Grow or Go

Welcome to Million Dollar Dentistry with your host, Gary Katie, brought to you by Next Level Practice. Next Level Practice is the leader in dental practice management. In fact, they are the best in the world at creating happy teams that implement sustainable results. Your host, Gary Katie welcomes you to this podcast as he discusses the common concerns, challenges and shares his decades of experience in empowering dentists and dental teams to go from good to world class. Gary Katie is the visionary voice of Next Level Practice and has for the past 20 years interrupted the status quo of the dental world. He continues to bring national attention to the oral systemic connection and and believes in the complete health dentistry model. He is a powerful educator and advocate for dentistry, dentist and dental teams. He is inspired every day by the courage and personal successes of the doctors and team members he has the privilege of working with.

Join us today as we discuss raising your healthy deserve level. Hey Gary. In our last episode, we discussed how really looking around at your physical environment, taking inventory of how you are living, would help you evaluate where you are on a scale of low to high in the deserve level. It's great to be back with you today. How are you?

I'm doing fantastic. You know, every time I meet with you, Amber, at first, all the listeners love when I go, oh, Amber. You know, I didn't know I did that, but I got to get my oh Amber in for the oh Amber fans out there. And then I'll tell you, I am blown away at how many people have really been reading and diving into HDL and the things I'm hearing from my best friend of 27 years. He goes, gary, he goes, I've been trying to develop myself and get past where I am. I've been so stuck. Highly successful guy, his name is. I'm going to leave it out because I didn't get permission to say who it is. But this best friend of mine, he goes, I listened to your podcast and then I read your book. And then he goes, I realized for. And he's 60 now. He's like, we've been friends for almost 30 years. And he's like, this was such a blind spot for me, this concept of I don't get what I deserve, I get what I think I deserve. And he was talking about how his father, like, he got into an Ivy League school, it was Princeton. And he goes, no, you're going to go to SUNY Binghamton. I mean, like, this guy had his classes. He's like. And he made up a story about how he was on his way to Princeton, literally physically on his way to Princeton and his dad shut him down. And he's been blaming his dad forever for his own deserve level because he made a choice in that moment to say, you know what, I don't get to go to first flight school, I have to go to SUNY Binghamton. And you know, I don't deserve nice things. And he just, he used that at 17 years old as his benchmark and forever patterned until this past year, he patterned and all of his choices for cars and relation. He was, you know, been in three relationships. You know, he's finally in a new relationship. Because the first thing I'm going to do is talk to my partner and let her know that who's been showing up for her is not somebody that she deserves. She deserves better than who's been showing up. So to me, like, that's this work. Now if you're a dentist and you're going, hey, I want to build my practice. By the way, having a successful practice is having a successful life. That's why the work we do, which makes it very unique, it's like it gets into the thinking about running a practice and most people don't get into like teaching people how to think about what they do as an individual. And then, you know, I believe health is wealth and also relationships are wealth. You know, you know, there's three types of capital, Amber. One is, one is your relationship capital. So that's like, and that's what we're going to talk about today, like who do you hang out with and like how does that impact your life? Right? So relationship capital, financial capital is the obvious one. Like that's the numbers X's and O's that you have. And then it's the, the mental capital, which is like you went to dental school and you learned how to be a dentist and that creates value in the world. So there's three types of value, or I call like financial value points in those three areas. Most people only look at the zeros in their bank account. But this, you know, actually how you get zeros is buying by developing yourself mentally and spiritually and then developing yourself in the relationships. You know, people always say, like, you know, it's not what you know, it's who you know. But I say it's, it is what you know and it's who you know to create the wealth.

You know, I love that and I love that. And this is where we, we jump right into here where we're talking about growth and cleaning up those relationships with the people around us. And you Say that our net worth is plus or minus the average net worth of the five people we spend the most time with or have the most contact with. Have you found this to be true with the doctors you're working with?

Yeah. Amber, these study clubs. You doing bad, I'm doing bad. You're doing bad, we're doing bad. Oh, I feel uncomfortable because everybody's doing bad and everybody sucks, and we can't hire people. And those conversations are comfortable. See, you know, as you grow through your life. And Oprah said it best. She said, you know, oprah, why are you failing as a channel versus your show? And she said, when you climb the mountain, she goes, the air is thinner, and not everybody can hang with you as you grow. And what happens is, if you don't release people that don't line up with the new conversations you're having, that that means you're not growing. Right? So, you know, I could stay in the conversations that are comfortable for other people. Like, you know, it's. It's sort of like, you know, you know, we're going to get, you know, like, you're sharing. Like, if somebody's sitting there and they're jealous and of you and they're sitting there, or they don't want you to have uncomfortable conversations. You know, what happens is, is that they. They either squash you when you give them feedback and you don't even realize it and you're looking for validation out of yourself, or what's happening is they kind of go away. You know, like, let's just say somebody's going, you know, we just had, you know, and you're not boasting. You're just like, you know, you're sharing your life, like, where I have 10 weeks vacation, and you're sitting there and your deserved level is like, I don't think I could take a day off. And you're hanging out with that person. You're going, man, they're showing me. Like, you could either look at that person. Like, man, they're showing me what's possible, or I'm angry at that person. And I have resentments toward that person because they're living. They're living the life that I had. You know, I have this. I had this with my sister. My sister, you know, we were dealt the same trauma, and I took on being a victor and she took on being a victim. They're the same thing. It's just like, I tried to win in the world, and she tried to, like, share her story so people would feel pitiful toward her. And we had this conversation. It's like she goes, you don't, you're not around for this and you're not around for that. I go, we're choosing to live two different lives. I really respect the life that you're living, but I want to live my life out fully. And she was angry and resentful, and we didn't talk for like 10 years because she didn't agree with my life, and that was okay. And I said, look, I'm here for you if you ever need me, but. But I detached with love. She came back around and she was just going through a divorce that helped her through it. She got, you know, paid out really nicely. And guess what? That was because she, she said, she apologized to me and said, look, I judged you for how you were living your life because I wasn't living that life. And you were the mirror for me in my face to show me that, like, hey, this guy's doing it. I could do it. He's my brother. I could do it. But she made different choices and that was okay. Now she's choosing to reinvent herself in a brand new life that allows her to live life fully. And now it's a gift. So it's interesting that people are mirrors for us. You know, when I share these stories, here's the way people are listening. They don't care about my story really. Like, if they think it's kind of cool. But if I tell a good story, they're looking at their, their role in life and how that applies to them. Like, they see themselves in your world and they put themselves in your position. That's how, you know, that's why we share stories here, because we want people to, to see themselves as to what's possible for them and then step into their life and go for it, right? So that's why it's really important to be mindful of the people and the conversations that you're having with people. Like I said on last episode, shave off the roof of a dental practice, Cut off the roof of a house. The quality of the conversations, are they empowering or are they cutting you down? Are you, are people there to be champions? For you to continue to grow and be bigger and better in your workplace and at your home, or are they tearing you down? You know, I'll give you an example of how to deal with people who are tearing you down or having negative conversations, because I know people are probably sitting there going, hey, I'm married to a guy like that or a woman like that, or you know, and by the way, you know, you can transform this. By the way, it is possible, right? It's good to have a yin and yang in different possibilities honor that other person. But you. You want to start developing them and having new conversations with them. That if it doesn't work for you, here's how to have the conversation. All right. As you know, my grandmother passed away this past year at 104. Vera. Right? So Vera. God bless Vera. So 40 years ago, she. I would call her up and every conversation was that s that. So that son of a dish that, you know, he. And she would be complaining about my grandfather. Old school, right? She's old school. You complain about your husband, right? That son of a gun. He's doing it to me again. Gary and Lalala. And then right after that, without taking a breath, on my knee, my. My ankle, my toe, my. My eye. And I said, you know, and I would get off the phone, deflated, right? And I'd be like my grandmother. But, like, the conversations are just. Doesn't work. So I had what is known as a crucial conversation with her, Amber. And I said, so first, I acknowledged her acknowledgement is first step, you know, Graham, I love you. I adore you. You've been such a joy for me. Thank you so much. And then I say, step two. Can you share. Can I share something with you that's not working? That's actually putting something in the way of our conversation. Sure, sweetheart.

What are you doing?

I say, do you know that when we get on the phone, most of the conversation is a complaint about grandpa and that you're not feeling well? I said, do you know how that leaves me? She's like, no. She's like. I go, I'm the type of guy that I don't want to see you suffering, and I want to help you correct that. But when I have those conversations, you're not interested in that. But, like, those complaints really bring me down because I don't want you to live that kind of life. And she's like, I am so sorry. I said, can we do something different? I said, if you have a problem with grandpa or if you have a problem with your body, I said, I want to be there as a solution for those things, and we can work it out, and we'll figure out how to support grandpa and we'll figure out how to support you physically. But I'm interested. And by the way, I'm willing to hear that stuff. What I'm really interested in it is having conversations that talk about stuff that is really cool. What would you like to talk about? Oh, travel. And we took her to Italy and Cancun and California and we started talking about where we wanted to go. And I said, you know, what else you want to talk about? She's like, oh, I want to talk to you about your wife and your family. And I said, great, do that. And I said, you know, you're a gardener. I said, let's talk about gardening. And great. So my Grandmother and I, 40 years ago would have these amazing conversations about all this stuff. So she never brought that to me ever again. When I watch her on the phone, when I'm over her house, everybody she talks to, she talks about her gram, her husband and. And her aches and pains. And so you can transform the relationship if you have a dialogue that doesn't invalidate the other person and just walks through the steps that I just shared you. It is really powerful.

I love that. And that is kind of this. The name of this chapter in Raise youe Healthy Deserve Level is Grow or Go. And that is what I think we are talking about here is that is when you start living in a higher deserve level. I have found that people rise to that level with you or they tend to opt out. Is that what you found as well?

Yeah, yeah. And opting out, like I'm a people pleaser and I don't like abandonment like when people leave. So I was living in pain because I wanted people to like me and I didn't want them to leave. That's a huge problem because if I'm looking for validation externally from myself, I. Whether people are in and out of my life, I'm not going to be peaceful, I am not going to be joyous because I'm controlled by whether somebody likes me and is in my life. Huge problem. Huge problem. So I had this friend. I'm going to change his name. His name is Vito. And. And it's just. It's to save the public situation around this. Anyway, Vito was from Italy. He had a blasting company. So he was an entrepreneur. And when we were younger, we were single, we were both entrepreneurs. He would break rocks and he would blow this stuff up. And he and I were really good friends. We were tight. We had shore houses down to Jersey Shore. He reminded me of Mango at SNL back in the day. And he was fun right now. We would progress on. I got married, he got married and then his. His company went out of business and something changed in the economy or something and he wasn't doing well financially. I never Judged him for that. But he was like, resentful of the growth and the wealth and the style of living and could not be with it. And he just one day said, I can't do this anymore. You're not going to see me anymore. And it was devastating to me. I was like, I love this guy. We did our single years together. We had so much fun. I don't care what I have. I don't sit there and flaunt it. But it was just like, just how I was living my life. Like buying a second home, traveling around the world, taking time off. And we're just in conversations about that naturally. Like, I don't share that with people typically, you know, in fact, I look to just, you know, the conversation comes up, great. If it doesn't, you know, nobody even knows that about me. Right. But that became contentious for him and he just. He just fell off the face of the earth. Now this was when I began to learn about self esteem and not being validated by the people who were in or out of my life either way. And then we started teaching people this stuff, Amber, and they started getting freer and they started letting go. Because what happens is people weren't speaking to be heard and they were speaking to be liked.

Absolutely.

So they, they were adjusting the conversations. They were. They were like, they were more. They cared more about like not being honest and truthful and being straight than adjusting because they were trying to keep somebody in their life. And then you're living a double life. You're not really living who you are. You're living with who you are in relationship to keeping people in your life. And it's actually a gift because new people show up in your life that are more aligned to your values when you go through this process.

I love this. You know, Gary, this is a lesson that I learned as a child. My mom always told me to choose my friends wisely and that I would be judged by the company that I keep. And I think it's more than that. It's, you know, not that it's not that outside judgment, but it's the interior or that internal judgment that the people that I am surrounding myself with need to be having the same type of deserve level that I do so that we can actually help each other. I think this was an amazing conversation that we had today. In our next episode, we are going to start talking about our comfort levels and that uncomfortable being uncomfortable and comfortable.

Being all of those.

That next episode there. But it is. That's going to be really exciting to talk about and how this all falls into place with the people that the company that we keep.

Absolutely. I'll leave you with this. All boats rise with the tide. So when you layer up and level up and move into a world class, high deserved level life, the people that want to come and support you in that come along, the people that don't, it's grow or go and you got to be ready for it. But what I've learned is if you want a free life, a stress free life, an abundant life, a joyful life, this is one way to create it. Have a great one. Yao.

I love that. Gary. That's great. All right, thanks Gary.

Thank you for listening to Million Dollar Dentistry with Gary Katie. This podcast is brought to you by Next Level Practice. Next Level Practice is the leader in dental practice management. In fact, they're the best in the world at creating happy teams that implement sustainable results. If you would like a copy of Million Dollar Dentistry, please contact Amber Keithley at Next Level Practice. You may call us at 212-388-1712, extension 119 or go to nextlevelpractice.com podcast and request a call copy in our Ask a Question box. We look forward to brightening your smile.