YOU Are Letting Them Walk Over You | Set Your Standards High

Rise and shine, it's espresso time! Good morning, Believe Nation, it's Evan. My one word is believe, and I believe in you. I believe you have an amazing gift inside you that I want to see explode out into the world. So grab your coffee and sip on today's message: demand respect. Over to you, Oprah Winfrey.

When I first started as a broadcaster, I was 19, very insecure, thrown into television, pretending to be Barbara Walters, looking nothing like her, and still going to college. So I'd do all my classes in the morning from 8 to 1, and then the afternoon I worked from 2 to 10 and did the 6 o'clock news. And would stay up and study and all that stuff, you know, until 1, 2, or 3 o'clock in the morning, and then just start the routine all over again. And my classmates were so jealous of me. And I remember taking my little $115 paycheck— and at the time, I thought it was really a lot— but taking $115 and trying to appease them. I would like, anytime anybody needed money, I was always offering, oh, you need $10? Or taking them out for pizza, ordering pizza for the class and things like that. Trying to— that whole disease to please. That's where it was the worst for me, I think, because I wanted to be accepted by them and could not be. Because first of all, I didn't have the time. They wanted me to pledge, and I didn't have the time to pledge. I didn't have the time to be a part of all the other college activities or a part of that whole lifestyle. And it was very difficult for me socially. Really one of the worst times of my life because I was trying to fit in in school and be a part of that culture, but also trying to build a career in television. It's very difficult for me to even see myself as successful because I still see myself as in the process of becoming successful. To me, successful is getting to the point where you are absolutely comfortable with yourself, and it does not matter how many things you have acquired. The ability to learn to say no and not to feel guilty about it, to me, is about the greatest success I have achieved. The fact that I have, you know, in the public side done whatever is fine. It's all a part of a process for growing for me. But to me, to have the kind of internal strength and internal courage it takes to say, "No, I will not let you treat me this way," is what success is all about. It's the same thing that prevents you from being abused as a child, that prevents you from being abused as an adult, that allows you to build success for yourself. I will not be treated this way. I demand only the best for myself. You are worthy to say no. You're wor— that it's okay if you say no. It's okay if you say no and then people don't like you. That's really okay. The important thing is how you feel about what you're doing, how you feel about yourself. It's a long struggle though. It's a long struggle. And I'm just hoping that, you know, in the work that I do on the show and the speaking that I do around the country, and that young people who are watching this can get the lesson sooner than I did. 'Cause it's painful, 'cause you keep repeating it over and over and over until you get it right. And what I found is that every time you have to repeat the lesson, It gets worse because it's, you know, it's— I call it God trying to get your attention, the universe trying to get your attention. So we didn't get your attention the first time, so we're going to have to hit you a little harder this time. So I'm still doing it. I'm still learning. It seems worse because it gets worse.

Yeah.

You train the people in your life how to treat you. If you are not happy with the way something is going in your life, with how somebody is treating you, it's not their fault. It's not their fault for walking all over you. It's not their fault for being a loser, an idiot, or uncaring. It's your fault for allowing it to happen to you. And you need to raise your standards and teach the people in your life how to treat you. Now, I'm not talking about as a child and child abuse and all those things. Like, at some point, you know, you're too young to be able to make those decisions. But if you're an adult, you always have a choice. You are not powerless. You teach the people in your life how to treat you, and if you're not happy with it, then you need to raise your standards. One of the things for me as an example is punctuality. I hate when people are late, and I'm never late for things. I value my time. Time is the most precious thing that I have, and so I value it immensely. And if you are late for something for me, that's gonna really bother me, that's gonna be a problem, and I'll respect your time in the process as well. So when I first started working with Alex at Toronto Dentist, also as an example, he would routinely be late. Not really late, but 15 minutes late, 10 minutes late, 5 minutes late. He'd be late. That's a problem for me. Don't be late coming to meet me. I value my time. You should value yours as well. And so when it kept happening, I locked the door and he couldn't get in. You'd have to go work somewhere else. You waste even more time. And we had conversations. If you are making a goal to show up at a certain time and then you show up late, you're missing another goal. You're letting yourself down. Not just me, not just the people that you're setting these times up. You said you're letting yourself down. If you booked a coffee meeting with me for 3 o'clock on a Thursday afternoon and you don't show up at 3 o'clock, by 3 o'clock I'm out. Because you shouldn't just be there at 3 o'clock, you really should be there 15 minutes early because I'm there 15 minutes early. You should not be there at 3 o'clock. When I do Hangouts on my YouTube channel, I do more on the live channel than the main one. If we're supposed to start at 2 o'clock, we start at 2 o'clock. I send you the link 10 to 15 minutes before we start. If you don't show up at time, at 2 o'clock, then I leave. I cancel it. And if you showed up at 2:01, you would have missed it. I'm not there anymore. I'm gone. No 5-minute rule or 10-minute rule or 15-minute rule. I'm gone. And that's with some customers, right? Like, that means I don't do business with some people. That means I lose out on some deals. If I'm supposed to meet somebody at a coffee shop at 3 o'clock and they're not there by 3 o'clock and I leave and they come 5 minutes later, I'm gone. They wasted their afternoon. They're probably not gonna be super happy about that. I may not make a deal with that person. One, if that's the kind of relationship we're gonna have, I don't wanna do business with that person. If you're gonna routinely be late to things, I don't wanna deal with you. Two, if we're gonna reschedule something, you're not gonna be late for me the next time. And so you teach the people in your life how to treat you because you have a new standard that you value yourself to such a degree that you say, I am not willing to let you walk all over me anymore. You need to set up a higher wall, a higher barrier. And so yes, the people around you may be taking advantage of you, they may be treating you like crap, they may be hurling insults at you. You need to stop allowing it to happen. Stop blaming them for their insecurities and their issues. Stop blaming them. Take ownership. Stop letting it happen to you. Demand respect. So the question of the day today is, I'm curious, when was the last time you've had to raise your standards and demand respect? Leave it in the comments below, I'm really curious to find out. I also want to give a quick shout out to Sahana Mukamala, thank you so much for picking up a copy of my new book, The Top 10 Rules of Success, and taking that picture and sending it in. I really, really appreciate the support and I hope you enjoyed the read. So thank you guys again for watching, I believe in you, I hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. Much love and I'll see you again tomorrow morning for another shot Evan Espresso.

I always say, you know, worry about being respected, never worry about being liked, because that's the trap. That's where people manipulate you. And so my kids, you know, I did not teach my kids to be liked. I taught them to always live by their truth. And to always respect others and to always reach to be respected. And, you know, different people will respect different things, but at the end of the day, my kids have the confidence to be who they are. And that is all as a parent that Will and I can ask of them, because that is where their power and their strength will come from.

I was in the Die Hard office one day, and there's this sign on the wall that I adhere to vehemently now that said, "Be careful of the toes you step on today, for they could be connected to the ass you'll have to kiss tomorrow." And believe me, there have been PAs and other people— like, when I'm on a movie set, I think everybody is just as important as I am, or I treat them that way. So I know PAs' names, I talk to them, I speak to them every day. I speak to the gaffers, I speak to the grips, I speak to all these people. And over the years, I've gotten jobs and the producer will show up and he'll be like, you don't remember me, but I was a PA on so-and-so and so, and you were so nice to me that, you know, when I was doing this movie, I couldn't help but think, you know, that you would be the perfect— and that shit works out, you know. Or they become writers or they become directors, you know. But it's a collaborative effort. I mean, we're almost the least important element of any film. 'Cause if motherfuckers ain't putting the lights up right, or the sound man mic is jacked up, it don't mean shit about what you're doing 'cause nobody can see you or hear you. You know? So they can fix that in the mix, you know? But everything else has gotta work, and you have to know that. Let me give you the one word secret to happiness.

One word.

This is all you need to be happy.

The most important word.

Ever. If you had to think of one word that's most important to you or that sums you up or that would be kind of like a little beacon.

Hey, Believe Nation! If you want to know what the most important one word is for Tony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Oprah Winfrey, will.i.am, and Howard Schultz, I have a very special secret video for you. Check the description for details.