"YOU Can't CHANGE Something UNTIL You OWN IT!" - Chris Gardner - #Entspresso

Okay, I can do this. I got here. I'm sick. I'm still here. Oh my God, my voice. I sound like Ivana Chubbuck. Nice, slow, smoking voice. Okay. Rise and shine, it's espresso time. Good morning, Believe Nation. My name is Lily and my one word is extraordinary. I believe that every single human being is capable of extraordinary things when they embrace who they truly are. So let's start your day off right together. Go grab yourself a cup of coffee and sip on today's message, Own Your Life. Over to you, Chris Gardner. I wake up every morning. Espresso keep me going. I wake up every morning.

As jarring and strange as change can be, there were times when it was hard to imagine that my life would be what it is today. Especially the time when my son and I were living in that bathroom. Maybe you remember that scene in the movie. There was a highly polished sheet metal piece over a sink. It wasn't a mirror, but it served as a mirror. And I had to wash myself and that baby every day, wash my baby in that sink, and I had to ask myself some very predictable questions. What happened? Why did this happen? Why did that happen? But the most difficult question I had to get through was, how did I get here? And the answer was even more brutal. The answer was, I drove here. I had something to do with it. You can't change something until you own it. So if you're 50-plus and you're sitting out there and pointing fingers at other people, you can do that for a long time. But it's hard to look in the mirror and say, "How did I get here?" and have the answer be, "I drove here. I had something to do with it." It's uncomfortable to admit that, "Well, I made some bad decisions. I made some investments I shouldn't have made. I had something to do with it. When that man sold me that house with no money down, I should have told him what he could do with that house." Huh? When I signed that adjustable rate mortgage, we all know these things only adjust upwards. No one's ever going to call you and say, guess what, you're going to pay less for your money, your house next year. Ain't going to happen. So the idea of I drove here is empowering because the other side of it is, if I drove here, that means I can drive out of here. I have to own it. In that bathroom, I finally had to understand what my momma used to say to me when she would say, "Boy, the cavalry is not coming. Ain't no backup." I was 28 years old when that part of my life happened. Change was coming fast. And you know what? Change is everywhere, all the time. Social change, technological change, and the most potent of all, personal change. The most urgent question today is not so much as, "What are my values?" and "Who are we?" The urgent question in these times of constant change is, "How exactly are you going to navigate these new realities?" Put another way, "What are you going to do?" I love this message.

I think it's so important to take ownership of your life and take responsibility for everything, good and bad. And I know sometimes it's so hard to actually do that because bad things do happen to good people, but blaming others and blaming the situation, blaming on government regulations is not going to do you any good. It's actually detrimental to your own well-being. If you take responsibility for your life, you'll see how you can actually open up all sorts of opportunities for yourself and it's actually very, very empowering. So when I was 18 years old, I was in a really crappy relationship. I was in a relationship with someone who constantly cheated on me all the time, multiple times, with multiple people, and I knew about it. And I remember receiving a phone call from one of my really close friends telling me that he did it again, he cheated on me, and she saw it. And I remember sitting at the edge of my bed, freaking out, panicking. It's like, I cannot believe this has happened to me again. I cannot believe what a jerk he is that he has done it again. This is so unfair. I have been nothing but good to him. I've been nothing but a great girlfriend and I have done everything that I could. Why did he do this again to me? And how did I even get here? And I kept on saying, how did I even get here? How did I even get here? And this weird voice kind of appeared out of nowhere and she said, girl, it's your fault. You're the reason why you're here in this situation. You knew that he was not good for you. You knew that he cheats on you. You knew that he would lie to you, but you kept on going back over and over again. And at first I was like, no, it's not my fault. It's his fault. And I kept on fighting with myself, and eventually I knew it was my fault to continue on in this relationship. So I took responsibility at the age of 18 to completely cut out that relationship and move on with my life. I actually ended it that night. And since then, I haven't looked back. And I apply the same philosophy in everything that I do. Anytime I'm in a situation that I feel like, oh my God, I can't believe this happened to me again, I think to myself, how much of it has to do with me? Sometimes it's 100% my fault and sometimes it's 2%, but I'm the common denominator. It always comes back to me and as soon as I know that, I know I could get myself out and that is more empowering than anything else. So next time you're in a situation that you're like, oh my God, this is horrible, I cannot believe it, this has happened to me, I'm such a victim in this, and you want to point fingers on different people and blame it on other people, blame it on government regulations, whatever. You're like, I have no control over that, but you do. You have control over yourself. If you want things to work out your way and you want success and happiness and joy in your life, you need to own your life. And the question of the day is, what is that terrible event that happened to you that you need to take ownership for right now? Write in the comments below and I'll join in on the discussion. And I have a special shout out for Danny Collins. Danny, thank you so much for picking up a copy of Evan's book, Top 10 Rules for Success, and taking that awesome picture next to it. We really appreciate your support and I hope you're enjoying the read. And thank you so much for watching. We believe in you and hope you continue to believe in yourself and whatever your one word is. And we'll see you again tomorrow morning for another shot. Of espresso.

I was working once in an ice cream parlor when I was about 15 years old, my first real job, and on the second day I was asked to scrape the gum off between the Mexican tiles on the floor, and I said to the woman who owned the store, it was called Magoo's Ice Cream Parlor, you didn't hire me to scrape gum, you hired me to scoop ice cream. And this girl in the shoe store across the way that's looking at me, I don't want her to see me scraping the gum. And she said, "What are you talking about? I own this store. I'll do anything I want with you. Get down on your knees and scrape that gum." And I said, "I'm not doing it." She said, "You're fired." Last job I ever had. I owe that woman everything. I don't like to work for people. Many of you in here, I hope, inherit that. There's nothing wrong with it, but if you want to control your own destiny, you work for yourself. That's how it works. I'm trying to inspire those of you who are on the tipping point. Take the chance, you're young. Go for it. There's nothing better than being able to wake up in the morning 10 years or 20 years from now and do whatever you like. It's about freedom. That's what matters. I'm not saying being an employee is bad, but believe me, being an entrepreneur is better. I'm a little biased.

If you're an artist or a filmmaker or a content creator in general, Do you feel like you shouldn't even go mainstream towards TV or towards film or towards working with a music label, or should you focus on creating it all yourself? Because it still helps a lot of people who don't know how to do the online stuff.

Yeah, I mean, look, there's no answer to that question. I think that it's one thing that everybody but the successful people fail to realize about any creative industry is that there is absolutely no defined path. There isn't one. So it's about paving your own path. And now for me, my path meant mainstream just didn't work and new media did work. And for other people, it's entirely antithetical to that, where mainstream is exactly the right place for them. So there is no formula that's right or wrong. I'm just much better versed in my own—

Sure.

—the trajectory that I followed myself, and that includes really running away from the establishment into whatever the most forward-thinking space is.

My whole career has been in some way or another a struggle against my own doubts. All along the way, as much as people say, gosh, you're so confident and you're the high performance guy and everything else. I'm like, yeah, but it doesn't mean I don't struggle. Matter of fact, I probably put myself in situations where I must be challenged and I must struggle more than any normal sane person. I'm constantly pushing myself all the time because I evaluate struggle as something to be honored. It used to be struggle was something that was was truly honored by people. They thought that was something that built character. They thought that that was something that was good. And now we've got to be such a convenient-driven society that's into ease and so much just, I think, an unbelievable level of engage— I'm sorry, entitlement, where people don't think they have to earn it. And I'm always like, wait, you know, if you have a dream, never forget, if you knock on the door of opportunity, that it is work who answers. You know, it takes a lot of work to achieve your bigger dreams, to become the best you who you can be, to serve more, to create more, to contribute at that highest level. Man, it's a lot of work.

Let me give you the one word secret to happiness. One word. This is all you need to be happy.

The most important word ever. If you had to think of one word that's most important to you or that sums you up or that would be kind of like a little beacon, Hey Believe Nation, if you want to know what the most important one word is for Tony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Oprah Winfrey, will.i.am, and Howard Schultz, I have a very special secret video for you. Check the description for details.