Thick Skin: Stop Letting Criticism Hurt! How To Develop Resilience!

Thicken your skin.

Develop a thick skin.

You have to have a thick skin.

Having thick skin.

What's up, Believe Nation? It's Evan. My one word is believe, and I believe that you have the ability to do something special that will change the planet. And so to help you on your journey today, we're gonna learn how to develop a thicker skin.

People say, "Man, you cuss all the fucking time. Why?" Well, I hate to say it, the best way for me to get how I feel across, I can't sit here and say, "You know what? Yeah, I went through Hell Week, and man, it was really hard." No. That motherfucker takes your damn soul, rips it inside out, and then they say, "Now we're going to fucking start." It allows me to express where I was at at a point of my life. If I don't give you all of me, why the hell am I here? Why? How will you learn from me? People take so much offense to me. You will never learn from people if we always tap dance around the truth.

Oh God, I love that.

We tap dance around the truth by finding the right words. I don't hurt you because you have thin skin. No. Tighten up, people. It's okay. Trust me, it's okay. You might be called nigger one day. It's okay. You might be called some Jewish word or some faggot or gay word. It's okay. Let them call you that. What are you going to do now? They don't own your life. How are you going to control that now? How are you going to flip it upside down and say, Roger that, now I'm going to harness this shit and you'll read about me years from now?

How?

That's the question. How are you going to do that? Thicken your skin. Become more of a human being. Don't be afraid of the reflection in the mirror, because that's all you can be afraid of. Once you overcome the reflection in the mirror, you've done it.

The best defense to, uh, to speech that you don't like about yourself as a public figure is to develop a thick skin. It, it, it's really the only effective defense, because you can't stop it. You know, you are going to be misunderstood. If you're doing anything interesting in the world, you're going to have critics. The only way— if you absolutely can't tolerate critics, then don't do anything new or interesting. And then you can insulate yourself. Then think how wonderful your life will be.

Is that the Bezos principle?

Yeah.

Before I leave your early life, I also heard that you went to a school that was out of your initial neighborhood.

Yeah, I was bussed to school. It was pretty, you know, whatever, man. People, you know, were mean and they called you nigger and whatever and spit on you and threw feces and piss and whatever at you. And, you know, it is what it is. There's nothing I could do about it. It made me stronger. I'm not here without it. You can't shake— you can't faze me with meanness because of it. So, you know, that was my grade school experience. Grade school, high school, junior high school.

Who is an entrepreneur where everything is a smooth ride? And you go through these things, and I'll tell you, and you get criticized, and you have to have a thick skin. Yeah.

Yeah.

You've been there.

I've been there. And by the way, you don't buy a thick skin, and you don't even know you have it until somebody starts to try to puncture it. And then you discover what you're made of.

One of the greatest, probably the greatest rock climber of his generation, as you know I've been a climber most of my life, is actually right now on the side of El Capitan doing what will probably be the hardest rock climb certainly ever done in our lifetimes, trying to free climb a thing called the Dawn Wall on the Mescalito side of El Cap. Young man named Tommy Caldwell who is, he's in a category of one. And I was out climbing with Tommy one day and I said to him, I said, Tommy, what makes you different? He has a record, he has 6 climbs on El Cap that have never been repeated. He's just, he is 10x in extreme environments and he's still alive. I said, Tommy, what is it that you have? You're not necessarily more physically gifted. You're not necessarily stronger. You're certainly physically gifted, all those things, but you're not this incredible athlete that just was born this way. In fact, he had lost a finger in an accident. He cut a finger off and so he's doing this minus one of his— [FOREIGN LANGUAGE] An important finger. And he thought about it for a long moment. He said, "I can remain focused on and suffer for the big thing longer than anyone else." And I think that's what these people, the curiosity keeps them going, but once they get their hands on what they see as the thing, they don't let go. And they can stay with it and suffer for it.

I've been doing this long enough to realize that no matter what people perceive of me, I always shine through at the end of the day. So I've had a lot of people try to tear me down.

Sure.

But I'm here, and I've always been myself, and I've always wanted that, and I've been graceful, and I've tried to handle myself with as much class. And it's only because I know how hard I work, and I'm not going to let any of that get to First bit of advice came from Tyler Perry, the famous director, kind of movie producer, that sort of thing, right?

About 2 years ago, I had the good fortune to interview him one-on-one in 3 different cities around the country, where he got to speak about his entrepreneurial story to a bunch of small business owners around the country. Tyler Perry, he did his thing. He was homeless for a while, right? Now he's like the highest paid dude in Hollywood, right? Really fascinating story. So I'm interviewing them one-on-one. Start the Q&A, one woman raises her hand, stands up, she says, "Mr. Perry, you know, we have to always go through these different trials and tribulations as entrepreneurs. Like, what keeps you going, right? How do you get back up and just go, right?" He said the most profound thing that I had ever heard. He said the minute he realized that the trials that you go through right, and the blessings you receive are the exact same thing, like that freed him as an entrepreneur, right? Like just think about that for a second. Like it— I kind of stopped the interview because I had to soak that up for a little bit, right? Like every single kind of trial, tribulation, all that stuff that you go through, it's just a lesson, right? And that lesson is just an inherent blessing, right? So as entrepreneurs, like this entrepreneur thing is hard, right? At times it's amazing, at times it sucks, right? And I've been very blessed and fortunate to have really good opportunities, but it's very, very hard, right? And you don't want to stress yourself out unnecessarily. And what that lesson taught me was that I didn't have to be as stressed out, right? Like, I'm going to go through these issues, they're just lessons, let me treat that as a blessing, we're going to move, right? And a lot of folks look at me when I start this company and they're like, Tristan, you're way more calm than you should be. And it's like, yeah, because I fundamentally understand this lesson that I learned.

Success has nothing to do with potential. It's all about the perseverance of somebody that will override any endeavor. If you throw shit against the wall, eventually something will stick. You guys that are— have this potential, don't have this potential, you know, that shit dies. What continues to last forever is a perseverance to always show up. That's what champions do. Every single champion is the same as every ordinary person. The only differential is that they show up to the event every single day. They see failure as a learning curve. They welcome failure. You learn more from failure than you ever will from success. So showing up and getting knocked on your ass, finding the intestinal fortitude to stand back up and reface that endeavor is gonna be the overriding factor that makes a difference. How do you know when you're doing those things? The small things in life add up to those big monumental things. When I say the small things, it's a character building block that your name means something. You hold value to your name. If you drop trash on the ground, you pick it up because that's your responsibility. You hold value to yourself. When you shake someone's hand, you look them in the eye, you give them a firm handshake because you're here for a purpose. Everything you do, you do to the best of your ability. It doesn't matter what you're doing. It's the fact that you're doing it, so therefore it means something to you. That's going to build a legacy because the title out there doesn't mean shit. You win the title, fine. That title will not get you another title. What you're trying to build is legacy. Footprints behind you that are left for motivation for someone else to follow. Legacy is built daily through the character, through the willpower, the code of conduct within somebody. And that's the perseverance, showing up every single day. That will always achieve your goal. It doesn't matter what you're born with, it doesn't matter your potential, how much, you know, silver spoon of money you have. All of that can be attained if you show up and you're willing to risk failure for success. That's been my tip.

It could also remind us of success of Alexander Bell, the inventor of telephone. Who had a stack of notebooks where he recorded every failed experiment. So if you work really hard, you can find the winning spot, even, you know, in the midst of your numerous failures. I think the ex-speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Newt Gingrich, hit the right points when he said that perseverance Is a hard work you do after you get tired of doing hard work you already did.

When I was 18, I— or 17, I graduated high school and I moved out and became a door-to-door salesman. Selling Kirby vacuum cleaners? No, selling much lower priced items, coupons for businesses in the service industry. 4 oil changes for $20. 3 or 4 trips to a day spot for $35. You're selling a packet? Yeah, it was just, no, just one coupon. I'd walk around and be like, hi, I'm from Meineke, here you go. 4 oil changes, $20. Pretty great, right? Cash, check, or credit card today? And we'll take that, no, okay. Fuck you too, sir. Please don't sick your dog on me. Couple doors slammed in your face? Oh God, yeah. Well, I did the job for about a year and a half.

Jesus.

Got really good at it. Was Salesman of the Year for the company. Shut the fuck up. And got a free trip to Jamaica.

What?

Yeah, I became a manager within 6 weeks. I had a crew. I was the perfect mixture of enthusiasm—

And size.

—and naivete to answer an ad that says, do you like rock and roll music? Do you want to make money? I was like, holy shit, yes I do. So what's this rock music? OK, you're selling coupons? Sweet. No, no, they don't sell coupons. We were in advertising. Oh, okay. So anyways, I opened my own business in Colorado when I was 19 and just lost my ass. Point being, high turnover rate in Seattle. Wait a minute. We went from door-to-door, year and a half. Year and a half. Trip to Jamaica. Trip to Jamaica. How did we get to Colorado? The whole point is if you do well, one day you can have your own office. Ah. And that was— We'd like you to run the office in Colorado. Yes. Which I did, but miserably— failed miserably. Um, they put a lien on my minivan. Pretty bad. But backing up, to answer how I got into stand-up comedy, there was a really high turnover rate in Seattle. We just, like, 1 or 2 new guys a week would end up quitting by the end of the week. A lot of the money that you make is just from them, like, selling 3 or 4 and then leaving, 'cause it's just the shittiest fucking job anybody's ever fucking done. It's great prep for being an actor in terms of— Lying? In terms of lying, walking into a room feeling comfortable and having thick skin. There's no better— wow, thick skin for sure. Oh my God, to face all that rejection. Oh yeah, people now are like, God, I just can't handle all the rejection as an actor. I'm like, fuck you, dude, they invite you there for an audition. You're not like sneaking in some side door to try to sell you something for set, you know. Anyways, so I can— you can tell me I'm as fat as I want, or, you know, or as you want. You can tell me anything you want and it's not going to hurt my feelings. I've got really thick skin for from being a door-to-door salesman.

Thank you guys so much for watching. I'd love to know what did you think? What was the clip that resonated the most with you? What was the most important lesson that you learned and how are you going to apply it to your life or to your business? I'd love to hear your thoughts if you want to leave a comment down below. I also want to give a quick shout out to John Carter. John, thank you so much for picking up a copy of my book, Your One Word, and taking that amazing picture with the book on the beach. I really appreciate the support, man, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Enjoyed the read. So thank you guys again for watching. I believe in you. I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love.

I'll see you soon.