"True CONFIDENCE Comes From..." - Aaron Marino (@alphamimage) Top 10 Rules

Guys, here's the deal. Entrepreneurship, you're gonna have highs, you're gonna have lows, I promise. But as long as you get yourself back up, nothing can hold you back and stop you. I was dead broke. I was bankrupt. In order to make ends meet, I was driving a beer cart at a country club. Success, it's up to you. Don't let anybody dictate what is going to make you feel fulfilled and what makes you feel happy. I was pitching the Alpha M style system. 8-2, 8-2! A solid idea, but at $300 a pop for a fat guy, The Passion Formula, customers just didn't bite. And neither did you. Hello, Believe Nation.

I'm Evan Carmichael. My one word is believe, and I believe that entrepreneurs are going to solve all of the major problems of the world. So to help you on your journey, today we're gonna learn from men's lifestyle expert Aaron Marino and my take on his top 10 rules for success. Rule number 3 is my personal favorite, and I'd love to know which one you guys like the best. And as always, guys, as you're watching, if you hear something that really resonates with you, please leave it down in the comments below. Put quotes around it so other people can be inspired, and when you write it down, it's much more likely to stick for yourself as well. Enjoy.

My name is Aaron Marino. I am a men's lifestyle expert and grooming guru, and if you would have told me 10 years ago that I would find I would have punched you in the face. My journey to finding this success and happiness and voice unfortunately wasn't a straight line. There were a lot of bumps and turns along the way, and they ultimately started a broke kid from Philadelphia whose parents got divorced, and I was raised with an abusive stepfather. I lost my ability to stand up for myself, and so I kept everything inside. I had all this anger and frustration anger, hostility, and resentment. My mom gave me a fitness membership to a gym, and when I went, I found my home. It was the first time that I felt like I belonged. From the age of 13, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was going to own a fitness center. I go to West Virginia University, I graduate, I met a guy, we opened a few nutrition stores, and ultimately that didn't work out because He was selling drugs out of the back, and I realized that prison wasn't a place that I would flourish. And so I left there, and I met a woman that I helped lose 100 pounds, and she came to me and said, "Hey, I want to start a fitness center." And this, for me, was my dream. And it was tough. I didn't make much money. It didn't matter because I was happy. I was doing something I loved. We took some loans and got some investors. There was a big issue with one of our investors and my business partner, and it ultimately ended up in lots of legal fights and battles. We had to end up shutting down this business. I was dead broke. I was bankrupt. In order to make ends meet, I was driving a beer cart at a country club, and I'm sitting there with tears rushing down my face because I don't know where to go. I was at the lowest point that I ever have been. Giving up was never an option. The problem was that I didn't know what success looked like anymore. But what I do have is a dream and a desire to help people. At the time, there really wasn't anything, any resources out there for regular guys to get some solid basic advice on how to look good and feel great. I decided that I was going to help men feel better and amazing about themselves. So I have a video camera. I was the least tech-savvy person you'd ever meet, but I picked it up and I decided that I was going to try and film a video and put it on YouTube. Everything changed for me. I found that new vision. I found that new passion. All of a sudden, I had a voice. I had an audience, and I was doing something that made me feel incredible because I realized I was doing something to help other people. And with YouTube, I was able to help millions of men around the world feel better about themselves. That's what I was put on this earth to do, and I feel like true confidence comes from helping other people. All along, I was searching for success. I thought success was going going to mean a fitness center, a chain of nutrition stores. When I put myself aside and just focused on the act of helping other people feel better about themselves, everything in my life got better. At the core of it, it's just helping others. Are you a risk taker? Successful people are, but not just random, haphazard, like I'm driving drunk without my seatbelt type of risk. I'm talking about calculated risks. You weigh the options, you weigh the potential outcome, both good and bad, and you make the best decision possible. But guys, I'm here to tell you that you are never ultimately going to be successful unless you're willing to put yourself out there. Having the ability or the willingness to potentially fail is an absolute benefit. And sometimes these calculated risks, even though you thought about them, sometimes they just don't work out. And you know what successful people do? It's all right, I learned something, I know what not to do next time, and you make another calculated risk. Guys, nothing great was ever achieved because it was easy. So we talk all about the importance of knowing who you are. Having a secure sense of self is a key component to the confidence equation. Who are you? What are you capable of? I've been asking myself this a lot lately, and it seems like the more I ask, the more I realize that over the course of my life, I have been limiting myself due to some arbitrary set of restrictions or limitations that I put on myself years ago. And I know that I'm not alone. Why? This is the question that I need you to start asking yourself. Why do we have these limitations? What are our own personal limitations? Gentlemen, it is time to stop living like the elephant. All right, now bear with me while I explain this elephant analogy. Okay, have you ever been to the circus? Have you ever seen those big massive elephants? They're held to the ground by this little rope and a tiny little stake. Are these elephants not strong enough? Is this like kryptonite rope that these elephants are attached to? No, of course not. These elephants are badass. They could— one tug of the tusk, they could be out of there in Delaware by dinner. But they They don't. Why? Because they've been conditioned from a young age. When the little baby elephants join the circus, I like to think of them as joining. Poor elephants. Anyway, I digress. When these elephants are little, they get to the circus and they put a big strong rope on them and they stake them to the ground. Now, at the time, these little elephants are like, "What the hell are you doing?" and they start jumping and dancing and trying to get loose, but they can't because they're little elephants and this is a strong rope and a big strong stake. The elephant after a while gets it in his head, "Hey, I can't get loose." And so they stop trying because they know that they can't get free. Well, the elephant grows up. The elephant gets to be a teenager and he's getting stronger. He's been working out. Then the elephant is an adult. By this time, he is massive. He is strong. He is capable of pulling out that stake and getting lost. But he doesn't because of his mindset, because he remembers when he was little. He learned that he couldn't and so he doesn't. Like the elephant, the only thing holding us back, the only limitations that we have, are these set of rules, are these things that we have created for ourselves, these standards for ourselves that we created years ago. A lot of time it's 5, 10, 30 years ago. And just like the elephant, we remained chained. It's time to analyze, identify, and give yourself the permission to break the chains. Gentlemen, we are so incredibly powerful. The only thing that is holding you back, holding me back in our life and from achieving whatever we want to achieve, are these these preconceived notions that we can't. Was there somebody in your life that told you that you couldn't, that dissuaded you? Whenever— when, when you're a little kid, right? When you're a little kid, what do you want to be when you grow up? An astronaut. Everybody's like, a fireman. I want to be a police officer. I want to be a ballerina. Whatever. Don't look at me like that. It was possible at the time. But then what happens through your years as you grow? People are telling you no. People tell you you can't. All right, it is incredibly rare to have and be surrounded by a nurturing environment where the people in your life tell you you can do it, you can do anything, you can achieve, you can strive, you can go for the gold. But so often, all right, it's these negative people that stick out. You can't do that. You're not smart enough. You're not fast enough. You don't have the ability. And we hear this, and in the back of our head, we adopt it, and we set these rules for ourselves, these self-imposed limitations. Gentlemen, It's time to break the change. There, change, change. See, there I go. It's time to change for a dollar. Where do you have limitations in your life? What is holding you back? You are absolutely strong enough, smart enough, fast enough, confident enough. Gentlemen, it's time to start living with passion, with purpose. Okay, I realize that there are things in our life, we all have them, I have them, we all struggle with that negative thought in our head. All right, these preconceived notions, these limitations. Listen, I believe in you. You need to start believing in yourself. It absolutely kills me and breaks my heart whenever I see you guys and you're not living up to your potential because of your limitations. And these limitations, they're so arbitrary. There's absolutely nothing to them, no foundation. Don't let other people set your expectations of yourself, guys. You can do anything you want. Break the chains and stop living like an elephant. One of the most eye-opening pieces of advice that I've ever received was when I heard that we We teach people how to treat us. This idea was groundbreaking to me, and I started analyzing all of the different relationships that I had, and I realized that absolutely, I was teaching people that it was okay to treat me a certain way because I would never stand up for myself. There was a guy that I opened some nutrition stores with, and I'd end up working more than I should because I could never say no. Or I wouldn't make as much money. He'd make more because— Well, I never would stand up for myself and say, "No! I deserve it too!" Another reason that we as creatures have such a tough time standing up for ourselves is that we're afraid of what will happen if we actually do. This was definitely the case in my situation when I was growing up. I was so petrified of having to move, change schools, change friends. That's what I loved, and it was easier for me just to take it at home as opposed to having to potentially move. And that's what the risk I felt was if I would stand up and say, "Hey, that's not okay!" or if I would argue. So in my early 20s, I realized that I had a problem. My problem was the inability to basically stand up for myself. And it was really starting to bother me, and so I decided to go see a therapist. And it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Unfortunately, one of the things that I had to basically realize and accept for myself was that if I wasn't comfortable standing up for myself in certain situations with certain people, I needed to get out of those environments because it was never going to get better. The anxiety that I felt even thinking about standing up for myself was way too much. For me, it wasn't worth trying to work it out with this guy that I was in business with. It was easier just to say, "Deuces, I'm out," and leave because That's the choice I made. I don't know if it was right or wrong. I feel good about it, but a lot of times it is. You've got to make a decision. Sometimes you're going to lose friends. Sometimes you're going to lose careers. You could potentially lose a significant other or spouse if you finally stand up for yourself. But the alternative is you being eaten alive inside, and that's just something I wasn't willing to deal with. And when I left, I basically said, "Okay, if I'm going to be out of here," I need to change. I need to make sure that I start asserting myself and taking care of myself. And so I started doing it. When I felt that I was being treated poorly, I'd say something. Now, one of the things that happened is I would get crazy butterflies. I would almost pass out. I would get so much adrenaline and get so nervous. And but it's like anything else, if you practice, the more you practice, the more you stand up for yourself, you're going to find the easier it's going to get. The other bonus and upside to standing up for yourself is that these toxic people people and relationships seem to start going away because they are comfortable putting you down. And if you're going to stand up, they're going to be like, I don't want it, and I'll go find somebody else who's a pushover. One of the things that we do that totally prevents us from moving forward and excelling in our lives, careers, relationships, and everything is surrounding ourselves with people that we really probably shouldn't be associating with. You are— all right, your success is going to be the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with the day. Now this is tough, all right, because you think about it right now. Take an inventory of your 5 closest friends or the 5 people during the day that you spend the most time with. Are they losers? Are you not exactly happy with where you are right now? Well, guess what? They're not going to raise you up to the top, okay? They're not going to make you look better. They're going to bring you down. Successful people surround themselves with successful people. Me personally, you know who I want to be friends with? I want to be friends with people I don't want people that are smarter, that are more successful. I want people that are like here in my mind. All right, I want to be here. I want to be the low man on the totem pole. Why? Because I'm going to scurry up that freaking ladder like a squirrel chasing a nut. All right, guys, surround yourself with successful people. If you're currently hanging out with people that don't have drive, don't have motivation, that are kind of losers— lovable losers, but losers nonetheless— reevaluate your current circle. And adjust. If this means you've got to cut some ties or maybe not hang out quite so much, it's okay. If you need to seek out other people to bring them into your life, into your circle, I suggest you do that as well. Success, as defined by Webster, is achieving wealth, respect, or fame. And I personally think this definition sucks and is exactly the reason why so many of us feel like failures, because we haven't lived up to some arbitrary set of success standards. And so today I thought we'd take a little bit of time and talk about success, what it looks like to me and what it looks like to you, because ultimately you are the only one who can define what success looks like to you. And I think it might be time to reevaluate. We are taught from a young age to win, all right? Winning was success. It was the goal. Winning in sports, winning in your career, winning at life. The pursuit of life, liberty, power, and a ton of money. This is what I thought what that success was supposed to look like. Well, every time I analyzed myself and my accomplishments, I ended up feeling like a failure because I didn't have power, I didn't have a lot of money, and I, I didn't have fame. And this is what I thought it meant to be successful, because in my mind, that's what everything— everything in magazines, everything on TV— if you were successful, you got tons of cash and you got tons of power. Until one day I realized that I don't care about those things. Right? I don't want to be powerful. That's not my goal. I don't need tons of money. As long as I have enough to be comfortable, I'm cool. Money wasn't my motivator. So why would I tie my feelings of success to it? This realization rocked my world and totally changed my perception of everything. And truly, it felt like a 1,000-pound success weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I felt amazing. I was free. So once I realized that this wasn't what success looked like to me, now I got to figure it out. What does success look like? What did I need to do? What did I need to accomplish in order to feel fulfilled and happy? And I figured it out, and this is what success looks like to me. My professional success meant that I was doing something that I loved. Loved, that I was able to touch other people's lives and make a difference. Personally, I was successful if I had relationships with those people that I love that were deep and meaningful. Nothing was left off the table. You let people know how you feel, you communicate and reciprocate the love. Financial success just meant that I had enough money that I didn't need to worry about money. Not saying like, hey, I can go and buy whatever I want because I don't really very expensive taste, meaning that if I live modestly, I don't have to worry about making it paycheck to paycheck. Emotional success to me meant that I was in touch with my feelings, my emotions, and that I was good with the person I saw looking back at me in the mirror. All right, it was all about having a solid character and confidence. If I can achieve those 4 things, and not only achieve them but maintain them, let me tell you something. To me, To me, that is success. Every day when I wake up, that is what I focus on. I focus on being successful and what it means to me. It doesn't mean that I have a ton of cash. It doesn't mean that I have power or fame or worldly riches. No, but to some people, that's what success looks like, just not to me. So I wanted to share my story, tell you sort of the journey that I took in order to identify and realize what success actually meant to me, and I would encourage you to take the time to figure it out for yourself. The first thing you need to do, and the first step, is throwing out all those preconceived notions, all the things that you've been bombarded with from your parents, from society, from social media, from TV, from movies, from everywhere. Throw it out. It doesn't matter. You get to start blank, clean slate, and figure out what success looks like to you. Maybe success is you living on a beach, being able to get up every morning and paint the ocean. I don't know. To you is having a family, having little kids run home to you and just being a dad, right? Success, it's up to you. Don't let anybody dictate what is going to make you feel fulfilled and what makes you feel happy. Guys, do it now. Figure it out, write it down, and then every single morning you get up and focus. Focus on what it's going to take to make you feel whole and feel successful. This, my friends, is a gift, and what Once you figure it out, you are going to be amazed at how good it feels and how successful you become. The first place you need to start when trying to become a better man is attitude. It's all about changing your mindset and perspective. Alright, right now you're feeling a little bit crap. You're like, I'm not good enough, I've got low self-esteem. Here's the deal: you need to focus on all of the amazing positive attributes that you possess. All right, change your mindset, you will change your attitude. Because I tell you, you can have all the nicest clothes in the world, all the money, all the cars, everything— if you've got a crappy attitude, none of it matters. Your mindset, your attitude about yourself, about ourselves— that is the hardest thing to change, but the thing that once you get it, everything else seems to fall in place. Confidence. This is what Alpha M was all about, and what I would come to realize was the reason that I was put on this earth— to help guys feel better about themselves. It's— it's hard for me to talk about. I have this passion and this desire to help you burns so deeply inside of me, and I feel it through every ounce of my body and soul. Confidence. This is the key to feeling great about yourself. Without it, you will absolutely never know your true potential or how amazingly powerful powerful you could possibly be. So when I realized that it was this confidence that I wanted to try and facilitate in other people, I told some people about it and they're like, "You can't teach confidence. Either you have it or you don't." And these were people that I did respect. And so it sort of got to me a little bit. And I thought to myself, "Hey, maybe you can't teach or maybe you can't learn confidence." They told me, "Just stick to style. Don't talk about this other stuff." But I decided that I wanted to keep talking about the other stuff. Talk about things that I felt were important to develop character. Because I really did feel like, hey, maybe it's going to help at least one person. And then something remarkable happened. I got an email. It was from a guy who watched my videos. His name was Brian. And he told me that through watching my videos, he actually felt better about himself and that he was more confident. And this was like, what? I'm like, really? It was the best day of my life. And, um, something else strange happened. I got another one and another one and another one. Gentlemen, I realized that I was right. You absolutely can learn to be confident. Validation. Confidence is a skill. It can be learned. But now came the tricky part. I needed to figure out a structure and a system how to actually actually walk somebody through the steps to become more confident. It's taken me 2 years to complete, but I finally did it. Gentlemen, I am incredibly proud and pleased to announce that the Alpha M Confidence Course is complete. The Alpha M Confidence Course is a step-by-step system to help you unlock the 5 phases of self-confidence. Phase 1 is learning and exploration. You've got to be able to take a hard look at yourself, ask yourself the tough questions, in order to drill down to figure out who you are as a person and what has led you to where you are now as a person. Until you understand who you are, you can never move forward. Phase 2 is developing your physical and external confidence. Fitness, style, grooming, diet— all of these topics are discussed in detail and outlined in Phase 2. Think of it as confidence from the outside. You work on outside, it transcends to the inside. And then Phase 3 is all about acting and communicating confidently. Phase 4 is living confidently. And then we're wrapping it up with Phase 5, which is adoption. But here's the interesting thing about confidence, and any skill for that matter, is that you need to continually nurture and do the things that you did in order to get to that level of confidence. So if you get to be confident, feeling good about yourself, right? If you stop doing all those other things that led you to here, guess what? The insecurities are gonna creep in. Confidence is not a thing. It's not a destination. It's a journey that you're gonna be on your entire life. That's it, guys. I got in trouble. After the gym, I go home, I eat, I shower, and I sit on the couch and work a little bit more until about 10 o'clock. Then I go to bed, sleep around 7 hours, and do it all over again. I know that I know that from the outside looking in, it might seem like I'm always working, but I don't feel like that. I feel honestly like I'm the luckiest guy in the world. This point in my life and my career, I still love what I do. And every single day I get up and I am so excited to take on the day and to create content and to work and create businesses. And it's just incredible. First up is an entrepreneur from season 4 returning to the tank with a new opportunity for the Sharks. Hello, Sharks. My name is Aaron Marino, and I'm here today seeking a $100,000 investment for 10% equity stake in my new company, Pete and Pedro. So if I look familiar to you, it's because I've been here before, but last time I was pitching the Alpha M style system. 8-2, 8-2. A solid idea, but a 3-1. $300 a pop for a fashion formula, customers just didn't bite. Shocking. And neither did you. Thank you. But you gave me something more valuable, a new direction and life-changing advice. You see, I knew you were right. I needed a lower price point product, something that every guy needed and used. Well, about a month after I was on Shark Tank, there I am styling my hair when inspiration struck and Pete and Pedro was born, a new line of super awesome men's hairstyling products. Pete and Pedro Pete and Pedro equals Bueno Hair. We're selling direct to the consumer, which means a higher quality product at a great price. Guys buy it, they try it, they love it, and sign up for the Bueno Hair Club, where we automatically ship them their favorite Pete and Pedro product every 4, 6, or 8 weeks. Look, sharks, I'm back, this time with a product that men need and love, and I'm not walking out of here again without a deal. So who's ready to partner with me and share the hair? Gentlemen, what's happening, guys? Thank you so much for watching this video. But really, I think I owe the biggest thanks to Joshua Romigio. I'm sorry for butchering your name, brother, but he is the one who actually recommended or asked Evan to do this video on me. And I can't tell you how incredibly humbled and honored I am to be on Evan, your channel, because you are doing some incredible things for incredible guys. Guys, here's the deal. Entrepreneurship, you're gonna have highs, you're gonna have lows. I promise. But as long as you get yourself back up, nothing can hold you back and stop you. Before I go, I would just like to leave you with this, something that I learned along the way, and that is that success doesn't always look like what you expect or what you hope it will. Keep your eyes open. Realize that sometimes the universe has a different direction. So make sure that you listen both with your eyes and ears. And that was super cheesy. But anyway, guys, thank you so much. Keep rockin' and rollin'. And move forward, gentlemen. You got this.

Thank you guys so much for watching. I made this video because Joshua Ramigio asked me to. So if there's a famous entrepreneur that you want me to profile next, check out the link in the description and go and cast your vote. I also want to give a quick shout out to Joshua Rodriguez. Joshua, thank you so much for picking up a copy of my book, Your One Word, doing the collaboration with me, and tweeting out that fun picture as well. I really appreciate the support, man, and I'm glad you enjoyed the read. So thank you guys again for watching.

I believe in you.

I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love. I'll see you soon.

True story. When I had my fitness centers, it got pretty bad towards the end. I expanded too fast. There were a bunch of internal issues. Remember I was saying choose your partners wise? It got so bad financially for us that I was having to take money off of credit cards in order to pay my employees. And so in order to make ends meet, I had to take a second job on weekends working as a beer cart girl on a golf course, a private members-only golf course. And it— there was a, there was a moment when— there were lots of moments doing that, but it was winter, it was about— it was February, and in Atlanta it does get get cold, especially at 6:30 in the morning on a Sunday. There was frost. It was about 23 degrees, and there was no heat in the, in the cart. And so I'm sitting there waiting for golfers to come around. There's no shelter. I'm just in this cart shivering my butt off. And it was that critical moment in my life when I realized that, my God, I will do anything it takes in order to be successful. The walls, my empire that I had planned on building and creating was crumbling right before my eyes. And there I am sitting in a beer cart, a 30, like, 2-year-old dude serving beer to drunk golfers. Swallow your pride. If you're gonna do things, know that you're going to do it and times could get tough. You give up too easily. When the tough gets going, you do something else because the thought of actually having to persevere and work through things is too much for you to handle. Handle. All right, if you are somebody who gives up way too easy, you get any slight hint of resistance in any capacity, you're like, whatever, I didn't want that anyway, and you're on to the next thing. If this is you, you are never going to ultimately achieve your goals and the desired success level that you're striving for. Now, I know that I personally have experienced quite a bit of disappointment in my life, and I'm assuming that you have as well. And guess Guess what? We're going to continue to be disappointed throughout our lives. At least we should be, because if you're not, that means that you're really not trying. Now, how you handle yourself post-disappointment, this is critical to your emotional and mental well-being. Pain, pain, hurting, right? It's part of the growing process. But I'll tell you something, life has a funny way of closing doors in order to keep you moving in the right direction. All right? So often in our society and as people, we run from pain. We do everything we can to protect ourselves and to shield ourselves from feeling uncomfortable or that feeling of pain. And this is the reason why so many people abuse drugs, alcohol, casual sex. We do this to not feel the pain. But I'm saying stop running, stop trying to mask it, all right? When you feel pain, disappointment, it's okay. Don't try and cover it up. What you should do is actually embrace it. I know it's easy for me sitting here saying, oh, embrace the pain. You're feeling like crap. Don't worry about it. Feel it. Feel it. I get it, right? That's not— that's kind of a long shot. But what I'm saying is that the pain is normal. It's natural. It's a part of the growth process. Learn from it. Once you do, you accept it, you embrace it, learn from it, put it in its place, you're going to be able to move forward stronger, faster. Smarter. If you're not struggling and getting disappointed from time to time, this probably means that you're not really pushing your limits too far. All right, it's okay. Embrace it, don't get discouraged, and stay focused.