and every time I, you know, try to let go of that, and I mean, it's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

It is though. I can identify totally with what you're saying. And I've been able to identify with it my entire life. And the way that I have handled it— when you get to a place where you— there's things that you have to do that you don't want to do, that don't seem to be consistent with, uh, what it is that you're— why you're doing what you're doing. It's follow-up kind of stuff. It's filling out forms. It's, uh, answering, you know, to, to other authorities or to tax people or to whatever it might be. What I have done with that sort of stuff in my life is to attract the kind of people who like to handle that for me and are really good at it, and who I think incarnated into this world to be able to do things like that. Like, I have an accountant that really incarnated into this world to take care of tax forms and to do, uh, you know, research and all of those kinds of things. When I was a professor at a university in New York, at St. John's University, we used to get so much paperwork, so many committees. This, you know, we're going to have that meeting, we're going to have this meeting, and it was, and it was all stuff that I had nothing to do with, anything that I was going to do while I whether I was teaching or in my life. And I would take my inbox and I would just put it over there. And the guy next to me, his name was Gary Price, and he was a professor there, a very competent, great guy. He loved details, he loved paperwork and all of that. And I would, every time there was a meeting or something that I wasn't aware of, I would just say, Gary, do you have— and he would always have it right there filed, you know, alphabetically, you know, indexed a certain way. I mean, his whole life was organized around that. And I would say, and I Gary, for 7 years while I was teaching there, became the guy that took care of all of the paperwork for me at the university. And I kept my inbox empty all the time. I would— everything that was in there, I would just throw it out, throw it out, throw it out. But I knew Gary would handle it. So what you do is you attract those people who are going to handle that for you, whether it's your children or whether it's somebody else. And don't tell yourself that you have to burden yourself with a lot of unnecessary kinds of details and paperwork and things that that you don't like, change the way that you think about it, change the way you respond to it, and then put your attention on attracting people into your life who are going to handle this all for you. And by the way, most of the paperwork that you do, if you spend a whole lot of time on it, most of it, if you just ignored it, it gets taken care of somehow. It just all manages to get taken care of.

I like that.

That's been my example. My, my experience with that over and over and over, over the years is just throw that stuff away. Just don't get yourself involved in all of that. Stay out of the system. Don't fill out forms. Don't, uh, You know, don't do questionnaires, don't get yourself involved in all of that stuff, and just somehow it just all seems to manage to get handled for you.

Huh, I love it.

I don't know if that's great advice, but that's how I work in my life, and it seems to work really beautifully for me.

Yeah, perfect, it's perfect. Thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you. I'll see you next year.

Yeah, I can't wait. Cool, thank you. Have a good day.

Bye-bye.

God bless you.

Bye, Madeline. She was excited. All right, how about John?

How about you with that stuff, Summer? I mean, is that advice— I mean, you're a mother of two, you, um, you know, you're running a business over there, you're taking care of the radio. There must be an awful lot of stuff.

Do you—

are you able to get other— or is that something that you enjoy doing? You seem like more of a detail person though.

Yeah, well, you know, it's a funny thing. I'm very detailed, but I don't particularly enjoy it. It's just something I can do, and so I end up getting thrown the details. I like to keep a balance between the creative and the details, otherwise I find I start to lose my mind. Into one area or another. So for me, it's all about making that tricky.

Oprah, Oprah has done whole shows on this whole idea, like, of clutter, you know, and, you know, just so much stuff, so many details around keeping things in order and keeping things organized and so on.

You can go too far though.

Yeah, you can. Yeah, I think you can go too far either way. You can be so super organized, like, if I were to call my brother Jim right now and ask him what was the phone bill in October of 1973, he would have it for me in 1 minute. I mean, he has everything organized. His whole life is organized around that. And so any questions I ever have about anything related to the government, related to taxes, related to Social Security, I just pick up the phone and I call my brother. He takes care of all of that for me, and he loves doing it. Um, I think we'd all love to have a brother like that.

I would.

Let's put it this way, I would, but I wouldn't want to live with him.

The files in my desk drawer right now do not have names on them. There's no tabs on them, so I have to ruffle through with my fingers.

You've got to attract the right people.

That gives you an indication that there are files, but they are not named. So, right, I have them too.

I call them a round file. I'm looking at one right now.

You see, I think that takes even greater discipline to be able to comfortably know you can throw some things out.

Oh, it's like I talk about that in the Tao and Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. It's the 80/20 rule. 100% of the things that you have, you only use 20%. 80% you don't even need. Just go through, toss it all out, and remove some.

I think that's my closet you're talking about.

Yeah, those clothes you keep, you 80% of them never wear.

Listen, we have John, I believe, on line 10, calling from Colorado for you now. Dr. Dyer, welcome, John.

Hello.

Hey, John, how's it going out there?

Great, how are you doing?

I'm all right. It's a good— a windy day here in Colorado.

Is that—

very much.

Well, you could be planning your Maui vacation, you know.

Oh, that sounds really good to me.

I am.

That's right. I'll see if I can get organized enough.

Yeah, right.

Good listener.

Call my brother. My brother will take care of it.

Yes, you're getting a gold star. Go on, what's your question?

A little bit of a preview. The, uh, I hadn't, uh, known about you, Dr. Dyer, until about September. I was climbing a, uh, 14,000-foot mountain with my taekwondo instructor. We were coming down afterwards, you know, off the high, I guess, and we were talking about what we were reading. And I said, you know, I've been reading the Tao, the Ching, and I find it interesting because I have some friends who've read this thing in a weekend. And I decided that I would read it like once a day and meditate on that. Took me like a month and a half to read it. My instructor is like, said, I just saw this show on PBS. Dr. Wayne Dyer did that, took a whole year to do it. And anyway, I discovered you.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, weird story. The reason I'm calling today though is, um, so I've been studying the Tao and I'm having an issue right now where my wife has asked for divorce and I'm trying to figure out exactly how to get my head around that. Using the Dow. I thought maybe it'd have some insight.

Was it a surprise to you? Is it something that you saw coming, or was it just, you know, just like coming right out of the blue?

I don't know, a little bit of both. You know, in hindsight, the signs were there. We had probably 22 years, so the part of it was I thought things were getting better using the Dow to try to, well, just make life better, happier, more joyful and fuller, and take care of my kids better, take care of myself, take care of my wife better. So I knew that she had been talking about it, so I kind of gave her some space, or she'd been thinking about it for several months. She'd been kind of doing her own little journey, and I just let her do that, just be supportive and try to not get in her way. And then So this came up 3 weeks ago. So in a way, a little bit of a surprise.

Yeah, I know. I'm— you're talking to somebody who's been through this. It happened to me 7 years ago. My wife just decided that she wanted to move on with someone else that she had met. And I was, uh, it was like, it was like getting hit over the back of the head with a baseball bat. I never saw it coming at all. And I've really learned a great lesson from this, and I'd like to share with you. I haven't shared much about this publicly. And today we're still not divorced, but we're very, very close, but we don't live together. And she still is seeing that same person, but we've turned it into a love story in many, many ways. What I can say to you is that there are— what I've learned from the Tao is that there are different ways to reach a place of enlightenment or nirvana or a higher place of consciousness. You know what's called, you know, living as a Taoist master, you know, a God-realized life, a Tao-centered life where your thoughts and your behaviors and your attitudes and everything are in harmony with the Tao, which is the natural source of all things to which we will all return, from which we all originated. And the way to get to that Tao-centered way of living, to be a Taoist master or a peaceful being or whatever, it seems like there's different ways to get there. One of the ways is to get there is through— I call it enlightenment through suffering— where something happens to you that is very painful, very difficult, very much of a struggle. It could be an accident, it could be just finding out that you've got a disease or something, it could be What you're talking about here, John, which is something that really challenges us internally, the idea of ending a relationship in a divorce, which is something you may not ever have contemplated. I don't know all the details, how many children you have and so on, but whatever it is, when that kind of thing comes up, even if you don't ever get along, it's still a very difficult thing to process. So what happens at that stage of your life is you go through this period of suffering, and the suffering is, why did this happen? And oh my God, and I don't know, and you get sick and you don't eat well. you wonder what I could have done differently, and you try to resolve it, and, and time goes by. A year goes by, 2 years go by, and, um, you're still in that state of suffering, and you don't eat well, and your blood pressure is not right, and your gut isn't right, and, and so on. And then finally something happens to you after a period of time where you begin to say, now I know why I had to go through that. And I can say that to you. My best writing, the best, uh, work that I've done in my life, the relationships with my children Everything in my life in the last 7 years has taken a giant step upward to a higher, higher place. I'm, I'm a much better, more compassionate, better writer, better speaker, better father, better human being in virtually every respect. And so much of it came from the anguish and the pain and so on that I was feeling during those years. The power of intention, inspiration, change your thoughts, that my whole year with the Tao my children's books, my specials and so on, and on television. Everything has just elevated to a higher place. In fact, my income has gone up like by tenfold. And every aspect outside of myself, I look at it and I've gone to a higher place. So then you get to a place in your life where you just say, you know, I just don't have enough time for this suffering. You know, every time something like this happens, I don't have years and years and years to go through it and then ultimately realize that this has been a blessing. There's been something really positive and very good for me in this. So then you move to the next level in your life, which is when something like this happens, instead of saying to yourself, oh my God, I'm going to go through a long period of suffering, you say to yourself, you know what, I'm going to deal with this right now. What's in this for me? And if this is what she really wants, and I'm going to really test myself, I'm going to let her go, and I'm going to let her go with love and with kindness. And every day that I think anything, I'm just going to only think positive, loving things about This woman who is the mother of my children, who has been my partner for however long, and I'm going to love her through whatever this may be and keep myself out of it, get my ego out of it, and just surround her with love. And you can almost feel the internal kind of relief where you're saying, my God, enlightenment is here and I don't even have to suffer. And I become more compassionate. I become everything that the suffering used to teach me. That's the second level. And then ultimately, John, you get to this highest level, which is the place where you see something like this coming at you. So before it even arrives, you know, you're totally at peace with whatever decision anybody out there might offer you. And that's, you know, by way of my advice to you, it's to see the blessing in this, to honor her, to love her through this, to give her whatever reason that she needs to be able to have the separation or the separateness or this divorce, for whatever reasons are going on in their head, totally, completely, honorably Love her through it and just watch what happens for you. You as a more compassionate, more loving, more giving, less ego-driven person about the pain and so on, you're going to find yourself moving higher and higher and higher and wondering even a few months from now or a year from now or whatever how you could have ever not seen the great gratitude and blessing that's in this moment in your life. Does that make sense?

Oh, totally. But this is the most confusing part for me. I'm trying to be loving, supportive, and at the same time I want it to work out still. We have two children.

Let it go. Let that part of it go, John.

I have thought of that.

Yeah, she told me about— you know, go ahead. No, you go ahead.

What you were saying about, you know, your creativity increased, your everything increased. It's funny, she dropped this on me about 4 days before black belt testing, I told my instructor, I said, I don't think, I don't know if I can get through it because it's a very, you have to do concentrate. And I had never had a better testing. I was there present at that. She was there in the back. Well, she takes it with me. So, you know, we were there together at the same time. I wondered if I should just let it go.

Yeah, I think Robert Frost, great line: we love the things we love for what they are. And, um, you know, it's like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't interfere. I would practice non-interference if you understand the Tao. I would say to her, I love you so much as a person, and everyone else that I encounter in my life, that I love you enough to let you go. And like they always say about the butterfly, you know, if you, uh, try to grasp and try to hold on to it, you've never held it. You've got to let it go away, and if it doesn't come back, you never had it in the first place. And you have to love it for its freedom and for its desire to be what it is. And so many great and wonderful blessings are coming your way, probably as a result of your being able to be in a place, maybe for the first time in a very, very long time in your life, when you're totally, completely independent and on your own. Maybe that's what you need. A little bit of detachment from your need to have this thing work out probably is what made your performance at such a high level. And that's just the beginning for you, John. That's just the beginning. You have much, much, much to give.

Well, thank you.

I'd let it go, and, and I would love her through it all, through it all. Oh, that is what I do.

I can't do—

I can do nothing.

Pardon?

I can't do anything else.

Yeah, yeah, it's already been handled for you anyway. It really has. Yeah. And when I see my wife now, I love her more now than I ever did before, and she's not even with me. You know, she sends me these beautiful notes and so on. And, you know, a few years back when I was going through my suffering phase— now I want to reach enlightenment without having to go through the suffering. I just don't think we need to do that.

Yeah, good words.

Good luck. Yeah, thank you. God bless you, my friend.

Thank you, John, for your call. Let's all reach enlightenment without suffering. I'm down with you on that. Yeah, I will agree. How about Lee in New York? Lee, welcome to our program, and what's on your mind today?

Hello. Oh, hello to you both. It's an honor to be speaking to you.

Thank you, likewise.

And, uh, what you said to John was just beautiful. It actually got me all choked up.

Really?

I almost feel as if I've left myself. I've divorced myself. And my question that I phoned in is about writer's block. And I know I'm talking to a man on the bestseller list.

Mm-hmm.

Congratulations on that.

Thank you.

I published a book about a year ago, and it did okay. It got very good reviews, but it wasn't a bestseller. And I'm such a perfectionist to a fault, so in my mind, my warped mind, because it wasn't a bestseller, it was a colossal failure. And I got that in my mind about 9 months ago, and the thought has gotten worse and worse and worse. And I have another book that was due in June, and then I extended it to October, and I've extended the deadline again. But I can't write because in my warped mind I say, why would I spend 2 years on something that's going to fail? And I can't get back to that place of just enjoying the process, enjoying the magic of writing, because there's this vicious voice that's saying, "It's going to fail.

You are a failure." It's interesting that you keep using that word "failure," and you know, it really and truly, honestly, it really doesn't exist. It's a total, complete illusion. It's a falsehood that we carry around with us, this idea of failure. Something being a failure because enough people out there didn't buy it. You know, it's like I've always said, we don't, we don't fail at anything, we just produce results. You know, that's all we do. Everything that, everything that we do just produces a result. So if you take a golf ball and hit it off the tee and it dribbles off to the side, you haven't failed, you've just produced a result. And the question isn't whether you fail, the question is what do you do with the results that you produce in your life? That's number one. Number two, and there's three things in here, the second thing is, is like How could you possibly be responsible for a book being a bestseller or not being a bestseller? It has nothing to do with you. It's not in your power to make a book a bestseller. Bestsellardom means that other people out there make a decision that they're going to purchase that book. That's their decision to make, not yours to create, or not yours to have anything to do with. So it's like worrying about your reputation when you give a talk. I'll give a talk in front of thousands of people. You know, and there'll be some people, they'll stand up and they'll cheer and they'll give me standing ovations. And there'll be others who will be looking at like, what is this guy even talking about? And others who don't think much about it. And you can tell by the look on their face, because if you give a talk to 1,000 people, you're going to get 1,000 reputations. And you can't be responsible for what other people think of you. It's just not possible. The great lesson out of the Tao is that what you think of me is none of my business. And that's true of your writing as well. If you're writing in order to become a bestseller, you are doing— you're doing yourself a huge, huge disservice and disfavor. So what I was speaking about there is this whole idea of being responsible when you have a passion, when you have a feeling, when you got in there creating something, and then evaluating its success or lack of success on the basis of what somebody outside of you makes a decision to do with it. That is, if they write a bad review about it, that is, if they don't stock it in their bookstores, that is, if they— if the publisher doesn't get behind it, and all of those kinds of things that writers have a tendency to do. And not just writers, I'm talking to everyone out there listening, that when you are involved in something and it doesn't seem to be getting the kind of response or doesn't generate the finances or whatever it is that, that you would like to have showing up in your life, you immediately begin to make an assessment about yourself as having failed or not failed on the basis of something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, nothing whatsoever to do with you. It's like I say when I give a lecture and there's 1,000 people in the room, I have 1,000 different reputations when I leave. And I've told each one of my 8 children, never be concerned about your reputation, never be concerned about how others are processing you. That's not within your purview. It's like the only thing you can be responsible for is your character, is for you, for the excitement and putting it out there the way that you put it out there. And who's to say in a universe that is endless that the work that you're doing right now might not even become manifest and recognized for 5 more centuries? Who's to know any of that? All right, so, uh, you know, it's like, remember, like Van Gogh never sold a painting during his entire lifetime and so on. So now you get to this whole thing about writer's block. Which what you're telling yourself is that failure is not an option. That's one of the things that I had a real problem with President Bush when he talked about the, you know, our foray into Iraq and so on. Failure is not an option, when in fact failure, by the definition that I'm using it now, not failure as a person but just not things working out the way that you would like them to work out, is the greatest teacher that we have. The old line that we used to use with Thomas Edison, that he supposedly said when he was trying all kinds of different materials to create a light bulb, and he hadn't come up with tungsten yet. He'd come up with this one and that one, and someone said to him, how does it feel, someone of your caliber, to have failed 25,000 times? 25,000 different combinations, he still didn't have a light bulb. And he said, failure? He said, I don't know what you're talking about. He said, today I know 25,000 ways not to make a light bulb. And But yeah, so it's like, so now you get to the writer's block part of you. And I can tell you that when you are in on purpose, in line with your own Tao-centeredness, checking your own nature, really being who you are, living with passion with a pen in your hand or a computer in your hand or however it is that you're writing and it is coming out, you can't experience writer's cramp. A writer's block, rather. If you're on purpose in your life, whatever it is that you are supposed to be putting down on that paper, whatever openness that you have to allow it to flow through you and to recognize that, you know, God writes all the books and delivers all the speeches, and whether you call it God or Tao or spirit or divine mind or whatever, that we don't own any of this, that every word that's coming out of my mouth right now into this microphone and into your ears right now, everybody out there These aren't mine.

I don't own them.

I just connect to them and I just become a conduit. I allow it to flow through me. Once you get that about your writing, once you really understand this is not you, this is not your stuff, this is just— you are opening yourself up to allowing your purpose to unfold. And finally, I want to say to you that I remember years and years ago when I had a book called Your Erroneous Zones, which was on the bestseller list every week at the top of the New York Times bestseller. And I called finally On Wednesday, we would find out whether it was going to be on the bestseller list on Sunday. And I called my wife and I said, because she knew the phone number at the New York Times, and I said to her, I said, so where, where am I on the bestseller list next week? She said, you're not on the bestseller list next week. I said, what do you mean I'm not on the bestsellers? How could that be? I was number one last week. How can I not be on the bestseller list next week? She said, your book is on the bestseller list next week. You're not. And that was a great, great reminder that none of this is me. None of you are just an allower. You are— when you are a writer, you take great pride in the fact that you have let it come through you. You put it out there and you make it as available as you possibly can, and you do all that you can. You, you know, whatever publicity, whatever. But you detach yourself from the outcome and live in that process and just let the God take care of the rest of those details. And you're going to be one happy lady.

I hear what you're saying. I think that writer's block is, to me, disconnection from Source.

That what is?

Writer's block, to me, is just disconnected from Source.

Exactly.

And I know this feeling of material just coming in through me. And what I've been doing for the past few months is I just won't— I, the ego, won't let it come through.

Yeah, but don't you see why? Can you see why? It's because you are now taking— you're taking responsibility and credit. You're taking responsibility for your books not, uh, not selling at the level that you think that they should be selling at, and you are taking all the credit for all of this stuff that comes through. If you let go of all of that, get your ego totally out of the picture, and just let go and say, whatever I'm supposed to have come through me, I'm open to it. I am totally, completely open to it. There's nothing to block. Even if only a few words come through at this time, those are the words that are supposed to be there. You respect them, you honor them, and you're at peace with it. And that disconnect will absolutely go away. I don't know how to have writer's block any longer, and there was a time when I did. It was when I removed my ego from it and I said, I'm not writing this book, I'm allowing it to be written through me. God does all of this, or Source does this, or Spirit does this. And then take the credit away from yourself. And you watch, it'll flow through for you. What was the name of your first book that was such a failure?

Thank you.

I want to look up this crappy writing that you're doing.

It's a memoir called Rex and the City. I've actually mentioned it to you months ago. Yeah, rescuing an abused dog.

I remember that. Yeah, well, there you go. Dog stories are big these days. Marley and Me, and there's another one out that's out there, so yours is on its way as well.

Yes, dog stories are huge.

Yeah, but you know what? If you let go of it, you know, and just let it be, and if you read the Tao— have you read Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life? Have you been reading the Tao at all since I've been talking about it?

I've got it on reserve at the library. I'm so glad you wrote this book because I've read the Tao, you know, the direct translation, but I need— I'm not a very abstract thinker, and so I can't wait to read your book because I'd like to have more kind of—

All right, here's what I'm going to do for you. Here's what I'm going to do for you, okay? I want you to forget about the library, okay? All right.

Thank you, dear.

Call. I really enjoyed talking to you.

Yeah, I have to say, I agree with everything you said about writer's block, particularly for people who are perfectionists. It's all about letting it go and saying, I'll judge it later.

Mm-hmm. No, absolutely. I go through a— I'm gonna start writing January 1st on a new book, and I'm really gearing myself up. I'll tell you, everyone, how I prepare to do that: I read 2 or 3 Pulitzer Prize-winning novels of really great, great writing. Some of the best writers, contemporary writers out there, or even long deceased writers. So I just, I immerse myself in great writing and, and then I just let go and I meditate for days and days and days before I, and I just say whatever is going to come is going to come. And then I just let it flow. And I'm telling you, it always works in a dramatic way. And I don't have any failures out there, none whatsoever. The ones that sell a lot and the ones that don't sell as much, and some are on the list and some aren't. All of that is of no concern to me whatsoever. Okay, let's take another call. We have a few minutes left.

Yes, we do, certainly. Oh my, we have so many good calls.

It's—

I tell you, this last caller, I've been looking at this board for like 5 minutes now thinking, who is it going to be? Oh, so how about if we just try Thomas in Portland, Oregon, and we'll just see if I made the right call. Thomas, line 2, welcome.

Um, hi.

Hi, Thomas.

Um, hi, I'm glad that I got to speak to you. I've been enjoying hearing you here on the radio and watching you on TV. My question was, I'm not exactly sure how to phrase the question, um, but what would be the best way to phrase on what you're wanting to manifest? Because I've heard people say like you're supposed to phrase it as in having it now, but then I hear that you're supposed to say it that it's coming to me. I'm not exactly sure.

What is it? What is it that you would like to manifest?

Um, a car.

An automobile?

Well, yeah, um, a car. Um, well, no, I'm sorry, it's, um, just more financial, um, prosperity.

Okay, so that's pretty generic, you know, and that's something that everybody out there in this world can relate to. It's opening yourself up to allowing abundance and prosperity to flow into your life, right?

Yeah.

Okay, so, but what's going on for you, Thomas, is that you've got thoughts that are saying this isn't happening, it's not happening on time, it's, uh, I've got shortages here, I've got lacks here. And so when you think like that, I mean, and this is a very, very hard lesson to get, you know, to, because so many times we believe that if I just wish hard enough, or if I just, you know, get the thought in there hard enough and I say it in the exact right way and I get specific about it, like I want a 2007 BMW 5 Series, blah blah, whatever it is, then it's automatically going to show up. And I think all of that is like not understanding how this law of attraction thing really works. That when you're— when your thoughts are on I don't have it already, when your thoughts are on that, you're operating still from a lack perspective.

If that was the question that I had, well, because I'm focusing on feeling, you know, that I already have, you know, the plan, right? All of my needs and expenses that I have.

But, and that's the truth.

Yeah, but someone told me that when you do it that way, the universe is going to— it's not going to manifest that for you because if you say that you already have it, then the universe will see that you already have it, so it's not going to bring it to you since you—

Well, Summer, you're big on this stuff and flow dreaming and all of that too. And I think that if you say to the universe, I'm content, I'm happy, I would like to serve, that the universe responses back to you is, how may I serve? How may I serve you? And how— and you're getting an alignment with a universe that is offering and giving and allowing and providing and creating, which is what the nature of the universe really is. You're aligned that way. And the amounts are just— that's just human stuff. That's just like, oh, I don't— you know, I need this much money, or I need this kind of a car, I need this kind of a watch, I need this kind of a— I suggest to you that the best way to create those kinds of miraculous, spontaneous miracles of abundance and prosperity is to get your attention off of what you want and onto serving as much as you possibly can. I'm going to give you an example of this, and it happened to me this morning. I don't know how our time is here, but, uh, I go to a yoga class every morning at 8 o'clock here on Maui. And it was about quarter to 8, which is the time I almost always get there. And as I pulled up to park my car in the same spot that I always park it in, and I grabbed my bag and a towel, and I was walking— this lady walked right, right in front of where I was walking across the street. And she was very, very, very old and, uh, and and could hardly, hardly walk. I mean, she could only take tiny little steps, and she was pushing a wheelchair that she was on the back of it. And she said to me, she said, can you call me a cab to get me to the Maui Medical Center? I had to stop myself right there in that moment and say, now I've got to get to a yoga class, and it's important for me to be on time. Or do I get myself into a place of serving? And I let go of getting to the yoga class on time, and for the first time ever, I was late for a yoga class. But I took that, put the lady in my car, I folded up her wheelchair, I drove her over there. She was 88 years old. And, uh, I started out my day in a service way like that. And I can't even tell you, but I already went down to the mail this morning and there was a check waiting for me for $55,000 from Spain for your erroneous zones in 2005.

Oh wow.

That's what happens when you serve, when you just get yourself out of what you're going to do. And You know, and I was almost ashamed of myself.

I'm sorry, Dr. Dyer. This is it, this is it, 5 seconds. Thank you, Thomas. Thank you, Dyer. We'll see you next week.

Okay, babe.

Welcome, Dr. Dyer. You're joining us again from Florida today, and hopefully it's a lot nicer there than it is here in Southern California. We're getting a ton of rain today, which we actually really need.

Oh my goodness, we always say in Maui, no rain, no rainbows. We're always very grateful for the rain. I always think of rain Rain is one of the great miracles of all. It's like every time it happens, people complain, but without it, none of us could even stay alive for a day. So it's always an amazing gift that all of a sudden, just everything, this mana from heaven just showers down on us from the skies and says, here's what you need to sustain yourself, here's what you're made of, here's what your earth is made of, this will grow all your food, this will take care of all your thirst, this will take care of everything. And I love the rain, I love to be in it and walk around in it.

And we've got some great callers coming in. I'm noticing a lot of people from Canada today, several Canadian callers, Ontario, Quebec. So let's start with that. Would you like to go to Montreal?

I'd love to.

Let's check it out. Roxandra on line 1, welcome to the show. You're on with Dr. Wayne Dyer today.

Thank you.

I can't believe it, I'm the first one.

You are. How are you?

So today it worked out well. How am I? I wish I knew how to answer this question, but I could say it could be better, but I'm okay.

Uh-huh. Well, that's good.

I wish I knew a bit more because I'm kind of stuck in a rut work-wise.

Uh-huh.

I mean, not only work-wise, but the work aspect is one of the— the one that bothers me most because I don't know what to do with my life and find my life purpose.

Uh-huh.

So I have been back to school for almost 9 years now, and I'm in the middle of a PhD that I don't know if I would finish. So that's a big—

That's not an unusual place for people in PhD programs. You get to a point where you ask yourself, what am I doing and what am I putting myself through this for?

Right, but it's like context-wise, my supervisor died last year. From the beginning, I thought I didn't belong there. Initially, I was rejected. I had to reapply. And although the topic, it's really interesting because I thought it's— I took it more like a mission. I said, I know I don't want to work in academia for sure. Why am I going through this? When it's very difficult too. So anyway, that's why I'm like, I don't want to do it unless I'm able to say I don't, I'm not gonna regret it. I don't regret what I've done so far, but this year I'm really kind of, I don't know, maybe I needed to grieve because I had few losses several years, like up to 2 or 3, and maybe I was, and I'm very, very tired, so I did kind of retreat. In between, like kind of a transition, but I'm not a step further to figure out what's next for me. I have some areas, but I don't know how to package myself and how really to trust that I can do something.

Well, you really do know how, because no one can teach it to you, especially now. How old are you?

49 last week.

Yeah, so you're almost half a century, 50 times around the sun. You pretty much know how to do it, Roxanne. The fact is that you've just been trained with a bunch of memes to believe that things have to be a certain way and that you have to do things the way that you programmed yourself to do them or someone else programmed you to do them. You get into a program and then you start asking questions about, is this where I belong? Should I be doing this? I don't know. And the fact is, all of it is just not even worth the agony that you put yourself through.

Yeah, probably not.

It really isn't. The truth is that all you get is today. We all know that. This is You know, you get the present moment, you get the now. If you can learn how to live fully and completely and totally in the present moment and just be there in this moment, realizing that the now is all you ever get, you know, and that the future thing that you're all worried about is nothing more than just a now, and everything that's ever happened to you in the past, it didn't really happen to you in the past, it happened to you in the present moment. So that your relationship to life, and this is what I would say to everybody listening today, your relationship to life is really nothing more than your relationship to the present moment, how well you're able to live in it. And if you can find a way to go within, to get peaceful, to meditate, to get quiet, and that's why I always say the best way to handle all of these kinds of questions that we have for ourselves is to get our attention off of ourselves, off of our ego, off of what's in it for me, and off what I should be doing, and me, me, me, all of the I, I, I stuff, and just turn it around and begin to serve more. It's what I do I do all the time when I feel myself struggling and I don't know quite what to do, even in relationships or with my work or whatever, is I just stop and I go through my mail and I pick out some letters from people who really are struggling and really are having a difficult time and I reach out to them. And every time that I find myself letting go of thinking about myself and putting my attention on someone else, almost always I start to feel better, the answers become clearer, And I don't get myself so worked up and into a dither over what I should be doing or what I shouldn't be doing. You know, it's like I used to always quote from my friend Artie Pine, who was my agent many, many years ago. He passed away a few years back, and he used to say, I'm an old man and I've had many troubles, most of which have never happened. That's true. Almost all of which have never happened.

Yeah, I'm a good lawyer, unfortunately. It's a learn, I know, a part of the job. I love it, it's a lot learned, but I'm very good at worrying.

You are?

Which is not healthy, obviously, and I kind of in between this space, like struggling to stop worrying and then beating myself up for it. And the problem is that I tried meditation and I am not able to maintain a routine. I mean, I know how to meditate, I mean, at least one type, because I have tried it, it worked at one point, but then even when I tried to do yoga or something, something. If I do it at home, I do it 2 or 3 days and then I move to something else and get distracted with other things. And I know that would be one of the solutions to really— and part of the problem was that in the beginning, that's how I stopped it, was I cannot stand to see my thoughts. It's so annoying. It's like, I can't believe I'm thinking so much.

I know. I can hear it even in your voice. And you say to yourself, okay, I try. I do it for 2 or 3 days and then I lose interest in it. Well, but what's wrong with that?

I think that's the bottom line, to realize there's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with that at all. And so you let go of yoga for a few days and then you wake up one day and you say, I think I'll do yoga again. And you know, it's like we all get conditioned with these, I call them memes in Excuses Be Gone. Have you read Excuses Be Gone?

No, no, I haven't.

I really think you It's about overcoming all of these lifetime thinking habits. And the display quote for that book says, don't believe everything that you think. You know, I mean, because you've been conditioned to think that you're supposed to be on the right track. You're almost 50 years old. You should know what you're doing. You should know where you're going. You're in a program. You should finish the program. You know, you should have some discipline. You should— and there's no should about any of that. All you have to do is just enjoy yourself. And the best way to enjoy yourself and to be happy is to forget about yourself and reach out and serve other people. That's the greatest way to find your happiness. That's what I would recommend truly, especially with the holiday season coming up.

Yeah, I mean, it's on my list and it's just that I have to move it and act on it. 'Cause I said, oh, I have to go volunteer somewhere. I have to, I have to.

Absolutely.

I was too busy with my little selfish things.

Absolutely, too much ego, too much worry, too much concern about myself and what's in it for me. Is this in it for me? And am I doing the right thing? And we could trace that back to your parents and their parents and their parents' parents.

Yeah, but it doesn't help anymore because I'm tired of understanding. I've overanalyzed everything and I want to move on.

Absolutely. My friend Stuart Wilde has a, you know, we used to have a thing down on a refrigerator. He used to say, there are many things in life that I do not understand and I like it that way.

Yeah.

You don't have to understand it.

I'm not sure I will ever let go of that 100%, but. Yeah, I want to keep the learner part.

Give yourself permission to just be, you know. Listen to the Beatles, you know. Go listen to the Let It Be. Let it be, there will come an answer. Let it be. It's one of the great slogans of all time. Just, you know, stop the struggling, the internal stuff that you do with your mind, and just enjoy. You watch, everything that you need will come along. We got to move along. I'm going to send you a copy of The Shift, so stay, stay tuned. Okay, have you a good day.

Thank you very much, Dr. Wayne.

Thank you, Roxanne. Happy holidays.

Happy holidays.

And we'll get Roxandra a DVD copy, send her one out to Quebec. And we've got 2 minutes, maybe time to get started with someone really quickly. So let's go to Judy. She's also calling from Canada, from Ontario, and wants to know about self-sabotaging. A great question. Welcome, Judy.

Hi.

Hi, Judy.

Thank you for taking my call. And Dr. Dyer, I want to thank you for all of the work that you do. It's just awesome stuff, and it's really helped me a lot.

Thank you very much.

My question today, though, is— you only have 2 minutes, so I'll be very quick.

No, that's okay. We can always come back if we have to.

That's okay. Every time I start to move forward with anything that I want to do that I'm excited about, but in particular weight loss, I start to get body problems. Like right now, I've really decided to take the next level towards being fit and healthy, and my back goes out, so the things that I plan to do I can't do. And it's not that it's going out because I'm not doing exercises properly, it's even before I get started.

So I'm wondering, what is in your head?

Like, I've been reading Excuses Be Gone and it's not a conscious thought, it just sort of happens, and I'm wondering what is that self-sabotage somewhere in those memes?

That's a really good question because I know I do the same thing myself. As a matter of fact, I was just telling Diane, both of us were talking about having a lower back pain, yourselves today.

Well, maybe it's just going around then.

No, I don't think that it's going around as much as I think that when you set yourself up to do something that you haven't done, haven't been able to do for a long time— like, how long have you been not in the weight level that you would like to be? How long has it been overweight?

How many?

10 years.

So you got 10 years, you got a whole decade behind you of carrying around excess. How much extra weight?

About 160 at this point.

160 extra?

Yeah.

Okay, basically you're saying that you're self-up with a goal or an ambition of some kind to get yourself back into the kind of shape that you know you belong in and that is your birthright, and that as soon as you make the commitment to do that, something goes, something goes awack and off you go. You're listening to someone who was, who has been an addict for a good part of his life, or at least part of addictive behavior. As a kid, it was to Coca-Cola and sugar, and then it was to to nicotine and then it was to alcohol and drugs and things like this. And so I know the game, all right? And when you want to change something like an addictive pattern, and you're talking about an addiction to food here, obviously, because you're saying you're carrying around an extra 160 pounds. That's another person and a half, an extra person that you're carrying around. And you know all of the dangers of doing such a thing to your body. And you want to make the change. And when I wanted to make the change to stop drinking Coca-Cola, for example, when I wanted to stop with the caffeine, or when I wanted to stop with the nicotine, or stop with the alcohol and so on, I would find myself that there's a sabotaging system built into addictive behavior. And this sabotaging system is one that really— because I think that things like sugar, which is one of the things you're addicted to, I can feel it, is something that is an entity all unto itself, and it has almost a design on you, and it begins to speak to you in a certain way, and it begins to say to you, You begin to say, "Well, I'm gonna overcome this, this overeating thing, this lack of exercising thing," and the entity, whether it's cocaine or whether it's sugar or caffeine or whether it's alcohol or whatever it might be, almost speaks back to you and says, "You think it's gonna be that easy? You think I'm gonna let go of you quite like that?" And that's how it feels. Pardon me? That's how it feels. Yeah, I don't believe that it's just how it feels. I believe that's true, okay? I believe that it does. Like everything in the universe has an energy system. A cocaine is an energy system, caffeine is an energy system, and it's like, and there's just little pieces of it, but there's one great big energy system, and it's showing up in all kinds of ways. So that when you set yourself up to go ahead and do what it is that you really want to do, and you start talking to yourself in the right way, and having the right affirmations, and doing all the kinds of things that we speak about here on A House Radio, and that I speak about in my book, in many of my books and in the film and so on, what happens is that that self-sabotaging system begins to kick in and it begins to say, you know, if you think that's going to be easy, then I'm going to take this away from you. I'm going to make it more difficult for you to— and what you have to do, Judy, more than anything else, is connect to your highest self. And the highest place within you is really God. And so it's like instead of saying— I've quoted this a few times on the show— my friend Patty Davis, who who was President Reagan's daughter, who was, if you know anything about her, was a cocaine addict. Well, Reagan was president and had a terrible relationship with her father and with her mother and so on. And she used to say, I'm gonna quit this, but I'm gonna stop disappointing myself. I'm so tired of disappointing myself. And every time she would do that, again, something would come in and she would sabotage herself and she'd go back on another binge. And before you know it, she'd be right back where she started. And then she said she finally came to a place place in her heart where she said, I just decided that I no longer wanted to disappoint God. And I think this is something that you might want to think about really hard. You came into this world from a place of well-being, from a place of perfect well-being. You didn't come into this world obese. You didn't come into this world with any inclinations towards obesity or towards carrying around all of this extra weight that you have allowed to pile onto yourself. What you did is you came into a place aligned with God, aligned with your spirit, and you allowed yourself to get away from your spirit. I recommend that you get back and say to yourself, I no longer intending to disappoint God. When you behave in a certain way or when you go to church or so on, I'm talking about the highest place within yourself, the place that you originated from, your source of being. And that is who you are at the very highest level. You're not here as a human being having a spiritual experience. It's the reverse, Judy. You are a spiritual being, a spiritual being having a human experience. And that spiritual part of yourself, you have disappointed it. And you're sad about it. And so every time you go to get yourself back into that aligned place, this energy, whether it's the sugar or whether it's the sitting around or whether it's the sore back or whatever it is, begins to kick in and to try to get you off of that path because you've been so accustomed to being on a non-spiritual path. So what you want to do is when the backache comes and all of that, you say, that's fine, but I'm still not going to overeat today, and I'm still going to walk around the block even though I said I wouldn't. I'm going to even do it with a sore back. In other words, I'm going to talk back to these self-sabotaging lifetime thinking habits that I have had, and I'm going to talk back to them in a way that they've never been talked to before. I'm going to remind myself and go through the paradigm. Have you read Excuses Be Gone?

Yes, I have it on my desk still.

Yeah, good.

I still look at it all the time.

Okay, the 7-part paradigm at the end of that book, with the first question is, what thoughts do I have? Is it true that it's going to be difficult for me to change? Is it true that it's going to take me a long time? Is it true that I don't have the strength I don't have the strength to do this. And you begin to realize that those thoughts simply are not true. You're letting yourself be guided by false statements, false thoughts within yourself. And as you begin to make that shift into the truer statement, which is, I have within me the capacity to be the perfect well-being person that I was intended to be, and you hang on to that affirmation consistently, when the backache comes, you'll just ignore the backache. You know, when you say I'm too tired, you'll ignore the tiredness. When your schedule changes and it just seems like you were all ready to go do your exercise and it doesn't work, you'll do your exercise before you go to bed. You'll sleep a little bit less. Whatever it might be, you'll start to use the discipline that you have, that your spirit is speaking to you of, instead of the part of you, the ego part of you, which is always looking for some reason to stay and do the easiest thing. Does that make sense?

It makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you very much.

You're very welcome. And you can do this. You really can do this. Keep in touch with me, okay? I'd like to hear your progress on this, because once you have an affirmation— I'm going to be writing a book called Wishes Fulfilled, and it's really based on the, on the great teachings of Neville Goddard. And Neville speaks about the power of assuming. You know, your imagination is the greatest gift that you've been given. In your imagination, you see yourself weighing and looking the way you want to. You even draw draw a picture of yourself looking, or to find the picture of yourself from 10 years ago when you were the weight that you wanted to be, and you reproduce that as many places as you can. You put it in your car, you put it on your refrigerator, you put it on your bed, you put it on your mirror where you put your makeup on. You have that picture everywhere to constantly remind yourself that who I am is this divine, perfect piece of well-being that I originated from, and that's where I intend to stay. And God will help you do it, I That's an awesome idea.

I never thought of doing that.

Yeah, start with it right now. And when we hang up the phone, you know, you got a backache.

Yes.

You know, where, where are you, in Ontario?

Yes.

Okay, so put your, your warmer clothes on, whatever it is, and go. Just if you'll do this one, just walk around the block.

Okay.

I don't need warmer clothes. I have 160 extra pounds.

Okay, can you walk around the— just walk around the block once today?

Okay.

Okay, just go do that and try to walk briskly, no matter how much your back hurts. Just do that. Okay, and now you've taken your first step. But before you do that, we're going to give you an address and we're going to send you a copy of The Shift.

Okay, thank you so much.

Thanks, Judy. God bless you, my friend.

You too.

Namaste.

And let's go to Mandy next. She's calling from Orange, California on line 4. And thanks for joining us, Mandy. You're on with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Hi, thank you so much for taking my call.

Mandy, there's a minister handy, and it sure would be dandy If we let them make a peace. Do you remember that?

No, I don't.

So don't you linger, here's a ring for your finger, for Mandy and me. Okay, that's a song to look up. How are you, dear?

I'm doing okay.

Good.

Um, I'm calling because my husband has decided that he no longer wants to be married. We have two small children and it's sort of come out of nowhere, and I need to know how I can handle this gracefully. Faithfully and not react with anger because we have children and we need to be friends. And I don't know if I can do that, or—

Yes, you can do that, dear. Yes, you can do that. Has this been something that's been coming on, or is it a big surprise to you?

It was a really big surprise. I mean, we're not perfect, you know. We've, we've kind of taken each other for granted over time, but I never realized he was so unhappy. He's never shared that. He's been stuffing his feelings rather telling me how he feels, and, and it got too much for him to handle. And then he just snapped and just said, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore.

Is he seeing someone else?

I've asked him, and I don't believe that's the case. He says no. He's not where he thought he would be. He doesn't feel like the man he should be. He doesn't feel like he's providing for us financially the way he should be by this point in his life. And he's just— I feel like he has a lot of self-esteem issues that he's reacting like he's running. I'm not sure. I don't, I don't understand it.

How old is he?

He's 34.

And how long have you been married?

We've been married almost 9 years.

And your reaction is, I mean, as far as you're being able to handle this, yes. I mean, you sound rational. You sound like you know you have to be friends, that you can't, you know, and divorce isn't that uncommon a thing. Like every other marriage ends in in our country. So it's not like half the people in the country are failures, you know. It's not that you failed at anything. You've produced a result. But the question is, where are you emotionally in this thing? You're the mom of two little children.

Well, I don't want it to end. I think that we have such a good foundation, and we've been friends for so long and together for so long that I want to work at it, and he doesn't— he can't do that. And so I feel like if we end this without trying to get counseling, but it's throwing it away. Yeah, like I'm asking him, you know, 6 months, let's try it for 6 months, and if you can't change, I'll let you go. I'll let you go do what you need to do. But to just, to just up and walk out on it, it doesn't— I don't understand that.

It doesn't sound right to me, Mandy. It really does.

He's not leaving the home. He's, you know, he wants to— I can't afford our home by myself, but he wants to make sure that financially I'm still able to stay in our house for the girls, even if that means he has to leave his parents. And so I don't really understand what he's doing. He— it feels like he has guilt and self-esteem issues, and I don't know when—

it feels— and I, you know, I'm just talking instinctively here, but it feels to me like he's been seeing somebody else, and that's a hard thing for him to be able to admit to and doesn't want to. I'm just telling you that off the top of my head, that's what registers. I don't know that it's true or not, and I have no right to say it other than And it's just what I feel, and that's how I run this radio show.

And it's not the first time I've heard it either, so.

Yeah, have you had any suspicion of anything like that in the last 6 months or so?

He has like a best friend that he's really close to, but she's a lesbian. And so, I mean, I've met her girlfriends and we've spent time together.

No, I don't mean that. I mean, has he stayed away from you sexually, for example, in the last 6 months or so?

No. No, no.

So you still have a physical closeness?

We aren't now, not for the last couple of weeks, because I told him, I said, if he— if this is what you want, we can't lead one life and not the other because I will think that you want to be with me. I'll misunderstand that. And so we cut it off. Yeah, he's staying in the home, he's sleeping on the sofa. We haven't told our children yet, we haven't told our family. He doesn't have a plan for what he wants to do, and that makes me confused too. Why wouldn't he have a plan?

Was this What I want you to do, Mandy, what I want you to do, because we only have a few minutes here, what I want you to do is to go within, and I want you to meditate and get quiet, and I want you to find the strength that has allowed you to give birth to those two girls of yours, and that has allowed you to hold this family together, and has allowed you to be the woman, the strong woman that you are, and stay in that strength, and begin to realize and recognize that whether or not you're with your husband or not with your husband, that your sense of your strength and your peace and your confidence in yourself is not going to be determined on the basis of anything that he does. Okay? He doesn't get control of that. He doesn't get to decide whether or not you're going to be this strong, you know, a powerful woman. Now, my personal recommendation— I'm doing this on just a few minutes of talking to you— would be to tell him, if you really don't want to be married to me, then you should be leaving right now, and you should be making arrangements to take care of your family and to financially make sure that we're We're all in good shape. Are you working?

Yes, you are.

So if that's really where you want to be, and let him experience what this feels like, you know, because it's, it's one thing that he may be going through a, you know, some kind of a midlife crisis, or he might be going through some kind of a difficulty. I suspect of something else, but regardless of what my suspicions are, let him experience what this, what, what it feels like. I just don't think living in limbo is is it going to be a healthy thing for you or for the children?

I'm sorry, that's what I was thinking too.

He wants to wait until after the holidays so that we don't disrupt the children, you know, and, and the timing is so bad that I think what I would offer to your husband is like, I want to save this marriage and, uh, it's very important to me, but if you don't feel the same way, then obviously, you know, it can't be done just by one person. If we need to seek out counseling or marriage therapy of some kind, I'd be happy to participate. Participate. If you're not willing to do that and you've made up your mind that you want to, uh, you said you want to end this marriage, then I'm inviting you to leave, uh, today. And to— we'll set up a legal arrangement so that you take care of your financial responsibilities and we'll, we'll move on with our lives. And let him see what the consequences of that are, because if it's not this holiday season, it's going to be another holiday season. And I think putting those things on hold, I think letting him know the consequences of his his behavior and what he is asking, the consequences of that, especially with two small children, are very, very serious. And he needs to know it, and that he doesn't have someone who's sitting at home waiting for him to make up his mind whether he wants to work on this or not.

Okay.

Does that make sense to you?

Complete.

Yeah, yeah. And you sound like a strong woman. I wouldn't be afraid of this at all, you know. How is your relationship to your children?

It's wonderful.

And how about you?

No.

How about his relationship to them?

He's been disconnected for a while and I think it goes back to his self-esteem issues. He loves them and he's a great father, but he doesn't give them everything that, he has a lot of distractions. He uses his laptop and his phone to keep himself busy.

Yeah.

So he has a lot of self-esteem issues he doesn't want to face.

But you don't need to be buried in his self-esteem issues, okay?

Yeah.

That's, if he's got that to work on and you're willing to work on it with him, that's one thing. But for you to sit around and be sad inside and worry It's not gonna do any good for you or anyone else. And he needs to, as I said, when people make these kinds of assertions and they come at you, then they need to know the consequences of their behavior. And these are the consequences. You know, you're giving up your children. You're giving up your role as father. You're giving up your role as a husband. If you wanna work on it, I'm here for you. If you don't, then you need to get out there and work on it yourself. And I'll be fine. Okay. Okay, sweetheart?

Thank you so much.

Have you seen The Shift?

I haven't.

We're gonna send you a copy, okay?

I'm guessing it's gonna be very helpful.

I think it will be. I'm sure it will be.

Thank you.

Namaste.

And we have time for one more, the bonus call that we never think we have time for. And let's go to Deborah, line 3, calling from New York. Hi Deborah, you still there? Thanks for holding.

Yes.

Hi Deborah.

Hi Wayne, I am so thrilled. I feel so blessed to be able to speak with you.

Thank you, I do too.

I have been a fan of yours since your erroneous own My goodness. Back when I was a young, young adult.

You're an old, you're an old person like me now then.

Yes, well, I'm 53.

Oh, you're just a baby.

Oh yeah, yeah, I think we're all babies in the soul.

That's true.

Um, Wayne, I, I have a rather unique situation. I recently retired from the NYPD where I was a sergeant for over 25 years, right? And so I have devoted my life to service, and the last few years I got certified in executive coaching and leadership training, and I thought that would be my second career. I have had this incredible desire to set up a foundation for returning military members who are coming back from active duty to help reacclimate them to civilian life, help them get a start with counseling, maybe some job fairs. And it's a very strong desire. I think of it all the time. So what I'm planning on doing is writing a book on leadership and using the coaching method of leadership to help people people. Because in paramilitary organizations like the NYPD and like the military, you bark out an order, you expect it to be followed or else there's negative consequences. Whereas the coaching method is to really identify the individual, find out what it is that makes them want to participate and speak to that. So I'm looking to do that and to set up this foundation. I retired in April. I started writing the book and I have just lost complete motivation. I find myself just letting it all fall by the wayside.

Yeah, I'd like you to go, you're in New York?

Yes.

So maybe tonight you could go out and see this film called Brothers.

Okay.

Have you seen it? No. Have you heard about it?

I saw commercials on TV.

Yeah, it's about returning servicemen. It was made for you. So that will be a good thing to get started with. Just see if you can find out where it's playing and go see that. And again, it's like what we were talking about throughout this whole show. My theme has been to take some kind of action, any kind of action, specific action. Because what happens is, and this is again, it goes back to when I write about in Excuses Be Gone, we fall back into our habitual self-sabotaging ways. Once we get an idea, we think that it's great and all of that, and we put it out there and we start, and then we start to lose interest because everything isn't falling into place or because God isn't just putting it right into our lap and saying, here it is for you. I think just reinvigorating yourself with the notion of how important this is, and then find one returning service member in your neighborhood, somebody, are you in New York City or New Jersey?

Yes.

Yeah, you're in New York City, so you shouldn't have any difficulty with that.

No, not at all.

And just bring one person over to your house that you can start coaching.

Okay.

Whoever it might be, somebody that's come home from Vietnam. If you can't, then you can go over to one of the military hospitals.

I put out on my website and ask for everybody who tunes into my website to send me the excuses that you use most commonly in your life. As I sat down to write this book, this is the third chapter in Excuses Be Gone, and I got 5,500 replies. And my friend and I started just taking them apart and just putting them into different— this is the same as this, this is the same as this. And sure enough, There were 18 categories. And so there are 18 excuse categories. On the PBS special, you see them as thought bubbles that'll come up when it plays on June 1st. I'll just give them to you real quickly. And I want you to understand now, these are all viruses. These are all things that were placed into your mind that you have come to believe that have infiltrated and spread throughout your culture. They're cultural ways of thinking. That do not hold up to any of the components of the Excuses Be Gone paradigm, that if you begin to practice it, you can change it, whatever it is. I'd like you to think, particularly those of you who are closet addicts in here, and closet eaters as well, I'd like you to just sit right now and just visualize that tomorrow you can be free of it. Tomorrow.

Easily.

Easily. And everything that you need and everyone that you need and whatever money you need, all of it will begin to show up for you. You can make that shift tomorrow. You're free of it. That's how powerful this is. I've seen it work. It will be difficult. Excuse. It will be risky. It will take a long time. There will be family drama if I do this, so I don't do it. I don't deserve it. It's not my nature. I can't afford it. You should never, ever, ever say the words, "I can't afford it," and use money as a reason why you can't attract into your life what you want. Of course there is money out there for you. You just haven't connected to it. You've got to have within you an understanding that that is simply an explanation that keeps you from doing what it is that you want to do. You can afford to go to college. You can afford to travel. You can afford to get anything that you want in your life to make make your life work at the level that you want to, you can afford it. The money is out there. The capacity for making it, attracting it into your life, is within you. But if you believe that what I'm saying is not true, you're right. And that's a meme. That's a mind virus. You've already accepted and you haven't challenged whether or not the thought that you are thinking, that you can't afford it, is true or not. How many in this room, have ever had the experience of believing that you couldn't afford to do something and you went home and suddenly an unexpected bonus had showed up in some way in your life? A tax refund, somebody sent you money, whatever, you found it, whatever. How many people have had that experience at one time or another in your life?

Look around.

Everybody's had that experience. It's a universal experience. And yet you convince yourself that it can't happen for you. Why would you continue with that thought? Getting ahead of myself.

All right.

No one will help me. There's 7 billion people on the planet. They all want to help you. Almost all of them are looking to help somebody. And you're convinced that there's nobody out there that will help you with what it is that you want to do or what your dream is. I'm not strong enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm too old or too young. The rules won't let me. It's just too big. I don't have the energy. My family history won't let me. I'm too busy. I'm scared. It's a shift that has only come upon me even since I finished Excuses Be Gone. But I managed to get a big hunk of it in because I added it because it came later after it had been submitted. I got to put this in here. But it's even much more detailed for me now. The greatest gift that you have been given is your imagination. In your imagination, in your thoughts, you have the ability to be able to create anything you want for yourself in your life. Anything in your thoughts. Would you agree with that? That you can think and create an image of what it is that you would like to be able to create. So the first, I'm reading somebody called, named Neville. How many have ever heard of Neville? A few, maybe 25, 30 people out of 2,500. Neville was like an itinerant preacher. He died in 1972. He used to lecture out here on the West Coast in Los Angeles. Neville Goddard, but he just went by the name Neville. And he's written several books. You can find him on the internet. He wrote something called The Power of Awareness, which is, I don't have it, Hay House is gonna have it. He's passed away. His daughter Victoria has put out some of it, but it's available and we're gonna put it out there because it's one of those little books that I've read 5 times now, and I'm not exaggerating. I've read it 5 times. I read it on the flight over here from Maui yesterday. It's not long, 120 pages or so, but you can read a paragraph 40 times and you can just be zowed by it. You can be wowed by it when you contemplate what it is that is being said here and whether it— and I keep thinking my experience in writing has always been to take what some people think of as complicated like the Tao and quantum physics and things like that, and to just present it in a way that the cab drivers can understand it and that school teachers can understand it and that all of us, all of us regular folks can get. And that's what I want to do with Neville. And I'm going to write a book about it, not this year, but next year. And I've already got the COVID for it and I've already got it sitting on my table. Literally, I do. It's called Wishes Fulfilled. And it's, it's, um, I wrote a book years ago called Manifest Your Destiny. That's like elementary school compared to what this is. And I just want to give you just a little touch of it in the next few minutes. It starts like I take 7 principles that you have to sort of get if you want to apply the excuses be gone paradigm. And these 7 principles, I'm not going to go through all of them. I'm just going to go through a couple of them. The first one is contemplation. And I've talked about contemplation before. Aristotle said that contemplation is the highest form of action, that it's action, that what you think about is what you become. And that, but it's even more than that. And I wrote out the specifics from Neville of it. I'm just going to go through a few of them here. I did this on the PBS show as well. Contemplation is the continuous use of your thought process. Process. Like, what do you contemplate? What do you think about? How do you use your mind? Remember now, I started this by saying that the greatest gift that you've ever been given is the gift of your imagination. That you can create for yourself in your thoughts what it is that you would like to have for yourself. The problem with it is that most people don't get it. They think that I just think it and it's not really— that's not really reality. What I'm suggesting here is a shift in thinking about how you contemplate, so that contemplation doesn't just become something that you think about, it becomes a way of being. That contemplation, that your thoughts are actually like things that begin the process of materialization, that what you contemplate in your mind, ultimately you can harden into material reality, into form. In fact, everything that has been hardened into material form began with someone's imagination, began with a thought.

Okay?

So that William Blake said that everything that you now see was once only imagined. Everything. This room, your cell phone, the clothes you're wearing, Everything, including you, that you are imagined into reality by God, that you are a product of the imagination of the Tao of God. And so that sounds like a little far-out kind of thing, but it's more than that. And just stay with me for a moment. If you contemplate with thoughts that match originating spirit, you have the same power. As originating spirit. If you could think like God thinks, you have the same power as God because you are God. You are a piece of God. You must be like what you came from. You must be. I illustrate that in the film in a real beautiful scene in there. We must be like what we come from. If you take out an ounce of blood from my veins and the cholesterol rating is 140, you can be certain for sure that all the rest of the blood going through my veins, the other 5 quarts or pints or whatever's in there, have 140 as well. Because what was taken out must be like what it came from. It's just a simple law of the universe, right? When contemplation is a vibrational match to originating spirit, a vibrational match to originating spirit, you gain the cooperation of divine mind. Attracting and fulfilling your desires. As you begin to contemplate from a place of not thinking about the end, but thinking from the end, and never allowing yourself to deter yourself from that thought, you gain the access of Divine Mind. It's how it works. It's— I got the mic, folks, and you paid to hear me. This has always worked for me. It works for me. It's what I do. My children will tell you that. They will tell you how crazy I am, that I get a thought in my mind about what it is that I am going to do, and I can't be detracted because I will not allow my attention to be taken away because I'm thinking— I believe that when I have those thoughts and they match originating spirit, that I will get the cooperation, and it always happens. Always, always. Contemplation is therefore a kind of action in and of itself which sets into motion all of the creative forces of the universe. Now here's what I want to tell you about excuses. When you rely on excuses, you allow your false self, that is the ego, which I spoke about at the beginning, to contemplate what you do not want. Or what you cannot get. That's what those 18 excuses are. They're all misalignments. They are contemplating what can't happen, how difficult it's going to be, how long it's going to take, how much money it's going to cost and you don't have it. As you contemplate in that way, you cannot create for yourself what you want. You create what you are contemplating. And then you stay down here, and the universe offers you experiences that match up to what you are contemplating. When you contemplate up here, in harmony with Divine Mind, the universe offers you experiences that match up here. The problem is that you're so easily taken away from your imagination, but I'm going to change that in the next 6 minutes. The presence of any of the excuses that I just outlined there for you you in your life is evidence that you contemplate what you can't do or have. So you're really good at contemplating what you don't want or what you can't have or what's impossible. And everybody's doing it all the time and wondering why nothing shows up or the changes don't take place. To rid yourself of excuses, you must learn to practice contemplating what you intend to manifest and simultaneously detach from the outcome. So that's contemplation. Now the next, here's what Neville said, and this, this really got to me. He said, one in a million. Now there's 300 million people in America. That means 300 people know this. All the rest don't get it. It's what he said. Only, and he literally was speaking one in a million, that when you want to understand something mentally, you contemplate it. You cogitate on it. You think about it. You compare it. You analyze it. The first 4 letters of analyze. You're anal, right? You do all of this stuff. You contemplate, you contemplate, you contemplate. You think about it. When you want to understand something intellectually and mentally, you contemplate it. When you want to understand something spiritually, you must become it. You must become it. And that's where we're going now. And that's where I take you in the middle part of this book. Now, what you have to do— this is what Neville said and what I'm saying to you— is you take in your imagination what you would like to create for yourself, and you assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. Memorize it. I have.

I can say it.

I say it 1,000 times a day to myself. Assume the feeling. Relationships, sickness, my work, my children, how I relate in my life, what I'm— assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. What is your wish? It's whatever you have in your imagination. How do you assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled? You must become it. And to understand something spiritually, you can't just contemplate it, it. You now must become it in your mind, in your imagination. You must become it. As you become it, now you have— here's the difficulty. Where do you place your attention on what it is that you are wishing for yourself in your imagination? There are two kinds of attention. The first is called objective attention. So you have a wish, you have a desire, You want to lose the weight. You want to overcome the addiction. You want to create, manifest abundance into your life. You want to get the job, whatever it is. You have the freedom to think it, to imagine it, right? You can think it. You're allowed to think it. Nobody can take that away from you. Now you assume the feeling of that wish fulfilled. What does that feel like inside of your body? What does it feel like? And ultimately, now you have to decide. Where am I going to place my attention on what it is that I intend to manifest or what I want to create for myself? If you use subjective attention, what you do is you allow anything outside of yourself, like somebody says, oh, you got a really bad speech impediment, you know, I can't even understand you, or somebody makes fun of you, or it doesn't work for you, and immediately you allow your attention to go off of of what it is that you are using your imagination to create. And the minute that you do that, you've lost it. The other is called objective attention. And this is you never allow anyone or anything, no matter what comes your way, to take you away from your wish, your vision. It's yours. Nobody gets to say, "That's just a crock of shit." They can say that all they want to, and you immediately go to the feeling. You've assumed the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You are not thinking about having that job or about being free of your addiction or about losing the weight. You've already lost it. It's in your mind. That's your imagination. This is how manifestation takes place. And so everybody that says anything to you, "Hey, chubby, how you doing today?" or, "Yeah, you're still poor," or whatever it is, you instantly go to, "I feel great. I feel terrific. This is mine. You don't get any piece of it. You don't ever, you can't have it. It's mine." Okay? Now when you do that, what happens is you put into play what's called the subconscious mind. Now the subconscious mind, the mind that you use to drive back and forth to work every day, You don't think about where you put your foot and does it go on the gas pedal and am I going to, do I have to have it and do I have to shift and do I, and should I turn and should I slow down and I better, I've got to, you don't do all of that, right? You can drive all the way across the country and never think about what the hell you're doing and never make a mistake and stop at every red light and go make your turns and all of that because you've turned it all over to this subconscious mind, this part of you that is just working on automatic pilot, right? Your subconscious mind, which is where all of your actions take place and all of your creation takes place, cannot make a distinction between what you are feeling in your body as a result of your imagination and living there, or what you are experiencing every day in the material world. It doesn't know the difference. So now here's the key. Now I'm getting excited. Now this is really good. The last 5 minutes of your day before you go into your subconscious mind to marinate for the next 8 hours, what do you do? How do you use your imagination, your mind, your thoughts What do you use it for? Most of you use it to review all of the things that you don't like about what's going on in your life, and all of the things that are missing, and all of the reasons why it's not working again. And I heard that bald-headed bastard up there talking, and it may work for him because, you know, he's rich and famous, but this ain't working for me. I can guarantee you it's not going to happen. And on and on you can go. With all of the reason he talked to me this way and then she said that and the money isn't coming in, I can't pay the bills and that bastard I'm married to, I mean he doesn't ever listen to what I mean and on and on it goes. You could fill a swimming pool. Remember Jackson Brown? I could fill a swimming pool with my tears thinking about the way that you think at night. So now the last 5 minutes you've just reviewed Everything that's wrong, everything that's missing, everything that's not going to happen, everything that I'm depressed about, all of the reasons why the world is going to hell, about this, I'm probably going to get that swine flu. I've been thinking about pigs a lot, you know, and the economy's going into the toilet and that's, I'm going to probably lose my job and I'm not going to have this and my kids, you know, they need braces and I can't afford them and my kids don't even like me anyway. And as I, and on and on and on you go, you're using your mind Now you're just about to go off into your subconscious mind and you've got 8 hours, 8 hours, 8 hours, 1/3 of your day to marinate on all the things that are wrong. What I want you to do tonight is I want you to take the last 5 minutes when you're in bed alone or with someone else, what doesn't matter, it's the last 5 minutes. 5 minutes when it's over, okay? And what I want you to do in those 5 minutes is I want you to go back to assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled in your imagination, because now your subconscious mind is going to do something for you. It's going to harden or start the process of hardening a thought into form. It starts there. That's how you get form out of thought, through this subconscious mind, which can't distinguish whether you're just thinking it and then feeling it. Change your concept of yourself by creating an idea in your mind that you can identify with it until you become it. So a radical change of your concept of yourself and get a picture in your mind of what you want to attract that is so strong that you become it. You become it in your mind.

Okay?

You know a thing— I said this earlier— you know a thing mentally by thinking about it. You know a thing spiritually by becoming it. You are now it, and you are operating from that perspective. You have achieved what it is that you want to achieve in your life. And the third is you assume the feeling of that wish fulfilled. You feel what that feels like in your body. Your imagination, number 4, is able to do all that you ask in proportion to the degree the degree of your subjective attention. That's complicated. But it's basically what I've just explained. Your imagination, your mind, your thoughts, where materialization begins and ends, is able to do all that you ask in proportion to the degree of your subjective attention. How much are you willing to hang on to it, not because it's something that you want so But it's because it's something that you already are. You're already it. Okay? And so all of your attention that you place on your wish being fulfilled is subjective. It's yours. Nothing outside of you, nothing that comes along in the circumstances of your life can change that. You have to discipline yourself to get to that place. You access divine cooperation by staying in the state of what you have imagined with your subjective attention. This is how you harden an imaginative wish into a material reality. By staying in that state, it ultimately has to become your reality. You will act upon it because your subconscious mind will start offering you up experiences to match up to that. And the— when I started writing the book, and I do that That's why when I start to write a book, I already have the COVID of the book and the jacket and the title sitting in front of me, and I look at it every single day. It's already done. All I have to do is be the conduit to let it happen. I do the same thing when I give a talk like this. You think I take this for granted? You think I believe that I can get up here and talk for 3 hours without notes and make it interesting and compelling and give you something new? And so you think I take that for granted? I bust my ass doing this. People tell me, "You make it look so easy." There's nothing easy about it. I have already imagined all of this. I've already lived with this, and my kids all know. Don't bug me an hour and a half or 2 hours before I speak. Don't call me. Don't knock on my door. Don't ask me any questions. Don't ask me what you're wearing. Don't ask me anything. I am already completing this talk. And now I can come out here and I can allow Divine Mind to work through me because my subconscious mind has given me all of the experiences that I need. That's how it works. 6. Picturing the future without assuming the feeling is simply called futile daydreaming. Let me say it again. Picturing the future without assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled is just idle, futile daydreaming. That's all that is. You have to assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. You have to say that 1,000 times a day until you really get it. Use, I said this already, use the last 5 minutes to awake, to awaken in your awakened state, to assume the feeling of your wish fulfilled. It can't hurt. It's your imagination. Why not review what it is that you want and what you already are instead of what you can't have and what's not working. Because that's what you've been doing for your lifetime. That's why you use all of these excuses. Because they become— they become your— you become a prisoner to them. They become true for you when in fact, if you put them to the test, there's nothing true about them at all. The only reason that you keep using them is you keep contemplating what you don't want and what you can't have. And great spiritual masters and those who are great achievers, they don't put their attention— I learned that from my teacher Abraham Maslow back in the 1960s when I was working on my doctoral studies. He said self-actualizing people never put their attention on what's wrong or on what's missing. He said if you want to be a great therapist, don't talk to people about their problems. Give them 5 minutes. And then spend the rest of the time on solutions, on what you're going to do about it and what's possible for you and what you can make happen. And get them to leave your office knowing within that they're already what they want to be. Your imagination is this incredible gift from which all things originate, to which all things return. That's you and God at work. And finally, experience in your imagination what you would experience in reality as if it had already achieved, if you'd already achieved it. Not as an onlooker thinking of the end, but as a participant thinking from the end. Make it pleasurable.

Okay.

So the substance that I'm speaking about here is consciousness. It's called consciousness. It is your imagination which forms consciousness, this substance, into concepts, which are then manifested as conditions and circumstances and physical objects. So it's your imagination which takes consciousness and turns it into concepts, which when they're manifested, they come out as conditions or circumstances and physical objects. This imagination made— thus imagination made your world. This supreme truth is, with but few exceptions, man is not conscious of it. Most of us simply are not conscious of the fact that within us we have the ability to take consciousness, move it in our imagination into circumstances, move it into conceptualizations, and then move it into form. Through our imagination, that you have the ability to do that. You can become a manifester if you think from the end. Now, the paradigm, which is the real essence of Excuses Be Gone, it's 7 questions that you look at and you look at in a hard way. I'm just going to go through a few of them. First question: every excuse that you use It's going to be difficult. It's going to take a long time. I can't afford it. We'll use those. First question to ask yourself about that excuse as you begin the process of fulfilling your wishes is, is it true? Is that thought true? I want to do this, but it's going to take a long time. I want to do this, but it's going to be difficult. I want to do this, but I can't afford it. Those are just 3 of them. The second part of this question is, can you be 100% certain that the excuse that you are using for not making your life work the way you want it to is true? Can you be 100% certain that it is true that it's going to be difficult, that it's going to take a long time, that you can't afford it? Can you be 100% certain that it's not going to be difficult? You can never be 100% certain of anything, can you? So you can't be 100% certain that what you would like to do or accomplish or create for yourself is going to be difficult. And you can't be 100% certain that it is going to be difficult. But one of those thoughts will lead you to overcoming the resistance and creating what you want. And the other one is a guarantee that you'll never get it, why would you opt for the thought that says it's going to be difficult and you can't be certain that it's true rather than it's going to be easy, which you can't be certain that it's 100% certain that it's true, but at least if you believe that it's going to be easy, you'll start going down that path? And do you see how we do this with virtually every thought that we have? You get a headache, you get sick, Like, you get— things don't work out for you the way that you would like to, and immediately you go to the excuse, "I'm too old. I'm too scared. I'm too busy. I can't make this happen." And if you stop that and say, "What's the reverse of that thought? I'm not scared. I can do this. It's going to be easy. I can afford it." What's— if you say to yourself that you can't afford to do something, and I hear it from people every day, you can't afford to do something. Why would— and you can't be 100% certain that you can't afford it because the money could show up. There's a real likelihood that it could show up. Is it more likely that the money will show up if you think the thought that you can't afford it or if you think the thought that you can afford it? Because if you think the thought that you can afford it and you assume the feeling of that wish fulfilled and you go through and marinate in that for 8 hours every night, you're going to now begin to align yourself yourself in a different way. And the universe is going to start providing you with, and you're going to start acting and thinking like God thinks, and before you know it, the money's going to show up. The second question in the paradigm is, where did these thoughts come from? These are all memes. What are memes? Viruses. Not the kind of viruses that are in your computer or in your body. Mind viruses. Do they have any substance? No, they're ideas. They've been placed in your mind. What's their purpose? Duplicate, infiltrate, spread. You have been a virus carrier for it. Where did they come from? The answer to that question is very simple. They came from you. Every single one of them came from you. But we carry these things around. What you do is you take total responsibility for every single one of them. You say, yes, I was 3 years old. And when patients would come to me and say, I was only 3 years old, you know, I didn't really choose it. I said, did you know any other 3-year-olds who listened to the same and didn't buy it? Who heard their parents saying the same thing to them, heard their teachers saying that? Yeah. Well, who's responsible for you thinking those things? Well, it's my mother. Mothers take a big rap on this. Big rap I say, "So your mother is responsible for the way that you are in your life?" "Yes." I say, "Okay, get out of here. I want you to get up. I want you to go home. I want you to go get your mother. I want you to bring her back here." "Why?" I said, "Because I'm going to treat her and you're going to get better." And you can see the absurdity of it, can't you? So if you're not willing to take responsibility total responsibility for everything that you are instead of placing it on anyone or anything or any set of circumstances outside of your life. You signed up for all of that. If you're the middle child, you signed up for it. How do you know? Because you are. You know, if your parents got divorced, that was necessary. You had to go through that. You needed that experience in this lifetime. If you were abandoned, if you lived in an orphanage, if you were sick, if you broke your leg, if you're blind, whatever it means. As my friend Ram Dass says, everything that you experience in your life is nothing more than your curriculum to God. It's just your curriculum to God. This is the one that you signed up for. So accept it. Accept it all. And I talk quite a bit about that in there. The third of these questions is, um, what are the payoffs? And basically the payoffs— every behavior, every excuse that you use has a payoff. Usually it's the avoidance of your dharma. It's usually to avoid the callings of your soul. It's usually to allow other people to be responsible and to run away from it. I go through them all, but the fourth one, and this is the one I want to close with, ask yourself this question: What would my life look like if I couldn't use the excuse that I've been using to explain why my life isn't working the way I want it to work in this dimension? What would my life look like if I couldn't use this excuse? If you simply couldn't say, "It's going to be difficult. I can't afford it." What if you just couldn't think that? And as you begin to look at changing those ways of being, you begin to see that you don't have to hang on to them at all. If you couldn't think them, tell yourself you can't. It's no longer possible for me to think that I can't accomplish what I want. I have an imagination. I can assume the feeling of that wish fulfilled. I can place objective attention always on that wish being fulfilled.

Hi, and welcome to Dr. Wayne Dyer's Inspiration. I'm Summer McStravick, the producer of this program, and I'll be fielding all of your calls this hour. Welcome to everyone. And Dr. Dyer, how are you today?

I'm great, thank you. How are you?

Ah, feeling good. What's, what's on your mind this, this week in the middle of the summertime?

Oh well, we're going to take some calls, but I just wanted to share one, one of the things that I think is really good to do for people, and I just did it this weekend, is, uh, go out into nature and really escape from all of the noise and the, you know, the confusion and all the obstructions and all the people, all the cars, all the sounds, all the noises that are in the normal everyday living that we just sort of accept. All the beeping in the air and the blowers and the trucks and the lifters and noise, noise, noise. And there's something about the noises of nature. And this weekend I live over on West Maui and I went over halfway over to a place called Hana, which in Hawaiian means heaven, and went to a wedding of my yoga instructor. And she married someone from New Zealand, a Maori. And the whole group of people went out there and the only thing that we could do out there for the entire weekend, there was 150 people out there, is to camp. So we had to bring tents tents and sleep outdoors in the camps and then swim in waterfalls and pools for the entire weekend. And it was just really magnificent. And then the night up there, and this is the rainforest, so it rains almost every night, and it rained and rained and rained so hard all throughout the night from about 1 o'clock in the morning until about 5. And of course the water started coming in under the tent and, you know, having— it was just one of those kinds of experiences where, you know, normally you won't have to worry about whether you're going to get wet when you're sleeping And you don't have to do, you know, be concerned about what bugs are going to be coming in and all that. It was a wonderful, terrific experience. And I recommend, especially if you're feeling a little tense, feeling a little out of sorts or worked up or nervous or depressed or whatever, is return to your nature. That's what Lao Tzu taught me in the Tao Te Ching, that you'll find God not in some bearded white man floating around in heaven. Sort of a cosmic bellboy waiting for you to give orders or ask for things. That much more you'll find God or source or spirit in nature, in all of the wonderful ways that nature has presented to itself. And getting out there and experiencing it and living among it and listening. You know, I would go away to meditate just because there was a whole bunch of kids there, and so I would just go 100 yards away. And any place that I would sit within 10, 15 feet of where I was, I was, there was probably a million little creatures, just tiny little bugs, little this, little crickets, little noises and all of that. And that's every cubic inch of space. There is, it seems, something out there that's alive and something to experience and to know. And it's a good way. Nature, nature is extremely healing. It's very therapeutic. I felt, I felt very, very peaceful and enjoyed it very, very much. So my recommendation for this week is spend a little time in nature and you'll find God.

Okay, connect with the earth, in other words.

Yeah.

When you said Hannah, is that the tiny little town that takes— Hannah, it takes like a 6-hour drive through switchbacks to get to?

A lot of—

I believe I've done that.

Yes, it is.

It's not quite 6 hours, but it's, uh, with a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old in a car seat, it's, uh, 6 plus.

We have that. We call that our trip from hell one time that we did. We took 5 of our kids, and they were 5— we had 5 under the age of 8, and we took them all. We hired a limousine many, many years ago, and they prepared meals and all of them took that. And the first kid got a little bit carsick and she threw up. Then with, of course, the smell of this, of the throw-up in the back, that made the next one. So 5 of the kids, by the time we got to Hana where we were going, even the food in the back had been— it was not a pleasant— it was one of those things. Oh yeah, it's very much, yeah, very much motion sickness and switchbacks. Yes, that's Hana.

I think I remember that.

That's called the road to Hana. Those of you who are coming to Maui, when you, when I do my seminar here in October with a weekend seminar on Excuses Be Gone, you might want to take a look at that trip over to Hana. It's quite an experience. All the way over there, all the way over there, there are waterfalls and there are pools to swim in. And yeah, I could go on and on about what it was like to swim. And I did a 45-minute swim in one of those pools, just back and forth, back and forth, under a waterfall. And the energy of that was just— it took away some congestion and things that I had had. So it was really powerful. And now tomorrow morning I'm getting ready to leave for San Francisco and to do filming for my new film, which will be out in January, called From Ambition to Meaning. The star is Portia de Rossi, who is Ellen DeGeneres's partner, and she's also the star in her own right of Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, and she's become She's going to be the star of this film, other than Wayne Dyer, of course. I know I'm a movie star, and I'm trying to tell them I want to, you know, I want my people to meet with your people, and I want to have— I'm starting to talk the Hollywood kind of talk, you know. It's, uh, I want a trailer that's bigger than everybody else's trailer because I'm demanding your, your certain type of water bottles. And if there's any questions, I'll have my people talk to your people, and we'll do— they'll do lunch and have key Beach.

All right, let's get out of that. Let's get away from that right away.

Let's get back to nature here.

All right. Okay, we have, um, first of all, Maura. She's calling today from Dayton, Ohio on line 3. Maura, welcome to the program. You're speaking live with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Hi, this is a dream come true.

Hi.

And speak up as well, if you wouldn't mind.

Yes, um, I'm in my office, so I'm trying to talk a little low. So can you hear me?

I can hear you.

Okay. First, I want to tell you, you have changed my life tremendously. Thank you so much.

Thank you. You're very welcome.

You're a true blessing. And some are actually— I was listening to your show Flow Dreaming today, and you talked about envisioning presents like you're a kid on Christmas Day opening presents. And I had this feeling overwhelm me today with that. So this is truly a present.

Oh, that's so wonderful. How may I help you, Mara?

Well, um, I just made a career change, which is really to the positive. It's a wonderful opportunity for me. And at the same time, my husband is in a transition too, and he's following something he's always wanted to do. My problem— or I shouldn't say problem, but I have this feeling, and I don't know why, while he makes this change, that he is going to find someone else that is more suiting for him. And I thought this way for quite a few years, and actually I had the same situation in my last marriage. And it happened, and I know how we, we think and we can manifest things. And I don't want— I mean, that's not what my intention is. And I don't know why it comes up.

Well, it comes up because it's been your life experience. And, you know, you live in great fear of the same kind of thing replicating itself in your life and probably are thinking, best especially based upon all of the things that you've learned, that you, you know, you attract into your life exactly what you need at exactly the right moment and the right time. And, you know, you become what you think about. And then you did that. And so now what you've done is you've trained your mind. It's a lot of what we do as, as we get older. We start using the second half of our life to sort of get over the things that we did in the first half of our life. And, and with a marriage, very often you, you know, you start using your second marriage to get over the things that you had to deal with when you were in your first marriage. And if you can understand that, um, that thought is something that you want to be very cautious about. If I were going to have that thought. Instead of saying, this is something that I'm terrified of and that I fear, I would be putting it into a different perspective, that whatever it is that is your dharma, your relationship to this person that you're married to and that you love very much, if it is to come to an end, and if it's to come to an end in some way that is very similar to what I did the first time, then I'll handle that as well, whatever it is. But right now, I want to put my thoughts on where I am, because I've said it so many times on this program, everything that ever happened to you in your life, and especially in your last marriage, happened to you in the present moment. And everything that's going to happen to you in this relationship is going to happen to you in the present moment. That is, the future and the past are nothing more than illusions. They all occur in the present moment. So your relationship to this marriage is really your relationship to the present moment. So rather than focusing on its ending and, and some, you know, kind of disaster that you just have imagined for yourself. Imagine that whatever it is that comes along, you'll be able to handle it. And if it's— and if there is somebody out there that is more suited to be with your husband, and that's, you know, 10 years down the road or what it is, then that's, that's exactly what you'll handle when that were to show up as well. In other words, get the disaster out of it. Get the you know, I call this disasterizing, you know, just getting yourself all worked up. You know, there's an old saying that says, I'm an old man and I've had many troubles, most of which have never happened. And you know, it's like these are all things that we create for ourselves in our mind. Just know that whatever it is that is coming your way in this relationship, know that it is all for your highest good and for your husband's highest good. And who wants— who could ask for anything more than that? You know what I mean?

Yeah, you're right. You're right with that. And in a roundabout way, some of those thoughts too have come about. You know, I'll handle it as it goes, but I don't like having that feeling. And I really, you know, I do daily affirmations where I'm trying to create more positive things with it.

So think of it like this, Maura. Think of the— because what you're talking about is something called worry. You know, and worrying about what might happen, you know, with all the possibilities and so on. Think of it instead of what might happen in the future. Ask yourself this question whenever one of those thoughts pops into your head. That is, why am I using up this present moment, which is all I get in life, all I'll ever get? Why would I want to use it being consumed with something that might or might not happen down the road? Why not instead say to myself, that I'm, you know, we're married, we're happy, we love each other, and I'm going to be in this moment and I'm going to enjoy. And the more you're able to do that and be there and send that worry thought away, because the worry thought is nothing more than how you're choosing to use up this present moment by consuming yourself with worry. Guilt is the opposite of that. Guilt is being, using up the present moment to be concerned about something that you did or didn't do or should have done or didn't do right, but you're still doing it in the present moment. So worry and guilt, in my book Your Erroneous Zones, I call these the useless emotions. They're just useless because all they do is take you away from the moment and have you fill up the moment with something other than what you want to be doing, which is to be in a fully functioning, loving, present moment experience all the time, just being in the now. And if you want to learn how to do that, go out and watch your animal, you know, because I wrote a book years ago called The Sky's the Limit, and one of the chapters is called First Be a Good Animal. And there's so much that we can learn from the creatures out there. Like an otter isn't worried about, you know, whether its mate is going to leave it 2 months from now or whether it likes somebody else better or any of those kinds of things. It's just in the moment, being an otter. Just be an otter. Just enjoy the moment. And you'll find that all of that other stuff will just pass exactly the way it's supposed to. It's all unfold perfectly. And everybody who comes into our life, by the way, everybody who comes in, it's like a play. You know, they have certain roles to play. Some of them in for the whole act, usually your parents and grandparents or so on. They're in for the whole, every act of the play. And some of them come in for a short time and then they leave and some come back. And, you know, everybody's making entrances and exits, and ultimately we all exit the play, don't we?

Yeah, yeah, we do.

It's never worth it. It's all of that anxiety and that stress and that fear and that worry. All you're doing is wasting the present moments of your life, filling them with something that you could otherwise be filling them with. And that's what I would be asking you if I were your therapist. Like, what is it that you could be doing in the moments when you're worried about whether your husband's going to find someone more suited to you? What could you be doing other than that? Supposing that your mind wasn't capable of thinking that thought, what would your life look like if you couldn't think that thought? And how would you feel?

How would I feel?

What if you couldn't think that? What if you just couldn't think that thought that you had that your husband might someday die? What if you couldn't think that?

I would be content. I would be happy with everything because we have a lot together. He's my best friend and we have so much together now. I would be happy. Be.

And I am. Yeah, if you couldn't think that thought, you would be happy. So the only thing that keeps you from being happy isn't your husband or isn't you. It's that thought.

Yeah.

And if you just decide that I'm in charge of what thoughts that I have, you know, so now you say, okay, I'll just, you just go on to the, you use your imagination and you go into this imaginary place where you just don't, you just assume I can't think that thought. My brain isn't capable of making the chemicals that are going to allow I allow that thought to come to me. And then you start realizing that I am now content. You use the word, I'm content. You would be free, you would be joyful, you would be happy, you'd be filled with joy. And if you read the Tao, if you read Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life, there's a whole chapter in there on contentment. That's what Lao Tzu was teaching us all. Just be in a state of contentment instead of wanting something or worrying something or being obsessed about what already happened. That's a great call. I'm glad you called this morning.

Thank you so much.

I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you. God bless you.

God bless you too.

Thanks for your call, Maura. Well, Dr. Dyer, when we let go of that last caller, there was not much time before the break, but one thing Maura made me think about was how some of us worry obsessively about the past and others like Maura or myself, we worry about the future. She's worrying about something that's going to happen, and I notice in myself I tend to always worry about the future, but I never worry about about the past. Do you think that's just our personalities or human nature?

Yeah, I think that when we call it worrying about the past, I think that's a misapplication of the use of worry, the word worry. I've always used— anytime you use everything you do, you do in the present moment. So the question always is, why am I using up my present moment this way? Anything that you're using to think about what happened in the past, if it shouldn't have happened, I wish it wouldn't have, I was wrong, I was I call that guilt. And the reason why guilt is a useless emotion is because it's just inconsiderate or inconvenient way of using up the present moment. If you use up the present moment to say, okay, I did this and I'm going to learn from it, I'm not going to do it again, that's not guilt. That's just called learning from the past. But if you're obsessed about it and worried about it and feeling sad about it, then you're just practicing, you know, one of the most useless things that you can do, which is to feel guilty. Learn from it. But feeling guilty is a waste of the present moment, as is worrying about anything, really. There's a wonderful statement that my teacher in India used to say to me. He said, it makes no sense to worry about the things you have no control over, because if you have no control over them, it makes no sense to worry about them. And then he said, and it makes no sense to worry about the things that you do have control over, because if you have control over them, it makes no sense to worry about them. So there goes everything that it's possible to worry about. You either have control or you don't. In either case, worry is a waste of your present present moments.

So in any instant, you could just ask yourself, do I have any control over this? Yes or no?

Right.

And move on.

Yeah. And that's what the Serenity Prayer is really about. And grant me the, you know, the wisdom to know the difference between the things I do— I can control— and the things I can't control. And for sure, you can't control anything that's already happened. You just can't control it. Yeah, that's true.

Good distinction there. How about we move to Amanda then? We have a caller from Canada. Alberta, Canada. Amanda, you're on line 2.

Welcome.

You're speaking with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Thank you. Hi, Wayne.

Hi, Amanda.

Hello. I just wanted to say my mom and my sisters and I enjoyed you at the Las Vegas I Can Do You.

Oh, yes.

We listened to your lecture and it was very good. Thank you.

Well, thank you.

Yes.

Did you say I can do you? I like that, but it was I can do it.

That's what I heard too.

I don't want anybody out there thinking, okay, what did Wayne and Amanda, what were they up to? I can do you in Las Vegas.

It stays in Vegas, guys.

I can do you in Vegas. I like that. I think we're going to change it to that. That's great.

Oh, yeah.

You Canadians, you're so vain.

What else is on your mind, Amanda?

Well, what's been on my mind for the last month is I have a tendency— I'm just looking for some words of wisdom. I've been feeling this deep resentment inside of me. I feel like my ego jumps out at the best of times. I'm trying to really work hard at going inside my heart, but every time a certain situation comes up, whether it's with my family or someone else, I feel like I'm going through my head. I would like to get some words of wisdom.

What kinds of things cause you to have this resentment?

Let's see. I feel that I've never been a person to feel this angry inside, and I've always come from peace and loving words, and lately I've been feeling that they're not coming out of me, and I'm doing my best to do my affirmations or my angel cards, but I've never been this way, and I'm not sure how to answer your question.

Yeah. How old are you, Amanda?

Uh, 31.

Are you married?

No, I've been single for about 4 years.

You were married?

Oh no, no, just in different relationships.

I see. Yeah, I think sometimes the, um, you know, when we use the word resentment about, uh, you know, what's happening to, uh, and it causes us to go inside and express itself in, uh, in angry words and so on, is, um, that That's the time when you have to— it isn't going to be affirmations that are going to heal that for you. It's going to be— there's like a— generally speaking, there's a wound in there someplace. There's some kind of something going on in there that you're not at peace with. And if you can— it isn't even locating it as much as, you know, I always like that quotation that I give from Moby Dick from Melville, you know, for as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land. So in the soul of man lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all of the horrors of the half-lived life. And the half-lived life is what I always suspect when I hear what you're saying, you know, because likely you're not— you know, you're 31, so you've moved into your 30s now. Now you look back and say, oh my God, my 20s are gone already, you know, and here I am, 31, and my next one 40s and then, oh my God, that's just ancient, you know. So it's like, you know, and it's like you got to kind of get on with what am I here for? What's my purpose? What is all of this about? And, you know, the real purpose of life is to enjoy it. And if you're not able to do that, you know, you have to go to that insular Tahiti and go to that place of inner peace and joy. Generally, the best thing to do is what Lao Tzu recommends, which is to start living the virtues. Start taking the focus off of yourself, off of me, off of my relationships, off of what's working and not working, off of my job, off of how much money I'm making, off of what my parents think, or anything. Like, all of that— like, just take you out of the picture and suspend yourself. Let that ego part of you go and instead reach out. Reaching out and serving. Find yourself in a place where you can go out there and and extend joy, extend peace, extend kindness someplace in, in some way to someone. I don't need to tell you how to do that because that's really easy to do. You can turn around in the next 5 minutes after you hang up the phone and do it. Just reach out in love in some way, or find someone less fortunate than you, or donate $20 to something, or whatever it might be. And the minute that you start taking your focus off of yourself, you become more godlike. You become— you get into that place where you're starting to understand this is, this is what it means to be God-realized. This is what Lao Tzu meant when he said, be Tao-centered. Act like God does. Act like the source does. Act like the Tao does, which is— and what does the Tao do? It's always serving. It's always giving. It's always concerned with abundance and providing and offering and sharing and loving. And, and it's all natural. It's all natural. And I was thinking, you're in Alberta, and I can remember one time going into Alberta. Do you know where Lake Louise is? Is.

Yes.

And, uh, have you ever been up there to Banff and Lake Louise?

Uh, yes, I have.

Yeah, that would be such a— I was thinking, I don't know how anybody could be unhappy or depressed or anything when, when they're in a place like that. That might be a really good spot for you to just go up there and contemplate and be, you know, rather than focusing on Amanda.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, well, thank you.

So head to Banff Camp.

I will.

Lake Louise is calling you. It's the most— I think it's the most pristine, beautiful place in all of North America.

Well, I went there during my years of when I was in the choir in my junior high years, but I haven't been since. So I've been wanting to go somewhere.

That's the perfect place, I'm telling you. I could see— I could just, for some reason, I could see you meditating right by those mountains there and right in that beautiful spot.

Oh good. All right.

So that's my little psychic ploy for today. Get you to Lake Louise and just be. And then see how much serving you can do, how much focus you can take off of yourself, and how much reaching out that you can do in that, in the time, especially while you're on your way there.

All right.

Okay, sweetheart.

Thank you so much.

Thanks. Thank you. God bless you. Namaste.

Appreciate it. All right, Dr. Dyer, we have Marie calling you now from Marie, you're on line 1. Welcome. You're speaking with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Hi, Dr. Dyer.

Hi, Marie.

How are you?

Good. I'm so excited to get to talk to you. I've been reading your books for years and I love them and they've been a big help to me.

Well, thank you very much. I love your town. I've been up there many times.

Yeah.

My question is, I'm feeling stuck, mostly in my career but also in my personal life and finances too. And I know I need to change something. And I feel like I want to change, but I don't know what to do, so I just feel paralyzed, like I'm not doing anything. And then I'm frustrated because I feel I want to change but don't know what next step to take.

So the reason why you're stuck is?

Mostly it's centered around my career. I've been doing the same type of work for 28 years, and I stay with it because I need the money, and part of it is I'm self-employed, and it works. Part of it works as far as like I get to set my own hours, so I like that aspect of it, but I don't enjoy the work anymore, and I just— it's draining to go to work. It just feels like it's sucking the life out of me.

Oh, well then you just have to— you, you're— all of the excuses that you're using for not, you know, making that change, which are probably in the neighborhood, I wouldn't be as financially secure, um, other, you know, other people in my family wouldn't understand that.

Yep.

There would be, you know, there would be family drama that I would have to deal with. You know, I would be frightened because I would be entering into new territory that I've never been in before, and it's, it's not my nature to be risky. It's more my nature to be safe.

Is that right? Yep.

Yeah, because that's— you wouldn't be in the same place for 28 years again. See, all of these are— you know, you're the perfect person. I want you to read my new book, Excuses Be Gone. I wish I had it done for you.

I can't wait. I heard about it.

Yeah, next year. Yeah. And it's, it's really about some of the stuff we've been talking about here today. It's like, is to really go to look at the thoughts that you have, all of those excuses that I just laid out for you. If you were to ask the question, the very first question— I have what I call an excuses be gone paradigm. And this paradigm is like you ask yourself a series of 7 questions. The first question you ask yourself, is it true? And then you look at, well, you know, where did it come from? And then you look at, what if I couldn't think these kind of thoughts? And then you begin to look at coming up with rational reasons to change it. But right now, for you, you have all the reason, all the rational reasons in the world to change that, because the description that you just gave— it's gnawing at me, it's painful, it hurts for me to make those kind of changes— I always think, you know, what if you couldn't think those kind of thoughts? What if that wasn't a possibility? And if you were totally free, if you were completely free and didn't have to worry about all those things that I just laid out, out, what would you be doing? What would you be doing that wouldn't make you feel so constrained and so, oh, I don't know, even unworthy of the kind of stuff that you're going through in your life? What would you be doing? Do you know?

I always lean towards the arts. Art, writing. I enjoyed it in school and I still enjoy it. I just haven't done anything with it. I just got caught up in everything else and I haven't But I always go back to drawing or writing, and I've thought of children's— writing children's, children's books. I've kind of dabbled in it about 10 years ago, and then I let it go and didn't do anything with it. And but it still comes back.

What would keep you from doing that?

I think part of what happens is I have the idea, but then I— and I know I do this to myself— I think too far ahead because I was like, okay, if I write something, then what do I do with it? I don't know what— I think I jumped too far ahead. I don't know what steps to take.

Right. And that's a theme of what we're talking about here today. That's really like— so we get into this worry theme, you know, about— so if I were to do this, then this would be the consequence. And then if I were to do this— and so instead of using your mind and your time and your life energy to be doing what you really truly enjoy, which is the whole purpose of life, instead you're using it— the minute that you stop, you say, no, no, no, I'm not deserving of that. I'm not worthy of that. And that's— and then I'm not going to be able to make money. And what are my family going to think if I were to do that? And so all of that stuff that you twist— I call these memes, you know, these are just the, you know, the thoughts that we have had implanted in our minds from your parents and their parents. And endlessly it goes back into all of this worry stuff. And instead, the way out of it is to say, okay, the artwork— someone I was on the radio show with last week named Magli in New York. I don't know if you heard the show, but she talked to me about painting that she had done of Lao Tzu. And she finally— I finally got it. It was sent to me and it arrived last week. I think it was 2 weeks ago we did that. Well, it's one of the most beautiful creations. In fact, it was so terrific that when I got it and I put it up on my wall, I was so inspired by it, I sat down and wrote her a check for $1,000 and sent it to her just because I wanted her to know that her first painting deserved, you know, that kind of reward for it. And I think she's going to be a very famous artist. And I would say I say the same to you. You know, instead of going through all the worry, anxiety, just be in the present moment. Just be in that and practice that a little bit instead of all that worry time.

Okay, sweetie. Thank you so much.

Thank you. God bless you, my friend.

Let's find out what, um, Blaine in Lindsay, Ontario has to say to you today. Blaine, welcome. You're speaking with Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Thanks, Summer. Wayne, this is a thrill to get to speak to you today. I was able to see you in Detroit and Toronto, and when I saw you in Toronto, it was the I Can Do Not like the other Canadian.

Not that can do me, right?

Yes, exactly.

And I'm glad you didn't say that.

Yeah, see, and so am I. And I don't know if you remember, in Detroit my daughter had done up a wonderful letter for you, and she's still wanting you to do a kids meeting at some point with all the kids. You've made some great kids' books, which we love.

Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, I think I do recall that.

Well, that's me. Well, I was— I sensed I needed to call today, and obviously I've gotten through, and I'm a little nervous, but bear with me. 3 years ago, your book Inspiration just did everything, kind of set me on a different track. So it's been amazing. My question today is, I have a business that I've been doing for 15 years with this, my sister, and I really am kind of worried that we need to deal with selling it and moving on. And I've got a whole lot of different things that have come to me that I want to do, and I'm wondering if I I've maybe given myself too many things to jump into, or if I should narrow it down. Or, you know, and again, I always worry about doing the right thing and attracting prosperity and not doing something silly.

So, well, first of all, the attracting prosperity business is like, you know, just know that that's, that's the only thing that you can attract. As long as you keep your focus not so much on how is it going to happen, when's it going to happen, you know, what is the divine timing— because divine timing really means it's already in much bigger hands than yours— and just constantly use the affirmations confirmation that it's on its way, whatever it is that you— in the way of prosperity is on its way. But you've been doing a business for 15 years. Is getting rid of that business or selling that business or moving on from that business— is that something that you can see happening for yourself, or is it a fearful thing?

Yeah, ideally that's what I would love to have happen, and we're kind of at the end of our current negotiations and agreements, so it would be a good time to try and sell it. But I'm dealing with, you know, bring— being up, you know, our upbringing different thoughts than what you've introduced me to, was, you know, almost like don't expect great things and, you know, work hard and you may get some money or you may not, and assuming that it's, you know, that we won't be able to sell it. So those type of thoughts are there in my circle, I guess you would call it.

Yeah, sort of the old idea that life really is a sexually transmitted, you know, terminal disease. That we're all just going to die anyway, so none of it is, you know, but you don't think like that any longer anyway.

No, absolutely not.

Yeah, I think for you, I mean, I don't know, I can't get a reading on anything intuitively, but I can just sense that whatever it is that you put your attention on, and if your question is, am I thinking too many things and having too much stuff come into me, that's the creative process. You know, like the creative source doesn't say, oh, I'm making too many mosquitoes. Well, what about rose bushes? Well, I need to make some, you know, antelopes and, you know, the creative source is in a constant state of creating, and there's never any restriction, there's never any limitations. It's just constantly giving, offering, and providing. And when you move into this kind of realization, which you must be, especially if you attended the conference in Detroit and so on, and you're thinking about these ideas, you're reading books like Inspiration, yeah, you know, you have a deep knowing inside of you that you are totally unlimited, whatever it is. I mean, I sit here right now at the age of 68, and I know that if I decided to change careers right now and just go into something completely different, something I had never even done before, you know, being a sports announcer or whatever it is, that I know that it's all I would have to do is put my attention on it and the universe would send me, you know, the right people, the right events, the right circumstance. It would all just begin to show up. You almost get— it's hard to explain this, but you almost get a, uh, a sense of, um, that whatever it is I want I want to manifest or attract into my life, whatever it might be, that there's absolutely no limit to it whatsoever. And you get— the right word isn't arrogant, but it's the word that keeps going— you get almost like a knowing that is so powerful that nothing can dissuade you from it. You know, nothing can come in there and say, no, this can't happen, this isn't going to work, these are all the obstacles, these are all the reasons where all of that stuff, that's the work of other people. That's the work of people, you know, people in the past who have tried to make these You know, try to make your life safe and try to do the right thing by you and all with good intentions, but always with limitations and always with you have to watch out for the outcome. And now you're moving into that. You're moving into the same place that you're going to move into when you die, when you leave this body behind, you know, when you leave, when you just this place of oneness and oneness is a very difficult concept for us to grasp because we're always in two-ness. We're always in, you know, not just the thing, but the symbol of the thing and what will happen and what and what circumstances might, and we introduce conflict. There's always this inclination of the mind to go into this area of conflict and the what-ifs. But when you're in oneness, when you're in total oneness, you know it's all perfect. And every one of these thoughts that are bombarding your consciousness now, they're coming in there just to sort of wake you up and have you realize that there's absolutely no limits whatsoever. You just make the decision whichever way you want to go. Practice living the virtues. Practice being out there and serving and honoring others and servicing yourself and God and our planet, and the right thing will come your way. I know that's a long, windy answer, but—

Well, I needed it all, I'm sure. And I have one major, major project that I want to lead forward to that I— it came to me when I was just reading your first book, and it actually woke me up in the middle of the night, and I had to draw it all out. And So I've been working on it for 3 years and I always go back to your point of doing it just one step at a time and not thinking it has to be here right immediately. Yeah.

But there's a big difference between thinking— because I always say in the Tao it says think small, don't think big because the journey of 1,000 miles begins with that step, that single step. And that's all you can do is just take the next step and the next and the next. But that doesn't mean that you don't have big visions. No, you know, it doesn't mean, you know, because in the Tao it says that the Taoist masters, or, you know, what he— what they call sages— a sage accomplishes great things by thinking small, by thinking about what I can do in this moment. But you don't— you don't say that the great things aren't going to come my way, and I'm not going to be able to, you know, do all of those things because I'm focused on this moment. But the more you stay focused on this moment— like, I've been writing this book on Excuses Be Gone, Todd. Since every single day since around the 1st of February of this year. And I just passed on, uh, last, uh, Friday, page 425 of handwritten pages. That's not how many book pages, but 425 pages I have filled by thinking about what I can do. But I've always had the vision of this thing being completed. In fact, I have a picture of what the book is going to look like before I even start the book there, so that I know that it's already complete. Complete. I'm just sort of filling in the pieces. I'm filling in the pieces. And if you can see yourself as doing that, and then if you get pulled— and it doesn't mean I'm not doing other things, my goodness, I'm making a film, I'm doing, you know, I've got all kinds of things that are going on and giving lectures around the world. It's all over the place. But it's like there's just this kind of this knowing that this isn't me doing it all. You know, it's like you get this awareness that you're not— you're letting yourself be lived by it instead of you living it, you know, just letting it take you wherever it's going to take you and being at peace with it. Just like that beautiful song I ended one of my PBS shows with. It says, row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream. There's so much wisdom in that. It's like row, row, row means do, do, do, work, work, work. Just whatever, more row, row your boat. Don't row somebody else's boat. And row it gently, always gently, always in harmony with God. And do go down the stream. In other words, don't go up the stream and fight it and all of that. And do it merrily, merrily, because in the end, it's all a dream. It's just all one big dream. We're all characters in God's dream. So there's great wisdom in that simple little song.

It sure is. Well, and you've got lots of it. And I I thank God for you every day and what you've done.

Thank you, Blaine. So nice to talk.

Thanks a lot, Blaine.

Thanks.

God bless you.

Take care.

Namaste.

Let's go now to Jennifer. She's calling from New York, New York. We hear a lot from New York. Jennifer, hi, how are you?

Great, how are you doing?

Hi, Jennifer.

Hey, Dr. Blaine Dyer, I have a car full of fans of yours.

A car full of what?

Fans. My dad, my sister, my mom too, but we're all coming to see you in New York City too.

Oh great, in October, October 7th.

Yes.

At the Jacob Javits Center, that's going to be great. That's always a wonderful night. That's when I always feel like, that's when I feel like I'm a rock star, you know? Because New Yorkers are so great, you know? They're just, I love New York.

They dress up too. Yeah. Unlike us in California and Hawaii.

What's on your mind, beautiful?

Oh, I'm just getting out of a very rough relationship. Relationship 4 and a half years now, and, uh, I found out the whole time he was cheating on me. And I loved him more than I've loved anyone. I'm 31 years old now, and I thought I'd be with him, you know. And, and I, I'm not sure how I'm going to get past this because I need to be strong enough on my own to stay away from him.

Wait a minute, because we don't have too much time. How does he feel about this relationship breaking up?

He, he just will just deny and lie, and he'll He just doesn't want me to leave.

So he's still in love with you and you're still in love with him. And the thing, the reason why you can't be together even though you're both in love with each other is because he cheated on you?

Well, he is continuing this trust issue. There isn't any trust. And he's also—

But what is the trust center around? Is it around money? Does he steal from you?

Oh no, he has that. He's a musician and he has has a lot of groupies.

Yeah.

So, and it hasn't changed.

But there's so much that we do with this. Gosh, I wish I could, you know, wish I had hours to talk about that. It's this whole idea that we believe that because you're in love with somebody else and that other person has, you know, maybe expressed love towards somebody else or had sex with somebody else, you know, or whatever it is, that makes it all impossible. And it's like we get this idea that, you know, if you're not exclusive to me, that we're trying to really make ourselves into these monogamous creatures, you know, who only have eyes for each other and we fall in love with each other and we never look at anybody else. But that's my experience after all of these years is that that's just basically hardly ever the case, you know. And yet we just have this sort of, I don't know, the standard that we have for each other. I would practice a lot of forgiveness here. I would really have conversations Conversations with him, I would tell him what hurts and, and why. But I don't know that I would, unless this person is just like a dishonest person in the sense of, you know, really being abusive or stealing or things like that. If he just loves you, loves you, loves you, but has, you know, maybe there's— there will come a time when he can be in that, that place of being totally exclusively yours. But I hate to see two people who really adore each other and really love each break up on the basis of something that just seems to be built into our DNA, this idea of looking out there somewhere else. And this isn't a justification for people cheating. It's more of an awareness that, you know, that as human beings we try to put standards on ourselves that sometimes there's something internal within us that just won't allow it. And we try to fight that internal thing, you know. Does that make sense?

Or am I No, it makes sense, and I wish I could just feel that and be natural with that. I mean, he is— he has been abusive in the past, but he's gotten much better. Like, he's not a— he'll have a temper, but he's not— he's changed in that respect, and he has changed.

So he has— we only have a minute left, so that's why I'm interrupting you. So he has shown that he's got tremendous growth potential. How old is this man?

He's 34.

I wouldn't give up on him yet, dear. I wouldn't give up on him yet. That's just my intuition with only 30 seconds or so to go. But I wouldn't give up. If this is a person who has gone from abusive to non-abusive, who has shown that he can grow, who is— he might surprise you. He might surprise you. He might surprise you a lot. I'd at least practice a little forgiveness. And even if you do let him go, let him go with love. You know, don't send him out of your life with anger. Anger and resentment and that he wasn't like you are. He's— his DNA is different than yours. You've got to love him for what he is. We love the things we love for what they are.

Well, thanks for your call, Jennifer. We've got to let you go right now because our show is wrapping up. Thank you, Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Okay. God bless you.

Hello, everybody, and thanks for joining us for the show Wishes Fulfilled with Dr. Wayne Dyer. And we just opened up the phone lines and Dr. Wayne Dyer is joining us from Maui. After a very busy couple of weeks.

Let's grab somebody.

So let's start in Portland and go to Jeannie on line 1, and she's in Portland, Oregon.

Hi, how are you?

I'm great, thanks. How are you, my dear?

I am good, thank you for taking my call.

Very welcome.

So I'm in the middle of writing a book, and I guess genre-wise, it's kind of a wellness memoir, and I, you know, it started out I was going to write a whole different book really about listening to your intuition, and it still is hugely about that and following it and letting, you know, that inner guidance from above— let that lead your life and how it brings you through life. And, you know, a lot of what you basically, I think, teach, but through my story and You know, when I was young, I was like 17 when I started writing letters to God, and each time I wrote, you know, I felt so much better. And then I would take them and just immediately go burn them in the fireplace. And when I was 25, my brother died, and I actually bought a hardcover book and started writing in that and just couldn't bear to throw what I had written away. So now, 27 years later and 41 journals later, I writing this. And I did go down to Hay House and take their workshop. And Jennifer Grace, who I think you might know, is doing a book proposal class. I'm doing that, and I'm following what she's saying to do to get this book proposal done. And it's just— I'm having a— we were— what little gist of the story is, I was married for 26 years, had a really really beautiful life. We were kind of the nucleus of our family, our friends, nieces, nephews. And then my husband went in and had an affair with a 27-year-old girl, which was my— our oldest daughter's age. So we were just broken apart. And you can imagine a spider web, you know, we were the center. Now it's this— there's all this brokenness. And as I'm going and reading through my journals to write my book, because I actually have a beautiful life now, and it's been 2 years since my divorce, almost to today, I think, which is weird. And I love— I have a really beautiful life, but everyone else, I feel like, my family, my nieces, my nephews, friends, they're all still back in— they're trying to wrap their head around what even happened in the first place, and they're still all brokenness, and it's almost like it— I'm at this point of writing where I need a little relief somehow. I don't know if you ever wrote something that, you know, you're going back and reading and having a lot of awareness and writing it, and it's hard to write. How do you push yourself forward through that?

And I think the way to do that, Jeannie, is to see this 27-year-old person that your husband had an affair with as a gift from God. As a teacher. Like, I mean, I did a film called My Greatest Teacher, which was really the story of my relationship and trying to find my father. And it turns out that what he did when I was a young boy and all of his horrible, crass behavior and so on were really the impetus for my being able to reach to higher and higher levels.

That's—

and while you're reviewing that and looking at that in your writing and so on, instead of coming at it from a place of brokenness come at it from a place of completeness of that, uh, and realize that she was sent into, into your life probably to help you to, uh, first of all, get to that place of freedom that you feel now for, you know, uh, as a result of it. And secondly, to help you to, um, to look back upon it as you write about it, uh, not from a place, a place of, uh, oh, this is terrible, it shouldn't have happened, which is what so many of your family members are doing but from a place of gratitude, of being in a space of gratitude, and write from that place of gratitude and allow the divine guidance that that brings to you, you know, to come to you and to flow through you. And you'll watch your writing, you'll watch it. Because when I wrote I Can See Clearly Now, and I really encourage you to read that when it comes out.

Yes, I keep wanting to hear it and read it.

Especially in terms of what you're asking me about right now, because I did a lot of reliving as I went through that. And I began to write from— first I started right from that place of the pain and the hurtfulness, like when my wife and I separated, or, you know, when I found out I had leukemia, when I was living in an orphanage, and, you know, all of the kinds of things that just have just been benchmarks in my life. And I would find myself just feeling much more spiritual, much, much more peaceful when I looked at it as gifts rather than—

So going back to the phones, let's see, where should we go? Let's go to Kelly in Kansas City, Missouri, on line 3. And Kelly, welcome to the show. You're on with Dr. Wayne Dyer today.

Hello.

Hi, Kelly.

Oh, how are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm great, thanks.

Thanks.

Well, I just had a question. I know you've talked about your father and how you forgave him. I've heard the story a few times that you told it. What I'm wondering is, I've been to that place, kind of— well, actually, it's with my husband. And, you know, just things from the past. Okay, we need to get over it, and I really feel like I've forgiven and it's over and let's move on. And then something will happen maybe a few weeks later, you know, he'll— he has a very bad temper sometimes, so, um, you know, that will come on again. And, uh, you know, the past 15 years of everything that I thought I forgave is all right back in my face. And I'm just so angry. And he can just really be very sweet and nice and then turn on a dime. And just my children are starting to be affected by it. My oldest child is, you know, to the point where she doesn't even want to be around him.

It's a lot of anger.

So yeah, is there alcohol at all involved?

No, not really. No, I mean Actually, no, not at all. Every once in a while, you know, he'll drink, but nothing, you know.

This temper thing, was it when you first met, um, before you were even married, and when you were, you know, in that early stage of, uh, you know, what—

did you ever see that surface?

Actually, when I look back, yes. I mean, it's always been like this, and I think I had such low self-esteem that I just took it. And I've kind of gotten over that, you know, worked on myself and It's not quite as— it seems like it has dissipated, but it's a lot of times has now turned on my oldest daughter. So now I know exactly how she feels. I mean, she loves him, but in another way she just hates him.

Does it ever go beyond just words?

Yeah, not really too physical, but just like pushing maybe once or twice. But just very, very mean. And just even when he's not Not really angry, just little jabs.

What was his—

real quickly, what was his relationship, in a sentence or two, what was his relationship like to his father?

His father, he really got along good up until recently, and now they still get along, but he drives him crazy. Pretty much everybody drives him crazy. But yeah, his father was, the way he describes him, was nothing, very easygoing, happy. Now there was some alcohol involved with that, but very happy kind of a person.

Right.

Okay.

So what you're looking for— I mean, we only have a few minutes, so it's like what you're looking for is a way to deal with and live with someone who's got a bit of— I mean, bipolar is too strong a word because it sounds too technical and too diagnostic and so on, but basically that's what you're talking about. Someone who can just be on an even keel, can be up, can be happy and so on, and then something can trigger it and off he can go. And for some reason he has has come to believe that he has, uh, the right to abuse, uh, the people around him, especially the people that love him and care the most about him.

Is that correct?

That is very correct, yes.

And he can do that with words and just an occasional pushing and so on, but, uh, just launch into one of those kinds of things. So what you need to understand is something I wrote about in my second book for the public, uh, many, many— you called Pulling Your Own Strings, which I would recommend you read, by the way. It's called pulling your own strings. And basically my theory on all of this is that you get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you. So that rather than putting it on him, because if you're waiting for him to change in order for you to be happy, you might just be consigning yourself to the role of victim for the rest of your life. So what you want to do is stop teaching him that it's okay for him to, even if he has his, you know, all the reasons within him enough to be able to, you know, this person is wrong, his own father drives him crazy, his daughter drives him crazy, crazy, you drive him crazy, whatever it might be. And he thinks that it's somebody else that is doing all of this to him. He is basically just, uh, reacting that way because I guarantee you that he wouldn't, uh, if I were at your home and a guest in your home, he wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't yell at me. There are lots and lots of places where he absolutely knows how to control himself when he's frustrated. I mean, I'm sure he doesn't do that at work, or not very often, because he wouldn't be at work if he did. So he really has within him the tools to know how to suppress that and to just overlook it. But when it comes to certain people, he just has given himself the right to do that. And the only reason he's got the right to do that is because you've given him permission to do it, for whatever reason, in whatever form that you've given that permission. I know you don't want it. I know that you're, you know, it's not something that you're looking for, but you have taught him that you're willing to do. So what you want to do is embark on a program to teach him that kind of behavior is no longer tolerable in your life, that you've taught him that you're willing to put up with that in whatever way that you have done it over the years. And same with your daughter, and same with your father-in-law. But now what you're going to do is teach him something new so that when he— the next time that he does this and has one of these outbursts and so on, I would talk about it with him when he's not in one of those places, you know, right when you're having dinner or whatever. Just say that I have decided that I'm not going to, you know, in— when you have one of those emotional breakdowns and so on, and stop start yelling at either me or our children or whomever, that I'm not going to put up with that anymore. It causes me too much pain. And I just want you to know that what I'm going to do is when I see it surfacing is I'm going to leave. I'm going to leave the premises no matter how inconvenient it is, no matter what it is. I'm going to not stay in the presence and allow you to do that. And I'm going to also tell my— our daughter that that's what she's going to do as well. And when he— even when you see it just beginning to surface, You stand up and you just say, excuse me, I'm just not going to be here right now, and you leave. You lock yourself in the bathroom, you go to the car, you go, you know, drive yourself someplace, you walk out of the house, whatever it may— no matter how embarrassing it may be. Now you're going to fundamentally change the way that you teach this man to treat you. Ultimately, if he, you know, gets even worse, then you just say, okay, I just don't choose to live under these conditions any longer, and I'm going to get divorced or I'm going to separate. I'm no longer willing to be the victim of a person who knows how to control these things under certain circumstances, but chooses not to when he's with me and our family. It's a choice that he is making, not that he's got a personality defect that he can't control, unless he's just going around doing this to strangers and things like that. It doesn't sound like that's—

no, he's completely the opposite with other people. Yeah, other people that know him wouldn't believe that in a minute. They think he's the greatest, nicest guy.

And I would— I also, I might even play this back to him, what, uh, Um, you know, because you can get— you can go online and, uh, I mean, this will play all week, this show, and you might even play it for him. You know, this is like, I called in, you know, nobody knows your name or anything, and this is the question I had and this was the response, and, and I'm going to try— and this is what I'm going to do. Does that sound sensible to you or something that you could do?

Or—

yes, it does. Yeah, it's, yeah, it's almost like I needed somebody to say it because it's kind of what I was thinking in the back of my mind, like I can't just sit here and listen to it. I did—

I raised my children this way. I always told them if they would raise their voice, if they'd get frustrated, they'd yell at their mother, they'd yell at me, or whatever it might be. And children do these things, and teenagers do these things, and so on. And if they would ever direct those kinds of comments towards me, I would just put up my hand. I'd say, wait a minute, hold it right there. I have too much respect for myself to allow anybody to talk to me in that fashion. It isn't because I think you're so bad. It's just like, this is such an affront to who I am that I'm no longer going to allow this to do. And when I would raise my hand, put my hand up to like put a stop to that, it would stop. They know Dad doesn't put up with this because he respects himself. Now Mom has got to respect herself enough to be willing to do this because, you know, it's ultimately going to lead down an even worse road.

It's going to—

as long as he knows that he can get away with this and you're going to stick around, it'll continue.

Within you, right?

And you can do this very nicely and very quickly.

When you—

he starts behaving that way, you just get up, you go, you go get in the car, drive, go for a walk, go into the bathroom if you can't, you know, just lock the door in there and just stay, you know, until he— it's— until it's over with. And you'll, you'll teach him very, very quickly that this is not something that I'm willing to tolerate for one reason and one reason only. I have too much respect for myself to allow anybody to talk disrespectfully to me. That's my advice.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

I really appreciate that. I think I— yeah, I know exactly what, what I— what you're saying.

Yeah.

And by the way, when you change the atmosphere like that and do that, you will impact him. If you react with anger to yourself and allow, you know, get into arguments and tell him I don't want to do this, then you have, you know, you may have have things that just get, that come out that you don't want to come out. You know, you have to remember that if, you know, you impact, you don't eliminate darkness in your life. And this is darkness that you're talking about. You don't eliminate darkness by throwing more darkness at it. You eliminate it by throwing light at it. And that's what I'm asking you to do, throw light at it. Like, teach him, I'm not going to allow myself to be placed into this darkness any longer. And it's like the line I've said so many times on this show over the years, years that, you know, when Jesus would walk into a village, just his presence in the village and nothing more would change the— elevate the consciousness of everyone in the village. You can elevate the consciousness of the people in your home by being a being of love and a being who refuses to allow this kind of behavior because you, you know, it's, it's darkness coming at light and light will always end darkness, but darkness never ends light.

Right. Okay. Okay. Yes.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, my dear. God bless you in Kansas City. What's the temperature there?

Oh, about 12.

About 12?

Maybe if I'm lucky.

Yeah.

I'm trying not to go out there today, so.

Well, thanks for calling.

I love, I love talking to you, and I hope that helps.

Oh, it does immensely. Yeah. You don't even know.

So thank you so much.

Thank you, dear.

God bless you. Namaste.

And let's see if we can get to a few other people. Some really good calls today. Interesting questions. And let's go to Jeanette on line 8, and she's calling from New Jersey.

Hi, Dr. Dyer. I'm so excited to hear your voice today. And we're— we're going here in Montclair, New Jersey. We're stuck in the house. The kids are outside enjoying the snow. So I'm so excited we connected this today.

I am too. It's great to hear from you in New Jersey. Listen, I'm gonna— I'm gonna close all the lanes down to all the bridges in your state. What is that? What do you think?

Oh boy, that would be—

that, that poor guy is really—

he's really dealing with it now, isn't he?

Oh, he sure is. They're all coming out now. Yeah, absolutely. But my question is, I just closed my toy store in October, and I've always read all of your books, have seen all your PBS specials, and have been trying to practice practice more and more what you talk about. And lately, I wanted to ask, how do you know when, like, you're actually connected to Source? I just— sometimes I'm— I know it's a wonderful, warm feeling, but I wanted to hear your description of it when you do sit and meditate and actually connect.

Well, the truth is you're always connected. What you have to ask yourself is, what direction am I going? I mean, who you are, who all of us our source energy. We, we have it within us, but the problem is that we walk away from it, you know. But you— it's like you can't walk away from what you are, and what you are has a spark of God in you. And the best way to know that when it isn't ego— because ego is the part, you know, it's like there are like these two forces. The Kabbalah teaches us that there are two forces. There's the force of light and there's a force of dark, and it's all the same force. I mean, But basically it's like, what direction is it going? When it is moving towards, oh, hatred and bitterness and anger and judgment and resentment and fear and anxiety and stress and pain and so on. When you are moving in that direction, it's still, and I believe this and I've written about this myself, that it's still love, but it's moving away from your source. Here's how I look at it. And then there's the other direction when you're moving toward it. So it's like, just picture the hands of a clock.

Clock, okay?

And at the top is the— there's two hands on the clock, okay? There's a minute hand and the hour hand. And you're born at when both of them are right at the 12, right? So you can get a little metaphor of this in your mind. So now the— not the hour hand, but the minute hand starts moving in the direction of towards, you know, away from its source. The hour hand stays there.

That's your source.

And you are now moving. So you go past the 1 and you go past the 2 and you're moving away from your source. Source. So this whole side, all the way down to the 6, is each minute that goes by, or each hour, however you want to call it, that goes by. As you hit the 2, and as you hit the 3, 4, 5, this is all movement away from what you— where you originated. You originated from a source of love, of perfect love, a source of what we call oneness, which means there's no opposites. The opposite of joy when you're in the ego state is sadness, but when you're In divine love, there's no opposite of joy. Everything is just joy, but you're not there because you're moving away. You're moving away until you get to the 6. And now you're at the 6, and this is when you're furthest away from your source. This is when you're at the lowest point in your life. This is when you feel that you've fallen as far as you can go. The anger, the hurt, the resentment, the pain is so deep there. And now you have a choice. You can either stay— you've moved away, moved away, moved, taken on all this ego, believe that who you are is all the stuff that you own and all the people that you're mad at and all the judgments that you have towards others. But now you're at 6. Now you can either stay there, because if the hand doesn't go backwards, it won't go back to the 5, 4. It doesn't work that way. You have to now start coming the other way. Now you're going to the 7 and the 8, and now you're coming home. And it's when you're on this side, when you're coming home back to where you originated from, you're heading back towards perfect love. And divine love is the kind of love that was your origination point. And this is when you know that you're connected. It's not whether you're there perfect, because as long as you're in a human body, body, there's going to be some separation. There's going to be opposites. And as long as you're on this planet, there's going to be east and west, north and south, and up and down, and male and female, and good and bad. All of these dichotomies that we all experience and these paradoxes. But ultimately, when you get back to the 12, when you rejoin it, what happens is you fuse these dichotomies and you're in a place where there's only love. There's no opposite. And as you start to look out at the world and see people behaving in certain ways, you still have only have love because that's all that you are. Are as you're connecting yourself back. And you'll find yourself slipping when you're at the 8 and when you're at the 9, at the 10. But the closer you get to reuniting yourself with your source of being, the more that you will experience just the feelings of bliss and love and kindness and joy. And when you're not, it's probably because you've got thoughts of judgment and criticism and condemnation towards some of God's children or some of the creations that we have or that you run into.

To.

And when you get rid of the judgment and the condemnation and the criticism, you're at the 7 and you're coming home. So the question isn't whether or not, you know, you're with your source. The question is, what direction are you moving? Are you moving away from what you originated from? Because when you originated— I just saw something that's gone viral on the internet that my kids sent me. I'm thinking about posting it. I did post it on my Facebook page. It's of a little baby, and this baby is laughing at a dog that somebody's throwing popcorn at. This little And the baby's maybe 7 or 8 months old, if that. And it's just laughing. It's just so— it can't stop laughing. It's like it's at such bliss that it's just laughter, laughter. And it's like William Wordsworth, the very famous English poet, said that our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting. Heaven lies about us in our infancy. And knowing that you're with Source is remembering who you are.

Because with, say, Scarlett and Illebegiza, they were talking about forgiveness, which kind of reminded me to forgive myself and forgive others. And then with Anita and Mary, they were talking more about reminding me who I really am, which is divine love. But anyway, it was just great. It was just a great atmosphere. I really enjoyed—

Do you have still the hangover effect of it? Are you still feeling it? Because it's been over a week for me, and I've just been walking around awash and like I'm in a bowl of soup that is called love. Everything I look at, it really impacted me that way.

Yeah, it's just very, like a joyful state or a blissful state, or just constantly reminding me who I really am. So, not like I just loved the prior caller when you were talking about when I find myself in anger or frustration, to remind myself of compassion and kindness and joyfulness, and it takes me to another place. So, when you said about that Chapter 16, I really I actually read Mary's Chapter 16, and it's such a great reminder of who we really are. It makes me tingle when I read it, right?

Yeah, it's called "Out of the Blue," and Hay House— I talked to Reid, who's the president of Hay House, and he's agreed that we're going to publish it.

We're going to help her get the first parts of it edited, but yeah, it's very, very powerful.

Yeah.

It's very seldom that I ever—

Go ahead.

No, I was just going to say, I'm looking forward to that. I came to see you in San Diego, the taping of I Can See Clearly Now, so I'm looking forward to seeing that. I'll probably see myself in the audience next week.

You will, definitely.

Yeah, yeah, that was very good too. So, uh, oh, that was actually— thank you. I had a great weekend. It was very enjoyable, and, uh, it was, yeah, a great feeling. So I just wanted to thank you for putting that on.

Yeah, I'm so happy that you were there.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, well, thank you very much. I'm so glad to hear from someone, uh, who was actually there. And to see if it had the leftover effect that it's had on me. You know, I just, I'm just seeing love everywhere, even in my sore neck. I'm seeing love. What about that?

I think I got a sore neck too, so I'll have to look for the love in that too. Yeah, but that's why I wanted to quickly call and thank you very much for that weekend.

Well, I thank you and I appreciate it. God bless you, my friend.

Very good. Some great callers, and we will connect next week.

I hope so.

To watch another amazing Wayne Dyer video, check it out right there next to me. I think you'll love it. Continue to believe, and I'll see you there.

Sarah Blakely is going to join us. She's the youngest self-made female billionaire.

Hi, Wayne. Out of all the things I've manifested in my life, this is one of the coolest. I had visualized myself on Oprah.

It was just