Stop Being Your Own Worst Critic: Mindset Tips for Success with Sandee Sgarlata

Welcome to the Overgivers Anonymous Podcast. My name is Angela Mondor, also known as the Geeky Girl. In this podcast, we're gonna be talking about some amazing things to help you get over overgiving. Hi, and welcome to this episode of the Overgivers Anonymous Podcast. My name is Angela Mondor, and I'm also known as the Geeky Girl. Today I have a unique guest for us. Sandy Scarlatta is a recruiting strategist and peak performance expert, 2-time award-winning author, And retired professional athlete. Her journey is one of resilience and transformation and empowerment. For much of her life, Sandy struggled with feelings of not being good enough, and it was that she was her own worst and harshest critic. Driven by perfectionism and self-doubt, she relentlessly pursued success, only to discover that the key fulfillment was already within her. The profound realization led to a life dedicated to helping others unlock their full potential. With over 3 decades of experience in human resources coaching, personal development, and media, Sandy is a certified life coach since 2004, a Reiki master teacher, NLP practitioner, and a retired US national and international figure skating coach. She's a gold medalist in ice dancing and has spent the past 20 years guiding individuals and teams to achieve lasting transformation. Her expertise extends to corporate leadership, where she has over 30 years of experience leading and motivating teams with authenticity and passion. Sandy is the host of Happiness Solved podcast, which has surpassed 5 million downloads and ended at episode 440, and the host of the upcoming show, The Cutting Edge Conversations, a nod to skating over there. Through social media platforms, Sandy empowers audiences to master their mindset, overcome limiting beliefs, and achieve excellence. She lives in Northern Virginia with her husband, son, and their Yorkie poo, Buster. That's awesome. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much, Angela. I'm so grateful to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

It's absolutely wonderful to have you. I mean, you know, I was a figure skater when I was a little girl, and, uh, it's an interesting jaunt because my husband played hockey and Our daughter played hockey. And it's so funny because years ago I thought, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go try using hockey skates to go skating. Have you, have you tried to use hockey skates, Sandy?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I played hockey for a little bit.

Mm-hmm. Oh, well, okay. Well, you're well more versed than I am then because I got on those skates and I sure missed that extra, what, inch or so worth of blade behind me.

Well, it's the toe pick. It doesn't have a toe pick. That's the problem.

Right. But, but I noticed that my body, I wasn't quite Like with a hockey stance, you have to be more forward leaning, whereas with the figure skater, you can be— you are more, you know, standing straight. Yeah. So not having the stuff behind me was what messed me up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Figure skating blades are— they're longer, they're flatter, and that toe pick is necessary to jump and spin.

Yeah.

So yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I never had a problem with the pick.

My 3 brothers played ice hockey. My father coached it. And in the '70s, I wanted to play ice hockey. And I was told, no, girls don't play ice hockey.

Really?

You put on a tutu and you figure skate. So that's what I did. So after my son was born in 2000, I was like, I'm going to play ice hockey. And I had been training hockey players already. And I had hockey skates. So whenever I would be working with a hockey player, I'd put on my hockey skates. So I was very comfortable going back and forth. And I bought all the equipment and I played ice hockey. Didn't like it. I'd always wanted to, and I'm like, this kind of sucks wearing all this equipment and holding a stick and chasing after this puck. I'm like, no, too much. It's, it's, it's like you have very little mobility. I'm like, I don't know how they do it.

So, right?

I was like, yeah, done.

Peace out.

Not for me.

Right? Yes. But, you know, I think it's interesting to, like, If you're listening to this podcast and you've never skated before, that's okay too. But the fact that both sports are on ice and both sports have blades that you're literally gliding on, I mean, regardless, you think about— of course, we just finished the Olympics, right?

Right.

The 2026 Winter Olympics. So if you've paid attention and you did any kind of watching, you might have seen speed skaters or all kinds of other— there's different kinds of blades. And I think that We could really flip that and look at neurodivergence, even neurotypical people, and thinking about the different tools that we have and the different ways that we're— I can't help it— gliding through life. Um, it's true.

And it's a great, great euphemism. Yes. Yeah, that's awesome. I love it. Because we are.

And some work well for some people and some don't, right?

Well, you know, I mean, there's— that's kind of how the past 35 years, you know, these slogans are kind of cliché, but they work and they're true. And like, I have this new necklace on because it's got baby blue in it, and it's a wave. You can't see the details, but it's all these crystals, and it's a wave. And I wear a lot of baby blue, and I didn't have any necklaces. And this reminds me when I wear it, I heard like, oh my gosh, years and years ago, someone said, you know, I'm a surfer girl. And I'm like, okay. And they're like, yeah, just ride the waves. And I've hung on to that. Because life is like that. I mean, you know, we go— it's so much up and down, and this happens and that happens. I mean, and my life has been filled with that. And it's been good, it's been bad, it's been stressful, it's been crazy, it's been, you know, fill in the blank. I've experienced it all. And at the end of the day, I'm grateful for it because that's what makes being human so special, because we get to experience. We don't have to— we— get to experience love and joy. And to experience love and joy, you have to experience pain and hurt because you can't have one without the other. It's just— that's not the world we live in. There's delight, there's darkness, there's good, there's evil. You know, I mean, that— it's just how we, how we are. And, and, and in order to appreciate the good times, you got to go through the bad stuff.

Well, and I think that, you know, people look at anybody that they see as successful Right? They see somebody on this, you know, social media or, you know, look at you and think, oh, gold medalist, like, wow. I mean, you had to have been the most confident, amazing human being. And but people don't understand that you also had your darkness. You also had those times where you felt like you weren't worth being on the team or, you know, being, you know, recruited and all those kinds of things.

Yeah. Well, and I do want to clarify, my gold medal in ice dancing is a level. It's not because people think, oh, you're an Olympic gold medalist. No, I'm not. No, I'm not an Olympic gold medalist. Never went to the Olympics. I didn't even make it to U.S. Nationals. So the reason that I got my gold medal in ice dancing is because of my lack of confidence and wanting to achieve something that I didn't do when I was a— when I was a kid. So it's a level. So getting a gold medal in whether it's ice dancing, pair skating, or figure skating, because those are the levels. It's like a black belt, like a 3rd-degree black belt or something. It's a level. And it was so important to me because I was coaching and I didn't have that. And I wanted to feel better about myself as a coach. And so that's why I went after it and I accomplished it. And it was difficult because as an adult, I did a standard gold medal test. So if you're over 25, you can test as an adult and it's easier. I didn't do that. I tested as a standard skater.

Wow.

And I got that when I was 34. So I could have, at the age of, you know, over 25, I could have just done the standard way. But I was like, no, I want the real thing because I've been on the ice since I was 3. And I'm like, I, I just, I wanted that. It's like getting your, your degree, your bachelor's degree or your master's. You know, it's like, I want this because I didn't finish it when I was a kid. And it was like, I was—

That's really— yeah. And it's so cool because some people, like for you, having, I need this level, I need this demarcation from this organization to say that I can do the thing.

Right.

And then, I'm completely the opposite. I'm like, I don't want any of those demarcations and I don't want any of those certifications that other people give me. I want to prove my own worth. And it's so interesting how it doesn't matter how we get to where we get, but that we honor what's inside us. And I think it's so interesting that our own journeys and how we move through not feeling good enough or putting too much pressure on ourselves and understanding this is the thing that's gonna help me resolve this and I'm gonna use it, right?

Right.

It's wild to me how different, and there's so many other different paths that anybody could take. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And for me, I don't, you know, yes, I am certified in NLP, timeline therapy, hypnosis, life coaching. I don't even do that. Like, I'm— I have a recruiting firm. I get those certifications because I want to— it just helps me be a better person. And I'm curious, and I want to learn. And I've been a self-help junkie for 35 years. And, you know, I— before we hit record, I was like, you know, I'm an NLP practitioner. I'm not an expert. But at some point, I probably will take that— the next course, just because I want to learn. And I want to— I just am so hungry for this knowledge. And if we stop learning and growing, what else is there? You know, what else is there? You know, I feel like every day— yeah.

Yeah, it's so interesting too. And as an entrepreneur, I think that it is one of the best self-help programs you could possibly take on. Because those of us who continue to learn and to grow and to evolve and change with the situation, we're able to Literally evolve and change our business as we go. And for the people who are more stagnant, it's harder for them to continue their businesses when things go crazy.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, because being an entrepreneur, it's constant pivots, constant pivots. And yeah, and I pivoted last year. I ended my podcast at episode 440. Now I'm launching the new one, but it's feeding into my recruiting business because it's going to be a leadership business, um, AI recruiting, kind of just general podcast. But, uh, but I, I pivoted. I pivoted. And, you know, sometimes we start on a path and we're like, okay, this is where I, I need to be going. But sometimes that's not always what's best for you. It's not always what's right for you. And I learned that and pivoted. And I, you know, was like, okay. And that's what you have to do in life. You just have to be willing to pivot. And, you know, sometimes the universe will send you messages. Universe, God, whatever you call it, you will— if you're open to receive, you will get messages. And it was, it was like, as soon as I decided to end that podcast and, and put that chapter behind me, doors opened up. And, and it's been such an incredible ride ever since. So.

And I think that's so— like, for me, when I think about the pivots that I've made in my business, I mean, I've owned this business since 2009, so I'm clearly not doing what I did then. Right. And, and And you're right, like when you, when you get this sort of feeling, something's not right, I'm not really sure. And then you start to kind of dig into, or like for me, I had an accident in May. So my business has changed a lot since then because I can't do some of the things I used to do. So there's, you know, the outward, it's, it's not an internal change that had to happen. It was, here's some reality for you, honey. Um, what are you gonna do now? Right?

Yeah.

So there's the outward forces that happen, but then there's these internal ones too. But when you When you allow yourself to feel into, I think, for me anyway, right? Like that external force and say, okay, I still believe everything happens for a reason. So here we are, we're in this situation. And so now this pivot that's happening, you don't have to— I'm always a glass half full person to begin with. So I look at it and think, okay, so what do I want to do now? How can I use my gifts the best way I can? Right?

Exactly. That's exactly right. And, and sometimes it shows up in a different manner than, than what we thought. And you— it's that being flexible, and you have to, as a business owner, you have to be flexible and be willing to, to pivot at a moment's notice. Yeah.

Well, and if, if nothing else, 2020 really should have taught us all that, right?

Exactly.

We walked into 2020 and we thought, Business as usual. First quarter, we went, what happened to the planet?

I know, I know. And, and you remember, like, it was like 2020, New Year's Day 2020, like, yes, it's a new decade. Like, oh, it's— this is gonna be incredible. And then March comes around and you're like, what?

Yes. Time to toss that out the window. Let's pick a new plan.

I know. My husband and I have been home working together 24/7 for 6 years. It's amazing that we've survived, but it, it, you know, we're stronger than ever. Like, our marriage is stronger than ever.

You know, it's awesome. I hope you don't share an office.

Oh, God, no, no. He sits on the couch. I have, I have the office. This is my, this is my office. It's right here.

Fair. My husband and I tried to share an office before. It was just no bueno. Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. And from during business hours, the, the, we live in a townhome. So this, the second level is the dining room, the kitchen, and the family room. But during business hours, it's his office. So I have to be very quiet when I'm making my lunch, you know, because we're, you know, this is his office. But, but 6 o'clock comes, okay, go, go in another room because I'm turning the TV on and I'm making dinner. And like, you know, business is closed right now. You have to work that out. It's, again, it's the pivoting and like restructuring things. Everything changed, you know, during COVID for us. Everything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No kidding. For all of us. Yes. So when you talked earlier about like the different, you know, healing modalities that you have been certified in and that you've gone through, did, did you actually go see practitioners and then had, had them work on you and then that's how you got interested in it? Or how did you land there?

It was a combination of both. I'm like, you know, when you have a podcast, most people have a podcast because they want to get business. My podcast guests got business from me. Like, that was kind of like how it was, you know? Like, oh, I want to try that. I want to try that. Like, oh, that looks good. That— not, not 100%, but, but it was just kind of funny because it was the reverse, where it was like people would come on my podcast and I'd become a customer of them because I was interviewing people that were so incredible. And so for me, I've had so much childhood trauma, and it started when I was in the womb.

Wow.

And like, my biological father, um, was very physically and verbally abusive to my mother and my older siblings, and he died when I was 18 months old. So while I have zero memory of that, it is stored in our, in our subconscious mind. Unconscious. Some people say unconscious. I like to say subconscious.

Mm-hmm.

Um, and, and so as I started to learn You know, because I was in— oh my gosh. I mean, I had so much childhood trauma. And then my brother died when I was 12. And, like, you know, it was just so much. And I was going through therapy. And I felt better. I got better. I felt better about myself. Things got good. But then it was— there's still these behaviors. And it was driving me crazy because I couldn't get rid of it. Like, nothing was working.

Right.

And I was getting frustrated. I'm like, I know that I have control over my, my brain, but I don't know how to control it because our subconscious mind, what most people don't recognize is it runs the show 80% of the time.

Yes.

80%. So everything that we have seen, everything we've read, everything we've heard, everything we've learned is stored. We— our brain is the most sophisticated computer. Because it remembers everything. We just don't know how to tap into it.

Agreed.

And yes, so I was on this journey about how can I, how can I learn about this? And that was when I interviewed my NLP hypnosis mentor, Reg Malhotra, and of the Neuromasters, Neuromasters Institute, I believe it's called. They're based in Australia, but most of their students are in the United States, and he comes to the United States very often. I haven't met him in person yet because it's been virtual. Someday I will. He was in Las Vegas in December, and I just couldn't, um, I just couldn't, you know, break away for, for a week to go out there. But anyway, that was what I really— because those modalities tap into the neuroplasticity, the wiring of our subconscious mind, and you can rewire it. And I've always known that. But I didn't understand how to do it. So, like, I worked with a practitioner who did a lot of quantum techniques, and she was doing NLP. And then after I interviewed Reg and I stopped working with my coach, I was like, I really want to learn more about this. And it was just phenomenal. And I just absolutely love it. And people, you know, hypnosis— I was one of those people that I thought that hypnosis was like this woo-woo thing. It was a trick, you know, or you used it to stop smoking cigarettes. Or it was this trick on a stage, right? That's what I thought. That is so far from the truth. Is it okay if I just explain what it is? Because it's one of those modalities that I give out free. I don't even promote myself as a hypnotherapist, but I will do free sessions for people just because I want to help. But it's not something that I focus on. Sure. Yeah. It's— yeah. But anyway, what happens with, with hypnosis is you're basically just being guided into a deep meditation. That's all it is.

Mm-hmm.

You're being guided into a deep meditation. And when you meditate, you go into— your brain goes into one of the brainwaves called theta. And the theta brainwave state is kind of like that place where you may have experienced it right before you fall asleep or right when you're waking up and you're kind of in a dream, but you're kind of aware that there's something going on. You're in between that. dream state and awake and awareness. That's the theta state. And that is when you can rewire your subconscious mind. So any of these apps that are out there you listen to before you go to sleep, put it on repeat and listen to it, it's gonna work and you don't even know it because it's working as you're falling asleep. And even if you're asleep, you're still hearing that. Your subconscious mind is still getting that information. So that's one of the best things you can do. I go to sleep with my AirPods in.

Mm-hmm.

And, and I have different things that, that I, I don't do it every night, but, but I do it many times in a week and I just let it play and it just, it just, you know, it's doing its job behind the scenes and you don't even know it. So that's the really cool thing about it. And when you go to a certified hypnotherapist and make sure the person is certified with the American Hypnotherapy Association, everything is scripted. But what they do is once they get you into that deep meditation, it's a trance. It's like, You sometimes you drive home from the grocery store and you're like, how did I get here? I don't even know how. I don't even— I wasn't even conscious. I don't even remember how I got here, but I got here, right? That's a trance.

Yeah.

When you're walking, sometimes you can go into a trance. That's all it is. But what happens is when you get your, your— when you get into that deep state of trance, meditation, hypnosis, the practitioner will give suggestions that you talk about before the session starts. And so they're giving you suggestions that are going to help rewire your brain and You know, erase, erase the bad stuff and put the good stuff in. But it takes repetition. It takes practice. It's many times it's not one and done. Sometimes it can be. It just depends. But what I tell, you know, the folks that I've worked with, with hypnotherapy, I give them the recording and I'm like, listen to it every day. And the ones that do it, I get messages saying it's working. I'm feeling better. It's amazing. Because you're just rewiring. You're just rewiring. It's just a practice. It's like getting rid of a bad habit, right? It takes—

It's really interesting, like that, that theta, that theta wave stuff that you're talking about. There's kind of like this everybody's talking about it now kind of thing. I mean, I've been around different modalities of healing my whole life. Um, well, not my whole life, but like since I was young anyway. Um, there was a, a woman I went to, she did rapid eye therapy, which is similar to a hypnosis kind of, you get into that theta. I had this ridiculous, to me it was ridiculous, to everybody around me it was absolutely ridiculous. I was constantly worried that as soon as it got dark outside and the lights were on inside the house that I would get shot through my window. I live in Canada, we don't have a whole lot of gun problems. Like, you know, we don't, I didn't ever live in a gang neighborhood or like, there's nothing like that. And so I was I went to her and I'm like, I don't understand what this is. Like, it's crazy. And going through the process with her, we found out that, again, like, like you said, something's inside there that you just didn't tap into.

Yeah.

When I was a child, I was about, might have been 8-ish or something. I was playing in the front yard with my cousin. And there was a bunch of SWAT team. I was living in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. You might not know where that is. But it is like Assiniboine, Saskatchewan, like There's, you know, farms outside of our city. We were in a city, but like, nothing fun happens there, but whatever. Anyway, so there was a SWAT team that came through our yard full, full gear and everything with their guns.

Oh my gosh.

Um, and they ushered my cousin and I to the, to the door. And when my mom answered the door, he said, get inside and get everybody on the ground so you don't get shot through the window.

Oh my gosh. So that just planted a seed, right?

So after my, after my session, I went and said, mom, did this actually happen? She's like, oh yeah. And she told me the story about the day, about all the bits and pieces. And it was a one and done for that particular instance. But I think that if you have something that is definable, like this one thing is irritating, like this one thing, like I'm worried about getting shot through a window, it's very specific. But if it's like, I'm just unhappy with my life, then it's a little bit of a different sort of dig, right?

Absolutely. Without question. Yeah, that's interesting. That's interesting. My biological father— I call him that because my mom remarried when I was 3, and that's my dad because he raised me.

Beautiful.

He's the only dad that I remember. But my biological father, there were times where he brought guns in the house and shot guns in the ceiling. And that's probably why I have a tremendous fear of guns. I've gone to a shooting range once, and the first time I heard a shot, I screamed and I jumped.

Yeah, trauma.

And then I was like, okay, okay. And I did it. I held the gun and I shot it. And I still want to take a course. This was like 10 years ago, and I still haven't done it. I want to take a course. I am terrified of guns. And that's why. Because it's just those things. You know, we are so impressionable when we are children. You can convince children of anything. And that's why, you know, parents need to really— your children are hearing everything you say before they can talk as they're babies. Don't think that just because they can't talk, they're not hearing you. They are hearing everything. And the, the best time to screw up your kid is when they're a baby, when they're not talking. That's when they're gonna get screwed up the most. Because you, people think, oh, they, they're not paying attention. I'm like, oh, yes, they are. Yes, they are.

Yeah. And it's interesting, like, the, when, when you start learning about yourself and you start, like, sort of I mean, I had a lot of childhood trauma as well, and, you know, and so as you start to peel that apart and you start literally like an onion, right?

Yeah.

Um, you start to look back at these things and think, wow, okay, like, so I actually do— remember is the wrong— for me, remember is the wrong word, but like, when you can pull up these events that your subconscious is hanging on to, right? Um, to me, I think a memory is something that I actually remember versus you know, like as consciously remembers.

Right.

But you look at these things that come up and go, oh wow, okay, so these things happened and I cataloged them, right? And you think about, I mean, you and I are both moms, so we think about what did my kids catalog? What did we do, right? We think about like, I mean, before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I remember like getting 'em off in the morning was, it was so stressful and it was crazy and chaotic and there was all these things going on and I remember yelling more than I wanted to. And you think about, well, You know, that's probably embedded in some way. They'll have to go through therapy for that later.

We all do the best we can. We all do the best we can. I know.

Yeah, totally. I know. How did you use these different modalities to help you? And what did you, you know, what have you gotten out of these experiences for yourself?

So for me, you know, I've done some hypnotherapy sessions for myself. So I just record them. I just record it on Zoom. And then I go back and listen to the audio and it's like, well, what do I wanna create? What do I wanna put in there? So I use that mostly for myself. The NLP has been so interesting because, you know, being a business owner, mark— sales and marketing is huge. And so the NLP, it's, which is neurolinguistic programming. Um, and it's interesting because there's a model. I'm in the AI tech world with my recruiting business. There's NLP. Which is natural language processing. And that is what—

Right. Yes.

AI and machine learning is based on, but they base that on NLP.

Yes.

You know, neurolinguistic programming. And so I love that because it just gives you a different way to communicate and you understand how to get people to buy in. And it's not a manipulative thing at all. It's just a way to phrase things. And that's what I really liked about it. Now, the timeline therapy, that's really fascinating because what you're doing is you're kind of in a meditative state, but you go back to an event and you guide the person to go above the event and look at it. And you— it's hard to explain, but when I was just taking the course, we practiced that on each other. And there was some stuff that came up that was like one and done. It's gone.

Yeah.

Because you look at it because you're in a state It's a— it's kind of spiritual. It's— you're— it's almost like you're viewing the event as a third— as a person from the outside looking in, and you're neutralizing it. And I love to use that word, imagine, because it's like, oh, it happened. Okay, next.

Yeah, you've removed the emotions out of it, right?

That's right. You're neutralizing. And so that's what these 3 things combined kind of do, is it neutralizes that trauma. So you look at it and you're like, oh, yeah. You know, like, for example, my brother died when I was 12. It was very traumatic. I lost my mom for 10 years. She went into a deep depression. And, you know, she did the best she could. But, you know, it wasn't until within the first few minutes of holding my son that it was like, oh, the love is so incredible and immense, like you've never felt. But then there's that fear of loss.

Mm-hmm.

And I understood just a tiny, tiny bit of what my mother must have went through. You know, I couldn't— and thank God, you know, my son's 25 now. That was hard because my brother died at 19. And my son, I swear, if reincarnation is a thing, my son is my brother reincarnated, hands down. They've, you know, they look alike. There's the mannerisms. It's incredible. So getting my son past 19 was like, oh, thank God. You know, now he's 25, right? But I had this post— I had post-traumatic stress disorder, which I dismissed because I felt like that was reserved only for people who went to war and who were in the military.

Right.

I literally was like, oh, no, that's not me. And that's so far from the truth because pain is pain. And whatever pain, whatever is the worst pain that you experience, That's real. That's your bar right there. You can't say that this pain is harder than this pain because I haven't felt that. But I know this, and I don't— I can't relate to that. So there is no— you can't, you can't say that one is worse than the other. But I did that to myself. I shamed myself. How dare you feel like, you know, woe is me when look what all the rest of the world is going through.

Right.

And I see myself—

that comparison is really, really detrimental to our, not only our mental health, but also to our healing. When we think, oh, my pain can't possibly be as valued as their pain because, oh my gosh, I'm so lucky I have XYZ. I mean, chances are they're thinking the same thing you are.

That's right. You know, I want to share this with you, Angela, because, um, one of my most profound interviews with my last podcast, Happiness Solved, I don't remember what episode it was, but I interviewed a girl named— her last name's Ingersoll. I have to look at— I can't remember her first name. I have 440 episodes, so it's kind of hard to remember everyone.

Yes.

But she's a quadriplegic. And at the age of— in her early 30s, she was a diver, and she— a shallow diver, and she'd been doing it for years. And she had an accident, is paralyzed from the neck down. So, she needs somebody to care for her 24/7. And I said to her, I'm like, There's got to be— you have to have bad days. Of course you have bad days. What do you do when you have a bad day and you're like, woe is me? Like, how do you get out of that? You're a quadriplegic. Like, like, I can't imagine, right? And she said to me, and I'll never forget this, she goes, I talked to a quadriplegic who's worse off than I am.

Wow.

Yeah. So Having that level of discernment and like, how dare I feel pity on myself when there's other people experience worse? There's, there's some good— there's some goodness to that because it's a perspective. However, you don't want it to impede your ability to, to clear that trauma either. You still have to clear the trauma because it's still real.

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's still real and you still want to clear it in order to have a happy life and just to be able to be like, oh, so Just to circle back and finish that thought, with my brother dying for so many years, every day, multiple times a day, the way that PTSD would show up is I would have panic attacks worrying about somebody dying.

Right.

Yep. And, and it was, you know, when my son was born, then it was him. And it was just that I haven't had a panic attack worrying about him or anybody else dying in 4 years. Because I did some of this work to clear it.

Beautiful.

And that is such a beautiful gift because there's nothing worse than having— because I'm also very highly intuitive. I'm very empathic. I've got different gifts, and I don't know how to use it. I don't know how to discern it. I get these thoughts. Is it real or is it just— because sometimes it's real, sometimes it's not, and I don't know the difference. And so when you have these premonitions or PTSD, like, what is it? Is it a premonition or is it just my PTSD? It was my PTSD, but I didn't know it. You know what I mean?

Right.

Um, it's, it's, it was crazy. It was, it was literally living like a crazy person, having that, that level of anxiety. And, you know, thank God for these modalities because, you know, folks, you can You can, you can, you know, heal from, from that no matter what it is. You can heal from it.

100%. And I think that, you know, the ongoing work, like you said before, sometimes you'll go to bed with EarPods in and while you're listening to— I mean, I listen to something every night before I go to bed. And most of it, most of the times I'm doing it, there's sort of like a 2-step to it. A, I need to shut this brain of mine up because it loves to think and it just does not like to be silent. Years ago, I remember saying, I remember saying to my husband, I was like, we were both in bed and I was like, what are you thinking about? He goes, nothing. Like, what do you mean nothing? Like, you gotta be thinking of something. He's like, no, nothing.

I'm like, what is it, just like black inside your head?

Like what? He's like, uh, nothing. And so then I started to think, well, wait a second, why am I having all these thoughts and you're not having any? And so having these conversations with other people going, well, wait, what is your— what are you doing when you go to bed? Um, but you know, the dual piece to it is, A, I gotta shut up the brain, so I've gotta think about something else that's not—

Right.

gonna keep me on it, on the train tracks of, you know, bearing down on all the things that have to be done tomorrow, um, and all the things I didn't do and all the shoulds and everything else. But the other side to it is, um, you know, that, that meditative space or the, the positive thoughts, the positive thinking. And I do it in lots of different ways. Sometimes it's listening to a meditation, sometimes it's listening to a short story that is meditative, right, in that way, or, you know, listening to some, you know, great music that are in, you know, different hurts and all those kinds of things. Uh, I think there's a lot of great ways that we can ease ourselves into the changes that we want to make in our lives. And trying to make all the changes are so hard. You should make one at a time.

One at a time. Absolutely. You don't take on too much. And, um, yeah, yeah.

So when you're— when you think about your journey, and so your first step into this journey was when you interviewed the NLP gentleman, right? I forgot his name already.

Yes, Reg Mahaltra. No, I had had some— I had had some introductory courses on it, um, but it was very high level. So I learned a couple of good exercises. It was very, very high level. It wasn't a paid course. It was— I was in a group and we had an NLP— like, she was like, she's been doing this for decades. Uh, her name's Brigata. I can't remember her last name. I'm just— sometimes I tell you.

Yeah.

Age thing, you know. But it was a very high level. But when I talked to him and I interviewed him and I did this deep dive during an interview, that was when I was And then he had, like, a free course, you know, a 2-day free thing. And I went and I got to experience it, and I was like, sign me up. You know, that's the best thing to do if you are trying to sell a service. You offer free courses and let people try it out and, you know, let them experience it. And it was just— it was just mind-blowing. Yeah.

It's— it's so beautiful when something clicks, right? And I— I've, you know, I've said to my kids is, like, because sometimes they'll say, oh, well, what works for you, Mom, doesn't work for me. You know, those kinds of things. I'm like, well, just try it. Like, try different things. You might not like it if you try it, but you might fall in love with it. But don't discount one just because, right? Like, even, even people will say, well, therapy doesn't work for me. Well, have you tried all the different kinds of therapy? Because there's, like, so many different kinds of therapy, right?

Yeah. I mean, what I'm talking about today is just one mode. Those are just 3 different modalities, right? There's so many modalities out there that will help. They're, they're all Kind of doing a similar thing, but they're, they're just structured a little different. But there's so many modalities that help remove childhood trauma. Like, this is just one thing. And so you just pick, pick which one that resonates with you.

Yeah. And the other side to it is finding the right practitioner. You have to feel safe and comfortable with that person, right?

That's right.

Yeah.

Do you, do you resonate with them when you hear them talk? Do you like their voice? Does it feel good listening to them? You know, like, I've got a little bit of a raspy voice. Like, some people don't like my voice. Some people love my voice, right? Whatever. You know, I'm not everybody's cup of tea, and that's okay. You know, there's 8 million— there's 8 billion people in the world. Like, there's somebody out there, and, and sometimes they'll show up when you least expect it. And pay attention to that too. Pay attention to that, you know.

Yeah, there's lessons and messages all over the place, right?

All, all over the place. Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Well, it's— thank you so much for being here. I just, I love talking about all the different pieces and, and the things that have come to light for you as you go through. And I know that you have a new book out, right? Your bestselling book, Happiness Solved.

Happiness Solved. Yeah, it came out in February of '21. Yeah.

Okay.

My award-winning book is a novel that was for young adult fiction. I published it in 2009. I'm going to put this out here now because this is one of my goals. It was a— I had a contract for 5 books. The first one was published in 2009. The second one, I sent it to the publisher in 2010. I started going through a divorce, lost touch with her. I don't know what happened. She kind of went out of business. I don't even know. We just lost touch.

Yeah.

So I have a book, the second one that's been written since 2010, and it's called Beginning to Remember, where we're tapping in and we're remembering stuff that we knew when we were children. So I've put the two together. I'm gonna finish it. I'm gonna put it out there and release it as a new novel. And, uh, yeah, I'm just really excited about it because that one won— it was a finalist in 2 book awards, which was legit and great. And, um, yeah, it was just a real— it was kind of ahead of its time, I think. I think now more people are more open to it. But, uh, yeah.

That's so exciting. I, I love to hear about these new projects.

Yeah.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, you have to let us know when that— when you start to get moving on that.

Yeah, for sure. It's just— it's— I actually have the manuscript just sitting here because I'm like, okay, I'm a paper, you know, and I have it sitting there and I've got to go through. I want to make it a little bit more relevant for today because it was written in 2000. I started writing it in 2004, actually.

Right.

You know, so this is a very— this is a 22-year project, 22-year-old project that I need to finish. Just kind of like my gold medal in ice dancing. Like, I need to finish this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People don't realize all the work that goes into putting a book together, regardless of whether it's fiction or nonfiction. You know, the bits and pieces that go into becoming a writer in the actual publication of the book. It's wild. I've written one book myself. I've got 2 others on the go. But yeah, it is a journey.

It is a journey. And, you know, the only thing now is like, now it's hard to trust what's real, what was really written, and what was written by AI. And that was, you know, that's kind of in the back of my mind, like, you know, because I did, I did write this before AI, you know, and I'm like, you know, but I'm gonna put it out there regardless, uh, because it's my work. It's my work and, and nobody else's. And so, yeah.

That is super exciting.

Yeah.

Well, awesome. Of course, all of your links and, and your more extended bio will be in the show notes for everyone to read so they can get a bigger, broader picture of who you are and send us links to your books as well so we can put those in the show notes.

Absolutely. Angela, thank you. This has been such a pleasure and I'm so grateful for this opportunity. So thank you.

Thank you so much for being here. Okay, thank you very much. Have a great week and we'll talk to you next week. Thank you so much for listening to the Overgivers Anonymous podcast. Your support means the world to me. You can find show notes for this episode and other goodies at overgiversanonymous.ca. And if you enjoyed this episode or you enjoy the podcast in general, why not join us in the Overgivers Anonymous Facebook group where you can connect with overgivers from all over the world? Head on over to geekygirl.ca/group.