71. Navigating Setbacks on Your Healing Journey: How To Not Let Road Bumps Get You Down

Welcome to the That Healing Feeling podcast. I'm your host, Faith Ashenden, founder and CEO of That Healing Feeling, where we show you how to become a self-healer of mind, body, and spirit through nervous system regulation. Join me and thousands of my other students as I dive into the world of neuroscience, subconscious programming, energetics, and radical self-love. In this podcast, you will learn that your body and mind are meant to heal, and that under the right circumstances, we can experience miraculous healing by leveraging our own internal infrastructure. Let me guide you as we challenge preconceived notions and outdated narratives and dive into the empowering world of self-healing. My intention is that you leave this podcast full of hope and actionable tools. So without further ado, let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to of That Healing Feeling podcast. I'm so happy that you decided to join me today. I'm coming back with another solo episode, and this is for those of you who might be in the thick of it, or those who are just looking for some strategies on how to deal with setbacks in your chronic illness healing journey. As you know, my job is coaching women who are on this journey, and I really walk the walk with them for months at a time. And so, as you know, healing isn't linear, and during this time there are ups and there are downs, and my job is to support my clients through those times and give them the skills to stay on track. One of the most underrated skills we can have as individuals is to not let temporary feelings get in the way of our overall goals. Meaning, if you are on your healing journey and you're having a setback and that brings up some difficult emotions, we want to make sure that you have the tools to not let those emotions get in the way of your overall goal to heal. And so I really want to help you with that. I want to help you to find the resources to get back up on your feet and to honor where you're at, but also keep your eye on the prize, keep your eye on the goal, and stay focused, because that's how you're going to achieve your goal. You're going to achieve your goal by staying focused even when, even when in the reality you're experiencing, difficult things happen, because sometimes that's just life. And also the way that we perceive these situations can turn a difficult experience into one that actually in some ways can be positive. Not in a toxic positivity way, but hear me out. I want to give you some of these strategies so you can reference this podcast when, you know, these situations happen in the future. Or like I said, if you're in it, you're welcome to use this to slowly just move through these kinds of exercises and ways of thinking. To just improve your quality of life while things might not be going to plan. Before I dive into the episode and my 4 tips for how to do this, I want to remind you that we are booking for the Health Transformation Accelerator for this summer's cohort. So our cohorts fill up fast. I'm pretty much always enrolling one cohort in advance. So if you've been listening to these episodes and you are interested in joining me and working with me directly, then I'm going to go ahead and pop the link to the cohort below, as well as a link to book a call with my admissions team. This is a free admissions call where you can actually chat to my team about your circumstances, what you're going through, and, you know, see if the program is a good fit for you. So I'll have that, like I said, for you in the show notes. You can either click on the link to the program itself or click to book an admissions call with my team to chat through how we could work together to help you heal through subconscious reprogramming and nervous system regulation. So without further ado, let's dive right into what to do when you hit a setback or a road bump in your chronic illness healing journey. Okay. Number 1 is going to be a bit of a more like general rule of thumb, something that I teach within my Health Transformation Accelerator program that's really important to remember. And one of the things that you could do for this is even make it like a journaling exercise. So you could have, um, after this, you know, take notes on what you want to do and after this actually journal about it. So what I want to do is focus our attention on these two concepts of macro and micro, and we're going to focus our attention on these concepts in relation to your vantage point. So in relation to how you see, experience, sense your reality. So what does this mean? So the macro view of how you're experiencing and sensing reality is your long-term goal, right? So your goal of healing chronic illness, of getting back on your feet, getting back to your job, starting a family, whatever you want to do. That's your macro, like bigger picture, zoomed out goal. And when you zoom yourself out from your vantage point, like all the way out, and you can almost see your life on like a timeline, and you can see every little thing from where you are now to where you want to get and beyond. You have a macro view of your reality, meaning you're not just looking at every single little tiny event that's happening on your timeline, but you're really zoomed out enough to see the bigger picture. Now, a micro view— so this, from your vantage point, is going to be those little tiny spaces of time in between your significant events, right? So it's going to be really focusing on the every single day, the individual habits, the individual experiences. And if you're in a setback or you're in a road bump right now, it's really going to be hyper-focused on that specific situation. So when you are in a micro view, you're not seeing the bigger picture. You're hyper-focused, you're zoomed in, you have no visibility on the future, on where you want to go, where you want to be. You're focused on the here and now, and specifically you're focused on what you don't like about the here and now. So you can kind of see how you're shifting and focusing your attention, and, and that's where your attention is kind of floating during this time. So wherever you give your attention, that's going to create your reality. So I'm zooming you in, I'm zooming you out. I'm zooming you from what's wanted to unwanted to give you an element of control here and show you how where you're focusing your attention is going to affect your experience of your reality. That's not to say that what's happening in your current reality isn't happening. That's not true. What's happening is always happening, but where you focus your attention is within your control. So you have a macro view and you have a micro view. Now, when you can understand that you have many options and many places where you can put your attention, you can challenge yourself to zoom out. So I would challenge you, if you're in this situation and you're focusing on what you don't like about this very specific moment in time, to zoom yourself out and keep zooming and zooming and zooming all the way until you can see your entire timeline. And you can see that you're always going to achieve your goal, and you're going to do all those things, and you can see the important milestones on your timeline. And then you can see where you are now. It's still on the same trajectory. You're still gonna get there, but it's not gonna be perfect. It doesn't mean that your trajectory is changing just because there's a blip in the road. And here's the other thing about it: just because you're experiencing something that might be unwanted or uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's bad. And so this is where we can honor that experience and say, hey, this is a very real thing that doesn't feel good, feels a bit crap, feels a bit uncomfortable. It's not what I want. It's not like my desire for my physical experience or emotional experience in this moment. And so that's uncomfortable, but we can also accept that discomfort doesn't have to mean that our trajectory is changing. So remember that so much of the Western medical space is about avoiding discomfort. You have pain, you take medicine. When you are in a hospital room, they say rate your pain, and that's kind of your vital sign. In general, the questions that you're asked are about pain and then how you can minimize it. And don't get me wrong, I think that there's a lot of merit in that. We want people to you know, have these options. But what it does to the brain is that it teaches you that discomfort means something is wrong. And so we're unable to hold that space and still remain steadfast in knowing that actually we will be able to achieve our goal. So what I'm saying is healing is actually increasing your capacity to hold that discomfort. And so when you are able to, for example, use this exercise and keep your eye on the prize, and know that discomfort doesn't mean automatically that your trajectory is changing, that something's wrong, that it's— that, that you need to act in a way that sabotages your goal. That doesn't mean that at all. You're actually able to hold space for that, and that's what holding space means. It means honoring that, honoring the feelings. Maybe it's disappointment that you have, maybe it's frustration, and that's okay. You let that feeling move through. And then you redirect your thoughts because you have that control. And then you do something that might help you regulate, might help you feel good. And only you know what those activities, what those thoughts, what, you know, all of that actually is. Okay, but when you're able to keep yourself regulated in the face of that uncomfortable sensation and you're able to stay eye on the prize, you're increasing your capacity to hold that discomfort. And here's what I know. So when we experience discomfort in our journey, it doesn't necessarily mean that something's gone wrong. It could also mean that we're uncovering another layer of healing, that we're becoming more in tune with our body and our body is communicating with us more because that's what pain is. It's just a— it's a communication, right, from the body. It's a physical sensation communicating. Typically it's a warning signal. But in situations of chronic pain, it's very, very different. It could be that We're finally detoxing properly. It could be a variety of things, right? There are so many things that it could mean, and it doesn't mean that something is veering us off track. And so in doing this exercise, what you're actually doing is you're increasing your capacity, increasing your capacity, increasing your capacity to hold the discomfort and to stay steadfast and to stay regulated. And by doing that, that's actually the act of healing. So what an opportunity that was to increase your capacity to sit with it, to process it and, and not create a meaning and not create a story. We don't need to create a story with every single sensation. We spend our lives in the chronic illness space overanalyzing, overcreating, just creating so many different narratives around these sensations and giving them so much meaning because, yeah, we probably have had to up until now. But maybe you can just let it be instead of creating such a long narrative around it and bringing it more attention and more energy and more of a microview. Do you see what I'm saying? Now, obviously there's a fine line between— yes, if something's actually wrong, of course, and you have to go to the hospital, okay, fine. But how many times in your experience Has that actually been the case? When your mind has spiraled, but you know, it's not actually an emergency, right? So let's practice the art of healing, which is staying regulated and holding space, letting it process through and shifting on that macro view, and then returning to something that is self-regulating, that makes us feel good, and showing our body that we're actually safe. This is also changing the physical structure of our brain. Because the body is just trying to feel safe. But if we can send those signals of safety to the body and show the body that we're overriding the hardware, then a lot of times these sensations start to subside. And maybe it's not automatic, maybe it's not right away, but in the act of healing, eventually it will. So this is a really important point, and I think that If you could start, you know, by creating a journal where you have— you draw a timeline, and on the end of your timeline, you kind of have your ultimate goal for your life and everything you want. And then you can kind of put throughout your timeline like different milestones, what you want to achieve, what's your dream, and that's your macro view. And when these situations come up, remember not to zoom in to one little dash on your timeline. Zoom yourself out. Remember that as long as you regulate, you stay on track. What does that mean? You let yourself acknowledge the situation. You understand that it might be uncomfortable, it might be disappointing. Don't attach a meaning to the emotion. Don't try to push it down. Don't be frustrated that you feel it. Just let it happen because you're a human being, right? And, and when that sensation, when that emotion itself passes You hold space for the situation, you stay focused on the prize, and you do something that helps you regulate, and you send those messages of safety to the body, and you rewire the brain. Which brings me to point number 2. Everything is temporary. Okay, I think that it's really important to talk you through this point, and I want to start with the way the brain works and why we don't see things this way. So when we're in a situation that's stressful for us, our brain hyperfixates on the problem. And this is an evolutionary mechanism. So it's not like you're doing it on purpose. This is a function of the brain. So whenever there's something that you don't want happening in your reality— so let's say you're having a blip in your chronic illness journey— your brain is going to hyperfocus on that naturally, right? So I'm teaching you to evolve the brain so that you don't fall into the trap of just like the hardwired programming. So your brain is going to hyperfocus on that because from an evolutionary standpoint, it was advantageous for us to focus on the problem so we could survive. But obviously we're not in that kind of a situation now, and we want to be able to choose where we put our attention, right? So we can evolve our bodies, evolve our brains, and reach our timeline goal of whatever it is that we desire. So when you are in your healing journey and you have a blip, you have a roadblock, you're hyper-focusing on that. You're hyper-focusing on what you don't want, and that's putting your body in survival mode. When your body's in survival mode, you cannot use problem solving. You cannot use creativity. You cannot use humor. You cannot use logic. So you lose the capacity to understand that everything is temporary. So when you, when you come out of that, I'm sure you've experienced that you look back and you think, oh gosh, I overreacted, or wow, I made that such a big deal, when in reality I can see now that actually maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. But that's because in that moment you're losing the ability to zoom out and see the logic in the situation that everything is temporary. And like everything else in your life, Things will move in seasons and things will pass. So it's the truth that you will experience a roadblock, let's say, and then one day that will be behind you and you'll be in a different situation because everything is temporary. But in that moment, you can't see that unless you learn how to regulate, unless you learn how to hold that space, unless you know how to tell your nervous system that you're safe. And then the logic centers turn on. Creativity turns on, humor turns on, and all of these aspects of our brain that help us be able to evolve. So in the moment, it will feel like very micro view, not macro, but very micro, that this is it. This feeling is forever, physically and emotionally and spiritually. Woe is me, this sucks. All of my energy and time has been wasted. And you're not seeing the bigger picture, but it's not because you're dramatic. It's because of the state of of the nervous system. So remembering during these times, even write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror, everything is temporary. So even this will pass. Even if your condition is chronic, it will pass because everything does come in seasons. So no, I can't tell you how long it will be there for, but I can say if you start to use some of this regulation work, you start to hack your subconscious mind, you're going to move through it faster. That's just how it works. So everything is temporary. When you experience a blip, when you experience a setback, when you experience a roadblock, remember what your brain is doing and how it's hyper-focusing on it. And remember to zoom out and remember that it's temporary and this too shall pass. And it will, because that's the law, right? Everything is changing, everything is moving. Look in nature, you're no different. And we move with the seasons, we move with the time. So remind yourself, and like I said, I gave you an actionable point there. Get a sticky note and stick it on your mirror, stick it somewhere where you can see it. And when this happens, you can remind yourself everything is temporary. Number 3, you get to choose where you focus your attention. And we talked about this a little bit at the beginning, but I want to give you the skill set to choose to focus your attention elsewhere. So listen, where you put your attention is where you put your energy, and where your energy flows, that reality grows. What I'm saying is, if you continue to put your attention on an unwanted sensation, that sensation will expand in your reality. And I don't mean that to say that what you're experiencing is your fault, but what I'm saying is you have more power than you think. So the more you put your attention there, the more you're going to experience that in your current reality. So you do actually have power to manipulate the reality that you're experiencing by where you put your attention. And this is like a huge one. I could go like 800 miles deep into this, I really could, but no one has the time for that today. So, you know, I break apart my advice in kind of bite-sized actionable pieces for you to kind of take away and implement in your, your day-to-day life. But that's the sort of highlight of this point, and I'm going to show you how to action that. So when you have these roadblocks and when you have these setbacks, so to speak, in your journey, I want you to remember that where you place your attention expands in your reality. So as you're focusing with this micro view on what you don't want, what you don't want is expanding in your reality. And what I'm saying is, even if you focus your attention elsewhere, we're not ignoring it. It's not toxic positivity, right? We always say that the precursor is you acknowledge the feeling that's come up, whether it's disappointment or frustration, whatever it might be, you acknowledge it. But you don't need to obsess about it either. And that's not healthy. You can acknowledge it. Don't give it meaning. Don't give it a story because then you're cementing it in your subconscious mind. Just let things be sometimes. We don't need to control them. And then you're gonna choose differently. What I mean is you can redirect your focus onto something else. And when you do that, you give that thing your energy and that expands in your reality instead. And you'll start to see how what you don't want starts to just minimize because that's just a universal law. So I don't make the rules. That's just what happens. And I want you to experiment with it because you're actually going to see that happen and it's going to blow your mind. So this is what's going to happen. I want you to, if you can, if you're not driving or operating any heavy machinery, I want you to close your eyes for a second. And I want you to just, as you're breathing, I want you to think of an experience that you don't like. So it can just think of anything that's happened to you in your life that was unpleasant and you didn't like, pissed you off, whatever. Now I want you to stop. And think about a purple seahorse. Think about the purple seahorse. I want to visualize it in your mind. Think about it swimming through the water. Think about it like a really deep hue of purple. Like, really visualize the purple seahorse. Keep thinking about it. Keep thinking about it right there. You changed your thoughts on demand, even through something that was unpleasant. You have the power to direct your focus wherever you want it to fucking go. Because you are powerful and a powerful creator of your reality. And this is like flexing a muscle. This is something that takes practice. You're gonna continuously need to practice shifting your thoughts. But here's what I'm saying, here's like the practical application of this. If you're having an unwanted sensation and you're on your healing journey and it's really annoying, you're very disappointed, you're gonna feel that and then you're going to choose a different thought. Because your brain is hardwired to obsess on what is stressing you out. And that's not helpful, that's not regulating. And in every moment you have a choice. It's to choose to repeat the way of doing things before, or it's a choice to evolve. So evolving means you manually choose a different thought in a different place to put your focus, and the sensations and what you don't want in your life is gonna start to minimize. I don't care where you put your thoughts. You know, it could be a seahorse, it could be knitting, it could be calling a friend, it could be taking a walk. I don't want to set you up for something that's difficult right now. I just want to give you like that very baseline skill, and then I can give you more skills for what thoughts to choose and how to make them very strategic and scientifically proven to help you regulate and all of that. But this is like the baseline skill that you need to actually even Do that. So here is my tip number 4, and it's sort of similar to what we talked about in number 1, but it's almost like adding on to that foundational understanding. And that is, I want you to reframe these situations because you understand that situations don't inherently have meaning, right? Think situations and even our physical experiences are as they are. They just are. And as humans, we create these narratives and these meanings. Our subconscious mind is doing that based off our beliefs about reality and our identity, and it creates this meaning about our experience. And usually, if it's something that doesn't feel good, it creates the story about it that's very dramatic about our goals. So let's say like you're on your chronic illness journey and you have a roadblock. Something comes up and you don't feel well, your subconscious is going to create meaning that what you're doing isn't working and it's— you're never going to reach your goals and all your time is wasted and yada yada yada. It's like, it's, it's not actually what's happening, right? Because what's happening is just reality. It's just objectively what's happening. And there's a million different ways that you could write a story about it, but you write a story based off your subconscious mind and what it believes about reality and what it believes about your identity. That's why all my work revolves around the subconscious mind. And hopefully you can kind of start to see why this is so freaking important, because it's the ultimate hack of life. So when these situations come up, I want you to stop as you're telling the story in your mind and the thoughts are going, and instead say, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I don't want that story to be the story for me. And I want you to rewrite it, rewrite the script. Why not? You can, you can fall into the old programming that's based off limiting beliefs and an identity that doesn't serve you, or you can rewrite the story in alignment with your macro view of your goals. Okay, and I want you to be careful not to praise the unwanted sensations because where we praise, we bring more of. Right? That's the law of attraction. So if you're saying, "Oh, I'm so thankful for my pain because it taught me this," we don't want to do that because we don't want to bring more of it into our reality. But we can say, "Okay, I'm thankful for the desires that have come out of this experience," because those are positive and we want more of those. So what are the desires that have come out of the experience? Well, let's think about it this way. You're listening to this episode, so you're doing that You are seeking out information about how to evolve your mind and how to regulate your nervous system because of the experience you've had. Wow, you are so grateful that you have that desire because otherwise you might have not. You can be grateful for that, and what you put your attention on expands, so it will take you to more support and more peace and more regulation. Wow. I'm so grateful that I'm on this path and that I'm expanding and I'm evolving and I'm bringing peace into my life. Wow, I'm really moving towards my goal. That doesn't have to be a reframe. It can be whatever you want it to be. Again, there is no such thing as a story. You make it up. What do you want your story to be? So these are my 4 tips for how to deal with a setback in your chronic illness healing journey. There are a million things I could give you. There really are. Like I said, this is literally my life's work. It's supporting people who are on this journey and using the subconscious mind to help them get to their goals by regulating and by changing beliefs and changing the story and changing identity to send signals to the body that it's safe to heal. It's the ultimate hack. The ultimate hack in life is hacking your subconscious mind. And that's my area of expertise. So I hope that you found this episode to be helpful. Let me know on social media if you're listening to it, share it on your stories, tag me in any notes that you made or any wins that you have. I really appreciate knowing who's listening to the podcast and that it's even being heard. I just want to get information out that's really going to help people. And so it's great to be able to know that there's someone on the other end of this. And as always, like I said at the beginning of the episode, if you are interested in doing this kind of work with me and taking what I taught you here today to like level 859, then go to the show notes and either go to the HGA page and you can grab a seat for the summer cohort, or you can book a call directly with my team to talk to my team about how we can support you in the Health Transformation Accelerator. As always, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. And I will see you next time.